Title says it all. Going to suggest a player to be drafted in either the first or second round (or third for HOU at the moment) for each team, along with a player to target in free agency, and a player to potentially trade for.
Trying to avoid overlap as best I can, but some may have similar targets. Resources used include PFF, The Draft Network, and OverTheCap. Enjoy!

Arizona Cardinals (8-8)

Trade Target: DT J.J. Watt, Houston Texans - The last deal between Arizona and Houston worked out well. Why not try again and add a serious piece to their pass rushing arsenal in Watt. An ideal interior fit for Arizona, Watt would help them push for the playoffs in his final seasons in the league.
Draft Pick: C Creed Humphrey, Oklahoma - Reuniting Kyler Murray with his old center for the Sooners would be an excellent move. The Cardinals currently have Mason Cole at center, but could easily slide him over to guard to make room for Humphrey if they wanted a significant upgrade at an underrated position.
Free Agent Signing: TE Jonnu Smith, Tennessee Titans - Arizona would be wise to look at adding Jonnu Smith into the equation on offense. One of the NFL's best after the catch at the TE position, he'd be another fun weapon to slot alongside Murray and Hopkins.

Atlanta Falcons (4-12)

Trade Target: S Tracy Walker, Detroit Lions - With a new regime coming in, Detroit is headed towards an extended rebuild, and acquiring assets for up-and-down players like Walker could be a consideration. Now, still young, Walker has plenty of potential for the Falcons, and if the price is right, could be a tremendous bargain.
Draft Pick: QB Justin Fields, Ohio State - While Matt Ryan will remain the QB of the Falcons next season, due to his contract, the Falcons should plan for the future and add a Georgia native in Fields, one of the better QB's out of college football in recent years. He'd be able to develop behind Ryan under the tutelage of new head coach Arthur Smith.
Free Agent Signing: CB Mackensie Alexander, Cincinnati Bengals - The Falcons do not have positive cap space at the moment (currently projected $30 million over the limit) so even after reworking deals and cutting some players, they'll be bargain shopping more than anything else. PFF projects Alexander to fetch a deal of about 2-years, $6 million, which could be feasible for the Falcons. He'd be a solid veteran presence across from CB A.J. Terrell.

Baltimore Ravens (11-5)

Trade Target: OLB Whitney Mercilus, Houston - I list him in "trade target" as he's technically under contract in Houston going into 2021. However, it's 99% more likely that the Texans cut him and Baltimore pursues him as a newly released free agent. Kind of cheating on my listings, but I like the idea of Mercilus in Baltimore after Houston cuts him. It'd be a coup for Houston if they could get a pick for him. Mercilus is a veteran pass rusher who could step into a role in Baltimore should OLB Matt Judon depart for greener pastures...green meaning money of course.
Draft Pick: WR Rashod Bateman, Minnesota - The idea of Bateman in Baltimore remains one of my favorite potential pairings for any player likely to be selected in the first round of the draft. Similar to Keenan Allen in my opinion, Bateman could become the go-to wide receiver the Ravens lacked last season.
Free Agent Signing: G Jon Feliciano, Buffalo Bills - The Ravens need to bolster the middle of their offensive line, and a tough veteran like Feliciano could be ideal target for the Ravens. With a big contract committed to LT Ronnie Staley, a cheaper veteran like Feliciano could match price tag with talent. Good value for the Ravens.

Buffalo Bills (13-3)

Trade Target: DT Malcom Brown, New Orleans Saints - The Saints are in cap space purgatory, and thus could be looking to offload some decent players like Brown simply to get back under the cap. He's a solid starting DT who could be available for cheap in the Saints push to real in their financial situation. A strong fit next to Ed Oliver on the inside.
Draft Pick: LB Chazz Surratt, North Carolina - Given their limited cap space, the Bills may have to decide between re-signing OT Daryl Williams and LB Matt Milano. If so, a replacement like Surratt could be a smart move for Sean McDermott and co. as Surratt is a quick backer who excels in space and has shown plenty of promise in coverage.
Free Agent Signing: DE Romeo Okwara, Detroit Lions - The Bills aren't loaded with cap space (barely above 0 if the cap stays down at $175 million), but I'd imagine they'll find some ways to free some cap up. If they do, they may want to consider Okwara, a rising pass-rusher, as a replacement for some of their own departing edge rushers. He tallied 10 sacks this season after hitting 7.5 sacks in 2018 in Detroit. While not elite, Okwara's likely a solid value pass-rusher for a contender like the Bills.

Carolina Panthers (5-11)

Trade Target: DT Akiem Hicks, Chicago Bears - The Panthers just drafted DT Derrick Brown, but pairing him and Hicks together could become a dominant duo in the middle of that defense. And with DT Kawann Short a likely cut candidate, Hicks could be an instant upgrade for Carolina.
Draft Pick: LB Micah Parsons, Penn State - Forget the QB position, if the Panthers have the opportunity to land Parsons at 8th overall, they should pull the trigger. He'd be an immediate boost of speed, instincts and athleticism into their linebacker corps, a strong replacement for Luke Kuechly.
Free Agent Signing: TE Gerald Everett, Los Angeles Rams - More of a move tight end than a traditional in-line blocker, Everett could be an exceptional value signing for someone, as he's not likely to command as much money as Hunter Henry or Jonnu Smith, but is a very good player himself.

Chicago Bears (8-8)

Trade Target: QB Jimmy Garoppolo, San Francisco 49ers - Unless the Bears are set to bring back Mitch Trubisky, who played a bit better to end the season but still not strong enough, the Bears should look at the veteran QB market. While Garoppolo has had some injury issues, he's a notable upgrade over Trubisky and could give them a steady veteran presence for a couple of more years.
Draft Pick: OT Christian Darrisaw, Virginia Tech - There's growing buzz that Rashawn Slater could join Penei Sewell in the top-10, leaving him just out of the Bears' grasp. But Darrisaw is quite the consolation prize as he's a first-round caliber offensive tackle himself who could fill a big need for the offense in the Windy City.
Free Agent Signing: WR Sammy Watkins, Kansas City Chiefs - Watkins and Bears head coach Matt Nagy did not cross paths in Kansas City, but a recommendation from Andy Reid could push the two together. The Bears are another team facing some cap complications, and thus may need a cheaper replacement for Allen Robinson on the outside. If so, Watkins has been a strong complimentary receiver who could pair well with rising youngster Darnell Mooney.

Cincinnati Bengals (4-11-1)

Trade Target: G Joe Dahl, Detroit Lions - Finding protection and weapons for QB Joe Burrow is the primary goal for Cincinnati this offseason before they enter the coaching carousel in 2022. Dahl is a strong pass protector who has grown into a quality starter. However, with large contracts for C Frank Ragnow coming up, along with big deals in place for Decker and Vaitai, Detroit may need to send Dahl out for picks.
Draft Pick: OT Penei Sewell, Oregon - There is buzz that Northwestern's Rashawn Slater may be viewed as OT1, and I get the hype, however, I'm sticking with Sewell for now. The Bengals should draft Sewell and get him ready to go as their franchise left tackle in 2021.
Free Agent Signing: CB Troy Hill, Los Angeles Rams - The Bengals have a healthy chunk of cap space, and should use of that to bring back CB William Jackson III. However, they should not stop there, they should also make a push for a quality veteran cornerback like Hill to bolster their defense in the meantime.

Cleveland Browns (11-5)

Trade Target: LB Jaylon Smith, Dallas Cowboys - After looking like an elite linebacker from 2017-2019, Smith had a rough year under now fired defensive coordinator Mike Nolan. A fresh start in Cleveland could be ideal for both teams, as Smith is still young enough, 26 years, to be a strong piece to their defense for years to come.
Draft Pick: DT Daviyon Nixon, Iowa - The Browns are in a strong position at 26th overall to sit and see who the top defensive lineman on the board is. If they're lucky enough for it to be a high potential defensive tackle like Nixon, it'd be an ideal situation to bring him in the replace Ogunjobi. A defensive end like Jayson Oweh or Jaelan Phillips could also work here.
Free Agent Signing: S Marcus Williams, New Orleans Saints - The Browns could use a big upgrade on the back end, and Williams, at only 24 years old, would be a premium add for a team who finally broke through the playoffs. PFF projects Williams to command a deal around 4-years $57 million, and the Browns would likely have the money to make that happen, sitting tenth in cap space this offseason.

Dallas Cowboys (6-10)

Trade Target: CB Mike Hughes, Minnesota Vikings - Hughes was a first-round pick for the Vikings in 2018, but has not lived up to the billing so far. Dallas is in need of several new faces on its defensive backfield, and perhaps a new situation could be best for Hughes to turn his NFL career around. For Dallas, a cheap flier on defense.
Draft Pick: CB Patrick Surtain II, Alabama - The Cowboys defense is a mess at many levels, and so picking a premium defensive player like Surtain would be a wise for Dallas to get things straightened out. He's consistently been pegged as the top corner of this draft cycle and makes a lot of sense in Dallas.
Free Agent Signing: DT Dalvin Tomlinson, New York Giants - The Cowboys ranked 31st in total rushing yards surrendered in 2020, meaning they'll need to make it a priority to find a run-stuffer like Dalvin Tomlinson to get their defense back on track. While most teams are geared towards stopping the pass, you simply cannot be as bad in run stopping as Dallas was and expect to be competitive.

Denver Broncos (5-11)

Trade Target: QB Marcus Mariota, Las Vegas Raiders - An inter-divisional trade for a QB seems unlikely, but it's something for both sides to consider. The Broncos need to find a veteran QB to bring in to push QB Drew Lock, who has shown flashes in his first two years but has so far been too inconsistent to commit to long-term.
Draft Pick: EDGE Joe Tryon, Washington - More likely a second-round selection here, the Broncos should consider finding a player to develop into Von Miller's replacement, given all the complications with their star pass-rusher recently. Tryon has a high motor and excellent athleticism to develop across from Bradley Chubb.
Free Agent Signing: CB Quinton Dunbar, Seattle Seahawks - Dunbar was an excellent player for Washington previously, but did not meet expectations after getting moved to the Seahawks. Should he walk in free agency, perhaps putting him under a solid defensive coach like Vic Fangio could help him get back into the strong form that made him a coveted player in 2019.

Detroit Lions (5-11)

Trade Target: A Big Haul for Matt Stafford - We suggest one later on, but Detroit's in a full-on rebuild with Stafford wanting out. Peter King recently reported that at least five teams would be willing to offer their first-rounder for Stafford. Detroit should turn it into a bidding war and land as many draft picks as they can to bolster their rebuilding efforts.
Draft Pick: QB Trey Lance, North Dakota State - The Lions are moving on from QB Matthew Stafford after he understandably requested out. With Detroit picking at 7th, there's a very good chance that Trevor Lawrence, Justin Fields, and Zach Wilson are all off the board. Thus, unless Detroit makes a bold move up the board, chances are that they go with Lance, who has the potential to be available with their pick. He has plenty of upside to develop into a starting QB behind a veteran QB, say Tyrod Taylor, reuniting with new Lions offensive coordinator Anthony Lynn?
Free Agent Signing: LB Matt Milano, Buffalo Bills - If we were ranking worst position groups in the league, Detroit's LB corps is in strong contention. An outdated group of lethargic old-school thumpers, almost none of Detroit's LB's are capable of playing modern football at a high level. Detroit should invest some cash into someone who is, such as the Bills LB Matt Milano, an excellent backer with range and some ability in coverage.

Green Bay Packers

Trade Target: WR Michael Gallup, Dallas Cowboys - The Packers wide receivers performed quite well after all the criticism Green Bay received after not bringing in anyone for QB Aaron Rodgers. However, good is the enemy of great, and pairing Gallup with Davante Adams would give Green Bay an elite duo in terms of pass catchers.
Draft Pick: LB Nick Bolton, Missouri - If Jeremiah Owusu-Koramoah was here as well, I think he could be another strong option, but Bolton is an excellent linebacker who can fill gaps inside and fly from sideline-to-sideline.
Free Agent Signing: CB Gareon Conley, Houston Texans - Like the Falcons listed earlier, the Packers don't have positive cap space at the moment, and thus any free agent additions will likely be bargain bin deals. I like the example that PFF lists in their free agency preview, suggesting Conley could replicate Ronald Darby's return, taking a year deal with the aims of getting things turned around and landing a larger deal after that. An opportunity in Green Bay seems like a good start.

Houston Texans (4-12)

Trade Target: Every Pick they can get from the Jets - Even hiring a veteran coach like Culley to run the show and attempt to repair the relationship with Watson, it seems unlikely to me that Houston holds on, given the issues between Watson and owner Cal McNair. Thus, if forced to deal him, the Texans should aim to land at least three first rounders from a team like the Jets, who could see Watson as a better player than any of the QB's available behind Trevor Lawrence.
Draft Pick: QB Zach Wilson, BYU - This obviously assumes a trade with the Jets sends #2 overall to Houston. If so, Wilson looks like the next best bet behind Lawrence in my opinion. He, along with the boatload of additional assets that would come along in this trade, should be a solid foundation for Culley and co.'s rebuild.
Free Agent Signing: S Malik Hooker, Indianapolis Colts - The Texans will start their rebuild without any cap space, meaning that taking chances on younger guys like Hooker, 24 years old, to potentially find useful pieces is key. If they can land Hooker to play safety for them on a cheap 1-2 year deal, that'd be ideal for Houston.

Indianapolis Colts (11-5)

Trade Target: QB Matthew Stafford, Detroit Lions - Easy one here. If the Colts had Stafford in 2020 they probably would have replaced the Bills in the AFC Championship Game. Stafford is only 32 years, meaning he still has a strong 4-5 years left to help the Colts' well-rounded roster make a championship push. Surrendering a first round pick and potentially a 2022 3rd (if there competition from others) is a gamble I'd definitely make if I were Chris Ballard.
Draft Pick: DE Patrick Jones II, Pittsburgh - Assuming the Colts use their first on the aforementioned Stafford deal, then finding a balanced edge rusher like Jones would be a great move for Indy. With players like Denico Autry and Justin Houston headed to free agency (and getting old), the Colts would get a terror on the edge with a tremendous motor and tools to develop.
Free Agent Signing: WR Allen Robinson, Chicago Bears - The Colts have a large amount of cap space, second in the league according to OTC's projections. Given that they will need to conserve some of that war chest for internal extensions, they would be wise to replace T.Y. Hilton with a more dominant receiver like Allen Robinson. An offseason adding Matt Stafford and Robinson together should make Frank Reich and Marcus Brady very excited for 2021.

Jacksonville Jaguars (1-15)

Trade Target: WR Odell Beckham Jr., Cleveland Browns - If the Browns are preparing to move on from Beckham Jr., then perhaps sending him down to Jacksonville to pair up with Urban Meyer could help get him playing elite football again. After posting 1,000 yard season in 3 of the previous 4 seasons, an injury once again cut his year short.
Draft Pick: OT Dillon Radunz, North Dakota State - Not at #1 overall obviously. We all know that will go to QB Trevor Lawrence. However, with the Rams 1st round selection (acquired via the Jalen Ramsey trade), the Jaguars should look to use it on an upgrade to their offensive line in the form of Radunz.
Free Agent Signing: OLB Shaquil Barrett, Tampa Bay Buccaneers - Provided new defensive coordinator Joe Cullen brings a Ravens style 3-4 defense with him, then adding a premier OLB like Barrett while K'Lavon Chaisson develops would be a great move for Jacksonville. With the NFL's lead in cap space, Jacksonville could afford Barrett along with some other instant contributors.

Kansas City Chiefs (14-2)

Trade Target: WR Anthony Miller, Chicago Bears - The Chiefs could easily lose WR Sammy Watkins to free agency, leaving an opening for another wideout to join the rotation. Miller has been fairly productive in Chicago, and could be a solid option to join Tyreek Hill and Travis Kelce in Andy Reid's passing attack.
Draft Pick: G Alijah Vera-Tucker, USC - Vera-Tucker gets mocked to the Chiefs a lot, and it makes perfect sense why. A premier offensive line talent, he has some versatility after playing tackle for the Trojans. While I think his best fit is inside, he'd be an ideal player for Kansas City to add to bolster their protection after investing so much in QB Patrick Mahomes.
Free Agent Signing: C Ted Karras, Miami Dolphins - The Chiefs will also be bargain bin hunting, as they're currently over the cap by $18 million. Thus, a starting caliber center like Ted Karras could prove useful for the defending Super Bowl champs (at this point). Karras signed with the Dolphins for only $3 million last season, and a similar deal with KC could be an absolute bargain when all is said and done.

Las Vegas Raiders (8-8)

Trade Target: DT Akiem Hicks, Chicago Bears - I mentioned Hicks for the Panthers as well, but he'd be a great add for either team, perhaps even more so for the Raiders, who could easily see DT Johnathan Hankins depart in free agency. A disruptive player in the middle, he'd be a nice add in Las Vegas.
Draft Pick: EDGE Azeez Ojulari, Georgia - After shockingly selecting DE Clelin Ferrell at fourth overall in 2019, the Raiders have still been searching for a game changer at DE to go alongside the productive efforts of Maxx Crosby. Ojulari profiles as a high potential pass rusher to scratch that itch for Jon Gruden and co.
Free Agent Signing: S Anthony Harris, Minnesota Vikings - The Raiders may have to get creative to free up the cap space to land Harris, as they're currently over. But if they can do it, he'd be an ideal player to add to the Vegas' defense, now led by defensive coordinator Ken Whisen...uh...Gus Bradley. Harris is an elite free safety who would pair well with Jonathan Abram.

Los Angeles Chargers (7-9)

Trade Target: DT Danny Shelton, Detroit Lions - Shelton struggled in Detroit, but frankly, everyone on Patricia's defense did. Before that, Shelton posted strong results as a 3-4 interior gap-plugger, doing a quality job for both the Browns and Patriots before him. With Linval Joseph on the decline, adding a younger replacement for cheap could be in store.
Draft Pick: G Wyatt Davis, Ohio State - LA needs a couple of new starters on its offensive line, and if the tackles fly off the board before they can get one at 13th overall, then perhaps a top notch guard could also suffice. Davis has been a consistent player for the Buckeyes and projects as an instant impact lineman for someone at the next level.
Free Agent Signing: OT Alejandro Villanueva, Pittsburgh Steelers - A sturdy, veteran left tackle should be a big priority for the Chargers, as the imperative to protect QB Justin Herbert is high. After a breakout season for Herbert, he gives the franchise a ton of optimism under new head coach Brandon Staley. Keeping him upright is something Villanueva would do well at.

Los Angeles Rams (10-6)

Trade Target: QB Gardner Minshew, Jacksonville Jaguars - The Rams are in a pickle with QB Jared Goff. He has not been a strong point for the team recently, but his contract is a bit too heavy to move right now. Thus, a cheaper way to acquire some genuine competition for Goff could be to trade for the affordable Minshew, a solid starter in his own right. Jacksonville will be bringing in Trevor Lawrence anyways to replace him, so perhaps acquiring a pick or so to send him out could be a wise move.
Draft Pick: EDGE Quincy Roche, Miami - Provided that new defensive coordinator Raheem Morris isn't changing the scheme outright, Roche would be an excellent fit at 3-4 OLB in LAR. He's a dynamic pass rusher with excellent physical traits. If he falls to the Rams in the second-round they shouldn't think twice about selecting him.
Free Agent Signing: LB Jarrad Davis, Detroit Lions - The Rams are another team already over the cap, so not a lot to spend on. However, they could use some help at inside linebacker, and Davis projects to be a relatively cheap piece to take a gamble on. Physically impressive, he's struggled with the mental side of the game. If Morris can get him sorted out, it could be excellent value.

Miami Dolphins (10-6)

Trade Target: WR Julio Jones, Atlanta Falcons - The Dolphins will likely have the opportunity to draft a premier wide receiver in the first round, but could also use some of their stockpile to add an established star like Jones. Giving Tua as many options as you can is a wise move.
Draft Pick: RB Najee Harris, Alabama - Reuniting Harris and Tua in a backfield would fill a big need for the Dolphins. Whether taking him with their second selection in the first round or hoping he drops to the second, Miami should get serious about finding a talented running back,
Free Agent Signing: G Joe Thuney, New England Patriots - The Dolphins still have a decent amount of cap space (8th in the league) and could easily use some of that to target an upgrade to the interior of their offensive line by adding Thuney. Thuney crossed paths with Dolphins head coach Brian Flores in New England, and a reunion down south could be profitable for both parties.

Minnesota Vikings (7-9)

Trade Target: DT Tyquan Lewis, Indianapolis Colts - Lewis may not be on the trade block, but the Colts have both defensive tackles locked up ahead of him (Buckner, Grover Stewart). Perhaps they'd consider moving a young, promising 3-technique if Minnesota put together a quality offer for him. He'd instantly fill a need for the Vikings.
Draft Pick: EDGE Gregory Rousseau, Miami - With the failed Yannick Ngakoue tenure, the Vikings still need to find a premium pass rusher. Rousseau sat out 2020, but was dominant the year before and projects as a highly athletic piece for Zimmer to develop.
Free Agent Signing: OT Matt Feiler, Pittsburgh Steelers - Feiler offers a lot of versatility, which works great for Minnesota, as they could insert Feiler as a starting tackle, or slide G Ezra Cleveland into the LT position and put Feiler in at guard. Either way, a relatively affordable upgrade on the OL.

New England Patriots (7-9)

Trade Target: TE Zach Ertz, Philadelphia Eagles - The Eagles are another team finding themselves in a less-than-ideal cap situation, and thus, will likely explore moving a top player like Ertz. While the Patriots have drafted a handful of decent role players at TE, they've lacked a player of Ertz's caliber. He'd be a nice upgrade to help whomever the Patriots land at QB.
Draft Pick: WR Jaylen Waddle, Alabama - It seems unlikely that Devonta Smith or Ja'Marr Chase slip to New England, but I'd imagine they'd be perfectly content with a potential stud like Waddle to bolster their mediocre group of pass catchers. He's a very smooth player with a lot of potential.
Free Agent Signing: QB Andy Dalton, Dallas Cowboys - Dalton got off to a rough start with Dallas in relief of QB Dak Prescott, scoring a total of 13 points in 2 games while throwing 1 touchdown to 3 interceptions. However, he was admirable after that, throwing 13 touchdowns to 5 interceptions while posting a 4-3 record over that stretch. Dalton could be an upgrade over Cam Newton for New England while they hunt for a new franchise QB to replace Tom Brady.

New Orleans Saints (12-4)

Trade Target: Draft Picks for Kwon Alexander, Nick Easton, or Latavius Murray - The Saints game isn't necessarily who they should bring in, but if they can get picks for some players with bloated contracts that they may need to cut. If they can score some late-round picks to move these guys (or others) elsewhere, they need to pull the trigger.
Draft Pick: WR Kadarius Toney, Florida - While it seems like the hype train on Toney has left the station, it'd be incredible if he slipped to the Saints at 28th overall in this draft. An explosive player, he'd be an ideal partner for WR Michael Thomas, giving Taysom Hill or maybe Jameis(?) some excellent weapons.
Free Agent Signing: TE Jacob Hollister, Seattle Seahawks - The Saints, as mentioned, are in cap purgatory. Their signings will be quite minimum once they make the trades, cuts, and restructures required to get them back under the cap. However, one cheaper option could be a solid TE like Hollister, as TE Jared Cook is set to depart. Putting up 25 catches including 3 touchdowns at a price tag a shade over $3 million could be in New Orleans price range.

New York Giants (6-10)

Trade Target: G Gabe Jackson, Las Vegas Raiders - Jackson has been rumored to be available for a little while now. Not yet 30 years old, he's a steady veteran option on the interior of any offensive line and would fit quite well with the Giants.
Draft Pick: WR Devonta Smith, Alabama - If the Dolphins don't take Smith, the Giants certainly should. Ensuring that QB Daniel Jones has the weapons he needs to grow into the franchise QB role is pertinent. Smith is a stud pass catcher and would be an excellent pick if he were on the board at 10th overall.
Free Agent Signing: EDGE Matt Judon, Baltimore Ravens - The Ravens have let a handful of pass rushers walk, and if they do so with Judon this year, the Giants should go get him. While Yannick could also be a Ravens OLB on the market, Judon fits Joe Judge's style a little bit more than Yannick does, and could be available for cheaper, which is important for another cap squeezed team like the Giants.

New York Jets (2-14)

Trade Target: QB Deshaun Watson, Houston Texans - As I do think Justin Fields or Zach Wilson can be good franchise QB's, Watson already is an exceptional one. The Jets should put together a package of picks to go land the beleaguered QB and unite him with Robert Saleh, whom he listed as one of the guys he originally wanted Houston to interview.
Draft Pick: WR Amon-Ra St. Brown, USC - Assuming the Jets send both first-round selections to the Texans in the hypothetical Watson trade, the Jets would still have a premium pick to start off the second-round, one they should use to add a top tier WR like St. Brown who could be a star quickly.
Free Agent Signing: CB William Jackson III, Cincinnati Bengals - If the Bengals can't lock Jackson up to an extension before free agency, the Jets should throw some cash at him to be a foundational piece of Saleh's defense in the Big Apple.

Philadelphia Eagles (4-11-1)

Trade Target: Draft Picks for Zach Ertz, DeSean Jackson, and Alshon Jeffery - Like the Saints, the Eagles probably should focus on offloading bloated contracts rather than bringing anyone in. The cheap rookie contracts that draft picks provide will be needed to steer themselves out of cap purgatory.
Draft Pick: WR Ja'Marr Chase, LSU - The Eagles and Chase are an ideal fit, and new head coach Nick Sirianni sure could use the big play ability that Chase provides. Whichever QB ends up getting the start, they'll be happy to have a guy like Chase to throw to.
Free Agent Signing: CB Bashaud Breeland, Kansas City Chiefs - The Eagles have a horrific cap situation themselves, and thus, a lower-end veteran like Breeland can give them a solid starter at an affordable price as the Eagles try and sort out their defense.

Pittsburgh Steelers (12-4)

Trade Target: QB Sam Darnold, New York Jets - The Steelers may have brought in Dwayne Haskins, but frankly I have little faith there. Instead, they should call up the Jets to figure out what Darnold will cost them. One season behind Roethlisberger in his final go could be a great change of pace for Darnold before taking over.
Draft Pick: RB Travis Etienne, Clemson - Everyone is too cool for elite running backs in the wannabe scouting world. But Etienne is a stud, and the Steelers need a big upgrade at running back. If they don't like their options for QB late into the first, they should give serious weight to taking Etienne and landing an elite player rather than reach for a lesser player elsewhere.
Free Agent Signing: G Elijah Wilkinson, Denver Broncos - Wilkinson had a very rough 2019 season, but has been a good deal better in 2020. He's still on the younger end, not even 26 years old, and could be an affordable gamble for Pittsburgh, who also needs to find their way back under the cap ($35 million over).

San Francisco 49ers (6-10)

Trade Target: QB Matthew Stafford, Detroit Lions - If the Colts don't land Stafford, the 49ers absolutely should. Pairing Stafford and Kyle Shanahan would be fun to watch, and he'd be a much most consistent player for the 49ers than the oft-injured Jimmy G. It's a big move, but one Shanahan may want to consider to make another championship run.
Draft Pick: CB Caleb Farley, Virginia Tech - If the 49ers don't move for Stafford and keep their first-round selection, they should target a top tier corner like Farley as they have a handful of corners (Sherman, Witherspoon, Williams) set to hit the open market.
Free Agent Signing: DT Shelby Harris, Denver Broncos - The 49ers top priority should be retaining OT Trent Williams, but after that, adding a veteran pass rusher on the interior could be a good move. Harris has been a consistent player for Denver, but has yet to be rewarded with a big opportunity, something he could get here alongside Nick Bosa and Arik Armstead.

Seattle Seahawks (12-4)

Trade Target: DT Jonathan Allen, Washington Football Team - I'm not sure the Football Team would move him, but he is on the final year of his deal, and Washington's going to have weigh future deals for DE's Montez Sweat and Chase Young into the equation. If they aren't willing to pony up for three studs on the defensive line, they may look to add some picks in exchange for Allen.
Draft Pick: CB Greg Newsome II, Northwestern - A late riser up the board after a stellar junior year in Evanston. Newsome has ideal size (6'1, 190 lbs) for Seattle and could help fill a gap if they have to choose between Shaquill Griffin and Quinton Dunbar.
Free Agent Signing: DE Carl Lawson, Cincinnati Bengals - A really good fit here, as the Seahawks very much need some pass-rushing help. Lawson has been an excellent player for the Bengals and could find the chance to compete in the playoffs if he heads west for Seattle.

Tampa Bay Buccaneers (11-5)

Trade Target: QB Sam Darnold, New York Jets - The Bucs are another team that should explore the asking price for Darnold. While Brady is still winning his battle against time, it seems unrealistic to expect it to continue for too much longer. The Bucs could potentially land his heir apparent in Darnold.
Draft Pick: Christian Barmore, Alabama - Between Barmore and Daviyon Nixon, I think both have a case to make as DT1 in this class, but Barmore projects as a bit better fit to Todd Bowles' 3-4 defense than Nixon does. The Bucs add an impact defensive lineman to pair on the inside with Vita Vea, giving them flexibility in replacing Ndamukong Suh.
Free Agent Signing: OLB Tyus Bowser, Baltimore Ravens - The Bucs have a good chunk of cap space available, but will need to prioritize some re-signings like LB Lavonte David, OLB Shaq Barrett, and TE Rob Gronkowski. Thus, they may not have a lot of cash to throw out there after bringing back some of their own. Bowser is a good value to add as a rotational pass rusher, scoring some decent grades from PFF as a backup for Matt Judon and Yannick in Baltimore. An expanded role in Tampa could pay off for both sides.

Tennessee Titans (11-5)

Trade Target: OLB Jacob Martin, Houston Texans - As sad as it is, Martin's 3 sacks in 2020 would have led the team for Tennessee. In a passing era, you need to get after the QB better than the Texans are doing. While team's are hesitant to trade within the division, the Texans should be more focused on acquiring picks to rebuild, which they could get by moving a decent rotational pass-rusher.
Draft Pick: OLB Joseph Ossai, Texas - Really the Titans should be focused on landing a high potential pass-rusher, and Ossai figures to be a hot name in that range. He's a springy pass rusher who can inject some life into one of the league's worst team's at getting to the QB.
Free Agent Signing: WR T.Y. Hilton, Indianapolis Colts - After a strong season in 2020, WR Corey Davis seems a bit unlikely to return, as he'll likely fetch more on the market than the Titans can afford to pay him. Thus, they should consider adding a veteran replacement to pair with budding star A.J. Brown at wide receiver.

Washington Football Team (7-9)

Trade Target: QB Deshaun Watson, Houston Texans - Another team I think should really make a push for Watson. It'll cost them at least a 2021 and 2022 first-round pick, along with probably another second and DT Jonathan Allen or some other player. It could definitely cost more than that! But Watson would solidify Washington as the top team in the NFC East for the next few years. With QB and DE locked in with Watson, Sweat, and Young, this could be a potential dynasty in the division.
Draft Pick: OT Teven Jenkins, Oklahoma State - A potential second-round target, Washington should look to find a developmental tackle to eventually slot into their lineup. Morgan Moses and Cornelius Lucas were a solid pairing last year, but both are about to turn 30 years old, and Jenkins has a lot of potential. A year to develop before taking a spot in the starting lineup would ideal for everyone involved.
Free Agent Signing: WR Kenny Golladay, Detroit Lions - Washington managed to build a passing attack out of Terry McLaurin and a handful of role players at RB and TE. While it worked in 2020, it does not seem very sustainable, as Washington should use its cap space to bring in a premier WR to pair with Terry McLaurin. Pairing up McLaurin's speed with Golladay's ability to go win contested balls is an ideal complementary pairing.

Because of methadone, I had an amazing Super Bowl...

JoJo's Bizarre OC Tournament #5 - Nix Ripa and Arthur Lifeson vs Cairo Satori

The results are in for Match 10. The winner is…
Ananas “Agnes” Bayley, with a score of 72 to Guy Manuel-Mota’s 69!

Category	Winner	Point Totals	Comments
Popularity	BADD GUYS	18-12
Quality	Suburban Regalia	22-23	Reasoning
JoJolity	Suburban Regalia	22-24	Reasoning
Conduct	Tie	10-10

Amidst the sea of concrete snow that the stage had become, egged on by Agnes’ unusual encore request that Metra had agreed to, the killing intent of the self-styled villain and master mixologist had won out against the comparable brutality of the affable mercenary who had tried to take his life with just as much brutality.
The crowd, though annoyed by being utterly doused in carbonated everything, literally tossed around, literally watching their fellow partygoers exsanguinated and turned into meat puppets, did not allow it to ruin their fun, cheering on for Metra and her eclectic song choices. Agnes hopped off the makeshift surfboard he’d constructed, his opponent cut to pieces and speared and speared to hell, and it a testament to the sheer resilience of Guy-Manuel Mota that, even in such a gored, pulverized state, his opponent wondered if he was actually dead.
Regardless, he wasn’t getting back up, or reassembling, or pulling any more surprises or attempts to play possum. Realizing that it was over, Agnes was shaking. Breathing heavily. Hints of tears started to form in his eyes… but before he had a chance to cry, he arched back, laughing into a sea of concrete snow.
He’d won again.
“There you go, Metra, your show is saved or whatever,” he said with a mocking flippancy as she left the crowd to meet him backstage, “and I didn’t even kill any of these guys who paid to see you… They’ll just have to deal with sticky-wet clothes and some broken limbs.”
“Can’t believe this happened again… And I just had no choice but to keep singing and dancing.” Metra rubbed her hands on her arms, shaking her head. “I’m sick of this shit… I thought it was all almost over, but it’s just going to be forever in this city, huh?”
“Probably,” Agnes said, still half-laughing through a strained face, “just a constant, encroaching wave of ‘despair’ every waking moment… Way I see it, either you ride that shit as far as you can, or you let yourself drown. Doesn’t make a difference to me which you do.”
He glanced up at the ceiling then, cupping his hands. “Hey, fuckers! I won now! I beat the guy you sent! Get on the biggering or I’ll burn your casino down again!”
The game had, in fact, been won, and Agnes and Metra were the first to start to be free of its grasp, along with the spiked and bloodied separated bits of Guy, still pulsating ambiguously.
“He’s out for blood.” Tigran declared, warning the others Entertainment District highrollers observing, as he produced a deck of cards. “My Stand can’t hold him at that size much longer… But this whole place is about to be flooded with people, too. Duck into somewhere, and get away in the confusion.”
He spoke authoritatively, and even his sole superior, Fox, complied with his wishes after an urgent glance. “I… I’ll come for you! I promise I will!”
Tigran didn’t hear much more of that, then, beyond the sounds of Pork Soda’s Stand cry amplified by sonic boosts courtesy of Metra Doria. He fought impressively with little more than a deck of cards, but even then, could only buy his friends the seconds they needed to get away, live to gamble another day.
Tigran “Golden” Sins, User of ‘The Grid
Retired!
Face broken in nearly a dozen places by Agnes and TD/MD, the 48 year-old owner of Heartache Casino would be very quickly interned at Red Clay penitentiary, Metra insisting that her ally not kill him.
As thousands of confused concertgoers suddenly grew to full size and began to flood the halls of the Alexander Dickinson Amphitheater, the rest of his accomplices were able to escape the authorities yet again. Despite his extremely infamous protectiveness towards his face, he almost seemed to wear the damage with pride, knowing that this time, it represented having allowed the only man he considered greater than himself to run free yet again.
Red Clay Penitentiary - Industrial District
“Well, well, well, isn’t this a small world now? Tigran Sins, now in my care… Certainly less of a looker than I’d heard.” A dark-wavy-haired twenty-something sat snickering in the warden’s big swivel-chair, clad in a sleeveless velvet minidress, what of her flesh was exposed covered in flickering tattoos resembling closed eyes, flanked by uncanny-looking guards. “You don’t know me, but I’ve certainly heard of you… Of how you treated someone I hold dear very cruelly. Don’t you understand we’re all Stand Users trying to live our best life, Mr. Golden? I’m not the one who hurt you and threw you in here, and you’re not the one who said that I needed to be kept half-starved at all times so I couldn’t create anything.”
“Wh… Wait. Who the hell’re you?”
“Did my sweetheart never mention me, or do you just not pay attention to anyone but you and yours?” She leaned forward, bridging her fingers together. “I’m Palmer. I was a drama teacher at a small-town high school, but they kept overfunding football, one thing led to another, and now… I’ve got some serious vision.”
Tigran would be the last inmate admitted to Red Clay before a coup months in the making finally came to fruition.
Hey, yeah, Palmer! Remember that fun NPC? She was dating Mr. Jones and killed four people for him! Anyway, yeah, adjacent to him, an all-out meanspirited brawl in a sewer is taking place, feat. two chaotic clowns and two very frustrated young women.
What rotten luck this had been.
That leak, now of all days, when Being So Normal, Cairo Satori’s pet project that they had been slaving away at ever since setting foot in this series, had the deals with the devil that it had been built upon from the very beginning exposed for the world to see, and the city, which had loved every second of it before, had now been divided sharply between the loyal fans remaining and those protesting the entire thing, demanding the resignation of their producer, the cancellation of a show which had been picked up by so many streaming platforms, had already begun to make so much for the people who had made a livelihood of it all.
With the connection to Andrew Tiffany’s demise, even the oh-so-loyal Purple Flying Man resigned with only a short argument, and even the damage control removal of Caroline Jeffords, responsible for the worst of it, did little to contain the fact that Cairo knew about this, and Cairo allowed this to proceed nonetheless.
What, were they going to just throw it all away at the last minute? Ruin lives, tank companies, get how many people laid off? All over the failures of those close to them? Of course not.
“Cairo, dear,” the voice of that ever-troublesome producer, Million Dollars, muttered into a cell phone for them, “I’m going to need to go under the radar for awhile… People are beginning to look into my own affairs as well. But know that, as always, no matter what, you have my support. This show isn’t just a cash cow, Cairo… It’s an example. An example for the world to look to, and something for Stand Users to aspire to be better. I know you’re probably mad at us as well, but… You know that, don’t you?”
“Dollars… You’ve got a lot of nerve, trying to plead with me right now,” Cairo answered, tense in what had been their green room, sitting in the mall their producer had owned, “we definitely need to talk about our future… But we need to have one, too. Of course the show must go on… Nothing’s gonna jeopardize that!”
Free Viper Strip Mall, Suburban District
In recent times, the atmosphere at Free Viper was… somewhat dire. In fact, it had been on a rapid decline since that fateful day a couple months ago when Bert hijacked a ritual meant to challenge fate and did so, while murdering tens of thousands of people and injuring far more than that at the same time. Actually, Black Knight Penitentiary Album’s death and the realization that Remix was a serial killer came before that and weren’t very uplifting either, but what Bert did was somewhat hard to top.
Either way, the realization that he found one of the most morally bankrupt groups of people to team up with in Los Fortuna was one that Arthur Lifeson had reached not too long ago, and though it was somewhat of a painful thing to come to terms with, he had no choice but to do so and simply carry on. Bert had died, and the least Arthur could do from here on out would be to do his best to assist the city of Los Fortuna and bring justice to those who deserved it. The city certainly needed it, given all that was occurring right now.
For all the time Arthur spent in the city, he hadn’t gotten enough of note done yet… but that was soon to change. He had a plan in mind, one that would help keep the city and the world of stand users as a whole from devolving into further chaos. Before he could put it in place, however, he’d have to get some help.
Los Fortuna Shopping District, Sweet FA Mall - The Next Day
Nix Ripa had been in this city for months now, and in that time, all he had done was tear down walls, break buildings, break people who had dared to step all over the safety of others, of those too weak to bend fate to their whims.
It was despicable to him, and the icy Stand User was seething with hot rage. Those without the power to change the world themselves were pitiable, in their ways, yet at once, he knew they were not above help… That they needed to be driven higher, reach for the stars rather than wave to the heroes they saw in them!
When Arthur Lifeson discovered and contacted him, he did not hesitate to make his way to the megamall in which this was all set to culminate. Rather than in the comfortable solitude of the Black Hill Estate, where he could train without disruption, he’d even spent the night in an alley nearby, wanting to be able to spring out first thing in the morning!
When he did, then, as if on schedule, the older bearded man who had requested his help stood at the foot of Sweet FA, looking himself quite regal with that increasingly modified Medieval Times getup.
“Sir Ripa… It is an honor to meet in person, with yet another warrior of great acclaim.”
“Heh… I’ve seen you around,” Nix answered, stretching off the sleeping-on-a-dumpster aches and forcing out his hand, which Arthur, in turn, grabbed firmly, the pair locking fingers tightly and staring one another down intensely. “Did a damn fine number on those guys at this very mall awhile back… And it takes some guts to drive out into the Middle Finger for any reason! The mountains are where I do my most intense training of all!”
“Aye, I regrettably was fooled into following the glorious allure of Being So Normal… I lack even your good reason, of how you and your fallen brother-in-arms, Sir Rains, apprehended a true villain in the process of this fight, and even a black knight who would have put a past companion of mine to shame with her depravity.” He looked towards the space and shuddered. “The show, it refused to show the truth, but the wounds from that grueling battle, the burns… They were excruciating. That witch Jeffords, nothing she’s touched can be trusted as a truth to show the world.”
“So we’re in agreement then!” Nix said, finally letting the handshake go as Arthur’s hand began to grow numb, rolling his arms around and turning to face Sweet FA. “I looked into this place, their mission statement, their show, their producer… Set a good example my ass! They just want the whole damn world to think there’s nothing better than being a Stand User! That the ground we walk on should be kissed just for what we’ve got! Well… I’m no goddamn celebrity!”
“Heavy is the head that wears the crown,” Arthur agreed, “and this mockery… It will not do good for the world to learn of us this way. A knight’s honor is not something we seek for glory, for congratulation, but because there is no greater purpose than to slay evil, to protect those who cannot for themselves!”
“Heh… I like you. After this, we’re sparring ‘til one of us can’t move!”
Nix led the way in there, then, Arthur feeling pause for a moment at the sheer intensity of his companion. This was not of fear, however, or of a sudden feeling of inadequacy at someone so much younger, yet so much more driven than him.
Nay, he had been filled with more righteous determination than ever, and with a battle cry that led to a family with two kids in a stroller staring his way, he ran in after him!
…
…
As soon as they reached the main foyer of the mall, both of them realized, in tandem, and Nix spoke first, “…this place is huge as hell! Where do we even go to smash shit up?”
“I… That. That is a good point! Perhaps we should conduct a map kiosk, one which says ‘you are here!’ Ugh, those are always a pain to read…”
“I’ll help you.”
Both turned, then, to see a very fashionable teenager, clad in a purple aviator cap and goggles, slim and bearing a dour expression on his face. All who had hung around Cairo would recognize the Purple Flying Man from someplace or another, as well as all the extremely online and influencer-following of Los Fortuna.
“This show… They’ve done so much to capitalize on my uncle’s death. They’ve actively stopped the truth of whatever might have happened to him from being investigated with their frameup… And this conflict, I have lost two of my brothers to it all over again.”
He paused, then, and the two men seemed to trust him.
“You won’t be able to erase the show completely… It’s already had a limited run in this city. But masters, extra footage, content they were going to actually send out… There’s a storage space nearby… Most of the show’s data is backed up, of course, but that’s where everything is being saved. If your wish is to sabotage Being So Normal, to ruin its international release before it can cause any more harm to the outside world, that is where you go.”
“So you’ve had a change of heart yourself… I am thankful to hear that, Purple One…” Arthur snapped his fingers, then, as if remembering his name. “Right, now I remember! ‘Afton,’ wasn’t it?”
Purple’s face faulted. “Erm… N-no, eheh. It, uh… It wasn’t that. I haven’t been anything but ‘Purple’ for a very long time.”
“No matter what you’re called, an enemy of this show’s from within is just what we need to make this a little less of a pain in the ass!” Nix declared. “Lead the way!”
A Series of Backstage Halls Deep Within Sweet FA
Acrobatic and stealthy as he was, after leading the way in for those who had sought out this quest to begin with, Purple hurried along deeper inward, well aware that it was likely this place would not be unguarded, and meaning to scout ahead, maybe even fight a bit if he absolutely needed to.
He really, really did not want to, and so far, it wasn’t reassuring to him that nobody had interrupted them. No show staff, no Stand Users, not even some rent-a-cop had yet gotten into the way of this.
As he made his way to a security room, quietly bemoaning the fact that he would never live down infiltrating a security room with that damned nickname Bad Apples had given him, his worst fears were confirmed.
His friend, his confidante, Cairo Satori was sitting in a swivel chair, watching screens displaying the entire mall and idly leaning their head into a metal baseball bat.
“Purp…” They spoke up without even turning to face him. “Wasn’t expecting to see you again so soon! I mean, with everywhere you’ve blocked me, privated your accounts… I was under the impression you needed some time away from the show.”
Purple hopped down, then, walking closer towards the chair, clearing his throat and pondering his words clearly.
“The show needs time away from the show, Cairo… You know damn well why I brought myself back. Come on. You know this isn’t right… It doesn’t have to be this, and even just delaying could save-”
“Delay, huh?” They stood, twirling that bat they’d always carried around. It didn’t worry Purple. He’d never seen them actually using it. “C’mon… You know it’s not that simple, buddy. I’m just trying to make sure everyone has a good time… Already, I’m cutting toxic people out of the show! Even when they’ll make it harder to make anything going forward, Caroline is gone! I’ll keep that producer on a really short leash! I am doing everything in my power to make sure that this goes well… C’mon, can’t you look on the bright side?”
“You… You already know my answer to that. You’ve betrayed my trust, Cairo. The trust of my uncle, of everyone you’ve worked with… Of this whole city!” He shifted in place, then, becoming a much more avian humanoid figure with its pose. “I am its lavender courage, and I am your friend! And as both, I cannot abide by-”
Cairo swang their bat, and as they did, the arms of a Stand emerged from their own hand and struck it as well, multiple times in quick succession.
By the time the bat impacted Purple, it was with enough force for the deeply resilient eternally-young ghost to be sent hurtling towards a wall, literally impacting it hard enough to leave an impression in its form, embedded and unconscious in a single swing. He was alive, and would walk this off, but he wouldn’t be getting back up today.
“Sorry ‘bout that,” they said, standing with the bat over their shoulder, ‘Peach Pit’ manifesting more fully by their side (drawn by the artist Boy George, as usual), “but I can tell we don’t have time to chat… I’ll send you a gift basket from the launch party, yeah?”
Then, their attention turned towards the others on the security room screens, addressing their Stand in the meantime, “uh, hey, Peach…”
“I’m on it,” the Stand answered, “Arthur Lifeson and Nix Ripa… I’m excited for this, honestly.”
“And you don’t need to know that I am to, honestly…” Cairo moved to press the intercom button.
“I heard violence!” Nix called out, balling his fists. “Purple found someone!” He began to rush forward, then, Arthur preparing to make a blade, only to be stopped by the crackling of an intercom button.
“Hello again! Wow, it really isn’t all that often that Being So Normal has repeat appearances, but that’s, what, twice in this promotional cycle alone?” Cairo’s voice rang through, then, and they continued, “I figured we’d see some trouble here, so I gave most of staff the day off… I knew it’d be types like you two who showed up, and honestly, I gotta say, despite the circumstances, I’m a bit psyched!”
“Cairo Satori!” Arthur spoke up then, waving his hands. “Put this madness to a close, before I have to put you to my blade! You need not fall victim to this any longer… To fight us is a waste of time!”
“Well, I’ve got time to kill, and nobody to talk to, now that my friend’s taking a bit of a nap. And besides, you think I’m gonna just let you destroy everything we’ve been working to build up because you don’t like a couple of the crew members? C’mon, have a reality check here! No way I’m gonna allow that… Especially not right now! Look, why not come talk to me after I’ve completely closed this Netflix deal?”
There was silence, then, and then they spoke up again.
“Oh, who am I kidding? We both know that this is only gonna end one way! If you wanna stop me from sending this show out for the whole world to know and love, and not just be another little piece of Los Fortuna’s super storied, super amazing history, then STOP me! I’m already sending Peach your way, and there’s no way the two of us will just get walked all over!”
Arthur shut his eyes in frustration, but Nix shook his shoulder. “We knew from the start it’d come to this. C’mon… Any more talking this through will be a waste of all our breaths.”
“Yeah! This pre-battle stuff goes on way too long, I swear! So much to cut down in post without missing the meat of it… But enough talking shop, yeah? Let’s get to what we’re here for… You wanna say it with me? …no? Okay, suit yourself!”
“OPEN THE GAME!”
Location:
A hallway to several storage rooms in Sweet FA Mall. The area here is 40 by 80 meters with each tile being 2.5 by 2.5 meters. The white tiles are completely out of bounds for this match. The light magenta tiles are the main hallway, the purple tiles are side hallways, and the red tiles are the rooms. Each room has a number associated with it for convenience, as shown by the purple numbers. The ceiling is 8 meters tall. The doorways are denoted by the dotted lines between the rooms and hallways.
The players start at the left end of the hallway and Cairo starts in the security room (room 5) to the right of the bottom center. Cairo’s Stand starts in the middle of the main hallway.
The grey X marked circles are security cameras on the ceiling that connect to the monitors that are represented by the yellow notched rectangles in room 5. The light blue rectangles in the main hallway are 4 meter tall metal shelves that house stage set up equipment such as stepladders, light fixtures, microphones, extension cables, construction tools, and anything else needed to set up or tear down a stage. All shelves are bolted to the ground.
The yellow stars are disks, tapes, harddrives and other recordings of the footage shot by Cairo’s show.
The walls are drywall while the floor is ceramic tiled.
Now onto the different rooms:

Room 1: Contains racks and cardboard bins of merchandise. The brown rectangles are cardboard bins of plushies and hats. The red circles are racks of clothing merchandise.
Room 2: Contains a mountain of chairs and other furniture within a 5 meter tall metal storage fence as represented by the light blue rectangle and the junk inside it. Each side of the fence has a chain locked door.
Room 3: Contains various cooking appliances and peripherals. The white rectangles are 4 meter tall metal storage shelves and the magenta rectangles are 5 meter tall metal storage containers. Basically any appliance that doesn’t fit on a shelf is put into one of the three containers.
Room 4: Contains two long tables as represented by the grey L-shaped rectangles. On these tables are neatly laid out items that were used in Round 2 Match 4, this means Riot Shields, Fireworks Cannons, Magnetic Ray Guns, Grappling Hook Guns, smoke bombs, Tar filled paintball guns, mannequins, body armor, skateboards, net launchers, fire extinguishers, step ladders, marbles, bowling balls, trampolines, shovels, steel chairs, and blankets. Only the crystal ball is missing. The blue circle is a barrel of fencing foils and the yellow rectangle is a banged up motorcycle that while not completely totaled is in pretty bad shape.
Room 5: The security room. It is rather bare, only housing the monitors set-ups to the security cameras and three swivel chairs to go with them.

Goal: RETIRE your opponents!
Additional Information:
As a reminder, White Tile areas are out-of-bounds for this match. If you willingly traverse through them you will be retired by a pair of mall cops.
Here is a shortened version of Cairo’s character sheet with all relevant information, the full sheet is linked below
Name: Cairo Satori
Age: 21
Gender: None, whose business is that anyways?
Species: Human
Occupation: Beloved Media Icon
Equipment: The newest smartphone, two sets of wireless earbuds for communicating directly with [Peach Pit] quietly, a bag of weed mints, and a baseball bat.
User Stats:
Strength: 3 (Too much effort to get properly strong- Cairo can throw as much effort into a hit as they need to in order to finish someone off after being brought to near-retirement by [Peach Pit], and that’s about the maximum they need.)
Agility: 2 (Never had to run after or from anything.)
Endurance: 2 (Not one to hold up under sustained pressure for very long, hoping to duck back from any conflicts except where absolutely necessary.)
Conduction: 2 (Able to personally carry their Stand’s damaging energy through them, and has a general knowledge of how to apply it.)
Vibing: 3 (It's for vibe checks- the necessity of finishing an opponent off personally, in a fast and hard strike. The full force of their strength, loaded into one moment rather than a series of fests. Also, they do have good vibes.)
Stand Name: [Peach Pit]
Stand Appearance: On the bulkier side of stand builds, Peach Pit has some resemblance to a knight in plate armor- big, dark metallic pauldrons, a chestplate, an assortment of straps and buckles, etc. The surface of the stand looks very much like a sunset with its colors flipped around. Its face is smooth except for a simple minimalist icon of the sun, and the rest of the head is mostly covered by a knight's helmet as well. A gradient of sorts goes from the head of the stand down to its armored feet, starting with an orange-red and ending in black with white specks like stars in the night sky.
About/Oddities: The stand is dangerous, outright. The manifestation of an incredible will for a very specific life gave it incredibly high offensive might, and although Cairo has depleted its very low ‘potential,’ nothing else has decreased in the slightest.
Additionally, [Peach Pit] is sentient, and thinks of itself as a close friend and bodyguard to Cairo. Despite being able to dish out high damage, it is very much a friendly, calm and collected individual, having respect even for those it has to fight. As such, [Peach Pit] leaves RETIRING opponents up to its user completely. An enemy can be beaten down, but will still be able to pull together and carry on albeit impeded until Cairo personally finishes them off. This isn't simply a choice- if instructed to keep pressure on an opponent who's down but not out, its strikes can indefinitely inflict serious pain and yet never be quite enough to injure a foe to the point where they're considered RETIRED.
Due to the bold weakness in this, for how combat inefficient and easily hurt its user is, Peach doesn't have full damage transference. Instead, it can be destroyed repeatedly- Cairo takes one instance of C power damage upon its destruction, and it can be resummoned from Cairo's position after ten seconds.
Peach's presenting identity has been influenced by Cairo's insistence against defining things that way, to the point of being comfortably seen subjectively as anything. Peach will respond to any pronouns without questioning it.
Stand Stats:
Power: A(The stand can exert a great amount of power in its attacks)
Speed: A (Its movements are very fast and its attacks can travel just as quickly)
Range: B (50 meters)
Durability: E (Subpar durability, however when destroyed the user takes C power damage and the stand can be summoned back to Cairo’s side after 10 seconds.)
Precision: C (Generally decent in its movements, but its projectile attacks only move in a straight line once fired and can only be stored within conductive materials. In non-conductive materials it would keep traveling)
Ability: Peach Pit lacks a complex ability, as far as one would expect. Rather than intricate effects, its hits themselves can simply be conducted through material similarly the way that electricity does, with distinct variation based on the conductivity of the material. Within conductive material, damage is stored up much like a battery - the moment someone touches the "battery", the damage transfers directly to it on the point of contact. This means that if Peach were to punch a metal rod and someone were to touch it, they would feel the full brunt of Peach's attack the moment they do so. A battery remains charged for up to fifteen seconds, and at any point if it hasn’t been touched and discharged already, Cairo can pick any direction from where the battery is in contact with non-conductive materials to activate the next type of attack.
Within non-conductive material, either deployed through battery or direct strike, damage "travels", moving forwards in a straight line at A speed in the same direction it came from. This wave of damage can be seen as it travels, with slight shimmers of light and a crackling sound emanating from where it's currently positioned.
Damage cannot travel further than B range from Cairo.

Team	Combatant	JoJolity
Black Hill Regalia	Arthur Lifeson and Nix Ripa	“The thing in Hayato's hand was definitely a handy cam. It doesn't seem to be in this room right now...” This show is a sweet-sounding idea, but it’s so corrupt to its core that you can’t allow it to spread any further than it has. Destroy as many physical backings of the recordings Cairo has made for their show as you can over the course of your strat!
Being So Normal	Cairo Satori	“I even took a video of the cat-like plant you've got in the attic!” This show… You know it’s been an unsavory road, one you wish you could have managed differently, but the good it can do, the way the world might finally begin to understand the ugly and wonderful truths of Stand Users and appreciate them more as a part of their lives… You will celebrate that. Take creative inspiration from actions that took place in matches related officially to ‘Being So Normal!’ That is to say, these 5 matches, R1M5,R1M23,R1M29,R2M4, and R3M8!

Link to the Official Player Spreadsheet
Link to Match Schedule
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I’m in my mid-thirties, make $115,000 ($194,000 joint), live in the northwest and work in behavioral health.

SECTION 0: BACKGROUND
I am being deliberately vague about my age, location and job, to allow for greater transparency about my finances. I work in a very narrow field, which would make me pretty easy to identify if I more accurately pinpointed these details.
That being said, to provide some context about our decision-making about childcare, my family and I had CoVID in the mid-summer.
We had been doing everything correctly: We weren’t leaving the house, our children were out of daycare, my husband and I were working from home and running ourselves ragged also offering full-time childcare to a 2-year-old son and a 1-year-old daughter. We are both essential workers in different fields and we couldn’t lighten our workload. Additionally, I can only work set hours because that’s when my patients are available. So I was keeping a more traditional schedule while my husband was doing the bulk of childcare, and then we would both be with the kids for a few hours until bedtime at 7:30, at which point my husband would burn the candle at both ends and do the majority of his work in the evening and at night. It was completely unsustainable. It was bad for our jobs, bad for our kids and bad for us.
So we hired a nanny. She came from our daycare, because our kids already knew her and she effectively lost her job when we pulled our kids. The daycare has to maintain a specific child-to-teacher ratio and removing our children took them below the enrollment necessary for her. After 4 weeks of my husband and myself providing childcare, we hired her. She was a godsend.
Fast forward, she attended a staff training at the daycare (masked, gloved, the whole 9 yards) and at that time our daycare was struck with CoVID, which meant we all got it. My family, our nanny, several staff and several families. It was a blessing in disguise, because after we all quarantined and recovered, my husband and I made the decision to send our children back to daycare. The vast majority of the families and staff there had CoVID, we knew we had antibodies (thank you, American Red Cross), and we decided the risk was acceptable.

SECTION 1: ASSETS AND DEBT (ROUNDED TO THE NEAREST $100)
Investment balance (as of COB on 12/16/20) = $601,000

Brokerage = $104,700
My traditional IRA (from previous employers’ retirement accounts) = $41,400
My Roth IRA = $61,900
My 401K = $205,200
My husband’s 401K = $156,000
My husband’s Roth IRA = $18,000
My son’s 529 = $9,000
My daughter’s 529 = $4,800

Equity, if you’re a homeowner = $300,700

Main residence: Mortgage = $233,300, Zillow value = $455,200
Rental property: Mortgage = $125,300, Zillow value = $204,100

I used the Zillow value to calculate equity. Our real estate market is HOT right now, and houses are routinely being purchased after bidding wars at prices above asking, so I actually expect these to be underestimates of the values of our properties.
The rental property was a home I owned before my husband and I married. I paid 20% for the down payment with savings, and the house was worth substantially less when I bought it, making it very affordable. We made a 10% down payment on our primary residence from shared savings. Since we bought both houses, the real estate market in our area has blown up and it has stayed that way. We joke that we wouldn’t be able to afford our primary residence if we were house hunting right now, which puts us in a very fortunate position.
Savings account balance = $6,200
We try to keep at least $5,000 in this count as liquid emergency savings. Withdrawing funds from our investment portfolio can take several days, and if needed we want to make sure to have at least some cash buffer. See below for why this is higher right now, due to my Social Security deduction.
Checking account balance = $3,700
We use zero-sum budgeting, which means we use last month’s income to pay for this month’s expenses. All of our income is deposited into this account, we spend it throughout the month, and then start next month with $7,000 to spend that month (anything above this amount in our checking account is sent to our savings account).
Credit card debt = $0
I’ve never held credit card debt, and we paid my husband’s off before we got married.
Student loan debt = $0
I received a huge scholarship to attend a private 4-year college, and an annuity I received following my father’s death when I was in middle school paid for the rest. I worked part-time on campus to have spending money, and this job was part of the scholarship I received. I also received a full scholarship plus a living stipend to attend graduate school for my doctorate. My husband had approximately $10,000 of student loan debt for his 4-year degree that we paid off before we got married.
Car and motorcycle loans = $0
The KBB trade-in value of our cars and motorcycles is $16,500; all are over 10-years-old.
Net worth = $928,100

SECTION 2: INCOME
Monthly take home = $7,593 total (plus $416 from FSA reimbursement)
Main job = $103,000/year
I take home $2,000 every two weeks after deductions. This is $220 more than usual, because (as a federal employee and due to President Trump’s executive order) Social Security is no longer being deducted from my salary, through at least January, 2021. I expect in January I’m going to receive a double deduction for the period of this executive order, so we’re setting aside that extra money to pay for his choices.
Job 2 = variable based on several factors, right now it is approximately $12,000/year
I work as an adjunct professor at a local university teaching one class per semester and take home $353 every two weeks.
Rental property = $883.50/month in rental income
Minus the cost of the mortgage and the $66.50/month property manager cut, this equals approximately $97/month in profit. This used to be substantially more, but we took a cash out refinance to pay for a huge remodel in our main residence, which increased the mortgage payment by about $250/month. We previously sent the surplus rental income to our investment account.
Husband’s job = $79,000/year
My husband takes home $1,395 twice a month after deductions. However, he routinely takes home between $200-$400 more per paycheck, depending on various factors. We only budget for his base pay, as those other amounts are not guaranteed. Currently, he’s contributing the maximum allowed to his FSA account ($208/paycheck) for dependent care, which we receive twice monthly as reimbursement and which will switch to my paycheck in the new year.
Deductions: I am only going to include mine here, as my salary deductions include most of the family expenses. These are per paycheck. I am including my deductions as they were prior to the executive order that affected my Social Security contribution, which I anticipate will return to normal shortly.
Taxes (Medicare, state and federal) = $554
Insurance for the family (Life, dental, medical, disability) = $489
Retirement (401K and pension) = $905
I max out my 401K contribution and have since I started this job; my employer offers a 4% match. For full context, my husband also maxes out his 401K contributions, and his employer offers a 3% match.
529 contributions: $115 per child, so $230 total
Income progression
I was in school for a very long time. I went directly from a 4-year college to a Ph.D. program. As stated above, I received a stipend while in graduate school that amounted to $17,000/year, which was not a lot but enough for 22-year-old me. My first job out of graduate school was as a postdoctoral fellow, making $45,000, and then I went into academia and worked as an Assistant Professor making a similar amount. I decided to transition into practice after two years in academia, and I started my current job with the federal government making approximately $90,000. Scheduled salary progressions over the last six years have resulted in my current salary.

SECTION 3: EXPENSES
Monthly

Mortgage/taxes/insurance = $1,179.33 for our main residence, $785.78 for our rental property
Daycare = $1,520 for both children
Roth IRA contributions (both) = $1,000
Donations = $213.87. $100/month to GiveWell (an effective altruism organization), $100/month to Gold Standard (for carbon offsets), $13.87 to ActBlue.
Gas/electric/water = $169.25
Cleaning = $100. She comes twice monthly; she prefers to be called our “woman” vs. cleaning lady or housekeeper. She is masked and gloved every time she comes into our home. We paused her services though continued to pay her for the first few months of the pandemic. Once we’d had CoVID, though, she requested to come back. We would have paid her throughout regardless, but after a frank discussion with her about our continued risk with our children in daycare, she still wanted to come back and began to clean for us again.
Internet = $80
Pet wellness plan (for our very geriatric dog) = $79.95
My cell phone (my husband’s is paid for by work) = $47.18
Home security system = $45
Son’s gymnastics at daycare = $40
My husband’s gym = $16.95. He has not gone since 03/2020; he is continuing to pay to support them.
Satellite GPS/texting system = $12.41. My husband has a lot of hobbies that take him outside of cell phone service. We got this for him to allow us to text in case of an emergency, and to send me notifications of where he is physically camped so I can get emergency services to him, if needed.
Subscriptions = $35 biweekly for a Misfits Market box, $9.99 for Spotify, $8.99 for Netflix
Total monthly fixed expenses = $5,378.70

Yearly and Bi-annual

Car and motorcycle insurance = $416.60
Amazon Prime = $119
Costco = $60
My license = $200 every two years

SECTION 4: ADDITIONAL QUESTIONS
\*These are the questions others have said they wished Refinery 29 asked.*\**
What do money and success mean to you? What are your end goals?
To me, success and money are two very different things. I view money as a means to an end: Money equals security and stability. I chose to work for the federal government, even though I could make approximately double my salary in private practice, because of that need for security. My end goals are FIRE-light. My husband and I would like to save enough money to be able to reduce our work to part-time; we both really enjoy our jobs but would like more freedom to choose what to do with our time.
Are you a spender or a saver?
I identify very strongly as a saver. My mother raised me and my siblings largely alone (more on this below), and she was unmaterialistic. This has changed now that she has grandchildren to spoil! But that lesson was there from an early age: Things do not bring happiness. This has led me to a pretty natural saver orientation.
My husband was not a saver before we got together. He was not a huge spender, either. He just didn’t really pay attention to money. When we got together his retirement account was at approximately $0. He and I sat down and talked about our goals and decided to approach his retirement in the same way I approach mine, so we now max out everything we can.
He continues to be largely ambivalent about our finances, so I manage everything. This leads every once in a while to small conflicts, but we work it out. I try to include him in as many decisions as possible, but he genuinely seems not to care and pretty much goes along with everything I suggest. It helps tremendously that my husband and I share an overall view of our future, because I’m honestly not sure our relationship would work if he was a huge spender.
To combat some of the conflicts about money we might have, we give ourselves each a set amount monthly to spend as we want (me $385, him $415). He receives more because he does all of the family driving, and gas comes out of this allowance. This system works really well for us, because I would have a lot of problems with how he approaches personal spending, and vice versa. Joint or family expenses are paid for out of our joint checking account.
If you could go back in time, what’s the one piece of financial advice you would give your past self?
Invest early! Compound interest is something worth taking advantage of as early as possible.

\*These are the questions Refinery 29 asks.*\**
Was there an expectation for you to attend higher education? Did you participate in any form of higher education? If yes, how did you pay for it?
There was absolutely an expectation for me and my siblings to attend college. I was a very dedicated student and I wanted to be in my current role for as long as I could remember. I strategically selected the university I attended with the potential for graduate school admission as a strong factor in my choice.
I luckily have never had to pay for my higher education and I recognize how fortunate I was. My college expenses not covered by my scholarship were paid for with an annuity I received after my father passed away when I was in middle school. He had been very sick with cancer my entire life and he knew he was terminal for years. He worked until the month before he passed away and contributed heavily the entire time to life insurance policies to give my siblings and me this gift, as well as to provide enough for my mother to make up for the loss of his income. He passed away while working for the federal government at my current pay level, so I know he was making the equivalent to what I make now. At that point, my mom made less than half of what he did. It goes without saying, I would have rather had student loans with him alive than no student loans without him.
Growing up, what kind of conversations did you have about money? Did your parent/guardian(s) educate you about finances?
I don’t remember any explicit conversations about money. I have learned much more about my parents’ finances since I’ve become an adult than I ever knew growing up. All of my financial education occurred after graduate school when I had my first “big girl” paychecks. I knew I needed to know more, so I did a deep dive into the FIRE community for a few years, learned a lot, and have tried to follow those principles since.
What was your first job and why did you get it?
I worked at Dairy Queen starting when I was 15 to have spending money. While there, I ate far too much ice cream, gained like 10 pounds in 3 months, and quit because I recognized that was completely unsustainable.
Did you worry about money growing up?
No, I didn’t, and I’m grateful for that. I knew that we never went on vacations, aside from camping, because of my dad’s illness. I had no idea, however, that this was a financially-motivated decision vs. a health-related one. My dad wanted to save that money for us later instead of spend it on us at the time.
Do you worry about money now?
No, and I am very grateful for that, as well. I worry about making big purchases, because I have an inherent tendency to not spend unless necessary, though I acknowledge we can afford our needs and wants.
At what age did you become financially responsible for yourself and do you have a financial safety net?
I moved out of my mom’s house at 18 to attend an out-of-state college, and I never returned. However, I would say that I became fully responsible for myself at 22, when I enrolled in graduate school. Up to that point, I lived in dorms, had access to the college cafeteria and health center, etc.
I have a huge financial safety net in my family, which is an enormous privilege. I know that I never need to worry if I lose my income or if we had an emergency. That being said, one of the huge factors in my choosing federal employment was the security of the job. My husband was furloughed early in the pandemic, which was a strain on our finances, but we knew I never would be. It is a longstanding joke, but it is true that it’s almost impossible to lose a federal job within my agency once you’re outside of your probationary period.
Do you or have you ever received passive or inherited income? If yes, please explain?
See above; my family received a great deal of money from life insurance after my father passed away. I honestly have no idea how much, though it was enough that it funded a lot of my college expenses, as well as my siblings’, and allowed my mom never to worry day-to-day about paying for anything on her salary alone. I never received any of the annuity personally; my mom managed it and paid the college directly. Once I graduated, my portion of the annuity was resolved. My mom became extremely savvy with money management over the years, and still has some of her portion of the annuity remaining.

ONTO THE DIARY!
Full disclosure, my weekdays are very monotonous, so I’m going to give you a brief look at my schedule here and then try to limit myself to amusing anecdotes and spending only on Days 1-5. Days 6 and 7 will be more interesting.
We get up around 6:30, when my daughter (just turned 2) wakes up; it is unfortunate she’s always been an early riser. At 7:15, if he’s not already up, I wake my son (just turned 3) and get both kids ready while my husband gets himself ready. He takes the children to daycare, and then I get ready. I do a full face of make-up every day; it helps me keep in mind that I’m a working professional, although I haven’t worn a pair of pants with buttons in 9 months.
I see patients throughout the morning, working in 45 minutes of exercise (whatever Chloe Ting scheduled for the day, plus a Yoga with Adriene video to hit 45 minutes) and chores in between patients or if I have a patient no-show or cancel. This is infrequent, so usually these activities happen over lunch, when I almost exclusively eat leftovers. Then I see patients throughout the afternoon, before stopping to cook dinner. I meal plan heavily (entirely from Budget Bytes or Half-Baked Harvest); I love to cook but find trying to think up child-friendly, quick and easy vegetarian meals incredibly boring and frustrating. It helps if I outsource the creativity to others. My husband and I leave to get the kids around 4:50 pm.
Then it’s like getting hit by a clown car. Constant noise, constant activity, constant mess, constant chaos. The children go to bed around 7:30 pm, at which point my husband and I fall into an exhausted heap. I try to “reset” the house (e.g., pick up toys, get the kids’ school bags ready) before I sit down, because once I sit down I’m done. Most days I shower in the evening, and we go to bed around 9:30 or 10 pm. Sometimes we have sex, sometimes we don’t. Wash, rinse, repeat.
For your enjoyment, our meal plan this week includes:

From Budget Bytes: Spinach tortellini soup; vegetarian French dip sandwiches with oven fries; roasted broccoli pasta with lemon and feta; spinach and orzo salad with balsamic vinaigrette
From Half-Baked Harvest: Onion, spinach and cheddar flaky pastries; broccoli and cheese wild rice casserole

Also for those who are interested, my skin care includes: Water-only cleansing with a microfiber cloth, 100% pure organic argan oil for moisturizer, with Everyday Minerals and Physician’s Formula make-up. I have extremely temperamental skin and this is the gentlest combination of products that work for me.
**I will only tally my personal expenses and our joint expenses below, because I don’t have access to my husband’s personal account. If I know about his purchases, I will mention them for context, though they will not be included in the weekly total.**
DAY 1: MONDAY, DECEMBER 14, 2020 = $37.63
Morning: My husband goes to physical therapy ($37.63 copay) after dropping off the kids. He’s rehabbing a pretty significant injury from earlier this year and PT is necessary, despite the pandemic. Before PT, he was immobile. While I’m on a break between patients in the kitchen eating a banana, my husband storms in fake indignant because his Spotify most-played song of 2020 is “What Does the Fox Say?” I laugh; this was my son’s favorite song for months. If you haven’t heard it before, it’s worth a look on YouTube, so you can see the video.
Noon: Pull a load of laundry from the dryer. Find two of my son’s action figures amongst the clothes. So that’s where they went. Later receive a picture from daycare of my daughter crying. She apparently lost her gloves in the snow, and when the gloves were found the daycare staff wouldn’t let her put them back on because they were covered in mud and snow. This is clearly tragic in the life of a toddler. The caption on the photo: “Yeah, I’m a little mad.”
Night: My husband and I spend a few minutes lying in bed with each of our children before they go to sleep every night. Tonight, my son is incredibly focused on his discovery that he doesn’t have eyebrows and I do. He does, they’re just wispy and barely there. He spent a good five minutes feeling mine, then feeling where his “aren’t.” It’s adorable how confused he is to find out that not every body is the same, and I try to focus on teaching him that differences are beautiful. I feel this is a good lesson to learn and to learn early.
DAY 2: TUESDAY, DECEMBER 15, 2020 = $0
Morning: My kids are up kind of early today, so while I fix them breakfast, I send them to ride their scooters. My mom bought them these scooters that are both low-to-the-ground, so they fly across our hardwood, and narrow, so they fit between our furniture. We decided to keep them indoors for the winter to help the children run off some energy if it’s too cold or, in this case, too early to take them outside.
Noon: For lunch, I quickly assemble Budget Bytes’ Chimichurri Chickpea Salad from leftover ingredients and pantry staples and give my husband a serving. He accuses me of trying to turn him into a chickpea, because it’s my go-to protein. He’s not vegetarian, but he eats that way 95% of the time because I don’t cook meat except on very rare occasions. I tell him if he doesn’t like it, he can fix himself lunch, and fake try to take it away. He embraces the bowl like it’s a baby and fights me off. I see how it is. I also check the Red Cross app and find my CoVID antibody test from my most recent convalescent plasma donation is still positive!
Night: After dinner, we go into my daughter’s bedroom to play before bath time. I contemplate how ironic it is that we own a four-bedroom house, but usually only end up occupying about 16 square feet of space at a time. Then my children decide to sit on top of me. I exist right now as nothing more than an animate chair.
DAY 3: WEDNESDAY, DECEMBER 16, 2020 = $0
Morning: After bundling up my children to send to daycare, I ask my daughter for a kiss. She’s moved beyond leaning in to allow me to kiss her to spreading her arms super wide and pressing her whole face onto my cheek. It’s the little things that make parenting awesome <3.
Noon: It’s the anniversary of our first date, so I pull my husband into the bedroom for some lunch time calisthenics #wfhbenefits. Feel totally betrayed afterward because during my Yoga with Adriene relaxation practice, she has us do two forearm planks. WTF, Adriene? I didn’t sign on for this! Do them, but begrudgingly.
Night: Tonight’s game: family nap. Somehow my husband got the kids to buy into the idea that they need to find a place to camp out in our house. They’re carrying around a pillow and blanket each and trying out various locations, like under our dining table and on our living room floor. I’m loving this game, because I’ve already found my perfect place to lay down: right where I already am.
DAY 4: THURSDAY, DECEMBER 17, 2020 = $183.48
Morning: My husband is an absolute expert when it comes to distracting the kids if they’re crying crocodile tears. This isn’t always the answer in response to their emotions, but sometimes it is. Right now, he’s trying to hang my daughter’s coat (with her in it) up in the closet without a hanger and acting over the top confused about why it won’t stay up on the closet rod. She’s dying with laughter. Classic.
Noon: My husband gets back from physical therapy ($37.63 copay) and walks in with a soda from McDonald’s for me as a surprise ($2.12 for his, too). So sweet! I don’t drink soda often, which makes this a welcome treat. Over lunch, I browse ThredUp. I buy exclusively consignment/resale, to reduce consumer-driven fast-fashion and because I can buy way nicer clothing if I don’t pay full retail prices. I buy four shirts and two pairs of pants ($143.73 of my personal spending money), though I’ll probably return half.
Night: Tonight is my book club’s holiday party over Zoom. I love these women and it’s so nice to step outside of my roles as a wife, mother and behavioral health provider to just be a woman. I’m incredibly lucky to have found this group that unequivocally accepts me for who I am.
DAY 5: FRIDAY, DECEMBER 18, 2020 = $0
Morning: I took the morning off to grade final exams, and my husband is heading up the mountain to go skiing. I have the house TO MYSELF! This happens so rarely, I almost don’t know what to do with myself when I’m alone anymore.
Noon: Silence, glorious silence. Decide to take a nap. This is freaking amazing. Wake up to a notice from the federal payroll office confirming I’ll be receiving double deductions of Social Security tax from my first 8 paychecks of 2021. Great.
Night: Spend the evening after my kids go to bed wrapping Christmas presents. My family seems to be compensating for the anxiety and sadness 2020 has caused by sending gifts. Watching the children unwrap presents this year is the thing I’m looking forward to most this holiday season.
DAY 6: SATURDAY, DECEMBER 19, 2020 = $251.65
Morning:
My husband gets up with the kids, so I get to sleep in an extra hour (he will be properly thanked for this later). We quickly get ready and head out the door, setting our robot vacuum to take a run around the house. The kids and I wait in the car while my husband buys a season ski pass from his own personal spending money ($371, for those who are interested). He got a discount because they credit him the cost of his pass from yesterday. I fully support this, as he intends to teach our kids to ski this year and I am invested in the long-term possibility of evenings and weekend days by myself, since I most definitely do not ski.
Head to a local indoor playground ($15.72, after a $7.60 gift card); our kids tolerate mask-wearing incredibly well, so we’re all masked anytime we go inside anywhere. We have gotten good at what I consider “stealth visits”: We show up the instant the doors open, stay until we cannot keep 30 feet from others, and then leave.
We grab coffees ($6.04), a weekend treat, and head to an outdoor park to run our children ragged until it’s too cold to tolerate anymore.
Noon:
We head home, bake a frozen pizza and have that and leftovers for lunch. New outfits for everyone, because my daughter is too young to handle pizza sauce without getting it everywhere. Then back out the door to make it back to the indoor playground by 1 pm (our passes are good all day). This is when most children are down for their naps, so as usual the place is deserted.
Unfortunately, my daughter is learning to jump and while at the playground she jumps and falls, bumping her head. This leads to the silent scream of doom that is every parent’s worst nightmare.
After we leave, to put our own children down to nap, my son asks for more snacks. I thought I had packed enough, but not so. I swear my son is growing by inches in front of my eyes. He has a hollow leg and often can eat more than I can. My husband and kids wait in the car while I run into an empty-looking gas station and buy string cheese, fruit, popcorn and seltzers ($10.05).
The instant we get home the kids go down for their naps and my husband and I have a moment of peace. I start the dishwasher, throw the food scraps to our chickens, take out the compost and purchase the items in our Amazon cart (a new robot vacuum [ours is on its last legs and we LOVE it], soccer socks for my husband, and two under $5 gifts for the gift exchange at my children’s daycare; $219.84). My husband cleans out our chicken coop; I’m not in favor of gendered divisions of labor, except in cases like this, when it means I don’t have to deal with chicken poop.
Night:
The kids get up from their naps and we immediately put them on the potty. We’re deep in the trenches of potty training, and this often dictates our routine. My daughter is 150% motivated by the M&M she gets when she goes potty; my son just wants to do everything his sister does, so he tolerates this part of his day.
Feed them dinner and then head out to drive through a famous neighborhood in our area to look at Christmas lights. We take air-popped popcorn and milk for the kids, to keep them entertained, and they love it. Back home and bedtime for the kids.
My husband and I pick up the house, watch an episode of Ink Master (feel free to judge, but I love this show), and head to bed early so I can thank him properly for this morning.
DAY 7: SUNDAY, DECEMBER 20, 2020 = $303.33
Morning:
My husband gets up with the kids again this morning, he must be feeling motivated because he’s already fed them breakfast. I jump in so he can get ready to go play indoor soccer. The facility where he plays is extremely cautious: masks, temperature checks, no outside guests, no loitering before or after the game, etc. He helps us get ready and out the door before he leaves so the kids and I can go to get our grocery pick up.
Groceries include the ingredients for our meal plan this coming week ($187.59). We also load up on a few staples like organic 100% grass-fed milk, seltzer, popcorn kernels and toiletries. Our overall fruit situation is looking good, as we participated in a local fundraiser and purchased a huge box of apples, pears, oranges and grapefruits, so I decided yesterday to donate our Misfits Market box this week to a food bank. The person at the grocery store indicates they have a couple of missing items from our order, including coffee (!!!), so the kids and I mask up and we run inside as quickly as we can to buy replacement items, including the absolutely necessary coffee ($19.04).
Then I take the kids on a little drive to look at Christmas decorations, and while we’re out I buy them a snack from a local vegetarian restaurant that has begun to do drive-thru service ($15.53). I buy gas for the first time in six weeks and head home ($13.73).
Noon:
My husband gets back from his game (they won), we feed the kids and then get them ready to go out again. If you haven’t noticed, we spend a lot of time outside of our house. Neither my husband nor I are homebodies, and our kids (surprise, surprise) aren’t either; the more time we spend at home, the more they spiral out. However, because the pandemic has gone on for so long, we have developed an amazing repertoire of knowledge for places that are accessible, kid-friendly and extremely sparsely populated (or deserted). It helps us keep the kids occupied, and honestly it makes parenting two toddlers much easier.
We go to a local warehouse that has converted into an antique/secondhand shop to look for a present for my sister from our children and find something amazing ($43.44 of my personal spending money). Head home, have lunch, and put the kids down for a nap. I spend the time finishing grading final exams, while my husband does the dishes and works a little bit to get ahead so he can go skiing this week.
Night:
My daughter wakes up and makes enough of a ruckus that she gets my son up, too. Immediately take the kids to the potty while my husband finishes what he’s doing. Cue an epic meltdown from my daughter because her brother gets to go potty first. My husband jumps in and starts getting the kids ready to leave again so I can go to the bathroom. My son joins me. Motherhood means never having (getting?) to go to the bathroom alone again.
We head to another local indoor children’s playground, because a snowstorm just started and we’re taking a gamble that it will be empty. It is! Spend a few hours there, then head home ($24).
I heat up Budget Bytes’ Make-Ahead Freezer Burritos for dinner. While they’re cooking, my husband gives the kids a bath and I put away laundry. My husband emerges from the bathroom looking like he’s taken an impromptu trip to Splash Mountain. At dinner, our kids immediately start to misbehave for some unknown reason (they’re toddlers). Parenthood is often a game of chicken: How far can they push it before my husband or I call the match in our favor. We separate the kids; I go to read to my son, my husband to my daughter, and we put them to bed early.
My husband and I watch another episode of Ink Master, read for a bit, talk for a bit, and head to bed.

WEEKLY TOTAL = $776.09 ($588.92 JOINT, $187.17 PERSONAL)

Food + Drink = $240.37
Fun/Entertainment = $39.72
Home + Health = $295.10
Clothes + Beauty = $143.73
Transport = $13.73
Other = $43.44

Reflection: Honestly, this is an average week for us. I’d say we don’t buy a robot vacuum every week, and I tend to only buy clothes once a month at most, but there’s always something. Generally speaking, we have a few dollars up to a couple hundred to save most months, but there are some months when we go over our budget. At this point, our day-to-day spending is relatively on auto-pilot and falls pretty naturally into a narrow range, so across the whole year, we tend to break even.

[OC] When it’s game day, but Sundays are for DnD

Wandslinging in Eberron. A Wandslinger Background and a Dueling Downtime Activity.

I made this Background for my Artillerist Artificer as well as a Downtime Activity of Dueling. Working with my DM it evolved into an emerging sport in Eberron, similar to a Martial Arts Tournament crossed with the Major League Football. Below I am posting the Wandslinger Duelist Background as well as a reposting of the downtime rules I came up with. Feedback is greatly appreciated!
DnDBeyond Link

Background: Wandslinger Duelist

Following the Last War, a number of spellcasters from the Five Nations were left without jobs but still had plenty of grudges. The Aurum has capitalized on this and set up a series of public dueling competitions for sport, organized at local and continent wide levels. These non-lethal competitions are growing larger crowds each time they are held, especially when National Leagues get to compete with each other. The Wandslinger Association of Khorvaire hosts bi-weekly through yearly events for participants of all skills and abilities. You have begun to participate in these events and have qualified to compete for Silver level status in the Association. The call to adventure is a simple next step for many Association members, most using the opportunity to practice new skills, obtain exotic materials for their spells or wands, or to find more challenging opponents and push themselves further.
Skill Proficiencies: You have proficiency with Arcana and one the following skills: Acrobatics, Sleight of Hand, Perception, Insight, Intimidation, Medicine, or Performance.
Tool Proficiencies: One gaming set (Dragonchess, Dice, Playing Cards or Three-Dragon Ante) and Woodcarver's tools.
Equipment: Two wands (suitable as Arcane Focuses) both rough-worn and won in duels, a gaming set of choice, one brooch or keepsake from a mentor, a small medal or ribbon from a small Dueling competition, a letter challenging you to a duel that you never showed up to because the date and location got smudged, and a pouch containing 15 gp.
Signature Implement: While you've many Arcane Focuses over the years and have several on your person, there is one which is your favorite and most known for using. Choose or roll on the table below.
d20 Signature Implements
1) (Wand) A simple wooden wand like what most people learn with. It's my Ol' Faithful.
2) (Wand) A garish wand plated in electrum and fake rubies.
3) (Wand) A dagger handled wand I keep in a sheath at my side.
4) (Wand) All my wands are identical Zebrawood with Copper trim.
5) (Wand) A curved Purple Heartwood Wand that forks at the tip. It's a family heirloom and very sought after by other duelists.
6) (Wand) A Wenge with Turquoise inlay wand, which I recently lost in a duel.
7) (Wand) A narrow and long blue colored wand with a spiral copper inlay running the length of the implement.
8) (Wand or Crystal)A single piece of fulgurite you found after a bad storm.
9) (Wand) An intricately carved Cherry wand with a carved spiral grip. The handle is hollowed out and a small vial of Eberron Dragonshard dust is visible between the spiral wood of the grip.
10) (Wand) An unusually squared wand, colored grey and black. There are yellow draconic runes carved into it that the salesman who sold it to you swore meant "Strength Through Intelligence"
11) (Wand) A Cannith made 12 piece wand that is meant to be disassembled and reassembled for cleaning and maintenance. There was supposed to be a 13th piece, but you couldn't find it in the box. (Shout-out to u/MakerMage for the suggestion!)
12) (Rod) An Mahogany and Iron Rod I keep strapped to my thigh or back.
13) (Rod) A piece from a shattered Siege Staff you helped destroy in the War. You worked the charred remains into a functioning, but not entirely attractive looking, Rod.
14) (Rod) A simple but sturdy Steel and Oak Rod that you were issued when you joined the military.
15) (Staff) An Ash Staff I keep meticulously clean in a fringed leather carrying pouch wherever I go.
16) (Staff) An Oak Staff with intricately shaped iron capped ends. It was a gift to your grandparent for their deeds in combat and they left it to you when they passed away.
17) (Crystal) A Crystal on a leather string tied to my wrist. I like throw off my opponents with my unusual style.
18) (Crystal) It used to be an Orb, but now its a Crystal. Guess the Maul is mightier than the Orb.
19) (Orb) An blue and green hued Glass Orb. (I prefer the term "Orb-Slinger", thank you very much)
20) (Any) A regular off-the-shelf Arcane Focus. It is in no way physically distinct from any other Implement of its kind, but you are always able to tell it apart from the others. Winona is special and better than all the others and no-one can convince you otherwise.
Suggested Characteristics
As a duelist, your experience and ego can vary widely - you could be humble about your countless wins, and a willing mentor to admiring young duelists. Or, you could be insecure about your barely-held-together streak and snappishly refuse to add anyone else to the competition.
d6 Personality Trait
1) I always fight fair, for winning a duel by cheating isn't winning at all.
2) I'm always willing to give tips to those willing to learn.
3) I am always calm, no matter what the situation. I never raise my voice or let my emotions control me.
4) I never turn my back to anyone. Ever.
5) My honor above my life.
6) Dueling is the only thing that makes me feel alive anymore.
d6 Ideal
1) Generosity. Everyone should be given a proper chance to surpass the expectations of others. You never know, they might surprise you. (Good)
2) Duels have rules, and I would die before I break those rules. (Lawful)
3) Flexibility. If someone wants to duel me under unusual circumstances (possibly because those circumstances might be illegal), I don't have a problem with it. (Chaotic)
4) Pride. I never, EVER, back down from a challenge. (Any)
5) Dignity. If I lose a duel, I will accept the result with honor. If I win, I will not lord my victory in front of my fallen opponent. (Neutral)
6) Bloodlust. The song of the wand and the smell of hot blood are my only joys in life. (Evil)
d6 Bond
1) Dueling is an art that should not be forgotten; I travel around the world teaching tomorrow's duelists the art of the wand.
2) I am fighting to restore the honor to my family's name, and won't stop until the world recognizes my house once again.
3) I'll carve my way back to the one(s) who killed my family.
4) I will become the greatest duelist that ever lived.
5) Someone I loved died because of I mistake I made. That will never happen again.
6) My weapon is like a person to me.
d6 Flaw
1) I like dueling... too much. Whenever I see anyone with a Wand, all I can think about is my strategy for when I inevitably duel them.
2) I'm hotheaded and reckless; if anyone slanders me or my name, I show them why I am called so handy with the wand.
3) When faced with a choice between revenge and my friends, I usually choose revenge.
4) I have a fondness for low living: I drink, whore and gamble, often in excess.
5) An innocent person is in prison following a duel that I won. I’m indebted to his family.
6) I have a crippling addiction to gambling.
Feature: Fan Favorite
You are making a name for yourself through the various duels you have been in. A lesser noble or wealthy merchant is quite taken with your grit and determination and has told you how much they admire you and offers their services. You begrudgingly accept their offer of favors. You may use this lesser noble as a contact for small favors or information. These favors have not come with any strings attached...yet.
d6 Contacts
Roll on the table below to see who you are the Fan Favorite of.
1) Lord Artanis ir'Hasting. A retired merchant who bought his title and land outside a small seaside town for retirement. After turning his shop over to his grandchild he focusses his newfound free-time on Wandlsinger Duelists, specifically you.
2) Lady Nessa ir'Wolfhammer is a local legend. Earning her Knighthood, surname, and position as Sherriff by defending a settlement from a pack of Dire Wolves at the cost of her left arm, she still makes time to mentor people she thinks have great promise.
3) Lady Cassandra ir'Nestaroth is the fifth heir in line to her family's Barony. With all other duties relegated to her older siblings, she spends her generous free-time studying and researching matters of the Arcane and watching Arcane Duels.
4) Krusk Ironstripe. The Half-Orc who runs the Dueling Arena where you developed your skill. A no-nonsense businessman and one heck of a Wandlsinger himself. Speaks softly and carries a Rod of Scorching Rays.
5) Harald "The Axe Beak Jarl" Falkenberg. This self-proclaimed Jarl is the founder of a very successful Axe Beak farm and sells them as mounts across the country. He has become a very invested fan of yours. He made signs for you; the Axe Beaks weahold them.
6) Captain Vanessa Camish. Captain of the local guard, Vanessa strikes an imposing figure even with a Silver Ring on each finger. She has taken an interest in your skill, and believes you could have a great career working for her.
Variant Feature: Renown of the Arena
A Wandslinger is in every way a fighter and a performer. In the Arena, you rouse the crowd with your displays of fighting prowess killing or maiming other combatants, and like any other well-known performer, there is rarely a dull moment in your day-to-day life. On the streets, the people may recognize you for these feats of in the Arena. Oftentimes your fans might present you with small gifts, discounts on combat gear, a free round of drinks, or a free nights stay at the local Tavern & Inn. Sometimes you might have to deal with the occasional stalker, or other times you are the victim of an "unfortunate accident" due to vengeful fans of a fighter you've fought against.

Xanathar's This Is Your Life Additions

Personal Decisions: Backgrounds
d6 I Became a Wandslinger Because...
1) I come from a family with a strong Arcane tradition. I've been using a wand for as long as I can remember.
2) I was trained as a Wandslinger by the military and am just trying to use my skills to make a living.
3) I was saved by a Wandlsinger at a young age and have always strove to emulate them.
4) Wielding a wand gives me a feeling of strength and purpose that nothing else ever has.
5) A close friend or relative gifted me a wand before they died. I endeavor to be the best Wandslinger I can be to honor their memory.
6) I always played Adventurers VS Monsters as a child and teenager. One day while playing with an old, fake wand I'd had for years, I actually cast a spell. I saved up to buy a real one and am living my childhood dream.

Downtime Activity: Dueling Tournament

In my Eberron, Wandslinging Duels are an up and coming form of entertainment, especially popular among Aundairians and Nobles.
*I HIGHLY suggest to use the Rivals, Patrons and Pit Fighting Complication Tables that already exists in Xanathar's Guide. I don't feel the need to completely reinvent the wheel.
DOWNTIME RULES
Wandslinging Dueling
A Wandslinging Duel is more than just two individuals throwing spells at each other until one falls. Accuracy, nimbleness, adaptability, terrain and reading your opponent all factor into it. This ruleset is designed to be class neutral, only requiring an individual to be able to cast an offensive spell.
Resources: Engaging in this activity requires one workweek of effort from the character.
Resolution: The Character must make a series of checks, with a DC determined at random based on the quality of opposition that the character runs into. A big part of the challenge of Dueling lies in the unknown nature of the character's opponents. What spells have they prepared? What spells do they favor? Etc. The Character makes three checks:

A Spell Attack Roll to see how accurate you will be.
An Athletics or Acrobatics Check to see how nimble and hard to hit you will be.
An Intimidation, Deception, Investigation, Insight, Performance, or Sleight of Hand check. This is to either read the opponent, prevent the opponent from reading you, or tricking them in some way.

If desired, the character can expend Spell Slots or uses of Pact Magic to augment their rolls. You can gain a bonus equal to the Spell Level expended, up to your Proficiency Bonus. You may do this for each roll as long as you have Spell Slots to spare. You do not regain any Spell Slots or Pact Magic uses between each roll. You must decide to do this BEFORE you roll your check.
Example: Leon d'Cannith is a 5th level Artillerist. He has a Proficiency Bonus of +3, as well as two 2nd level Spell Slots and four 1st level Spell Slots. He spends 3 first level slots to augment is first roll and can add +3 to that roll. He spends his last 1st level on his second roll for a +1 to the roll. For his last roll, he uses two 2nd level spell slots, but only gets a +3 to the roll because that is his Proficiency Bonus.
The DC for these checks is 2d10 + 1 Renown Die. (Renown Die will be explained below)
It is also common practice for Duelists to wager their wands in duels. The winner gets the wand of the loser. In most Tournament settings, this is carried out as a "Buy Out" of the loser giving the victor the coin value of their chosen implement rather than actually turning it over.
Results

0 Successes: Lose your duels, earns nothing. Lose 1 Renown Die x gp cost of your Spellcasting Focus of choice.
1 Success: 25gp + (1 Renown Die x 10gp)
2 Successes: 50gp + (2 Renown Dice x 10gp)
3 Successes: 75gp + (3 Renown Dice x 10gp)

Tier-less Play
If you don't want an established sporting event for magical dueling as listed below, simply replace any reference to Renown Dice with your Proficiency Bonus.
Tiers
As you duel, you can advance in Tiers of Skill. You can earn more money, but also will face on average tougher opponents. You start at the Copper Tier and work your way up to Platinum. You only have 1 Renown Die value at any time as indicated on the table below.
TIER NAME : RENOWN DIE

Copper : 1d4
Silver : 1d6
Electrum: 1d8
Gold: 1d10
Platinum: 1d12

In order to advance through the Tiers, you must accumulate 10 total successes from Duels in order to qualify to attend a tournament where you can attempt to advance in rank in the competitive circuit. These tournaments require 1 week of downtime and follow the same rules as standard Downtime Dueling with the following results for the number of successes rolled.

0 Successes: You perform poorly and must accumulate 10 more Successes before you can compete again.
1 Success: You do not place. Win no money, lose no money. Can compete the next time a tournament is held.
2 Successes: You compete well enough to advance one Tier, but win no money.
3 Successes: You win the tournament! Congratulations! Not only do you advance to the next Tier, but you also win 1 Renown Die (from old Tier) x 100gp! (This is also a great time for DMs to implement a Rival or SponsoPatron)

Complications
Each week spent Dueling brings a 10 percent chance of a complication, examples of which can be found in the table below.
d10 Complications
1) An opponent swears revenge on you.
2) A Crime boss approaches you and offers to pay you to intentionally lose a few matches.
3) You defeat a popular local duelist, drawing the anger of their fans.
4) You defeat a noble, drawing the wrath of their house.
5) You are accused of cheating. You cannot participate in official Duels in this area for 30 days while they investigate the allegations.
6) You accidentally deliver a near-fatal wound to a foe.
7) You had an upset victory and cost a member of a local crime guild to lose their bets. They want their money back.
8) Someone you didn't get matched against wants to duel you: alone, at dawn, and outside the city.
9) A local approaches you about hiring you to deal with a local gang in possession of a Wand of Acid Arrow.
10) You wake up to find your Signature Implement stolen and being used by another Wandslinger who refuses to return it.
Some things to keep in mind:
Tournaments aren't held every day, or even every week. The higher you are in skill, the less often a High Tier Tournament will be held. Copper Tier Events are held once or twice a month across Khorvaire, but there might only be one Platinum Tournament a year held in Sharn. You can only compete in a Tournament up to 1 level below where you currently are (Electrum Characters can compete in Electrum or Silver tier tournaments, but are too accomplished to participate in Copper.)
Copper level events have turnouts similar to a small city baseball team while a Platinum Tournament is akin to the Super Bowl. Nobles often attend Copper and Silver events in order to find rising talent and become their Patrons.
Tournaments are also watched by various government and criminal organizations looking for potential new recruits. Aurum members may pay particularly popular Duelists to NOT join other organizations.
Due to the recent outlawing of sword duels in Aundaire, this sport is particularly popular. Arcanix allows Upper Class students to participate.
Dueling Arenas are typically held 200 feet away from the audience in outdoor events, in a 20ft deep pit in smaller areas, surrounded on the sides by panels of Arcane Resistant Glass (made by Cannith with ground Dragonshard powder added to the glass before melting. Gives it a slight Orange, Yellow or Purple Tint based on the Dragonshard used) when indoors, or several Kundarak Wandslingers are on site with Wands of Counterspell to protect the Audience. Arena's have no set size or layout. Some utilize Medium sized geometric obstacles make of wood or stone, others are completely unobstructed.
Higher tier tournaments are also more likely to have Common, Uncommon or possibly Rare magic items as prizes for Tournament Champions. (Wands of Pyrotechnics, Imbued Wands, Wands of Magic Missile, Wands of Ice Knife, Wands of Scorching Ray, Brooches of Shielding, etc)
PERSONAL DUELS
Sometimes, you might be challenged by a rival or other passing Wandslinger to a duel outside of a tournament setting. The rules can be very different from traditional tournament rules, but will always be agreed upon by both parties prior to any wands being drawn. Below are the most common rules.

First to land 3 spells on the opponent wins
K.O.s are automatic victories
Killing is a victory, unless agreed upon beforehand that the duel will be non-lethal. Lethal Duels have been outlawed in most areas.

Losing Duelist forfeits their equipped wand/implement to the victor. This is a tradition outside of the tournament setting, and most accomplished duelists have a collection of wands from their defeated opponents. This can be a great way to earn a new Wand of Magic Missile or Imbued Wand.
How you want to handle Non-Downtime Duels is up to you. You can run them with the above outlined Downtime mechanics, you can have first to 3 with contested Spellcasting Rolls, you could run it with standard 5E combat mechanics in a 1 vs 1 setting or you could have it set up as a Skill Challenge.
I personally like the idea of the Skill Challenge, and think 5e missed an opportunity to carry over one of the best ideas of 4e. The opponent casting Burning Hands results in the PC needing to make an Athletics or Acrobatics check to get out of the way to not take the hit and cast their own spell back.
At the end of the day, do what is most fun for you, this guide is primarily about the Downtime aspect, but I felt a need to address a more "Live Action" version of dueling also.
EDIT 1: (11 Nov) Spelling and Formatting.
EDIT 2: (11 Nov.) Lowered base gold winnings of Tournaments otherwise it's more profitable than Adventuring which is against 5e design intent and balance.
EDIT 3: (11 Nov.) Added links to the Background on DnDBeyond.
EDIT 4: (11 Nov.) Adding more options to the Signature Implement Table. Too much fun to come up with them.
EDIT 5: (12 Nov.) Added a Tier-less play option for those who might not be able to fit a structured organization of magical dueling into their setting (for the non-Eberron players out there)
EDIT 6: (13 Nov.) Added a "Contacts" section for the Background based on an entry in DnDBeyond. Cause why not?
EDIT 7: (13 Nov.) Added a Complications Table HEAVILY ~~copied~~ inspired by the Pit Fighting Downtime Activity.
EDIT 8: (13 Nov) Added a Xanathar's This is Your Life rollable table for the Wandlsinger Background.
EDIT 9: (8 Dec) Changed how spells can be used to affect the rolls. No longer replaced the rolls, but provides a bonus to them. Also rearranged the Signature Implement table.

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Lifetime Bucket List

Visit Disneyland Visit Disneyworld G̶e̶t̶ ̶D̶o̶w̶n̶ ̶T̶o̶ ̶A̶ ̶C̶o̶m̶f̶o̶r̶t̶a̶b̶l̶e̶ ̶W̶e̶i̶g̶h̶t̶ Have a GF Have a BF Get a blowjob from a boy Get a blowjob from a girl Have sex with a girl Have sex with a boy Get a handjob from a girl Get a handjob from a boy Kiss a boy Kiss a girl Attend Royal Rumble Attend Wrestlemania Attend NXT Takeover Attend Summerslam Attend Survivor Series Attend Money In The Bank Suck a cock Eat a girl out Eat Salmon Find a true friend Fall in love Have someone fall in love with you Wrestle at least one professional match Be trained to wrestle Learn at least one martial art Wrestle for at least one major promotion Get at least 100K subscribers on Youtube (Bonus: 500K, 750K, 1 Mil) Release a music album Write and sing at least one song live Meet and have a conversation with Shane Dawson Go surfing Learn to ride a bike Learn to skateboard G̶o̶ ̶O̶n̶ ̶A̶ ̶W̶a̶l̶k̶ and a run Completely beat your FB addiction and stop being so toxic Learn to speak up for yourself more Swing at a park R̶e̶a̶d̶ ̶A̶ ̶F̶u̶l̶l̶ ̶B̶o̶o̶k̶ Go to a movie theater with friends, alone and with a boyfriend Be happy with your physical look Be happy with your personality Go to a barber shop Work out at a gym Get your teeth fixed Get your toes fixed Eat true Ramen Eat wacky doughnuts (Light Blue w/ Dark Blue, Pink & White Sprinkles) Visit SixFlags Ride a rollercoaster Stay at a hotel alone, with friends and with a boyfriend Go to a wrestling event with mom Buy mom some great presents Get a job and keep it for at least a year Backpack for at least three weeks Travel to Canada (Toronto, Montreal) England (London, Brighton & Birmingham) Ireland (Dublin, Bray County Wicklow) New Zealand, Australia (Melbourne, Sydney) every US State, France (Paris), Japan (Tokyo), Denmark, Finland, Norway, Sweden, Rome, Barcelona, Bali, Dubai & Rio De Janiero Visit Nash Elementary & Redwater Middle School Fly in a plane Eat Sushi Eat Lobster Try Miracleberry & Sweet Defeat (preferably with mom) Eat at Subways, Five Guys, Andy's Frozen Custard, Dairy Queen, Baskin Robbins, Cold Stone, Cheesecake Factory, Firehouse Subs, Jack In The Box, Carls Jr., In N Out, Denny's, IHOP, Panda Express, Chipotle & McDonalds Eat at an old school diner Have a conversation with Virginia Steen Attend a Raw Attend a Smackdown Meet and have a conversation with Kevin Owens Attend an NXT Eat Poutine Own and design your own home Raise A Little Boy Make my own mozzarella sticks Sleep on a water bed Build a flower garden Have a board game night with friends Play WWE Monopoly Go technology free for a week Finish school (maybe) Play modded Minecraft Play Happy Wheels, Super Meat Boy, Fusion Frenzy 2, Adventure Time Explore The Dungeon and Duck Bumps with America Eat BootyOs Eat Marshmallow Only Lucky Charms Try every kind of apple T̶r̶y̶ ̶D̶i̶e̶t̶ ̶A̶&̶W̶ ̶R̶o̶o̶t̶ ̶B̶e̶e̶r̶ E̶a̶t̶ ̶B̶a̶s̶i̶c̶ ̶4̶ ̶C̶e̶r̶e̶a̶l̶ Try A Fleshlight Shoplift something Attend a church ceremony Use a Bidet Toilet Try Alcohol (only when pretty old) Try Weed (only when pretty old) Go to a party Use a Hot Tub Go to a concert Go to a beach Make homemade pizza Make homemade ice cream Go to a fair Go to a carnival Eat wacky pancakes Have a threesome (bonus points if you get the gender grand slam) Get a tattoo Kiss a boy Kiss a girl Raise a cat Drink every kind of milk Bake an Apple Pie Go to therapy Stay at the 4 seasons Stay at a holiday inn Go to a spa Try LSD/Acid (not until pretty old) Get checked for autism Watch every Disney movie Go to a doctor Teach a class Read every Goosebumps book Ride a train Play Frisbee with a group Play Dodgeball with a group Play SD: HCTP Ride in a helicopter Go on a road trip w/ friends Shower in a waterfall Celebrate New Years Eve in Times Square Donate blood See the Aurora Borealis Run a race Great Wall Of China Colosseum Rome Great Barrier Reef Visit a Castle Hotel Go to a haunted hotel w/ mom Eat at a 5 star restaurant Celebrate St. Patricks Day in Ireland Fly first class Play laser tag Play paintball Ride in a limousine Write a book (preferably a horror book) Send a message in a bottle Attend Halloween Horror Night at Universal Studios (preferably in Orlando) Go on a luxury cruise w/ boyfriend Have a proper mall day (preferably w/ someone) Properly play the piano live Go on a walk in the pouring rain Eat an Ice Cream Sundae with one of every flavor (preferably w/ friends) Try Giant Ribs (Terry's Black BBQ Austin TX) Try Junior's Cheesecake (NYC) Make a homemade Cheesecake Try Boozy Ice Cream (Tipsy Scoop, NYC) Eat a Giant Pizza Slice (Pizza Barn, Yonkers NY) Eat edible cookie dough (DÕ, NYC) Eat a fried mozzarella tower (Robke's County Inn, Long Island NY) Eat Cookies By The Bucket (Sweet Martha's, Minnesota State Fair) Eat from a chocolate fountain Eat Fried Mac N Cheese Burgers (The Bedford, NYC) Try Tiramisu Eat Gooey Sticky Buns (King Street Kitchen, NYC) Eat Levain Cookies (Levain Bakery, NYC) Host a giant firework show Pay a stranger's restaurant or grocery bill Ride on a motorcycle with a trusted person Make a family recipe book Make a wish by a fountain Host a dinner party Go to Hershey Park and make a candy bar Bounce on a trampoline Run a great wrestling event Shave entire body except head Try Steak Tartar Try real Maple Syrup Waffle Iron something Eat a giant fruit salad (maybe w/ someone) Finger a girl Give a boy a handjob Volunteer at a soup kitchen Properly hug a friend (preferably a boy) Ride down Route 66 Sleep in a hammock Try yoga Go to La Tomatina in Buñol, Spain Have a picnic in the Grand Canyon Walk a life size maze Eat dry crickets Visit Dracula's Castle in Transylvania, Rome Try Cotton Candy, Pink Lemonade, Banana, Caramel & A&W Root Beer Pop Tarts Try every Ice Cream Truck treat Eat fancy Ice Cream Make a homemade meatball sub Eat a fresh coconut (St Lucia) Eat Apple Fries (Legoland, California) Try a Funnel Cake Try a Cake Pop Creme Brulee Donut (Donut Bar, Las Vegas) Rainbow Chocolate Chip Cookies (Baked In Color, NYC) Eat a Churro Have a full birthday Host a Thanksgiving Dinner E̶a̶t̶ ̶A̶ ̶C̶a̶r̶a̶m̶e̶l̶ ̶A̶p̶p̶l̶e̶ Bonus: Home, Professional Eat a candied apple Commentate at least one wrestling show Gamble at least $1000 (preferably in Vegas) Go to a fortune teller Save a life Break a bone Go to jail for at least a week Shoot a gun Shoot an arrow Play bingo with friends Do a juice cleanse (Maybe) Go skydiving Cuddle with a boy Hold hands with a boy (walking, sitting, in bed) Go to a water park Design custom clothes Live in a roach free environment for at least 9 months Have an all night gaming session with friends Have a sleepover with my child Meet at least one of the Friends Host a tug of war tournament Become fully acne free Reconnect with Ariyana Valerio, A'Zon Marquez Get fully interviewed Go diving into a pool Play tennis for real Play volleyball at a beach Play the lottery Eat Fancy Chocolates (Norman Love) Try an XXX bag of Hot Cheetos Make at least 5 GMM foods Watch an entire Shane video with an exact order replica Eat a Ghost Chip and Ghost Pepper Make homemade Mac N Cheese Eat Gold Play Trouble with Mom again Eat and rank every fast food mozzarella stick Go Ice Skating Go roller blading Go Bowling Have a lucid dream Eat an Ice Cream Cake Ride a mechanical bull Make A TieDye Shirt Blow Giant Bubbles Play Flashlight Tag Play Hide & Seek w/ a group of friends Build a giant fort Play Cuphead (preferably w/ America) Visit an amusement park Go on a date Bob for apples Try Marmite & Vegimite Eat Honeysuckle w/ America Play Spongebob Plug N Play, Left 4 Dead 2 & Sonic Tennis Have a professional fight Play soccer with a group Attend a UFC show Do Stand-Up Comedy Make and Cast a TV Show Eat At Vargas Fruteria w/ Mom Go To Hillside Popcorn w/ Mom Finish My Name Is Earl Read and Watch Stand By Me F̶i̶n̶d̶ ̶t̶h̶e̶ ̶I̶c̶e̶ ̶C̶r̶e̶a̶m̶,̶ ̶D̶i̶n̶e̶r̶ ̶&̶ ̶P̶r̶i̶s̶o̶n̶ ̶F̶r̶o̶m̶ ̶H̶e̶l̶l̶ ̶E̶p̶i̶s̶o̶d̶e̶s̶ Read The Guide To Being A Goddess Try Hot Apple Cider Try Apple Cider Vinegar Try Virtual Reality Try Perfect Soap Combo Go camping w/ BoyFriend, Friends and or America Play Darts Bake Homemade Banana Coconut Macadamia White Chip Muffins Try A ManBar Make Homemade Soap Try LaCroix Try Every Flavor Of Top Ramen Try Almond Cheese Try Cherry Cola, Candy Corn, Banana, Cotton Candy, Root Beer Float, Swedish Fish & Marshmallow Crispy Oreos Try A SevenUp Bar Have A Picnic Try Extra Mint Chip, Root Beer Float, Key Lime Pie & Strawberry Shortcake Gum and Dr. Pepper & A&W Gum w/ America Try Boba Tea Climb A Tree Give To A Homeless Man Pick Up Litter Eat At Burton's Creamery w/ Mom Try Blue Moon Ice Cream Try Real Taffy Do The BeanBoozled Challenge w/ America Make At Least 3 Tasty & ScrumDiddlyUmptious Recipes Each Play The LeftRight Game

super bowl party gambling games video

Super Bowl Sunday is arguably the best betting holiday of the year. And after talking about the side, over/under and the never-ending props for two weeks, the action hardly stops once you finalize your wagers — especially if you watch the game at a party or with a few friends. Along with any good food spread comes the extra juice from gambling on the game. When asked their favorite betting games around the Super Bowl, nearly 50 percent said they prefer squares. 13 Super Bowl Party Games (Please pin these super fun games from their original source) 1. Football Knock Down 2. Football Trivia – Mascots 3. Super Bowl Commercial Bingo 4. Super Bowl Word Scramble 5. Super Bowl Terms Word Search 6. Super Bowl Trivia. 7. Football Super Bowl Pool 8. Irish Bowling 9. Face Goal Super Bowl Game 10. Linemen Super Super Bowl LV Best Bets and Top Props from the SI Gambling Team The SI Gambling team, along with our colleagues at the MMQB share their best bets against the spread for Super Bowl 55, along with a I’ve been playing Super Bowl party betting games for years, and I’d like to share some of my favorites. Before we get to the list, remember: Communication is key. Make sure to inform your guests in advance about what betting games you will offer (and the stakes) at your party, so that they will arrive prepared. Finalizing your Super Bowl party games ahead of kickoff? We have you covered with the seven best ways to bet with your friends. Download and print our Super Bowl prop sheet and squares sheet below, as well as more suggestions from Stuckey. Share Tweet Share Share Share E-mailSports activities betting apps like FanDuel, DraftKings, Penn Nationwide Gaming app and BetMGM skilled Super Bowl Party Game Ideas. Add a little extra layer of fun to these football games and create new super bowl party betting games! Field Goal Ring Toss: With some extra copper pipes and a glue gun, you can create a mini field goal to play ring toss. Try to throw your washers onto each post of the field goal. The Best Super Bowl Party Games. So it may seem a little counterintuitive to plan party games for a Super Bowl party because well you’re already there watching a game. But let’s be honest – you’re likely going to invite people who don’t care that much about the game. Or that aren’t cheering for a favorite team. With that in mind, here are several betting games to lighten the mood at your Super Bowl party: Super Bowl Squares. Using a computer or piece of paper, create a 10-by-10 grid that collectively forms 100 squares. On each side of the grid (vertical and horizontal axis), number the squares from 0-9. Then mark one axis as NFC and the other as AFC

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Super Bowl Party Game Squares! #Superbowl #NFL #Partygames ...

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