We have considered doing a charcuterie board as a centerpiece at each table surrounded by a little bit of greenery, maybe some candles. We will have a pretty extensive cocktail hour and a half so I’m curious to hear your thoughts on this idea. Would you (as a wedding guest) enjoy having additional appetizers on your table when you’re seated?
Since charcuterie could potentially be as expensive as flowers, we could easily reallocate that money to our florist budget. We thought the cutting boards used for the charcuterie could be taken home by someone at the table — similar to giving away flower centerpieces at the end of the night. General thoughts?
Disclaimer: if we go with this idea, the venue staff would wash the cutting boards before the end of the reception. Guests wouldn’t be taking home dirty dishes lol

So I am NOT a crafty person at all (and have very limited space in my apartment for either crafting or storage, no outdoor space or garage at all, no car). My original plan was to rent fake flowers for centerpieces...everyone hated the idea lol.
My FMIL is craftier and thinks she can make the centerpieces herself as a gift (I would purchase, she would do the labor). She thinks we can do these centerpieces for under 30 per table, but I'm just lost on how we could possibly do it. Would love ANY tips or experience if anyone's done them!
The centerpieces I like look this:
Example 1
Example 2
Example 3
I've found a relatively affordable hoop on amazon here...I'm not sure if it's possible to find cheaper but would love resources if anyone has them? I am also really unsure HOW we would actually attatch these to a base securely without having to nail them in or something complicated....And then for flowers I've been looking at ling's moment, a box costs between 24 - 30 dollars but it looks like we'd need a box per centerpiece...so already the budget is kind of blown....
A lot of tutorials seem to use hula hoops but I'm a little wary...first, I can't find cheap hula hoops (like 5 or under per hoop?) anywhere online. Secondly I'm concerned it's too labor intensive for FMIL (stripping them, repainting, etc). And thirdly I'm concerned they are too light and will topple over...
So basically I'm just lost. Would love to hear from some expert DIYers on this whole idea.

First of all Weddit thanks for all the input and help and ideas. It was great to have a place of sanity to go while we were planning this day for the last 2.5 years! Our wedding was incredible and while it wasn't the day we had originally wanted, it was perfect. I am so grateful that we were able to have our closest friends and closest family there. As we navigated our options with postponing we realized that it wasn't really an option for us. Due to my husband's job if we didn't have our celebration in October, it wasn't going to happen until at least fall 2022. We'd already been engaged for 2 years and we were both ready to move on. While postponing is the right option for some couples, we realized that there are a million reasons to celebrate so we wanted to do something this year and we can throw a huge party with everyone we love for an anniversary, birthday, big life celebration, or just because we want to.
I know that having a wedding at all right now is a controversial topic. I really don't want to have the conversation with anyone about the precautions we took. Among other things, every single person that attended had to have a negative test within 24 hrs. We did not invite friends/family that would have to travel and the one bridesmaid (bff) that did travel came in with us 3 weeks early so that we could all quarantine and test multiple times. We also had ample mask wearing, sanitizer, distancing of all seating, and everything was outside. Post wedding everyone tested again and everyone was negative. I do not want to engage with anyone on if it was the right thing to do.
THE BASICS
Date: October 10, 2020
Guests: originally planning for 225, ended up with about 50 once we cut the list down. There were a lot of family and friends that weren't invited to our smaller celebration.
Venue: The Historic Thayer Hotel at West Point
Pictures: https://imgur.com/a/DpcLVeX
What went not so right:

• I super sprained my ankle on the way to the venue on Friday. We were picking up lunch in the town next to the hotel and I stepped of a curb wrong. I ended up with 2 grade 3 (the worst!) ankle sprains on the inside and outside of my ankle, with significant bone bruising. This was determined at my MRI the Tuesday after the wedding. Thanks to the hotel for having a wheelchair for the rehearsal, my physical therapist for being the best and facetiming me literally hours before the rehearsal, my aunt for getting multiple boots for me on her way up, and the most amazing friends I was able to walk down the aisle and overall have an amazing night.
• The flowers. They were all kinds of wrong. No one else would know that but me, but instead of a bouquet with lots of flowers the greenery to flower ratio was completely wrong. The colors were wrong (way more white than burgundy) and overall the flowers were just not what I wanted. When we went for the final she didn't have a mock up done and if I were to do this again I would insist there was a mockup so that I'd know I was getting what I wanted. There were also no cake flowers provided. I would not recommend this florist (PM me if you need details)
• the cake. While it tasted fine and none of our guests knew it was also all kinds of wrong. 4 days before the wedding the owner of the bakery called me and tried to completely change our cake. We were meant to have a full buttercream cake with the bottom tier burgundy ombre and flowers on the cake. This was what we got instead There was fondant and it looked like an episode of "nailed it". Our Maitre'd also said that the overall quality of the cake was terrible (this was their preferred vendor and apparently quality has been declining) and I honestly felt like we were scammed between the tasting and presentation and what we ended up with. I would never recommend anyone get a cake from Sweet Grace bakery in NJ.
• Some key family members weren't able to be there. My husband's aunt and uncle, who was supposed to be our second officiant, couldn't be there due to a medical issue (unrelated to COVID) and he was very much missed. A dear friend was also unable to come be a bridesmaid in the wedding due to the pandemic. She moved abroad and was going to come back to the states, see family and quarantine, but given current restrictions, she was nervous about being able to get back to her home so she wasn't able to be there.

What went right:

• literally everything else.
• I walked down the aisle to "Storybook Love" from the princess bride. The ceremony made me cry. My husband's vows were the most romantic and I felt like our ceremony was a perfect blend of us. We are an interfaith couple and we wrote our ceremony with the help of our officiant, my aunt. We used both a reading from the bible and followed many cultural jewish traditions. More than one person told me that they loved how we did a modern secular reading of the seven blessings and we had descriptions of all of the rituals and traditions in our program. If anyone wants a link to the rituals and traditions in a jew-ish wedding i'm happy to pass along.
• Streaming was amazing. We hired someone my mom found (PM for info, he was seriously great) to set up streaming for our ceremony. The stream was high quality, our website worked well, putting the program online and making a virtual guestbook were great touches. It was streamed through youtube live and it was so nice that it auto records so that we could see it right away! I'd recommend kudoboard for anyone that is doing a virtual ceremony. We loved reading all of the notes and I had the board printed to put with our untraditional guestbook
• the food! Omg the food. We had a cocktail hour with individually plated apps, a 5 course dinner, dessert, and a farewell station. Our venue also wrapped up all of the food my husband and I couldn't eat and it was just delicious. Food, photo, and overall vibe were the top things for us and we definitely achieved it.
• photo and video-- i'm obsessed with our photographer, PM me for the details because I didn't ask about posting. Our videographer was also amazing and he actually stuck around for like 20 min after his scheduled end time so he could see us attempt to cut the cake with a sword. I would highly recommend both
• My veil and makeup! My veil was made by the incredible Morgan from Cicada bridal in Seattle and Makeup was perfect. Our makeup artist (PM for details) did a great job of keeping us on a schedule and overall made the morning vibe perfect. She stood up for me when I needed it the day of the wedding as well. Those two things really made me feel like my look came together and my bridesmaids all loved their looks.
• Mismatched bridesmaid dressed. Honestly I'm just obsessed with the burgundy to blush look and i'd do this again in a heartbeat. I am so glad that everyone picked their own dresses. I gave all bridesmaids $100 to get a dress.
• the band! everyone had a great time and they did a really good job reading the room on when it was time to eat vs when some people wanted to dance. They never called everyone to the dance floor and we had an amazing night. Even my aunt who had been beyond a hermit for the last 8 months felt safe during some of the slow songs to dance with my uncle, away from everyone.

BUDGET BREAKDOWN
I am doing my best to break down the budget as detailed as possible. We got married in a HCOL area and our original budget reflects the plan for a more traditional Jewish wedding, where parents were allowed to invite friends. It was important to us that everyone was there with us, our whole proverbial community and we knew there would be a premium paid for that. Once we downsized and added streaming I know there were ways to do it for less, but the quality of the virtual experience was important to us. I don't regret for one second what we spent on things, and we could've easily spent more.
I am putting this budget breakdown in because the two in my budget range that I saw when I was planning made me feel more sane. I really do not appreciate the budget shaming that often happens on this sub. It was hard planning in such a HCOL area where the national averages are not representative, so I do hope this can help anyone who is looking for what things really cost for a wedding of this size in and around NYC
One thing to note is that we got engaged in June 2018 and while we spent a lot of money, a lot of it was spread out over nearly 2.5 years. Day to day, the amount spent on the wedding didn't impact our budget and we did not go into any debt.
My parents contributed a set amount to the wedding and my fiancé's parents covered the rehearsal dinner. I am not including my engagement ring or the honeymoon in this because I have a rough idea of how much my husband spent on my ring, but I've never asked for sure and our honeymoon is not going to happen until the world opens up. We are planning on taking 2 big trips to double celebrate our honeymoon (and because since we're waiting, why not?) to Japan and then to South Africa and Namibia.
totals:
all totals include gratuities
initial budget: 80k
planned budget pre-covid: 100k
Total spent (including things that were not really in the budget) ~50k
Breakdown:
****Ceremony and Reception: ****

• Venue and Catering: $14,005.18 This included the fee for the ceremony ($1500), AV setup (hardwired internet), breakfast/lunch the day of, all wedding food, open bar, matire'd fee, gratuities/taxes, all linens, china, table setup, staff, cake, etc. this also includes the cost for the bride and groom's hotel room for 1 night as it was comped the other night.
• Officiants: $600, we had my aunt officiate and did the legal bits in a count house months earlier so she did this for free but we paid for her hotel room (2 nights) as a thank you so
• Ceremony Streaming: $750. This was a last minute cost and while we both think it was a bit high, the streaming was perfect and paying to not have that stress was incredible. I'd highly recommend the guy who did our streaming as he set everything up well and we got so many compliments on the stream.
• Ceremony/Cocktail Hour Music: $700 this included a flute/violin duet for a prelude and ceremony and then a jazz trio for cocktail hour. They were great.
• Flowers: $3,906.76 . We are in discussions with the florist that we did not get the things we asked for and are looking for a refund in some part of this. Our original estimate pre covid was aver $5,000 for flowers to give some context. we had 7 bridesmaids bouquets, 1 brides bouquet, 7 table centerpieces, chuppah rental and florals, and placecard table flowers.
• Cocktail Hour Decor: ~50. I am so glad I did this myself since our flowers generally sucked and they wanted to charge me $35 per bud vase. I thrifted bud vases and bought some from a bride on reddit, then I got 2 old atlases from half price books, some floral wire, and then tiny black rocks from amazon. Overall this DIY cost me like $50 and it was perfect. Also in this cost are some cool votive candles I bought from amazon.
• Photography: $6,000. incredible would 100% recommend. PM me for the name. This included 10 hrs of shooting, over 800 photos, and an album
• Videography: $2,000 incredible would 100% recommend. PM me for the name. This included a full day of shooting, all raw footage, a ~5 min highlight video and a full ceremony video.
• Sabers for Saber Arch: $100 donation to the West Point Hostess Office
• Photo Booth: $350 total. $250 deposit lost due to covid. Once we moved everything outside we didn't have a good place for the photo booth or to run electricity to it. So we cancelled that and instead spent $100 on a big cutout frame we hung from the ceiling. Originally the photobooth was going to be another $400 so I'm just counting it was coming out ahead.
• Tents and dance floor rental: ~$3,500 this was an additional cost that we took on as a covid precaution and it was perfect. This includes rentals (2 tents with walls that we ended up keeping up), having tent heaters on standby (they weren't needed), and the dance floor. My mom did a great job working with the venue and the rental organization to get a great setup and flow with the tents.
• Party Entertainment: $8,500 this includes 10 musicians and live continuous music for the entire party. Also includes their travel fee and they MC'd our entire reception. They were wonderful!

​
****Appearances ****

• Gown/Alterations: $1400 for the gown, $895 for alterations - I felt incredible and I hope some of the photos I posted help any bride who is size conscious to know that even at my heaviest I felt amazing and your size shouldn't stop you from having an amazing time.
• Bridal Hair and Makeup: Hair $300, Makeup $325, bridesmaids/moms - hair $100-$150 depending on style, $125 for makeup. Both services were optional for bridesmaids and my mom decided the week of the wedding to help subsidize the cost for all bridesmaids who elected to have the services.
• Bridal Accessories: $610 Veil ($500), party earrings ($45), ceremony earrings ($0), and party headpiece ($65). All other jewelry (hat, diamond necklace, diamond bracelet, other rings) were all family pieces
• Bridesmaids Dresses: $600 - $100 per bridesmaid. Note: this wasn't necessary for groomsmen because they were all in uniforms, except my brother and my dad covered his tux
• Groom's outfit: ~80, $70 for a special uniform belt for his saber an then $10 on socks with our cat's face on them
• Wedding Rings: $1850 for both rings, his was from Costco, mine was made from diamonds I got at an estate sale by a local. jeweler. I am obsessed with my ring. there was an additional cost to polish/dip our rings and watches and jewelry but I'm not counting it in this budget because it's regular maintenance.

​
****Gifts and things people kept****

• Stationary: ~ 350 + invitations this includes: save the dates ($175), invites, thank you notes, & invitations to our virtual celebration (honestly I don't know my mom just paid directly to the invitation lady), ceremony programs ($70), menus ($30), place cards ($30),
• Wedding Party Gifts: ~$550 for 6 bridesmaids, 5 groomsmen and 2 jr groomsmen. bridesmaids got a zip up for getting ready, a makeup case and a faux fur shawl in case they were cold. Groomsmen got a yeti bottle opener and a six pack of their favorite beer. Not including the gifts we gave when we asked them to be in the wedding
• Welcome gifts and Bathroom Basket: ~$300, 25 bags we included 2 new mexico soaps, costco snacks and drinks in a canvas bag. the bathroom basket stuff was all free and leftover things we used from my cousin's bat mitzvah
• Favors: $241.51 we had the cutest little globes we filled with gummy bears! The shipping on the gummy bears was dumb but weddings make you do dumb things.
• Flip Flops : $30 for 30 pairs of flip flops. My mom bought the baskets from Marshalls, not sure how much they were but assuming under $20 each. We ended up selling the ones we didn't use.

​
****Misc****

• Wedding insurance: $636.00 this includes the liability insurance required by our venue and full cancellation insurance in case my husband was unexpectedly deployed. We didn't want to take any chances with this and losing deposits/full amounts, even though in the contracts we ensured there were military clauses throughout. This was purchased in 2019 and gave us incredible piece of mind as we opted for full full coverage.
• Misc Decor and things: $500 This includes: photo frames (we did pics of us in the tub as kids on the bathroom doors) and a photo table, placecard holders, ribbons so we could do a socially distanced hora, a Mr. and Mrs sign for our table, alcohol for our suite afterparty, chargers for the tables, kudoboard (unlimited), website domain

​
****Not counted in this budget ****
Dance Lessons: ~$600 This money would've been super well spent if I hadn't hurt myself. we still did dance a bit but it wasn't what we planned. One day we can use those skills. I actually had a great time at the dance lessons and I'd 100% do it again.
Pre Marital Counseling: ~$500 very much money well spent. We did 4 sessions with a counselor online in the weeks before the wedding. We both felt like we got some great tools and it was a fantastic outlet for conversations we needed to have. I liked that it was virtual which made it accessible and I feel like we could go back to that counselor if we ever needed it.
Ketubah: ~400, this was a Hanukkah gift in 2019
Smashing Glasses: ~200 this was a gift from my aunt who officiated the wedding.
Engagement Ring
Honeymoon
Post-Wedding Brunch - My parents paid for this, it was casual
Wedding Shoes: ~$400, I bought these incredible something bleu shoes Navy kitten heels and then glitter keds for the party. I ended up in a boot and a sneaker so womp. But luckily both pairs of these shoes aren't very "bridal" and i'm definitely planning on wearing the glitter keds to the next tech conference I go to. I don't consider these "wedding budget" things because I'll wear them other times as well.
Rehearsal dinner - MIL paid for this
I'm glad I can post this and happy to talk to any other brides/grooms who are in the midst of planning!

(cross posted to DIY weddings) So I am NOT a crafty person at all (and have very limited space in my apartment for either crafting or storage, no outdoor space or garage at all, no car). My original plan was to rent fake flowers for centerpieces...everyone hated the idea lol.
My FMIL is craftier and thinks she can make the centerpieces herself as a gift (I would purchase, she would do the labor). She thinks we can do these centerpieces for under 30 per table, but I'm just lost on how we could possibly do it. Would love ANY tips or experience if anyone's done them!
The centerpieces I like look this:
Example 1
Example 2
Example 3
I've found a relatively affordable hoop on amazon here...I'm not sure if it's possible to find cheaper but would love resources if anyone has them? I am also really unsure HOW we would actually attack these to a base securely without having to nail them in or something complicated....And then for flowers I've been looking at ling's moment, a box costs between 24 - 30 dollars but it looks like we'd need a box per centerpiece...so already the budget is kind of blown....
A lot of tutorials seem to use hula hoops but I'm a little wary...first, I can't find cheap hula hoops (like 5 or under per hoop?) anywhere online. Secondly I'm concerned it's too labor intensive for FMIL (stripping them, repainting, etc). And thirdly I'm concerned they are too light and will topple over...
So basically I'm just lost. Would love to hear from some expert DIYers on this whole idea.

Usually a lurker, made my first reddit acct today!
I was supposed to get married this year but cancelled, obviously. I'm actually relieved for being forced to cancel in a weird way, I have horrible anxiety and stage fright and I was only doing a traditional wedding for our families. My husband and I ended up just signing our marriage license at the courthouse.
I have a lot of unused wedding stuff. Birdseed and dried flowers, goody bags, table settings, centerpieces, some other décor, etc. All these were crafts me, my friends, and some family put together and they were gathering dust in my spare bedroom.
My friend Danielle is getting married next year. Her family is estranged and shitty to her, and her fiancée's family doesn't have much money, so they're financing it 100% by themselves. Her fiancée is a grad student and Danielle was laid off and rehired earlier this year, so their budgets are tight.
I offered Danielle most of the unused wedding stuff I had as a gift. She wants an intimate, pretty ceremony and my colors and her's just so happen to coordinate very closely. She accepted a lot of it, most of the centerpieces, baggies, etc. I also gave her the jewelry I was going to wear (its cheap jewelry, but its pretty.) She and her fiancée were really grateful and I was happy they were happy.
My mom tho is upset. Well, she was already upset when I decided to cancel and not reschedule my wedding, but this this was icing on the cake I guess. She helped a lot with planning everything and putting together a lot of the décor. When she heard I just gave it all away to Danielle she thought I'd made a mistake and should have saved it in case I did end up eventually having a ceremony. I made it clear that wasn't gonna happen so she switched gears to how I should have saved it for my little sister or cousins for when they get married. My little sister is 16, by the way, and one of my cousins is 19 and not dating and the other one is way older and lives five hours away, I haven't seen her in like 2 years.
I get she's upset about me not having the wedding she dreamed for me, but its my choice and Danielle was happy. I told mom as much but she's sad and thinks I should have asked her first since she helped make a lot of the stuff. Imo it was a gift and I have every right to regift it if I want. Am I being a jerk to her?

I've joined multiple wedding Facebook groups in my area, my favorite being one specifically for budget weddings. On these groups, you can generally post what vendors you are looking for and what your budget is. They have really helped me in wedding planning.
Found my reception venue ($1650 including tables, nice chairs, linens, centerpieces, security, byo catering and alcohol, no bartender required), cake ($400 for tasting, 3 teir 100 servings, 1yr anniversary cake), live event painter ($750!), and charcuterie board ($670 for 100 people) for great prices by having the vendors come to me instead of me having to search for and contact every vendor.

This is a long one, so for those only interested in the numbers, scroll down to the table below. The subsequent paragraphs will be the more detailed breakdown of each of those line items on the table. I will also do my best to include the approximate cost based on our original estimate of 85 guests since I know larger weddings will eventually return and it’s good to know what the cost of that might look like.
Our original wedding was supposed to take place in June 2020, but like many other couples here, we had to postpone. Before we dive into the breakdown, here is how we handled the postponement based on our own payment schedule:

• Our venue had a simple payment schedule so we lucked out here. Our initial deposit was $1500. Half of our total was due two months before our original date (in this case April 2020). The final payment with final guest count numbers was due 1 week before our event. Prior to our April deadline, we reached out to the venue asking what our options for postponement were. They allowed us to postpone and carry over our deposit with no additional fees. There were a couple of Saturdays left in 2020 at this point. The venue placed a soft hold on these dates for us while we reached out to our vendors. We reached out to our planner and photographer first as they were our VIP vendors and we did not want to lose them. We chose a date in December that worked for them and then reached out to our remaining vendors with our new date. Fortunately all were available and willing to change dates and transfer deposits without change fees. Crisis averted for now.
• Repeated the same process for our December date lol. Our two month deadline was approaching (October 2020), only this time we started to re-evaluate the situation around September because October would have been the time we needed to send invitations and people were already asking if December was still happening. Nothing in our state guidelines regarding large gatherings changed since our lockdown in March so husband and I were feeling defeated. After reaching out to the venue again, they were more than willing to postpone again to dates in 2021 and even 2022 without additional fees so that wasn’t the issue. The thought of putting our lives on hold for another two years did not sit well with us. We were no longer considering 2021 and would only consider 2022 due to the COVID situation in our area.
• After discussing with our planner and photographer, they suggested a microwedding. They encouraged us to bump our date sooner to avoid the possibility of rain and COVID cases on the rise in November and December during the flu season. California was one of the first states to lockdown so we would not be surprised if we were the first to lock down again. Now if you’ve read this far, you know back in April our original venue only had a couple Saturdays left in 2020. When we reached out again in September, a new Saturday opened up: October 24. That my friends is how we began the quest for planning a microwedding in less than two months.

We went all in with our microwedding. We still wanted to have the wedding of our dreams regardless of our guest count. We also decided that after all we’ve been through, we currently do not want to plan a larger celebration. I realize that our spending may be considered somewhat excessive though we do live in a HCOL. I will try to point out where some of the more extreme expenses are so if you are evaluating your own budget, you can see where you don’t need to spend nearly as much as we did.

Budget Breakdown

Category	Amount (includes all taxes & fees, rounded up to the nearest US dollar)
Ceremony Venue	$2018
Dinner Venue	$3508
Partial Planner	$1500
Photographer	$3150
Videographer	$1050
String Trio	$795
Florals	$1510
Cake	$228
Makeup	$590
Hair	$410
DJ	$675
Gratuities	$710
Stationary	$137
Decor	$298
Marriage License	$61
Bride Wedding Band	$1339
Groom Wedding Band	$132
Parent & Family Gifts	$710
Hotel	$165
Bride Attire	$2666
Groom Attire	$955
Miscellaneous Expenses	$779
Grand Total	$23,386

Below is the more detailed breakdown of each line item. For privacy reasons, we will not be sharing the names of our venues or vendors in this post, but we are more than happy to share this information via DM or chat.

Ceremony Venue - $2018

This was a completely new expense for us. The beauty of a microwedding is what was once impossible suddenly becomes possible. This was our original first choice venue because it is a gorgeous waterfront property, but we never even toured it. After receiving the brochure with the minimum costs...this venue would have blown our entire budget and then some. Sometime in the last few months, California allowed wedding ceremonies to continue provided they are outdoors only. This venue created a minimony package that included the following:

• Complimentary parking
• Up to 25 Chiavari chairs
• Use of ceremony space for 2 hours
• Ceremony sound system
• Complimentary deluxe water view room for the night of ceremony
• Bottle of champagne
• Breakfast for 2 the next morning
• Late check-out

We also asked for some additional items such as a table on the gazebo, umbrellas for our musicians, and an easel for our welcome sign. We also asked for some additional set up time because the 2 hours for the ceremony space included the set up and tear down time. They were able to give us an additional 90 minutes which was great. Normally that might cost extra. The original ceremony fee for this venue on a Saturday was $5000 based on the 2019 brochure we received. We got married at our dream venue at less than half the normal cost. I have zero complaints about this venue. They delivered everything as promised on our agreement with no issues whatsoever.

Dinner Venue - $3508 (Original Cost: Approx 15K)

This was our original ceremony and reception venue. Our initial deposit was $1500 and then we had to pay an additional $1500 to meet the room minimum which in my opinion was very reasonable since this was an all inclusive venue. We even moved to their main outdoor terrace since our original space wasn’t available on the 24th and we are only allowed to use outdoor spaces. This space was even more beautiful than our original space. The remaining amount was the production fees and the gratuity for all the event staff and wait staff. I am forever grateful to the staff I worked with for close to 18 months planning, postponing, and re-planning. They never once gave me a hard time, always answered my emails promptly, and absolutely delivered. I thought they were going to murder me when I asked to reduce my guest list from 85 to 13. They didn’t. This is what was included in our package:

• Premium open bar for 3 hours
• Wine service at dinner
• Complimentary entrees for bride and groom
• 6 Hors D’Oeuvres choices
• Easel for welcome sign
• Tables (welcome table, sweetheart table, guest tables, cake table, vendor table)
• Chiavari chairs
• All linens, china, and silverware
• Mirrored round for center of each table
• Printed menus
• Duet plate (husband and I chose filet mignon and Chilean sea bass for our guests) with sides
• Champagne for toast
• Cake cutting and serving
• Meals for our vendors
• Heaters
• Fire pit and couches for a lounge area

The food was excellent! We were able to pack up all our leftover food and cake for some incredible leftovers the next day. They delivered everything as promised on our agreement with no issues whatsoever.

Partial Planner - $1500 + $150 gratuity

We originally hired our planner as a day of coordinator, but because of COVID she became more of a partial planner and truly went above and beyond. What she charged us for her services was extremely reasonable for our area and we lucked out in hiring her. She was a referral from our photographer and they had done many weddings together. Here is what her package included (taken directly from her website and was also included in our contract):

• Initial meeting
• General meeting
• Final meeting
• Curated list of vendors that fit your style and budget
• Guidance to complete all necessary paperwork
• Unlimited emails and phone calls within business hours
• Wedding rehearsal coordination
• Decor load
• Lead coordinator & assistant to manage ceremony & reception (up to 10 hours)
• Set up all personals and decor according to your approved vision
• Act as vendor point person & ensure they provide their services as contracted
• Keep activities running smoothly and according to timeline
• Direct ceremony processional and recessional
• Line up wedding party and cue for reception grand entrance
• Assist DJ in keeping clients and any necessary parties informed of any scheduled events
• Distribute vendor gratuities on your behalf
• Collect any personal items to be returned to you after the wedding an ensure they are taken to the correct loading area
• Ensure your gifts are secure and collected by the designated person
• Use of emergency kit

On the day of, our planner + an assistant were on site at the ceremony and one of her more senior assistants set up at our dinner site. I cannot express how valuable this expense was. I interviewed a couple of other planners, but this planner stood out in terms of professionalism and attention to details. The biggest thing she did for us was our timeline. She used a tool called Timeline Genius that we could view and edit. Once we finalized our timeline, she distributed it to all of our vendors. Her and all of her staff also followed up with each of our vendors, ensured they received the timeline, and made it clear exactly where they needed to be and at what time. I know certain circumstances are unavoidable and you can’t guarantee a perfect timeline no matter how much planning you do, but we actually kept a perfect schedule. No one ran late and everything went so smoothly. If you are on the fence about this expense, we highly recommend it.

Photographer - $3150 + $100 gratuity (Original Cost: $3748)

Our photographer did not have to do this for us, but she amended our contract since our wedding was much smaller and only needed one shooter. This is what our package included:

• 8 hours wedding coverage
• 450+ hand edited photos
• Online gallery
• Printing rights
• One USB flash drive with all photographs in high resolution
• Complimentary engagement session (we opted to do 1 location and 1 outfit, but she would have allowed us to do 2 locations and 2 outfits; she provided us with 140+ edited photos)
• Sneak peek of engagement session and and wedding day provided 1-3 days after
• Location scouting
• Guidance on how to plan your timeline with your wedding planner (we planned our entire ceremony time around sunset)
• Vendor recommendations

Her work is amazing. We were expecting like 3 sneak peek photos after our wedding. She stayed up all night and sent us over 40 photos around 1am. Overall, we clicked with her from the get go and that is so important when choosing a photographer. We never felt weird or awkward being in front of her camera even though husband and I despise taking photos.

Videographer - $900 + $150 for extended edit + $50 gratuity (Original Cost: $3000)

Because we downsized our wedding, we weren’t sure if we still wanted to have a videographer. We originally had a package with 10 hours of coverage, two cameras, a drone...the works. We were fully prepared to just eat the cost of our deposit on this one because we couldn’t justify spending $3000 on only a couple hours of coverage.
When we reached out to our videographer and told him our new plans, he came through for us much like our other vendors. He did not hold us to our original contract and we amended the contract to do live streaming and a file download of the recording. We had already put down $900 for our deposit and he agreed to do the recording and live streaming without any additional charges. The live stream was AMAZING. Our videographer had a microphone on my husband so our family and friends that joined us virtually were able to hear everything clearly. Plus our videographer came with two cameras plus an additional camera man which was completely unexpected. They captured the ceremony beautifully on the stream from all different angles and we now have a copy to relive the day over and over with
The $150 is for an extended polished edit that we requested that is still being worked on. Our videographer does amazing cinematic quality video so we knew we still wanted to have that after we settled all our other wedding expenses. My husband and I totally did not think we would re-watch our video but we already love the copy we do have. There were moments that happened during our ceremony such as my mom stepping on my veil and a squirrel coming to the gazebo during the moment of silence we had for our departed loved ones. You can only relive those moments through video and that really solidified the fact that we made the right decision with keeping our videographer. If you’re on the fence about this expense, there is a lot you can do here to still have one without blowing your budget. We highly recommend having one for at least the ceremony.

String Trio - $795 + $60 gratuity (Original Cost: $1100)

We almost opted to get a refund on this deposit, but we are so glad we didn’t. We had originally hired them for 30 minutes of pre-ceremony music, 30 minutes of ceremony music, and 1 hour for cocktail hour (2 hours total). When we changed plans, we cut out the cocktail hour. I know this is an expense that not everyone needs to have, but it made our ceremony absolutely beautiful. When we sent out our live stream link, we told everyone to tune in at 4pm which was 30 minutes before the ceremony. During that time our trio played everything from Beauty and the Beast to Coldplay and even Rhianna. Our guests, both present and virtual, loved the trio and we got so many compliments. They also played background music during our unity ceremony which was a nice added touch.

Florals - $1510 + $50 gratuity (Original Cost: $2247)

We went with a local old school florist who did the florals for my cousin's wedding several years ago. She doesn’t have an actual shop and works out of her home which is what makes the cost more reasonable than other florists in our area. The reason the amounts changed is because 1) We changed ceremony venues and 2) We no longer needed 10 centerpieces and some of the other things you have with a larger wedding. My floral order with this florist was hand written to give you an idea how old school she operates. Regardless, she was very easy to work with and had no problem creating a completely brand new order. When we changed ceremony venues, I asked my planner to work directly with her to coordinate what florals were needed for the new space. This was one area I didn’t have a specific vision for or care too much about besides the colors of the flowers. They copied me on all their back and forth emails and delivered florals beyond my imagination. Here is what our order included:

• Bride’s bouquet
• 1 bridesmaid bouquet
• 2 flower girl baskets with fresh petals
• 3 boutonnieres
• 2 pin on corsages
• 2 5’ gazebo side pieces (repurposed for sweetheart table at dinner)
• 4 centerpieces (repurposed for guest tables at dinner)
• 4 white box rentals to display centerpieces at ceremony
• Flowers for welcome sign
• 2 bud vases for welcome table
• Cake flowers
• Delivery to ceremony site, setup, takedown, delivery to dinner site, setup

Cake - $228 (Original Cost: Approx $600)

We had already put down a $100 deposit for our cake so we just modified our cake order. With the reduced guest count, we removed an entire tier from our cake, but still opted to purchase a two tier cake for approximately 30-40 guests so our vendors and wait staff could have some and we could still have some cake left over. My husband LOVES cake so we could not give this expense up. Our top tier was both white cake and chocolate cake with dulce de leche filling. Our bottom tier was a white cake with blueberry Bavarian filling. The cake was absolutely beautiful and delicious.

Makeup - $590 + $100 gratuity

Found a great makeup artist who did bride makeup in another wedding my sister was in. I had a 1 person bridal party, but made sure my family members who wanted makeup done for the day were taken care of. I took care of this expense. My makeup artist even went the extra mile and made touch up kits for everyone even though she normally only does it for the bride. Breakdown as follows:

• Bride makeup - $250
• Makeup for mom, sis, aunt, and cousin - $85 each

Hair - $510 + $100 gratuity

My hair person was my regular stylist who has cut and colored my hair for years. The pricing I have below is probably much more generous than going with someone I did not know. Breakdown is as follows:

• Bride hair - $150 (Chignon updo)
• Sister hair - $100 (half up/half down do with curls)
• Cousin hair - $60 (long hair curls)
• Mom and aunt hair - $50 (short hair curls)

DJ - $675 (Original Cost: $1200)

We ate the deposit here, but fortunately this was the only deposit we forfeited. Here is the breakdown of our original package:

• 4 hours of services
• Equipment: Wireless mic, 2 speakers, 1 subwoofer, 2 turntables, mixer, and MacBook
• Lighting: 1 cake pin spot, 2 dance lights, 20 wireless uplights

Our package really wasn’t bad for the price, but unfortunately we didn’t need any of it any more. We asked our DJ if we could carry over our deposit for different services later on such as a party or vow renewal. He said that we would have to sign a new contract AND pay a new deposit. No thanks. He also would not let us transfer or donate the original deposit to another couple. To be fair, he was not contractually obligated to do anything for us, but he also never wrote us a new contract for our December wedding date so who knows if he would have shown up if we proceeded with that date. My husband and I were of course upset to lose that money, but we were more upset that he had zero empathy at all about what COVID did to disrupt our plans. I completely understand that COVID eviscerated the businesses of many wedding vendors and times are tough all around, but his attitude made it easy for us to just say “thanks bye” instead of finding some way to keep him and give him our business.

Stationary - $137

This expense was for our Save the Dates only. They turned out super cute, but of course the original wedding never happened and we have a ton leftover. Will probably plaster them all over our fridge. I probably wouldn’t have any regrets about this expense if our wedding happened as scheduled, but this is probably the one thing that was a waste of money. When we made our wedding cancellation notice and sent our invitations for our virtual wedding I created all of those using the Canva app. Totally free and amazing. Breakdown is as follows:

• 50 Save the Date Magnets - $109 (purchased from Minted w/30% off discount code)
• Wrap around printer labels - $14
• Postage - $14

Decor - $298

Breakdown:

• Chiffon rental for gazebo & eucalyptus rental for welcome table - $62
• Cake stand - $42 (purchased from Amazon; cheaper than renting from bakery for $50)
• 25 Candle holders & tea lights - $59 (purchased from Amazon)
• Clear acrylic hexagons for place settings - $16 (purchased pack of 25 from Amazon)
• 18”x24” clear acrylic sheet for welcome sign - $15 (purchased from Home Depot)
• Paint and brushes to paint acrylic - $15 (purchased from Michael’s)
• Unity ceremony items - $60 (we did a tree planting so this expense includes a small tree, soil, pot, two watering cans, and two shovels)
• 4 picture frames to display engagement photos at welcome table - $29 (purchased from Marshall’s)

*NOTE: We also had a bunch of those tall glass cylinder vases that you fill with water and place floating candles in, but our planner has these in her wedding decor stockpile so we didn’t have to purchase our own which was a big win. She reuses them for every wedding.

Marriage License - $61

We did the online application through Orange County and picked up at the Honda Center in Anaheim, California.
*NOTE: Marriage certificates are an additional $15 per copy which we have not paid yet. We just mailed our license this past Monday and it takes 5-10 business days after our license is received for them to record our marriage into their records so we can order the certificates. Will likely get two copies as one needs to be mailed to the SSN office for my name change and I want a spare copy just in case.

Bride Wedding Band - $1339 & Groom Wedding Band - $132

My husband and I picked our wedding bands together and included them as part of our wedding expenses. Both were purchased at Jared.

Parent & Family Gifts - $710

Since we only had 13 guests and one of those guests was our cousin who also served as our officiant, we didn’t do favors and instead gifted them with some items they could actually use and enjoy. We definitely splurged here, but it was worth it to say thank you to those family members who helped make this wedding happen for us during a pandemic. We will also be creating photo albums and printing photos for them as part of our gifts once our photos are finished editing.

Hotel - $165

This was for a 1 night stay at the hotel that was right next door to our dinner venue. We did receive a 1 night complimentary stay at our ceremony venue which we could have used, but that would require us to drive back to the venue which we did not want to do. The coordinator from our ceremony venue mailed us a gift certificate for the 1 night complimentary stay and breakfast for two the next morning so we plan to use it on our 1 year anniversary. So excited about this.
The remaining 3 items my husband and I paid out of our own pockets. I know these expenses might still be considered shared expenses with other couples so we wanted to include them in our budget breakdown.

Bride Attire - $2666

• Dress - $1570 (gifted by my aunt; beautiful lace ballgown)
• Fabric garment bag - $28
• Alterations - $505 (I purchased a sample dress and needed to have a ton of alterations done because I’m 4’10” and plus size. Completely worth it despite the high cost.)
• Rhinestone belt for dress - $275 (I realize this is an unnecessary expense and could have just purchased this off Etsy for $30-$50)
• Undergarments - $133 (corset bra, panties, slip shorts)
• Shoes - $39 (purchased from DSW with coupon)
• Veil - $35 (purchased from Etsy)
• Earrings - $29 (purchased from Olive and Piper)
• Hair piece - $39 (purchased from Etsy)

Groom Attire - $955

All items were purchased from Men’s Warehouse
Custom 3 piece suit - $686 (completely custom measured and husband got to select all fabrics and details like the cut and color of the pieces; any additional alterations were included at no charge)

• Dress shirt - $50
• Alterations on dress shirt - $18
• Leather belt - $33
• Dress socks - $33 (pack of 3)
• Shoes - $80
• Tie - $35
• Pocket square - $20

Miscellaneous Expenses - $779

You’re probably wondering what the heck this expense is. These were mainly my own expenses for all the hair and makeup trials I did as well as the attire purchased for our engagement session. I no longer have receipts for what husband spent on his engagement session attire so that amount is not included in this breakdown.

• Dress for engagement session - $60 (purchased from StitchFix)
• Shoes for engagement session - $40 (purchased from Off Broadway Shoe Warehouse)
• Hair extensions + styling for engagement session - $70 + $20 gratuity (extensions were re-used for wedding)
• Makeup for engagement session - $120 (not the same makeup artist who did my wedding makeup; he ended up being a flake and I didn’t book him)
• Makeup trial #1 - $150 + $10 gratuity (this is my actual wedding makeup artist)
• Makeup trial #2 - $75 (we did another mini trial since the airbrush makeup didn’t last on my oily skin and we used this opportunity to also modify anything else I didn’t like about trial #1)
• Pre-ceremony haircut and color - $90 + $20 gratuity
• Mani/pedi for bride & pedi for groom - $105 + $15 gratuity

Final Thoughts

Planning for even a microwedding during COVID was so hard. Although we followed the state health orders, we were fully aware that nothing is ever 100% safe. Before we began planning for this microwedding, we had conversations with each family about their comfort level with attending such an event. Fortunately we were working with four households who are in constant communication on a regular basis. I say this to emphasize that we are all very close and transparent about following best practices during the pandemic such as distancing, mask wearing, and hand washing. Everyone in the four households works from home or is continuing school from home so it was easy for husband and I to cut our guest list there and stand firm since we trusted everyone we had present that day was doing what they needed to do to stay safe and keep each other safe.
Some other precautions we took:

• All events took place outdoors.
• Chairs at ceremony were distanced arranged by household.
• Masks were worn at all times except briefly during ceremony procession and photos. Photos were done by household.
• Husband and I COVID tested negative the week of the ceremony and quarantined after taking our test. We ensured all errands were done prior to the week of the wedding so we wouldn’t have to go out again until wedding day.
• Getting ready was done at home to avoid exposure at a hotel. Hair stylist and makeup artist wore masks and face shields and practiced the sanitization protocol they would use in their salons. We kept all windows and doors open and made sure everyone stayed in separate areas (no foot traffic).
• I had my sister carry around a bag full of sanitizer, wipes, and Lysol so we had it readily available at all times.
• Tables at dinner were distanced and arranged by household.

Lastly, do husband and I have any regrets? None whatsoever. This wedding was beyond anything we could have ever imagined. I can honestly say there is nothing we could have done differently and as crazy as this sounds, we're glad our original plans got cancelled. There were things about the original plan that we weren't happy about and this was our chance to make those right. This day was truly a reflection of the both of us.
I hope some of you find this recap helpful. If there are any questions at all, please do not hesitate to reach out. I am happy to help. Thank you so much to this community for all your support the last 18 months. Could not have done it without you.

Hi all, this is my first time posting here. I’ve recently started counseling to get help dealing with my mom. My therapist believes she may qualify as BPD or NPD, but obviously can’t give a formal diagnosis just by talking to me.
Before the pandemic, I got married and moved 2,000 miles away from family. That distance has helped a lot to open my eyes, but it’s also kept the incidents with my mom to a minimum and I’ve started to wonder if I’m just blowing everything out of proportion. Maybe I am as dramatic as she accuses me of being. To that end, I thought that writing it down would help. Here’s a list of things (non-exhaustive) she’s done to drive me away and drive me up a wall:

1. She claims our lives are mirrored and that I have a chance to live the life she wanted but never got. She was in an abusive relationship in college and so was I. She was violently raped before I was born by a different man, and I was sexually abused by that college ex. That obviously means that my life is just like hers.
   
2. She says she was sexually by her brother as a child, and she used my trauma as the chance to tell me all about that. I felt like I had to set my baggage aside to play therapist for my mother because she always called me her “best and only friend.”
   
3. This “best and only friend” thing also opened the door to her venting to me constantly about my dad and brothers. Nothing my dad does is good enough unless it involved expensive gifts or excusing himself from his parents’/siblings’ events to stay home with her.
   
4. She would want to know every single person in my life and all of the sordid details of their lives. She wanted to be a lurker in my friend group without ever really meeting them. Also, I’m almost 30 years younger than my mom and she wanted to pal around with us. I feel like she tries to live vicariously through me, and it is suffocating. She did the same thing with law school and even kept my old case books to decorate her office because she never went. I can’t even count how many times I’ve had to tell her that going to law school was my decision and had nothing to do with her. That conversation was always framed as her wanting reassurance that she hadn’t forced me to do it, but now I can’t help wondering if she really wanted me to say that I did it because I wanted her to get her dream vicariously through me.
   
5. Now that I’m living several states away and in a major city, she is delighted that I work from home and that the pandemic keeps my partner and I housebound. Now I “know how she feels” being cooped up all day. She is cooped up by choice (she has found every reason to not have a car for the last 5 years or so, and avoids using any vehicle that is made available to her), but plays like it isn’t a choice. No, she acts the martyr and says she “wants to make sure everyone else is taken care of” before she considered getting a car. I had my own car note when I was at home, my brother’s was used and fully paid off, and my dad’s truck was fully paid off. She also liked the “togetherness” that chauffeuring her around produced. It also gave her total control over the outing. This became important when I was planning a wedding last year. Btw, my dad retired a month ago and used some of his savings to buy her a brand new car with all the bells and whistles. She still doesn’t use it or go anywhere.
   
6. The wedding... Holy shit, this was a nightmare. First of all, I got engaged and we almost immediately went long-distance so that my partner could do another year of school in DC. He got a job offer in April to move 2,000 miles away from home and start working in September. I planned a wedding in 4 months—it was insane. Anyway, the engagement was supposed to be a surprise. My partner had the whole thing planned: we were taking the bar exam in July 2018 and then going on a trip before he started school in DC. Mom decided to tell me this plan one night when I was home on a study break because she thought I “needed something to look forward to.” The trip was what I was looking forward to. Knowing what to expect definitely took some of the magic out of the moment, and then mom basically guilted me into keeping her slip up quiet (don’t worry, my partner knows about it).
   
7. The wedding planning was a nightmare. Every decision I made had mom asking me 30,000 times if I was suuuuuuuure that’s what I wanted. Every time I calculated the budget was met with her tearful apologies about not being able to afford a $50,000 wedding. I have never wanted anything extravagant, but she told me it was her chance to plan the big, fancy wedding she didn’t get. Every time she said that she would inevitably do a 180 and say she didn’t want me to feel pressured to give her a “redo.”
   
8. After I found the dress, I was standing there in it with all the extra get up (veil, etc.) and loving it. Mom had told me that day that she was ready to put money down if I found the dress. Turns out that was a big, fat lie. I found the dress and, as I’m standing there in it, she told me that we couldn’t actually put the money down on the thing because my brother had messed up his car. The money set aside for the wedding dress—which she’d insisted on buying because hers was rented—went to fix his car and pay the insurance. And, oh, btw, she had to take money out of my account to do it.
   
9. I also made my own bouquets and centerpieces and she insisted on helping. I gave her a list with pictures of what I wanted (got 30,000 rounds of “are you suuuuuure this is what you want?”) and finally snapped. I told her firmly that yes, I was sure and a hundred rounds of the same question wasn’t going to change my mind. Because I was driving to the craft store to get the silk flowers, she was riding along with. After I snapped and put my foot down, she suddenly remembered a job she had to get out with a pressing deadline. She made me turn around to drive her home and threw a fit when I got the flowers without her.
   
10. After the wedding, I had two weeks off work to pack, consolidate two people’s furniture, and drive across the country. When I was getting the bit of my furniture and the boxes that were coming with, mom handed me a stack of credit cards and the bills with my name on them. I was in shock. I’d known she opened a couple cards for me to use while I was in school because she’d given those to me. But these were several new (to me) cards that had probably $10-12,000 in debt spread across them. She told me that it was now my responsibility to pay these. She ambushed me with it in the middle of packing and moving day—it was all hectic and I just numbly accepted. I’ve been paying it off ever since, rationalizing that some of the debt was my own.
    
11. Remember how I mentioned that she took some of my money to pay for my brother’s insurance and car repair? Yeah, she was on my account (opened right out of high school when I started working), and had taken money out several times before. Anything from my jobs or student loans was fair game. She did it to pay for my brothers’ tuition or textbooks when one of them came up short, to pay for their car repairs, bills or insurance. The first thing I did after the wedding was move everything to a new account with a different bank. I only waited that long because my partner and I were discussing whether we wanted joint accounts or not.
    
12. Now, I’ve been away from her for a year. I haven’t seen her since January during a funeral, and it is my job (apparently) to call her. I work from home now so that means I don’t have a real job with real responsibilities or demands. If she wants me to call, she spams me with texts (5-6 in a row) with a “call if you want” slipped in the middle. She never calls and lays the guilt trip on hard. I explained to her once that phones work both ways so she could call me too. Nope, that’s a no go and has been added to the list of my job duties. I don’t call. She cries and guilt trips, gets dad to call me and then takes over the call when I pick up.
    
13. I’m a clumsy person and we’ve rearranged our apartment furniture few times since my partner and I both work from home in our small apartment. We’ve finally settled on something that works for us, but—I cannot stress this enough—I’m really clumsy. For example, two weeks ago, I sprained my ankle really badly just walking down the sidewalk. It’s always been this way. Anyway. We rearranged our furniture and, that night, I had to get up in the middle of the night to use the bathroom. Forgot where everything was and rammed into the edge of our table. Gave myself a massive, dark bruise on my thigh. Mentioned it while laughing on the phone at my clumsiness, and mom is CONVINCED that my partner beats me. He doesn’t. He’s wonderful and kind and would never do that. Mom has used this as further evidence of my life mirroring hers. Didn’t mention the sprain to her or dad for exactly this reason and because I don’t have the brain space to deal with her.
    

Anyway, I know this is a lot and it’s not even close to everything. These are the highlights. Like I said before, I’m talking to a therapist about all of this and looking for coping mechanisms. I’m looking for plans on how to deal with mom and limit her from my life even more.
The distance really has been helpful for me, though it seems like mom is clinging even harder. I don’t know if I want kids, but she is convinced I’m going to start popping them out any day now and that I’ll immediately move back into my old bedroom so that she can tend to me through any pregnancy and birth, my husband be damned. That’s not going to happen. She has one grandchild already that she keeps on a pedestal and uses as a bargaining chip with her mom/my grandma. I think she also resents my dad for being the grandbaby’s favorite. Some of the things she says and the way she says it... it’s just uncomfortable.
I also don’t know if she’s NPD or BPD or if I’m being too sensitive to what I feel is manipulative behavior. That’s why I’m in therapy. Please feel free to leave your two cents here—goodness knows I’ve been reading your posts, on my therapist’s advice to do so. It only seems fair for you to read mine.

Hi, just out of curiosity, how much are you all budgeting for flowers (also please specify your wedding size, whether you are doing them yourself, going with a florist, or some combination of the two)? I am trying to figure out what is realistic.
We are looking to spend no more than 2000 on real flowers, but I don’t know if that’s even possible so we have some flexibility on cost. We have a wedding size of 200ish and a large bridal party (10 bridesmaids and 10 groomsmen). I was thinking about potentially doing table arrangements myself and then paying a professional to do bridal party bouquets and a larger centerpiece or statement piece, such as greenery on the walls. Has anyone else gone a route like this?

A year ago when we were still planning our original wedding, I found the recaps on this sub enormously helpful so I figured I'd pay it forward. I'm sorry in advance for what I think will end up being a very long post!
For background, my husband and I live in the Bay Area but were planning on getting married on 4/4/20 in Philadelphia at one of our favorite breweries. We initially invited 100 people and had 92 confirmed RSVPs (86 adults, 6 children under 10). Back in March, when things started to really turn south in the US, we decided to postpone the wedding and elope in our backyard. We pushed the reception back to 12/12/2020 but we decided a few weeks ago to cancel that as well. We're happily married and just feel ready to move on. Maybe we'll throw a big anniversary party in the future or something. We'll see.
Original Wedding Plan - Budget: $27K
Venue (Brewery in Philadelphia): $15K This would have included the $2K rental fee for the space for 5 hours as well as 4 hour open bar (beer and wine), 4 hors d'oeuvre options (two stationary, two passed), family style dinner, and dessert station (chocolate mousse, root beer floats, stout floats).
Our venue required a 50% deposit which they said was non-refundable if we cancelled within 12 months of the event. We were all set to lose that when we decided to cancel a few weeks ago but they were AMAZING and gave us back our entire deposit.
Photographer: $2600 This included two shooters, with eight hours of photography on the day-of. It also included an engagement session, which we didn't end up doing because we live on the other side of the county. Our deposit was $500, which was non-refundable, so we ate that cost when we cancelled.
DJ: $845 This would've included the ceremony and 4.5 hour reception. Our DJ was really amazing to work with. Our deposit was $200 and we ate that cost when we cancelled. They said they will refund it if they are able to rebook another event on that day but I'm not holding my breath. The company was really responsive and easy to work with and our DJ was really nice so we're fine if they end up keeping the deposit.
Flowers: $550 I had decided to do all of the flowers myself so had ordered a bunch of flowers and greenery through FlowerMoxie. I had ordered what I thought would be enough for a bridal bouquet, 4 bridesmaid bouquets, 5 boutonnieres, and extra flowers/greenery to decorate the tables. We were able to cancel our order in time to get a full refund.
Decorations: $500ish I think we wound up spending about $500 on a bunch of miscellaneous things like frames for pictures to put on the welcome table, polaroid cameras and film, personalized coloring books for the kids, card box, growlers for centerpieces, etc.
Attire Wedding Dress: $1600 plus $120 in alterations (I was very lucky and only needed to shorten the straps and add a bustle). I wore my mom's veil. Wedding Shoes: $150 - I wound up getting two pairs of shoes. I bought these gorgeous heels from BHLDN that were on sale for $90. Honestly, I'm obsessed with them and so sad I didn't get to wear them. I actually bought them before I bought my dress and they still matched perfectly. I ended up wearing bridal Keds (not the sparkly ones - floral embroiderd) which I splurged on semi-last minute ($50). I also bought shoe charms from Etsy for $10. My dad passed away 10 years ago so I bought these to have him still walk me down the aisle. Groom's Suit & Accessories: $900. This included his suit, vest, shoes, belt, and cuff links. He'd never owned a real suit before so this was a splurge. Hair & Makeup: $1400ish. I was planning on paying for hair and makeup for myself, my four bridesmaids, my MIL, and my mom. My deposit was $140 plus $100 to reserve a trial appointment. None of that was refunded.
Stationery: $400. We bought everything through Minted. This included 65 save the date postcards, 65 invitations, their premium wedding website, and then 65 change the date cards (which they gave us a 50% discount on). Postage for all of this was $87.
Rehearsal Dinner: $1500. This was our budget but it's hard to know what it would've turned out to be. We were going to go to a low-key restaurant and just pick up the tab for the group (about 25 people).
Gifts for Wedding Party: $600? - We spent about $400 on the groomsmen. My husband had gotten each of them a nice bottle of whiskey and a whiskey glass. We also bought the ties and suspenders that they would have worn. I had spent about $200 on some things from Lush for my bridesmaids.
AirBnb: $800 for about 1 week. We were refunded all of this.
I didn't include the airfare for the couple of trips we made back East for booking the venue and our tasting, or the trip we had booked for the wedding itself. That probably would've added up to another $2K.
Backyard COVID Wedding - First, a few pictures! We got married on our original date in our backyard. Our best friend officiated, which was always the plan and my MOH witnessed it. Our parents, siblings, and wedding party watched by Zoom. My MOH acted as our photographer (and took a whopping 1700 pictures over the course of an hour), our florist (thanks to $15 worth of flowers from the grocery store), and also made our cake - seriously, she's a superhero.
I wore my dress and my husband wore his suit. We bought clear umbrellas from Amazon two days beforehand (good thing too, because it rained the entire time). These cost $40 for 3, I think.
We ordered in from our favorite Indian restaurant for dinner for just the two of us, which was $70.
Our marriage license cost $81.
Overall, between our elopement and the deposits we had paid that are not refundable, we spent about $5500.
In hindsight, I had the best wedding day. It was so low-key and low-stress on the actual day (TONS of stress in the weeks leading up to it, thanks to COVID but oh well). I actually still can't believe how beautiful the day turned out to be. I'm really glad we went ahead and got married on our day. And that we still got dressed up in our wedding attire, rain and lack of guests be damned. I think I'll always be a little disappointed that we didn't get to have the party we had planned because it would've been a really fun party. But we wound up spending all of our wedding fund on my student loans and were able to pay them off entirely, which is a pretty sweet wedding gift to ourselves.
I'm sorry for how long this turned out to be! I hope it's helpful to at least a few people!

I wanted to share the budget breakdown for my Summer 2020 wedding for 150 guests in a high cost of living area (Bay Area, California). Before we started planning, we created a budget based on lots of articles and online resources/calculators. But we were really surprised to see Bay Area quotes far exceed anything we calculated and had to re-up our budget to be more realistic a couple times.
We had to cancel our wedding due to COVID-19 and instead got married in a wonderful virtual wedding. But since the wedding was (nearly) fully planned, I thought I'd share to help out others struggling to understand pricing.
Some notes:

• We chose a Sunday to reduce costs.
• Our #1 priority for the wedding was guest enjoyment. So we spent the most on an awesome venue (with lots to do), good food, and shuttles (for guest safety/convenience).
• We didn't want to cause any work for our families/wedding party, so we opted for hiring professionals instead of DIYing or asking family for help. (Purely a personal choice!)
• We found that vendors were very kind and receptive to polite negotiation.
• I'm not listing the vendors here for their privacy, but feel free to DM if you'd like recommendations! We absolutely loved all our vendors and felt happy to give them our money.

Category	Amount (rounded to closest $100)
Venue	$19,000 + $3,000 refundable security deposit
Catering	$24,300
Beverages	$2,300
Photography	$5,500
DJ	$1,600
Florals	$1,600
Shuttles	$3,600
Insurance	$300
Clothing	$4,500
Rings	$3,300
Hair & Makeup	$1,900
Officiant	$600
Legal	$100
Invitations	$0
Total	$68,600 + $3,000 refundable security deposit

Venue ($19,000 + $3,000 refundable security deposit)

We fell in love with our venue from the moment we stepped onto it. However, we took some time to decide and toured several other venues because the original rental price was $22,000 for a Sunday. We asked for and were thrilled to receive a discount of $3,000 because our requested date was ~6 months away by the time we signed.
The venue included a LOT of things and we felt that we/our guests would be really well taken care of, so that justified the price for us.

• 9 hour rental: 1.5 hours setup, 6 hours ceremony/reception, 1.5 hours cleanup
• Four locations on the property: ceremony chapel (outdoor), cocktail hour (outdoor), dinner (outdoor), dancing (indoor)
• Built-in sound system at two of the locations
• Furniture (chairs, tables) and setup at all locations
• Full kitchen for catering
• Lots of activities for guests to do
• Assigned events manager (planning meetings + day-of coordination)

Catering ($24,300)

I reached out to 11 different caterers and was surprised that they were all quoting in the $22-30k range for 150 guests. And this didn't include the cost of alcohol. This was far more than I had been anticipating (or had read about in online budgeting articles).
The caterer we ended up going with originally gave us a quote of $27-30k (based on which options were chosen). I had sent them (and some other caterers) honest emails thanking them for the quote but noting they were out of our budget. Some caterers would give suggestions on which options to remove to save money, but this caterer really impressed us by graciously extending us their 2019 pricing and offering a free tasting dinner (that we'd only have to pay tip for).
The final contract included the following:

• 5 passed hors d’oeuvres during cocktail hour
• 2-course plated dinner (salad, main)
• Passed petit fours (desserts) during dancing (instead of cake)
• Non-alcoholic beverages, coffee, tea
• Mixers, garnishes, ice for bar
• Labor for food service and bartenders
• Rentals of tablecloths, china, glassware, flatware, platters, bar setup
• Included tax and tip

Beverages ($2,300)

We went with a beverage company to provide enough liquor for 150 guests. They would drop-off more than enough for all the guests before the wedding and pick-up any unused alcohol the next day.

• Wine: 1 red, 1 white, 1 champagne
• Beer: 2 types
• Full bar for spirits & cocktails
• Standard mixers
• Sodas, sparkling water, and sparkling cider

Photography ($5,500)

Other than making our guests happy, this was the other item we cared a lot about. This was the range of quotes we received (all similar packages):

• $4400: 1 photographer
• $4900-5000: 3 photographers
• $5500-5800: 2 photographers (<-- including ours)
• $6500-7600: 2 photographers (<-- out of our price range)

Our photographer's package originally offered a physical album, but we asked to swap the album with one more hour of wedding day photography. They were really kind to accommodate this request.
The final contract included the following:

• Engagement session
• 8 hours wedding day coverage with second shooter
• Online ordering gallery
• High resolution edited images of engagement session and wedding day

We had our engagement session with them before COVID-19, and they were amazing. We were super happy with the pictures and used them for our website, invitations, and emails.

DJ ($1,600)

We looked through websites/reviews of 7 recommended DJs and had calls with 2 of them. They both gave the same price, but the DJ we ended up going with had a slight edge in offerings. (Things not offered by other DJ marked with asterisk.)

• 6 consecutive hours of coverage
• DJ/MC at four different locations: ceremony, cocktail hour, dinner, dancing
• Setting up two speaker systems (in addition to using two built-in speaker systems)
• Free dance lighting*
• In-person check-in/planning appointment*
• Free to add any songs not already in their library*
• No deposit and payment only due 30 days after event* (<-- so thankful for this because we ended up cancelling the wedding)

Florals ($1,600)

We wanted to save on florals because (a) the venue was already beautiful and (b) florals don't directly impact guest experience.
I researched/contacted 12 different florists and was surprised to learn that many Bay Area florists have (in my POV) extremely high minimum spend requirements (e.g. $4000, $6000, and $7000). Only 3 florists were somewhat close to our budget of $1600.
The florist we went with had really beautiful work and was very respectful of our budget and understood our hopes to use lots of greenery, in-season/inexpensive flowers, small bouquets, etc.
The final contract included the following:

• Bridal bouquet
• 3 bridesmaid bouquets
• 5 wristlets for mothers/grandmothers
• 10 boutonnieres for groom, groomsmen, fathers, grandfathers, officiant, greeters
• 15 guest table centerpieces
• Light dustings of flowers at welcome table, sweetheart table, guest book, bar, pictures hutch
• Delivery and setup

Shuttles ($3,600)

Our venue had limited parking, we were concerned about guests driving after drinking, and the venue wasn't in the best location for UbeLyft pick-ups. So we had to get some shuttles for guests. Of the guests who had RSVPed to our wedding before it was cancelled, a quite large proportion of them were planning to take the shuttle, so I'd say it was a pretty necessary expense.
We only had three options for shuttle companies, and there was a clear price difference between the one we chose and the other two. We arranged for four minibuses to do pick-up of guests before the wedding and drop-off after the wedding. The bus rides would have been ~30 minutes from the stops to the venue (one-way).

Insurance ($300)

The venue required liability insurance for guests and the venue. We got insurance before COVID and were so amazed/lucky/surprised to realize it included some cancellation/postponement coverage. We still lost a lot of money by cancelling, but the insurance definitely made it more palatable.

Clothing ($4,500)

I personally didn't want to spend too much on my dress because I'd only wear it once. But we figured that my husband would be able to wear a nice suit many times in the future, so we really splurged on that. (At the time, we were invited to 5 weddings just months after our own; obviously none of those weddings are happening in their original forms anymore.)
Sub-breakdown of this category:

• $600 - rental for my wedding dress + two different veils
• $300 - three bridesmaid dresses from Birdy Grey*
• $2800 - custom made-to-measure two-piece suit from Franco Uomo**
• $800 - shirt, tie, cuff links from Franco Uomo

* After lots of indecision about bridesmaid dresses and the bridesmaids not being on the same page about a dress, Birdy Grey was an amazing stress-reliever. I just picked a color, and they all got to pick the different styles they wanted. I just bought them all gift cards that they could use to cover the cost of their dresses.
** Getting to pick all the fabric, buttons, thread colors, style, etc. for the suit was one of the most fun things my husband and I did for wedding planning. So much more fun for me than dress shopping. :D

Rings ($3,300)

My husband and I chose my engagement ring together ($2200). I wanted a diamond alternative, researched/got excited about moissanite, and found an awesome local jeweler (Or Diamond).
We liked my ring so much that we went with the same jeweler for both our wedding bands ($1100 combined).

Hair & Makeup ($1,900)

This expense was honestly the toughest to swallow. I wanted to gift hair & makeup to my mother, mother-in-law, and 3 bridesmaids. We're all Asian or half-Asian, so a major criteria was having some examples of work on Asian ladies with subtle, clean makeup looks.
I contacted 14 hair & makeup artists (HMUAs) and got the following ranges of quotes (from the ones that got back to me):

• $1400 - 1 HMUA
• $1900-2000 - 4 HMUAs
• $2300 - 1 HMUA
• $2700 - 2 HMUAs
• $3000 - 1 HMUA
• $3700 - 1 HMUA

I hadn't decided on an artist by the time I canceled the wedding, and I was almost glad/relieved that it was canceled so that I could stop stressing about this. If I had continued, I'd most likely have bitten the bullet and gone with one of the $1900 quotes.

Officiant ($600)

We asked our pastor for pre-marital counseling sessions and to officiate our wedding. The sessions were really valuable, and he did an excellent job officiating our online wedding.

Legal ($100)

This covered a marriage license and a couple marriage certificates. (We ended up spending a bit more on this than budgeted because we also needed an online ceremony.)

Invitations ($0)

We did zero paper for this wedding because we figured it was a good way to save money (and nice for reducing waste as well). (We have absolutely no problem with people that do create beautiful paper invitations -- we just didn't want to deal with the hassle of DIYing, addressing envelopes, etc.)
For the Save The Date, we used a pretty template from GreetingsIsland (and paid $7 for the image). For the invitation, my husband created a graphic using one of our favorite engagement photos. We sent both Save The Date + invitation through email with links to our wedding website.

Oops, I’m a covid bride...
A picnic wedding reception wasn’t my original ~vision~ but I’m rolling with the punches. Postponing our wedding has made us realize how expensive our original plan was, so we’re rethinking everything as we try to find a celebration that will fit our budget.
Side note: We‘re not planning to do this until the pandemic has calmed down. My inner bridezilla hates all the waiting but I’m not willing to risk anyone’s health.
THE VIBE
I’m going for “garden party” as opposed to “rustic farmhouse chic,” but I also want things to feel laid-back and easy
THE LOCATION
A public park in the middle of my city
THE TIME
11:00 am following the 10:00 am ceremony at our church
THE DETAILS
• The menu consists of brunch-y finger foods like fruit skewers and bagels, mimosas, and cupcakes for dessert
• To save on a DJ, we’ll replace music/dancing with lawn games and other activities (croquet, hula hoops, a wedding cake piñata, a photo scavenger hunt with prizes)
• Seating will consist of picnic blankets, with chairs/tables provided for those who are physically unable to sit comfortably on the ground
• Flip-flop sandals as party favors will give people the option to change out of their heels
• A Selfie Spot instead of a photo booth will save so much money it’s actually OBSCENE
WHERE I NEED HELP
• A timeline. Will guests eat and immediately leave if there’s no dancing? I‘m hoping that if we schedule the scavenger hunt prizes and the piñata for an hour or so after brunch is served, there will be something keeping everyone here.
• Seating logistics. For the original wedding, I created a seating chart (which is suuuuper necessary for this group) that had 8 people per table—which, in this case, means 8 people per picnic blanket. How big should each blanket be to comfortably accommodate 8 guests? I’m also providing a pillow for each guest to sit on...anybody know where to get like 60 pillows for real cheap? My mom is sewing pillowcases to help everything match.
• Decorations. I’m keeping these to a minimum: a couple of signs with directions, props and a backdrop for the Selfie Spot, and centerpieces. I’m planning to buy small wooden boxes I can put in the middle of each picnic blanket to hold table numbers and centerpieces; any ideas on where to get boxes like that? Suggestions for decorations I haven’t thought of?
• Set-up logistics. Someone needs to go set everything up the morning of the event and babysit everything while the ceremony is going on—it’s a public park, and while we’re allowed to reserve it for the wedding, the park doesn’t provide security to keep people away from our stuff. Has anyone done this before? I can’t ask my MOH because whoever is in charge of this will have to miss the wedding itself.
Sorry this post got so long. I love love love this stage of the planning process and now that I’m over the initial disappointment of postponing, I’m excited to start it all over again. Let me know if you have ideas/critiques/suggestions—I’m super open to brainstorming, I love to DIY, and my Pinterest app is OPEN!

Hey guys, I know I've posted on a number of posts, but I wanted to hopefully help give you some ideas.
1) When will it be safe to have a wedding? Both Moderna and Oxford trials conclude this month, with their release of their findings to be announced in September. That means next month, we could very well have a date as to when the vaccines will be released to the general public around the world. If I were you, use this as a time to assess the situation and decide what to do from there. If earlier statements of a December vaccine release date are correct, and the vaccines take 1-2 months to build antibodies and T-cells in the body, you're looking at around a February or March for this to start lifting. But Disclaimer: I ain't a doctor, please read credible news sources and be informed of your own volition.
2) How can I prepare if I need to move the date again? Build your Plan B, C, D or X if need be. Communicate to your vendors. Be flexible, and be safe. But you don't need to "start all over": first ask the venue for the next date that works, as well as the rest of your vendors. Same wedding, different date - just don't print your date all over the place and you'll be fine. If anyone gives you crap, start putting everything in writing with delivery confirmation (or email). No more verbal communication - just in case you need to lawyer up.
3) I really want to try on wedding dresses, but, pandemic? There's SEVERAL try-on dress shops that ship to your home. Even better? There's a lot of out-of-work seamstresses, tailors, and costume designers right now. Ever wanted a dress that's ACTUALLY custom made? No, I mean for real, and ACTUAL custom dress? Well, here's your chance. Contact your local tailors and seamstresses. Contact your local film commission branch to see if they have any recommendations. If you're in NYC or LA pretty sure calling the Garment/Fashion district stores will lead you to some wonderful recommendations. As always, make sure you see a portfolio of your designer's work, you communicate your budget clearly, and ask them what a whip stitch is. If they don't know, hire someone else. Even a costume design graduate can do a "thrift flip" aka, take a dress base and tweak it to your style at a much lower cost with some great results.
4) This is horrible! I have more time to wait I don't know what to do with myself! Yah, I feel you. I live in Florida, and I wanted it to be cold (aka, not feeling the makeup melt off my face). The date we had in mind was important to us but, oh well that's how the cookie crumbles and it turns out our new date will be even cuter, so it all worked out. My December wedding is now a March wedding* (pending COVID), so now I have extra time to... oh god..
PLAN MORE SHINY THINGS! :D
-I decided to learn how to use epoxy resin to make badass escort cards for really cheap.
-I decided to put more energy and effort into the table settings, which I wouldn't have done before.
-I decided I'll DIY my signs using a new technique for fun, which I wouldn't have been able to do.
-The fiance and I are taking more time to plan our honeymoon for whenever we can do it.
-We're making all of our centerpieces with silk flowers. Then it doesn't really matter what time of the year it is, silk flowers don't die and don't have "seasons". You don't even have to water them! :D
​
So I encourage you to embrace the weird. Embrace the crazy that is these times. Think outside of the box. Throw away the "normal" and just go with the times. Don't settle for your dream wedding: push beyond it to surpass your expectations by stepping beyond the comfort zone of normlacy coz this ain't normal. At the end of the day it's going to be ok. Take advantage of this extra time to exchange ideas to make our weddings even more badassical and fabulous, everyone. Use the extra time to make your wedding even more incredible while you protect the lives of those you love.
​
As a final note, to those who absolutely have to get married now for reasons (immigration, army, etc hopefully you get what I mean): My heart goes out to you and I'm sending you ALL the virtual hugs. I really hope some of my suggestions might help some of y'all. Be safe, and hang in there. <3 Let me know what you think, or if you ave any tips as well for those navigating these times!

Hello! I hope other brides find this helpful!
But first... PICTURES!
Location: San Gabriel, Pasadena & Westminister, CA
Guests: 250
Budgeted: $35,000
Spent: $32,959
Our wedding was a Chinese/Vietnamese-American Catholic wedding. My husband and I paid for the wedding out of our own pockets. It took us about 2 years to plan and save for the wedding. There were a lot of DIYs to cut costs and help from family and friends setting everything up.
Now onto the details!
Florals: $294

• Bouquets: $129
  • We bought fresh wholesale flowers from the Flower District in DTLA. My husband and I woke up early in the morning to get the best picks and spent a couple of hours putting it together the day before the wedding. This made for great bonding time. In total we made four bridesmaid/groomswomen bouquets, a small one for the flower girl, the groom's boutineer, the bridal bouquet and flowers for the wedding cake. Our flowers were actually more expensive because it was so close to Valentine's Day. The ribbons and pins were from Michael's and Ann linens. Always use coupons!
• Florals for the church alter: $130
  • We ordered two huge flower baskets for the church alter from the Flower District. We picked it up the day before the wedding since they didn't deliver.
• Boutineers (family): $36
  • Bought ~50 ribbon flower pins from AliExpress for family, aunts and uncles. It's an Asian thing.

Ceremony (Catholic Church): $700

• Church Donation: $500
  • This is pretty much the rental fee.
• Coordinator for rehearsal: $50
• Pianist: $150
  • He was actually the church's pianist so he knew exactly what to do.

Tea Ceremony: $479

• Vu Quy signage + Floral Arch (rental): $75
  • This is a sign for wedding day. "Vu Quy" is the term used to signify leaving the house for the husband, and this sign is usually used at the bride's side of the wedding.
• Incense Set (rental): $15
• Double Happiness Paper Cups: $11
  • We didn't want to share the same tea cup among 20+ relatives
• Roasted Pig: $280
• Wine: $58
  • We bought wholesale from a winery
• Wedding Trays (rental): $40
  • To put the gifts for the bride's family. The gifts included wine, fruit, teas and herbs (provided by groom's parents).

Reception: $18,253

• Food/Venue: $13,984
  • Asian banquets charge by the table and each table seats 10 guests--we had 25 round tables + Sweetheart table. The venue included the wedding cake, hors d'oeuvre during cocktail hour, a 9-course family style meal per table and soda. We also paid for special meals for guests that had dietary restrictions and our vendors (MC + Photo/Video team). We had the place from 3PM for set up till 11PM. The venue cleaned everything themselves.
  • Going with an asian banquet made everything so much easier. It's affordable and it includes everything like tables, chair, table clothes, glassware, plates, lighting and etc.
• Open Bar: $1,856
  • Early on in the wedding planning, my husband and I knew we wanted an open bar cuz a majority of our guests love to drink. One of the deciding factors of our reception banquet was that they had an open bar option in the package. This meant one less vendor for me to worry about. Other banquet halls that we checked out were BYOB/hire your own bartenders. We paid for four hours of the premium menu. They were also very VERY generous with the alcohol so everyone had a blast. They also included virgin drink menu for kids. After doing the math, if each guest had at least one drink, it'll be $7 per head. So it was worth it in my opinion. And at the end of the night, everyone had enough liquid courage to get onto the dance floor.
• Emcee + Tip: $550
  • We hired an MC that spoke Cantonese/Mandarin. She was the MC of a previous wedding we attended. She had a great presence and knew how to keep the crowd going with games.
• DJ: $619
  • The DJ was actually the manageson of the owner so we got a discount when we hired him.
• Photobooth: $500
  • We rented a photobooth for four hours. The package included unlimited use, custom artwork/templates, onsite attendant, CD/cloud download of all photos, props and delivery/setup/tear down.
• Sweetheart Table Decor: $173
  • This included flower row from Aliexpress, candles from Ikea, various sizes of vases from Dollar Tree, Ikea and Burlington Coat Factory.
• Table Center Piece: $291
  • These were completely DIY and we made 25 of these. I bought candle holders and glass bowl from Dollar Tree, fake flowers from AliExpress and glued them all together. As much as I love fresh flowers, I couldn't bring myself to spend thousands on them for them to wilt in a couple of days. It's been a couple of months and I still see my centerpieces at my guests homes!
• Wedding favors: $205
  • I ordered 250 wedding favor boxes from AliExpress and put two ferror rochers into each. The ferror rochers were on sale at Costco. The downside was we had to fold all 250 boxes ourselves. This gave us something to do during those Netflix nights.
• Card box: $21
  • Since this was an Asian wedding, all our guests brought card gifts (e.g. checks, cash, giftcards).
• Sparklers: $28
  • I highly suggest doing an exit with sparklers. It made for awesome pictures/video.
• Cake topper: $35
  • My husband and I are into anime instead of ordering a typical take topper from Etsy, we opted to order a couple of bootleg Nendoroids off of AliExpress to customize figures that look like us.

Photography + Videography: $9,161

• Photography + Videography: $9,100
  • When my husband and I started planning our wedding, we agreed that if we were to splurge on anything, it'll be the photo/video. They were such a dream to work with. Everything went so smoothly because of them. They've worked with Asian weddings before so they knew the ins and out of our day/tradition. They'll tell me if I had a stray hair, if my husband had to move his hand an inch, or to fix my wedding dress. I have absolutely no regrets.
  • We paid for 14 hour coverage. It was a realllyyyy long day. I think there were about 8 of them with us the entire day.
  • We also paid extra to have them compile a 3-4min video of the wedding day. This was a great idea because instead of going through 14 hours of footage from multiple cameras, we already have a video to look back on to relive this special day.
• City Hall Permit: $61
  • Some places require a permit for wedding photos. Double check yours!!

Attire: $2,228

• Wedding Dress: $1,098
  • I ultimately decided to rent my dress instead of purchasing it. The rental included the wedding dress (obviously), alterations (two sessions), veil, earrings, hair accessories and dry cleaning. My wedding dress was Perla by Kitty Chen (MSRP ~$2.3k).
• Bride's Shoes + Inserts: $97
  • I bought two pairs of Jewel Badgley Mischka that were both on sale/clearance ($65 + $26) at Nordstroms and Macys. One for the wedding day, and another shorter, more comfortable one for the evening. I highly recommend buying inserts ($6). I was standing, walking and dancing all day (14+hrs).
• Evening Dress + Alterations: $275
  • Something to change into since the wedding dress was so heavy. Plus I wanted to wear something super sparkly and glittery and gold. This was the best time to do it.
• Garter Belt: $3
  • I just bought a cheap one from AliExpress since it was gonna be thrown around in the evening anyway.
• Bridesmaid/Groomswomen dress: $208
  • I bought them the infinity dress so they can be creative and customize it to however they like. In the end, they all ended up looking the same anyway lol
• Grooms Suit + Alterations: $179
  • From the Fashion District in DTLA. This includes shirt, jacket, pants, tie and vest.
• Groom's Shoes: $85
• Get Ready Pajamas: $58
  • I bought 6 satin pairs from AliExpress. Funny story, the pants tore on the butt area while taking jumping pictures. It just couldn't contain this booty. I recommend buying something stretchy.
• Traditional Vietnamese Outfit- Bride (rental): $75
  • Includes the traditional hat, alterations, and cleaning fee
• Traditional Vietnamese Outfit- Groom (rental): $35
  • My husband actually rented the groomsmen style. He didn't like the groom's style or else it would have been $75.
• Flower Girl Dress: $47
• Flower Girl Basket + Ring Pillow/box: $29
• Ring Bearer Suit: $22

Makeup + Hair: $1,235

• Makeup + Hair Trial: $130
• Makeup + Hair + Tip: $865
  • There were two MUAs. This includes bride + five other girls. We started getting ready around 4:30AM till around 9:30AM.
• Nails: $155
  • I paid for my mom and I's nails. It was our first time getting mani professionally done so it was such a treat.
• Hair Extensions: $85
  • I have pretty thin hair so I needed the extra volume.

Misc: $609

• Wedding Invitation + Postage: $256
• Marriage Certificate: $91
  • for California!
• Sheraton - Junior Suite: $262
  • I actually used my Chase points for this. The bridesmaids and I slept overnight in the room. We also rented this suite to get our hair and makeup done.

​
Thank you if you've made it this far! Feel free to ask questions, if any :)

Hi lovely Weddit world!
We would've gotten married on Sunday, May 24,2020 but due to COVID, we pushed it to September, and again due to COVID, we cancelled and are happy with the decision! We already celebrated and went to the court to get married. However, I still want to share what we would've spent for our wedding. I'm relieved that we didn't have the wedding because potentially putting our friends and family in danger was causing a lot of stress.
Please excuse if the below is in past tense as I had started this draft in Feb. :)
Estimated Actual Spend: ~$26,400
Decided Budget: $20K
Total Guests: 100 adults
We would've been almost at budget if our first venue hadn't suddenly closed. The previous place was BYOB. Thank goodness we found out May 2019 and were able to get our deposit back from our CC company. We booked the new venue a few weeks later but this new place had a per drink charge. That was fine as we did some rough estimates on how many drinks each guest would have and budgeted it that way. All in all, having our first venue close was a blessing in disguise as the new venue was closer to our parents + had complimentary valet parking!
Venue:
They charge on a per person basis. The cost of the venue included bridal suite, grooms lounge, ceremony-cocktail-reception space, all servers + bartenders, on-site manager, complimentary valet parking, chairs + tables, linens & tableware, whole day use of the venue, service charge + gratuity. We decided to opt for the 2-entree buffet. Entrees included salmon & short rib. This came with a salad, side vegetables, pasta dish. We decided to forego the included champagne toast for an extra app during cocktail hour. We had 4 apps total during cocktail hour.
Since we decided to have our wedding on a Sunday, we were able to negotiate a special they were currently having for 2019 which was $90 per person vs. $110 per person. That saved us a chunk of money!

• Venue Price: $90 per person
• Tax (9.5%):
• Vendor Meal: $25 for 7 people
• Drink Total: estimated $5,000
• Total: $15,610

DJ:
We found our DJ on Thumbtack and we got along with him really well during our video interview. He was just starting out on his full-time DJ gig so we were able to snag him at a good place since we booked him 1.5 years in advance LOL. Now, he's DJ'ed at at least 50 events. We had him for 6 hours.

• Ceremony, Cocktail, Reception: $660

Month-of Coordinator + Florals:
I found this DOC through our old venue's instagram. She's awesome! Because we decided to do florals with her as well, she was able to discount the DOC fee to $1200. She's super responsive and on top of her sh*t.
For florals, I was pretty simple. I only wanted my bridal bouquet to have flowers and my 3 BM bouquets to be greenery. We would have had greenery centerpieces with hurricane candles for centerpieces and we repurposed these greenery wreaths for the ceremony area. Our floral package included 1 bridal bouquet, 1 tossing bouquet, 3 BM bouquets, 10 boutonnières, 10 centerpieces, sweetheart greenery, delivery/set-up fee.

• DOC Price: $1200
• Floral Price: $1090
• Total: $2290

Photography + Videography:
We opted to book both services with the same company and it brought down costs. We weren't super picky about who we went with but just looked at each person's portfolio and decided that we liked them + the customer service was amazing/super responsive. Our package included 7 hours of p+v, 2 shooters each.

• P+V Price: $3750

Stationary:
For STD & Invites, we sent electronic save the dates and electronic invites to the majority of our guests. We only printed about 20 for the older folks who liked to have the physical invites. I spent maybe 2 hours designing them so that cost some time but I was having fun? I'm SO glad I did this as we didn't lose any money for doing this.

• Printing Cost = $16

Attire:
This is the part I was most anxious about as I felt uncomfortable spending so much money on a dress for 1 day but I ended up getting my freaking dress at a thrift store when they were having a sale! I got my veil online and I got my shoes from Macys. My husband got a suit from Suit Supply but he could wear it to other events/work. He wore shoes he already had. I'm just bummed that I'll prob never wear my dress + my husband will never wear his suit LOL.

• Dress: $50
• Alterations: $120 (only need to take in bust + add bustle)
• Shoes: $50
• Veil: $30
• Suit: $900 (including alterations)
• Bowtie: $20
• Total: $1170

Makeup/Hair
I went with a super popular studio that all my friends had used. My makeup artist was pretty good. I had previously had a trial in Asia so I knew what I wanted and what I didn't like. I was happy with my overall look. I paid for 1 service for each BM + 2 moms.

• Trial: $140
• Day-of H+M: $349
• 3 BMs + 2 moms (1 service each @ $85): $425
• Total: $914

Wedding Party Gifts:
We did individualized gifts for each of our dear friends who were part our of wedding party. One of our friends was also our officiant so we got her a gift as a thank you.

• 3 BM Gifts: $300
• 3 GM Gifts: $300
• 1 Officiant Gift: $50
• Total: $650

Rehearsal Lunch:
We had decided to host a rehearsal lunch since we had to have our rehearsal at 11AM the day before due to an event that night. My parents would've graciously gifted this to us. This was a Chinese banquet style meal for 24 people.

• Total: $1000

Misc:
We spent some money here and there for random stuff. My friend let us borrow 20 hurricane vases for centerpiece decor so I was able to save $2-3 per candle. We also bought frames for our welcome sign. We did end up borrowing a lot of stuff which was great!

• Random Stuff/ Decorations: $50

Things to keep in mind:

• I didn't include Tip amounts but I would've estimated around $300 for tips total.

I hope this is helpful and it IS possible to plan a good wedding in Los Angeles for under the average!

I’m mostly a lurker on reddit but I wanted to share my experience to help other brides before they decide to order from them.
Reddit actually recommended this company for silk flowers so I ordered pre-made silk flower bouquets for my bridal party through the budget-bride website back in late 2019. The flowers were delivered and were beautiful and I was impressed. So recently I decided to order a second round of matching flowers to decorate my reception. I ordered what’s called a “small decor kit” that was supposed to include a long low centerpiece for the head table, rose petals, small matching bouquets for vases, some foliage and some matching flower stems for $250.
I placed this order back in February and it was barely delivered to me earlier this week. I open the package and I’m missing one of the items, the long low centerpiece, it’s the highest valued item ($150) in the kit and the only reason I even bought the kit. I check the website and now the small decor kit doesn’t even include the long low centerpiece and I wonder if I’m crazy and just imagined it. I go through my phone camera roll and I find a screenshot clear as day that’s time stamped for the day I placed my order that shows that the long low centerpiece is in fact included. The company was being shady and changed the items included in the kit!
Long story short I’ve been fighting with their customer service for 3 days and they’re flat out refusing to give me the missing item despite me sending them the screenshot. They keep repeating that it was a glitch and they’re not going to honor it. At first they were offering me a discount to buy the centerpiece for $125 then they lowered it to $60 and I refuse to give them more of my money if they’re not going to give me the item I already paid for. The customer service manager has been no help whatsoever he keeps saying that it was a “glitch” and that I should be happy that they’re giving me a huge discount on the item. He keeps telling me I can get a refund if I can ship everything back to Canada (I’m in Arizona) within 3 days which sounds impossible btw. He’s also ignoring the parts of my email where I’m asking him to give me the contact information to talk to anyone above him.
Sorry this is so long I just wanted other brides to be aware before they order from this company. I know an $150 centerpiece is a tiny thing to be upset about but I feel totally deceived and I feel like the company just doesn’t give a crap about making it right. I wasn’t asking for anything for free, just to get what I ordered according to their own website.
TL;DR - Ordered silk wedding flowers from Budget-bride and delivery was missing an item from a decor kit. The company is claiming the item was never part of the package despite me having screenshots showing otherwise and is refusing to send me missing item.

I know it’s been hard to talk or think about weddings lately but I think other couples may find our postponement and small ceremony helpful as they make or change plans. I first want to acknowledge that we are really, really lucky to have our immediately family nearby, parents with the space to host, and the financial ability to afford a second event.
 
My fiance and I got engaged in the beginning of January 2019 after 7 years together. He proposed with a ring I chose from this Esty shop. It’s moissanite and beautiful and cost him $1,200 (We did not include the cost of this ring in our wedding budget. It’s also the only wedding item he paid for.)
Original Plan:
Where: Harriet Island Pavilion, Saint Paul, Minnesota. (Ceremony at a local Catholic Church)
When: April 25th, 2020
Who: 273 of our nearest and dearest. (Venue cap at 275)
Budget: $23,000 ($10,000 from parents, the rest from my savings). Obviously, we didn’t have the event so that number isn’t exact.
 
By March 15th it was becoming painfully clear we weren’t going to have the event as we had planned it. I started making contingency plans and reaching out to vendors to see what we could do. Everyone was really understanding and we were able to rebook all our vendors for May 1st, 2021 for minimal additional fees.
We knew we wanted to get married now but, for us, having our parents and siblings present was the most important thing. We felt weird about holding our ceremony in the middle of the lockdown but we had to have it before my fiance started his medical residency in early June. We waited until restrictions were being lifted in our state and picked May 23rd. We talked to our priest, and he talked to the archbishop, and got the tentative go ahead to hold the ceremony outside a Catholic Church (which is normally a big no-no). All our guests promised to be extra socially distant the two weeks leading up to and after our ceremony in order to decrease the risk of transmission.
 
New Plan: Photo’s first!
Where: My fiance's parents house. Ceremony outside, dinner on the screened in porch.
When: May 23rd, 2020
Who: 13 immediate family members (+ our photographer and 2 family friend musicians who played from 20 feet away during the ceremony)
Actual Cost: $2,600 (paid for by us) Here’s that broken down:
Food: $295 We got take and bake meals from our favorite restaurant plus salad, bread, and apps. And cheesecake!
Drinks: $100 We had gin gimlets, champagne, and wine. We have plenty of leftovers!
Photographer: $300 (because restriction has been loosened, our photographer was able to attend. She was fantastic and I’d recommend her to any twin cities bride)
Officiant: $35 Our priest backed out last minute because the archbishop never gave him the final approval (he was too busy trying to reopen churches early despite the governor’s orders and the whole, you know, pandemic thing) My fiance’s sister stepped in and did a wonderful job. We worked together to write a ceremony script, vows, and chose new readings in record time. We're still hoping to have our marriage convalidated and hold a vow renewal next year in the church but we'll see.
Attire: $800. My fiance's suit was $275 and he’ll wear it again next year. My dress was $150, secondhand BHLND from craiglist, with $275 worth of alterations. (I had it taken in, the back opened, I hand-beaded straps/belt that was added, and hem shortened). I may or may not wear this dress again next year.
Rings: $766. These were from a local jewelry. Mine was custom to fit my engagement ring. Obviously, we will use these rings for wedding 2.0
Music: $200. We had a violinist and a flautist so they could play Concerning Hobbits to walk into.
Decor: $100. Almost everything was DIY. I had made/purchased everything for our original plan so I had more than enough items to go over the top with our decor. This cost only reflects what we used. Here’s what we used that day: handmade copper arch, hand-dyed cheesecloth table runners and ceiling draping, led candles, fairy lights, goblet vases.
Flowers: $20. All the flowers are handmade from crepe paper (I did not factor what my time is worth into this estimate!) I had made literally thousands of flowers and greenery over the last year. Luckily, they keep forever so I can use my bouquet and centerpieces for wedding 2.0. I might do a full post/breakdown/instruction on this if people are interested (and as crazy as I was to take this on).
Besides the flowers, here are some DIY details I’m especially proud of:

• I made my earring and wore them over the pearl studs my mom wore for her wedding. I also made my hairpiece but forgot to take pictures of it.
  
• The vases cost $2 a piece. Shout out to this post that showed me how to make them from dollar tree supplies.
  

 
Overall, I wouldn’t have had our wedding any other way. I’m looking forward to the vow renewal and party next year but for now I’m content to be married to the person I chose. All in all, we spent about $900 that we wouldn’t have spent if we had gone ahead with our original plan. We’ll probably spend at least another $500 on various unplanned expenses (new save the dates, invites, maybe a jumpsuit for me) for our wedding 2.0.
 
I didn’t mean to write a novel but I was trying to be thorough! Let me know if you have questions or comments!

I (25 F) got married in March and wanted to share some advice, tips, and things that worked out really well for our rustic wedding and that fit our 10k total budget!

1 All Inclusive Venue: We booked an all inclusive venue for our ceremony and reception. This included the ceremony set up with wood chairs and a wood arch and our reception set up. Finding an all inclusive venue is amazing because you don’t get nickeled and dimed on chairs, linens, silverware, and glassware. It was all included with a day of coordinator and they even set it all up for us. We figured it was worth it to spend a good amount of our budget on the venue because of everything it included! In one fee we took care of the ceremony, dinner, and the reception! When we first started looking at venues we thought it would be cheaper to book a ranch style venue but the costs to bring in all of the rentals and food was crazy.

2 Sit Down Dinner Option: For some reason, our venue was cheaper for the sit down dinner option versus the buffet option. They said it was because they had to prepare more food for the buffet. We went with the sit down option and even though it was more planning for guest’s meal choice and seating arrangements, it saved us money and was easier for our guests!

3 Hobby Lobby Deals: Hobby Lobby became my go to place for wedding supplies. They have a wedding section that would be discounted 50% every few weeks. If items were not on sale that week, I could purchase one item at a time with a 40% off coupon that can be found online. They have so many things from signs, decor, guest books, unity candle ceremony candle holders, etc. Most of the wood signs I bought for our welcome table & guest book were only a few dollars and cheaper to buy than to make!

4 Amazon: Amazon was another great place to get wedding supplies. We had a rustic theme, so I purchased our table numbers and holders, greenery, and a special tablecloth for our sweetheart table off of Amazon. Compare pricing with other stores because sometimes sellers jack up the prices, but there are very good deals and an array of wedding supplies!

5 Wedding Favors: This is my favorite tip to share with you all!!! We got married on Pi Day (3-14) and decided to have mini pies as our wedding favors. They were not only rustic looking but also were a play on Pi Day. We purchased mini pies from Walmart and rewrapped them a day before the wedding in clear plastic treat bags, with rustic twine, and a thank you tag that I purchased from Hobby Lobby! The pies are 2 for $1, so 50 cents each!! This made our wedding favors so cute and so inexpensive! Everyone loved them!

6 Simple Details: To be honest, I stressed out about so many little things for my wedding. From the centerpieces to the welcome table, I wanted everything to be perfect. No one even remembers what was or wasn’t on their table. As long as you have good food, drinks, and music everyone is happy!!! Our guests were so ecstatic to celebrate our love and our union. It didn’t matter what kind of candles and flowers were on the table. Of course you want it to be beautiful, but my suggestion after looking back is to keep it simple!!! We went with white hydrangeas with eucalyptus greenery in mason jars for our flowers. They turned out so beautiful in their simplicity!

7 Wedding Traditions: My husband and I decided early on that we wanted our wedding to feel like “us” and we didn’t want to be pressured into decisions based on Traditions. We decided not to do the garter & bouquet toss. We also entered to our first dance song and only danced to it for a short time. No one even cared!!! My advice is to use the Traditions that feel right for you and don’t worry about the others! This is your day!

8 Schedule: I had our day of timeline to the minute and on the day of, my schedule completely went out the window! My advice is to have a general idea and schedule of events, but understand that the timeframe will change!

9 Dress & Change of Clothes: My dress had a petticoat underneath and I cannot express how hot I was from it! The skirt of my dress did not breathe and I had sweat dripping down my legs. I became so overheated that I had to go to the restroom to pick my gown up and air out my legs with cool towels. My biggest regret is not having a change of clothes for exiting the wedding. My feet hurt like hell from my heels and even though I brought a pair of ballet flats, I never had time to change shoes. I was so hot that I could only dance for a few songs and then we planned our grand exit. I was so bummed about this and didn’t even realize how hot my dress would be when I tried it on at the store and for fittings. If you have a large dress, I would suggest bringing a change of clothes for the end of the evening. I was so uncomfortable during the car ride to our hotel and was overheated. I asked my husband to take off my dress as soon as we walked into our hotel room and took a shower to cool down. I never wanted to be one of those girls who had a dress change for the reception, but I completely understand why now. My advice is to spend some time in your dress and see how comfortable you are in it after some time. This is something I didn’t do and looking back I definitely would have changed out of it in order to dance and enjoy myself!

I know this list is all over the place, but I hope this helps you with planning your special day!

Once again my life drama is not your cash cow. Do not post outside this forum.
TL;DR: Mom & Mother in law played out every mother of the bride stereotype leading up to my wedding, FDH and JYDad had to step in.
So in my last post I talked about my first birth and the garbage that came out of my JNMom's mouth. This time I thought I'd dredge up my wedding, because 13 years later she still doesn't get it.
Alright so a little back story: my parents offered to pay for my wedding and any extra money saved from the $20,000 budget would pay for my honeymoon. There were no strings to be attached and my mother 100% respected my boundaries and couldn't have been happier to only offer opinions when asked..... HAHAHAHAHAHA.... Yeah if only.
Now for the play by play: my FDH and I had been talking about getting engaged for a couple years so we knew what we wanted long before he popped the question, so I didn't need to "shop around", I knew exactly what I wanted, where I wanted it and who I wanted to participate. So just for fun let's do this in boundary stomping point form (it should be noted that we were doing a medieval theme)

1. I wanted a custom version the dress from the painting "The Accolade" complete with draped and lined sleeves. Nope I got the body of the dress, but she didn't want to pay for the extra embroidery on the belt and sleeves so those were trimmed down. Then I couldn't have the sleeves because I'm a slob and I'll be to hot (my wedding was in Nov in Canada). So instead I got fitted mesh sleeves. Now anyone who has worked with fine mesh they will tell you this is a bad idea, why? Because your arms move so much they shred. Any takers on how long my sleeves lasted after I put it on? We didn't even make it through photos and I spent the rest of the night holding my arms to my sides so it didn't show.
   
2. Groomsmen: this one is all on my in-laws. My spouse has 2 brothers, and he asks one to be his best man, the other to be a groomsman. Nope the younger decides "they're joint best men" and they both give speeches making my sister feel awful because I specifically told her only the best man and maid of honor were giving speeches.
   
3. Guest list: my mother decides that since they're paying I have to invite all this Faaaamily that I've met twice in my life (at reunions). My FDH and I had a strick rule that guests must either know and be close to us as a couple or have made a significant impact in our childhoods. So luckily my JYDad isn't a fan of my mom's side so he put is foot down.
   
4. Then there was the bridal fair. This is a dual M & MIL one. As indicated above, and as you've probably guessed, I do not suffer from decision paralysis. So this one is at least kind of my fault. I didn't need the Moms' help, I didn't want their help, so they were feeling left out because on my side my mom figured she'd get to bully me into what she wanted because I'm the less confrontational daughter and my sister will not put up with her crap, and on my FDH side, it was unlikely either of his brothers were going to get married (they're still not and both have kids so not happening any time soon). So as a peace offering of sorts FDH and I offer to take them to the Bridal Fair in our town. A nice day out a nice lunch and they get to offer their opinion on the few things we haven't finalized. Can you say unmitigated disaster?!!! Within 20 min of being there they tried to gang up on FDH and banish him from the conversation because the wedding isn't for the groom. Yeah, I mentioned before that his spine is super shiny... They were reminded politely but abruptly that since he is also getting married if he wants an opinion he gets an opinion.
   
5. Self-preservation kicks in: so after all this I am pretty upset and they are continuing (both sides) to come up with stuff we "should do". To let them feel involved we have each mom a task and a due date. My mom got centerpieces, his mom got guest table. The rule was simple. I don't want to know anything until the week prior to the wedding. If I don't like it we don't use it. I picked things I didn't care about/wasn't planning to do so if it was a disaster I could opt out.
   
6. The big day: specifically the seating plan (or lack there of) we deliberately didn't have a seating plan because we always find them uncomfortable and didn't want to force people to sit together. You'd think I kicked a puppy with how they carries on. "How will people know where to sit?, How will they know who they're next to?, What will people think?". My dad's response: Are there chairs at the tables? Well, then they know where to sit. Do they have mouths? Good they can introduce themselves like normal people. What will they think? WHO THE F*#$ CARES?!
   

Ugh. I love my dad. My husband's pretty cool too!
Next time: the only thing my in laws are JN about, and boy is it a doozy!
Thanks for reading everyone, this is amazingly cathartic!