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TLDR; taking on huge risk and betting everything makes you more prone to paper handing your position at the slightest red. Be smart about your position and your profits. 🦍🦍 💪💪, GME 🚀 🚀 🚀 Alright retards, put on your helmet and take that crayon out of your nose because it's time to get serious. Diamond handing is important. It's been the most important part of our strategy, no doubt. The concept's easy, but this volatility is enough to age us all 40 years. Not everyone, especially the newer people, are capable of stomaching these drops, so I'd like to offer a more practical (more realistic maybe) guide to diamond handing. At the very least, this guide will help you be more confident in your positions and greatly decreasing your odds of being a little bitch that sells at the first sign of red. If you're just joining us now and bought any of the hyped stocks at current prices or higher:
Educate yourself. You bought a stock, which is ownership of a company. Understand the fundamentals behind what your company. DD is not something WSB is lacking in. You have a searchbar. You have eyes. (I mean, unless you don't. That's cool too. Have someone read you DD out loud like a bedtime story. :) ) I really like this DD on Gamestop if you want to learn some more about Gamestop. I don't know (and don't care) about any of the other stocks, so you're on your own. Educate yourself on the company you own a portion of and you'll be less prone to paper hand.
Don't sell at a loss. It's just retarded. Fear is one of the worst human emotions and you'll never make money in the market if you're scared of a little red. So if you can't stand that you're down 10% on a stock that swings 50% a day, why did you buy it in the first place? Similarly, if you're down 50% on a stock, it makes no sense to sell it when it pretty much can only go up from there. This isn't to say that stop loss isn't important but I feel like I'll do more harm by trying to explain to you retards on when to use it. So for now, while the hype is still there, just hold.
Only invest what you can afford to lose. Don't overleverage. Don't use margin. Seriously, if you're struggling to put food on the table and your last $10 are in AMC like a retard, this game really isn't for you. The reason is that you're so scared for your money that you will make the worst possible decisions at the worst time and lose that money. Don't underestimate fear and desperation. This isn't just a get rich quick scheme.
When you're up bigly, congratulations! You win. Follow the advice for OGs.
If you're an OG and bought Gamestop when it was double digits:
Congratulations you big chad! :)
Consider taking a little bit of profit. If you bought Gamestop at like $12, you are up bigly, no doubt, but it can be extremely nerve wrecking to watch your portfolio erase three years of your Wendy's salary in an hour and so you can be prone to paper handing. It will really be much easier if you sell a tiny portion of your shares to at least cover the initial deposit. That way, if Gamestop goes down to $0 (when hell freezes over, but you never know), you at least break even. It'll be easier to sleep at night. I mean, even Deepfuckingvalue does it. Be smart about it.
Anyway, it's hard to diamond hand consistently if you have trouble sleeping at night due to how overleveraged you are. It's like a diet fad. The chad that limits himself by 100 calories but sticks to it consistently will do better than the retard trying to fast 72 hours when he's never gone 30 minutes without a sugar donut. Be realistic and take care of yourself. It's far easier to stay consistent by doing that. If anybody has any questions on Gamestop, stocks, or options, feel free to ask in the comments. My DMs are open too if you're shy 😳 👉👈. Positions: A fuckton of GME, bought both at $14 and at $300. I buy every dip and hold, I've sold my entire portfolio to feed my GME gambling addiction but I've also sold 8% of my shares to cover my initial investment so it truly doesn't matter anymore if it goes tits up. Not investment advice. I have one braincell.
OBLIGATORY FILLER MATERIAL – Giving thanks edition: Kickin’ around Caracas, Pt. 5
Continuing… (It's Part 6 in the saga, I fucked up. Sorry.) So, after a few re-fueling and impromptu cigar-purchasing stops in South and Central America, we wheel up to the deserted jetway at LAX. “Thought we were going to Elmendorf?” I asked. “This isn’t it?” the pilot replied, feigning worry. “No.”, I replied, “Looks like California. Fruits and nuts. All around. What’s going on? One minute we’re off to Texas, then Cali, then Texas again, now we end up here at the California airport of the iconic tower.” “Yeah, it’s confusing enough haulin’ civilians around. But when we get a call from Virginia, we tend to comply without any questions,” the pilot explains. “Aw, shit!”, I sort of exclaim, “Rack and Ruin called?” “Yeah”, the pilot replies, “Figures you’d know these guys. They said they were closer to LAX rather than Texas and had us divert here. In fact, you look over there, see that dark blue Chevy? That’s them; and evidently, your ride.” I tipped the airman from earlier a couple of cigars as he helped me with my gear off the plane and into the trunk of Rack and Ruin’s plain-Jane blue late modeled Chevy. Had to move the Sidewinder Missiles off to one side, though. “Most honorable Agents Lack and Luin!” I quipped in my faux-racist greeting. “What the hell, guys? I’ve got to get to Japan and get some newly rigidified digits.” “Let’s see your hand”, Agent Rack asks. “Nasty.” “Yeah”, I sigh “And with the medicos in South America and their penchant for plaster, I don’t so much have a left hand as more of an ankylosaur tail.” “Or Thagomizer”, Agent Ruin tittered. “Anyone gives you grief, and one upside the head should set them right. Or dead.” “You’re a riot, Ruin.” I replied, “But not entirely incorrect.” We all agreed that I really didn’t need any extra accouterments to make myself look more dangerous. I mean with my severe haircut, stern beard clip, and perpetual ‘Go fuck yourself’ scowl. “Yeah”, I replied, stroking the aforementioned beard, “I just can’t get that. I’m such a people person.” After Agents Rack and Ruin finished drying their eyes from laughing what I thought was en extremis, we finally got down to business. “So, what’s the skinny, guys”, I asked. “New marching orders?” “No. Not as such”, Agent Ruin said, still sniggering over my ‘people person’ comment. I see we’re moving. Agent Rack is just driving casually, like Chewbacca when they were waiting to see if the Empire went for that expensive Bothan code. “Then, what?” I asked, getting a slight bit piqued. “Well”, Agent Ruin noted, “When you went to South America, you took some of your artillery collection with, correct?” “You know I did. You even made some snide comments about my personal choice of sidearms and their ‘excessive’ calibers, if memory serves”, I reiterated. “And if you are proceeding normally, as you always do, they’re all nestled in the trunk of this very car. All cleaned, quiet, unloaded, and smelling sweetly of Hoppe’s Number 9 and WD 40, correct?” Rack inquired. “Yes?” I cautiously venture. “Well, ya’ big dummy, do you think they’re going to let you saunter into Tokyo armed like the Third Fleet?” Agent Ruin chuckled. “Um…well…I do have a Diplomatic Passport.” I ventured. “That’s not going to work this time.”, Agent Ruin said, shaking his head. “They’re tighter than Dick’s Hatband about sidearms. Want to bring in your Rigby SXS .500 Nitro Express double rifle? Not a problem. Sidearms, especially in your alien hunting calibers, nope.” Well, that’s just….*dandy!”, I reply, semi-put out. “Now what the hell am I going to do?” “Ever think that’s why Ruin and I are here, now?”, Rack asks. “And here I thought it was just so you could bask in the warm glow of my fucking wonderful personality. Or that you actually cared about me as a real goddamn human”, I joshed. “Ummm…yeah”, Rack replies, “There’s no way we can answer that without going on some Deadpool list. “ I agreed. “OK, here’s the deal: you get your sidearms, ammunition, speed loaders, brass knuckles, Asp, laser range finders, Sap, Zeiss scopes, Kukri, Wisconsin Cheese Whittler, Buck folding skinner, Marine K-Bar, those two ultra-illegal Cheburkov Cobra titanium switchblades...” “Three. Olga the KGB lady sent me one for Geologist’s Day.” “Ahem. Those threeultra-illegal Cheburkov switchblades, that Wyoming Speedholer, your MASER Time-Distance Computer, garrote, pocket rail gun and whatever else lethal you carry and deposit it in the iron box in the trunk. We’ll ensure that it’s delivered to Esme post-haste. And by post-haste I mean one of our guys will deliver it personally.” “Well…I suppose”, I conceded, “But best send someone who’s been to the house recently. I don’t know how much bigger Khan has grown since I left on this little fantasy trip. Wouldn’t want a star on the wall in Langley for someone eaten by a mastiff. Want to see a picture….Oh, bother. That’s right. My phone’s at the bottom of fucking Lake Maracaibo.” “Good point”, Ruin interjects, “Guess we’ll do a little road trip and deliver it ourselves. Best call Esme and let her know what’s going on.” “I have no objections to your proposals. Please give Esme this when you see her. I had some luck in the Calaveras Casino and if I don’t send her some mad money. Ouch. She’ll never forgive me for not taking her along to Japan.” I asked. “But I thought Esme hated Japan? Too crowded and too ‘fussy’, I believe was her estimation.” Ruin asked. “Yes, but once she saw the Ginza, all bets were off. Shopping the likes of which even Allah himself hasn’t seen.” I replied, slowly shaking my head. “I see”, Ruin said, “Well, since you’re off to Sapporo, perhaps you can do a recon for Esme on the shopping there.” “Not bad. Not bad at all.”, I smiled, “Now I know why I let you guys hang around with me.” So, as advertised, I am now standing on the tarmac at LAX, basically feeling naked. “Can’t I keep just one switchblade?” I moaned to Agent Rack. “Go ahead, if you’re really keen on donating it to Japanese customs”, he replied. “Fuckbuckets.” I groused. “There, there now. That’s the usual Dr. Rocknocker of which we’re all so fond.” Agent Ruin chuckled. “Remember, you do have that wallet-sized credit card gizmo from the Company. So you’re not entirely ‘naked’. Think of it as an emergency breechcloth.” He smiled. “I’d like a larger model if you don’t mind. It’s chilly out here.” I joshed. After Agents Rack and Ruin stripped me metaphorically naked as they de-weaponized me, they handed me a Business Class ticket to Tokyo, and a pass to the Japan Airlines Hospitality Suite and Lounge. “So sorry you guys can’t hang around and have a few farewell snorts”, I chided, “But you’ve got a bit of a drive, so best be off before the weather turns to shit.” “Who says we’re driving?” Agent Rack asked as he hooked a thumb over his shoulder at the ready and waiting C-130 cargo plane currently taxiing slowly in our direction. “Well, in that case”, I smiled even more broadly, “Let’s invite the flight crew to join us. That’ll make the flight home all that much more interesting.” After near tear-jerking farewell sentimentalities, i.e., “Piss on you”, “Get stuffed” and “Take a fuckin’ hike”; Agents Rack and Ruin, my weapons and the Agency’s plain-Jane Blue Chevy were all nestled snugger than buggers in ruggers in the belly of the thundering C-130. Now truly on my own, I trudge the hundred thousand or so centisteps to my departure terminal, make a quick recon that my flight’s still slated to go in a generally westward direction, and hightail it to the nearest courtesy desk to ask for a motorized cart to take me and my remaining luggage to the JAL Hospitality Suite. Hey. I’m old, infirm, and currently among the walking wounded. Anyone that disagrees risks an Ankylosaur tail club swat or Thagomizer to the skull. Finally ensconced in the JAL Hospitality Suite, Polo Lounge of course; I was drinking Tokyo Teas (3 oz. vodka, 2 oz. gin, 2 oz. rum, 1 oz. triple sec, 1 oz. Midori, good splash of lime juice, a slight splash of 7-Up (diet, of course), over ice with a lime wheel) with Pabst Blue Ribbon Extra 1844 chasers and Hangar One’s “Fog Point” vodka on the side, hiding from the brutish realities of this foul year of two thousand and twenty-something, Common Era… I’ve already called Esme and we’ve had a good, long chat. She still managed to give me her shopping list for whenever I find myself bored on the Ginza. She’ll be shocked when she learns that I’m not going to be in Tokyo long, but have 1st class tickets on the Bullet Train to Sapporo. Still, I’ll probably find myself in Pole Town or the Stellar Place there, trading piles of US greenbacks for locally produced Japanese curios and clothing. I can hardly wait. I order another round of drinks, as the wonderful attendants in the Hospitality Suite were bored out of their skulls because of the COVID-induced drop-in customers flying anywhere that requires a hospitality room stay, and I was virtually the only one around. They tried their level best to outdo each other when it comes to Japanese efficiency and friendliness. After a couple of hours, they ask if I would like something from the grill, as the day chef had “the COVID” and the night chef just arrived. A quick perusal of the menu and I chose a 28-ounce dry-aged Porterhouse and another round of drinks. I usually don’t like to eat too much before I fly, but JAL tells me the flight is going to be virtually empty, something like <121 pax, all told, so restroom availability shouldn’t be too much of a concern. Plus, who am I to say no to a free, blue 28-ounce dry-aged Porterhouse? There was a bit of difficulty conveying to the chef through the intermediaries of the hospitality just how I wanted my steak. “Blue,” I said. “Brue?” was the reply. “Rare. Very, very rare.” I continued. Look of total bewilderment. I drag out my Personal Language Pro, speak “Steak, very, very rate” into the infernal gizmo, and hand the contraption to the attendant. “珍しい、非常に珍しいステーキ?”[ Mezurashī, hijō ni mezurashī sutēki?] “Raw! Nama!” I say, louder than need be. They toddle off to find the chef. “How is it sir, that you would like your steak cooked?” he asks. “Very rare. Just a minute or two per side. Inside still cold.” I instructed. All I got for the trouble was a puzzled smile. “Give me the language gizmo…” I type in a few words… “お尻を洗い、角をノックオフして、ここから出してください” [O shiri o arai,-kaku o nokkuofu shite, koko kara dashite kudasai.] “Wash its ass, knock its horns off, and walk it out here.” “OH!” as the lightbulb pops. “Rare. Got it! Excellent!” the chef laughs and zips back to the kitchen. Like I always say, I’m nothing if not the international ambassador of amity and goodwill. “Crack tubes!” Dinner was fantastic. I do wish I could have somehow mailed the Porterhouse bone back home for Khan. After that hambone incident, he might even taste it. Finally on the plane, in an almost empty Business Class, the flight captain informs us that we’re headed to Haneda Airport Tokyo and anyone not headed in that direction better ‘haul ass off’ the flight or forever hold their peace. Late-night international flights tend to be a bit more wooly than your average Chicago to Omaha gig. Especially when the flight’s damn near empty and we have the next 12 hours or so to be best friends. We taxi, turn and head into the wind. I’m doctoring up a couple of dossiers and keeping my personal cabin attendant, Luna since there were two of us in Business and two business flight attendants, busy with her trying to play ‘Stump the Geologist’. “I’ll bet you never had this before.” She beamed and handed me a tumbler of very dangerous-looking brown liquor. I cautiously sniff, take a modest gulp, swirl and glug the rest down. “Ohishi Single Sherry Cask”, I say with a muffled belch. “Light. Fruity. An Englishman’s drink.” “Oh. You knew. Let me try again.” She smiles beatifically. “I have no objections to your proposal.” I smile as nicely as this crotchety old Komodo Dragon could. She returns with another flagon of spirits; it smells of obsidian, leather, and earth. I just had some of this back in LAX. I take a snort, smile, and shotgun the rest. “Hibiki Japanese Harmony…lovely stuff.” I smile. “A little light for my jaded palate, but I’d never turn it down if it were free.” “Oh, you win again. Wait. One more.” She smiles and skitters off to the galley. She returns with another soupçon of some more dangerous brown liquor. “Here, try this. It will make you very popular at social gatherings”. She smiles. Sniff. “Splendid.” Snort. Swirl. Smile. Shotgun. “Kanosuke New Born, if I’m not mistaken.” I smile back. “Very nice. I really do like this one.” “You too good at this. One more!” she stands and stomps off defiantly. She returns in a trice and hands me the glass. “Hmm…brown. Light notes of earth, leather, dating your daughter, and Kentucky… “Beam Suntory, right?” “You know them all!” she says, feigning irritation. “And I thank you. Those were all excellent. Now, anything in the dangerous clear liquor category? I asked. Luna smiled as I palmed off a 20k yen tip. “Oh, no sir. Wait until we land.” She demurred, referring to the gratuity; which is know is not de rigueur in the Orient, but she didn’t seem to mind. “Just in case we never make it to Tokyo”, I laughed, unknowingly presciently. We both chuckled about that last line as she tried out various sakes and shōchūs and an actual Japanese ‘White Liquor’ (ホワイトリカー), which were all excellent as was the company. I tell her that I need to get some work done and could she bring me a tall Rocknocker. After explain the origins and construction of the eponymous drink, she brings me one that must tip the scales at 1 or so liters. She settles down to an empty seat and I get after the work that I need to finish before we land. I’m about ½ way through my drink when it felt as if the plane hit a brick wall. She quivered and quaked and clutched at herself while I made some comments about the pilot’s mental health. We dropped like a paralyzed falcon, then just as suddenly, felt like it was an express elevator to Angel’s 11. The plane bucked and shimmied, wickedly. Then we slam-danced right and fell a few more stories. It was like we were in a Mixmaster and the owner was trying out every speed. The emergency lights in the 777-300ER popped on, and the fasten seat belt sign barked loudly so even sleeping travelers could enjoy the show. Rinse. Spin. Shudder. Repeat. Finally, the ride smooths out and we hear the captain on the blower. “This is your captain speaking…ah, we seem to have hit some uncharted turbulence back there.” “Thanks, Captain Obvious”, I muttered. “Everything’s A-OK. “ he reports. “That’s good”, I note. “But…” “There’s always the but…” I groan. “…we have a couple of warning lights for which we can’t quite account. So to just be safe and certain, we’re going to divert to Hawaii, get a clean bill of health and resume this flight once we make sure everything here is hunky-dory.” There were scattered groans and applause. Add them together and divide by two and the average response on the flight was “Meh. Whatever.” Except for the other guy in Business, with whom I hadn’t shared two words. He began to absolutely lose his shit. “Oh, man! We’re so screwed! Mechanical malfunction? What does that mean?” he positively fizzed with fear. The flight attendants tried to calm him down, to no avail. They basically gave up and said they’d report his misgivings to the Captain. I motioned over to my personal flight attendant, Luna, and asked if I could be of service. “Oh, Doctor Rock”, she smiled at me, “If you could speak with him. You are so calm, and he is…” “Losing his bloody mind”, I chuckled as I finished her sentence for her. “Of course, I’ll take a stab at it.” So, I grab my drink and ease over to my Business Class partner and introduce myself. “Hey, pal. How’s it going? I’m Dr. Rock, gentleman, scholar, and connoisseur of cigars and things alcoholic. You doing OK?” He looks at me with an ashen face and his eyes the size of bloodshot dinner plates. “Yeah. I’m Todd Schotts. I’m flying to Japan for business.” He mumbles “No surprise there,” I reply calmly and take a slug of my drink. “But now we’re all going to die. The plane is busted and we’ll crash…” he started off again. “So, Todd is it? Good. You drink?” I asked. “Yeah?”, he stammered back. I asked Luna to make us a fresh batch of my eponymous cocktails. “OK, Todd, listen up”, I began after the drinks were served, “I have flown literally millions of miles over the last 4 decades. On Aeroflot when it was still the USSR. On TACA (Take A Chance Airways), on Chalk’s in the Caribbean, on Bob’s Verrifast Plane Company in Rhodesia, on regional carriers that don’t even exist anymore. All over the world. Had some bad experiences flying, and me ol’ mugger, this ain’t one of them. This is nothing more than the glitch for this mission.” I chuckled lightly and complimented Luna on a fantastic drink. “Yeah…yeah…yeah…but we have to land and check out some lights…” Todd squealed. “Well now, Todd. It would be rather difficult to do any external assessment while in flight, don’t you agree?” I asked. “But we’re diverting. We have to land and that adds more risk. We’re going to crash and die!” he was coming more and more unglued. “I will bet you every cent you have on your person and home bank accounts that that will not happen”, I chuckled. That took him by surprise. At least it shut him up for a while. “Look, Todd. This is Boeing’s latest model. They have the most incredible safety record. And if a little clear air turbulence were to be knocking planes out of the sky, don’t you think we’d hear about it as the press went berserk?” I asked. “But they don’t know what the lights mean! What if one of the engines’s out? How far can we fly on one engine?” Todd stuttered. Having my fill of a supposedly grown man with inane childlike fears, I calmly replied, “All the way to the crash site.” He went white. “...hope we hit something hard. I don’t want to limp away from this.” He went limp. Then I went to my seat and motioned for Luna to prepare a reload. Of course, 45 minutes later, we land without incident at Daniel K. Inouye International Airport, Honolulu Hawaii. We were told to just wait around until they figure out what the problem if any, was. They had officials waiting at the end of the jetway to check our COVID status and passports before they let us loose in the terminal. I asked Luna if she knew this airport. She noted that she did. “Is there a JAL hospitality room here at this airport? I asked. “Yes, Doctor. It’s the Sakura Lounge. It is located on the third level above The Local, Terminal 2.” She replied. “Please notify whoever needs to know that that’s where I’ll be for the duration”, I smiled and handed her my business card. “See you soon, I hope.” “Oh, Dr. Rock”, she replied, “I am sure it is nothing much. We’ll be back in the air within mere hours.” “Well then”, I smiled, “Guess I’d better get ready to hoof it to the lounge.” “Oh, Doctor Rock”, she smiled, “No rush. I will call for you a courtesy cart. You are injured, you are Business, you are priority.” “I love that Asian efficiency.” I smiled back and toddled down the jetway. At the terminus of the jetway, I show my COVID-clear papers, dates and times of my Anti-Virus vaccine administrations, the letter from Virginia clearing me of all detention, and my red Russian diplomatic passport. While in the cart, whizzing our way to the JAL lounge, the driver said “Man! You must be some kind of VIP. You were through that welcoming committee in less than two minutes!” “Me? Nah!”, I chuckled, “Just an old phart of a geologist that they didn’t want to mess with. Not on such a bright, sunny day as this.” “I see you’re not wearing a mask.” The driver quipped. “Very observant. There are reasons for that.” I replied. He careens around a corner and if this were a normal pre-Covid day, I’m certain we’d have killed hundreds. However, the airport, as I’ve come to grow accustomed to, was virtually deserted. “Yeah? Like what?” he asks. “Well, Scooter, 1. I have an active and hardworking immune system that I let off the chain every once in a while for exercise. Got to let it know what it’s up against, right? 2. I’ve had all my shots and some that were experimental. They seem to have worked. And 3. I find it difficult to drink and smoke cigars while wearing a mask. However, if you’d prefer, I will mask up. No problem, though it still is optional.” “Nah, man”, he said, “I was just wondering if you were one of those religious idiots or conspiracy nuts.” Nope”, I smiled back, “Just another geologist out in the world plying his trade for cash. Y’know, whorin’ around for money.” He laughs aloud as we skid to a stop right in front of Lounge. I slip the guy a $20 and ask if he’d listen for the JAL flight I was just on. If we’re going on ahead today, I’d need him to scoot by and putt-putt me back to the plane. He laughs and pockets the $20 as quick as a mink ruts. “No worries. I’ll just hang around this area. I hear anything about the flight, I’ll come and let you know.” He grins. “Good man”, I say, as I hand him my card. “I’m Dr. Rocknocker. Call me Rock”. “And I’m Kapula Mano, call me Kap” he replies. “Good man”, I say again, “Hope to see you in a while.” He grins, floors his electric cart, and peels out at speeds approaching 4.5 MPH. I wander into the lounge, show my credentials, and am escorted to a post up on Mahogany Ridge. The bar is very quiet. Besides the bartender, I can’t see anyone else in the darkened and Smooth Jazz-infused drinking emporium. I order a local drink, a Mai Tai, just for the experience and something a bit different. It’s served in a goldfish bowl on a stem, bedecked with a slice of lime, a sprig of mint, a stick of sugar cane, a polychromatic orchid, and the obligate paper umbrella. “Ah. Mai Tai. I will enjoy it.” I said to no one in particular. One was enough, and I decided to go back to the old standard. Once I explained to the bartender what that was, he made them heroic and enthusiastically. I’m reading up on a random dossier, making notes in a new file, and puffing away on a Fuentes Onyx double Maduro Churchill cigar. I hear a slight cough coming from my right, and this here lovely lady, she sat to my immediate starboard and looked at me semi-quizzically. Not in the mood for shenanigans of any stripe, I give her the obligate Baja Canada nod and tilt of the drink. I return to my dossiers and continue to read and take notes. “Excuse me!” I hear. Fearing the worst, either the woman is Karen-oid anti-smoking or a religious fruit-and-nutburger, I slowly turn to face her and reply, somewhat glacially, I have to admit. “What?” “That cigar…” “Here we go…” I mutter, eyes rolling northward. “Smells exquisite. Could you tell me the brand? My husband would enjoy some like that.” She notes. Instantly my demeanor switches 1800. “Yes, ma’am. It’s an Arturo Fuentes Onyx. Churchill size, or 60 ring x 7” length, double Maduro. Here, take one for your husband. I have an ample supply.” I smile. “Oh, no. I couldn’t. Could I?” she asks. “Please. I insist.” I smile the best I could given the circumstances. “Thank you. You’re too kind…umm…Mr….?” “Doctor. Doctor Rocknocker. World traveler, oilman, and international ambassador of amity, good drinks, and fine cigars. Call me Rock” I said. “Oh! A Doctor?” she brightens. “Yes, of Petroleum Geology and Engineering. Not medicine.” I chuckle. She chuckles back. “And I am Hella Aaberg”, as she offers her hand for a quick shake. “Interesting name, Hella. Scandinavian or Old German heritage?” I ask. “On my father’s side. He’s Finnish.” She replies. “But I’ll wager your mother is not Scandinavian, correct?” I ask. “She was from Truk, an island…” “In the South Pacific, Micronesia. Was she from Weno city?” I asked. “Why yes. How could you possibly know that?” she asked. “Oh, I’ve been there. Great diving amongst the WWII wrecks. I think it’s actually called ‘Chuuk Lagoon’ or something like that now.” I said. “That’s right! Amazing. Where else have you been?” she asked. “Anywhere there’s oil, strife, booze, cigars, heavy explosives and typically long distances from whatever most normal people call civilization,” I replied with a chuckle. Suddenly, I hear a voice booming out behind me. “Why don’t you save that rapier-like wit for those musky-fuckers back home, Rocko?” My expression changes. My eyes pop fully wide open. “Hella?” I asked. “Yes?” “May I ask you a favor?” “You can ask…” “Thank you. Now, looking over my shoulder, is there a hulking goon of a person, thin up top, paunchy halfway down with the most ridiculously tiny sized shoes you’ve ever seen for a so-called grown man?” I ask. “Yes. Yes, there is.” She replies. “I thought so. Many thanks.” I spin and launch off my barstool and grab Toivo by the hand. He hadn’t seen my left-hand Thagomizer yet. “Toivo! You old sumbitch. What the flying fennec fox fuck are you, of all people, doing in Hawaii?” I laughed. “Just keeping an eye on you, Rock!” he laughed equally as loud. “No, fucking-A, seriously. What the actual fuck? What are you doing in this actual nice place?” I asked. “Just headed to Tokyo to conduct a bit of service company business. I walked into the lounge and smelled a foul cigar. I figured it can’t be the venerable Dr. Rocknocker. He’s back at some school up north terrorizing geology and engineering grads and undergrads.” Toivo laughed. “But there I was. Surprise!”, I laughed and pumped his hand. “What the fuck, Rock. Now what did you do?” he asks, referring to my Ankylosaur tail club left hand. “Ah, fuck. Long story. Oh, pardon me. Toivo, this is Hella. We were just talking about the South Seas Islands.” I said. “Planning on running off together?” Toivo laughs, to the amusement of neither party. “Oh, and this idiot is Toivo, a man with a congenital foot-in-mouth disorder. He’s mostly harmless.” I noted to Hella. Greetings were shared all around. Hella made some small excuses and said she needed to depart. I gave her another cigar for her husband, shook her hand, and wished her well. “Here’s my business card. If your husband has any questions, have him drop me a line.” I noted. Hella smiled beautifully. She said she would. Then she thanked me shook our hands, and like that, there she was, gone. “Well Toivo, you old bastard. Don't just stand there in the doorway like some lonesome goddamn mouse shit sheepherder, get your ass over here and have a drink.” I motioned over to my perch on Mahogany Ridge. “Don’t mind if I do”, he says as he deftly winds his way to a seat to my left, snagging a cigar out of my pocket on the way over. “You might want these”, I say in an exasperated tone, and hand him my gold Dunhill Hobnail lighter and V-cutter gizmo. He cuts and fires up his heater. “What you drinkin’, Rock”, he asks. “Anything with alcohol, as usual. You know that Toiv.” I reply. “No. I mean right now.” He clarifies. “Well, I had a Mai Tai. Very nice if you like fruity, flowery drinks. It’s the locals’ favorite.” I reply. “Sounds good. I’ll have several. And you?” Toivo asks. “My usual. The bartender is already apprised of the situation.” I reply. Toivo smiles the smile of one knowing his sobriety is going to be taken out for a swim. Hell, taken out and tossed into the deep end. Toivo and I sit there, swapping lies, smoking cigars and sipping at our toddies. Hell, Toivo was slurping them like a sump-pump during an extra-wet summer. We chattered about family, work, whether or not Tokyo was going to host the Olympics or if the COVID-boogie man scared everyone off. Toivo, always one afflicted with TB (“Tiny Bladder”) got up to go to the loo for the third time that hour. He left his pocket organizer on the bar and I swear on a stack of Origins of Species, I didn’t touch it. I reached over to his vacated seat to retrieve my cigar lighter when I looked down and saw in his organizer a tab that reads “Rack & Ruin”. “Oh. No. Fucking. Way.” I recoiled as I’d just reached out and petted a 6-foot hungover scorpion. “One of my best friends? Secretly allied with the Agency? No. Not possible.” I drained my drink and called for another. “No. No. No. It can’t be. No. No fucking way…” as doubt began to dissolve when I thought back to all those times I had just ‘run into’ Toivo. “But he’s oil patch as well. That could be chalked up to coincidence.” I ruminated quizzically in my brain. I quickly reflected back on J.M. Darhower: “Yes, you see, there’s no such thing as coincidence. There are no accidents in life. Everything that happens is the result of a calculated move that leads us to where we are.” She may be the author of the execrable New Adult Sempre series, which Esme likes and I loathe, but she might just be right on this occasion. Toivo return, lighter in the bladder and good sense. He never even noticed he’d left his organizer out in broad bar light for all to see. “So, Toivo, when’s your flight?” I ask. “Oh, man. Was I lucky. The JAL flight to Tokyo from Los Angeles had mechanical trouble and had to divert here. I got a ticket on the plane for that flight, when it continues. “You mean ‘if it continues’,” I replied. “Yeah. Yeah. That’s what I meant. Hey! Was that your flight?” he asks innocently. He’s really innocent of fieldcraft. I decide to have some fun at my old friend’s expense. “Yep. Hit some CAT (Clear Air Turbulence) and the JAL pilots reported some lighting problem. No apparent ruin to any of the systems. They relay racked their brains to figure it out, but they couldn’t that’s why I here.” I said, waiting for the words to swim upstream in Toivo’s coconut and make some sort of connection. “Yeah. Double lucky. No problem with the plane and I get to go to Japan early.” Toivo crookedly grins. “So, no trouble with the plane? Then why haven’t I heard that the flight’s going to resume?” I asked as I pushed a fresh, seriously strong drink to Toivo. “Oh, must have heard it in the john.” Toivo countered and tried to cover his tracks by taking a huge gulp of his drink and damn near dying coughing. I pound on Toivo’s back. “Heimlich time?” I ask. Toivo signals ‘no’. “Jesus Christ, Rock. What was that?” he asks. “Just my usual”, I innocently replied. “Holy fuck. No wonder you have the reputation of…” Toivo realizes too late that he’s said too much. “Yeah. They can rack you out. Really ruin a person if they’re not careful.” I reply icily. “Why, Rock. Whatever do you mean?” Toivo slurred as he realized he’s been caught out. “The jig is up, you turncoat. You know Agents Rack and Ruin from the agency. Right? You keeping tabs on me for them? You Quisling! You Benedict Arnold!” I almost was on the verge of losing my cool. “It was nothing. They approached me years ago as I kept being mentioned in your reports. They asked me for some information. One thing leads to another…” Toivo was ready for an Ankylosaur tail club swat to the bean. “Oh, put your fucking hands down, you asshole.” I smiled and chuckled. “You’re not mad?” Toivo slurred badly. I had the bartender make him another special drink. “No, Toivo. Not mad. Just disappointed.” I said, smiling like a Komodo Dragon just finishing up a fortnight-old wildebeest. Toivo sat there and puzzled and puzzled until his puzzler was sore. “You’re not going to kill me or anything rude like that?” Toivo asked, half-assedly trying to inject humor into the proceedings. “Nah. The paperwork’s too ridiculous for me to do another liberation. But, Jesus Fucking Christwagons, Toivo; you could have mentioned it to me. Fuck, I thought we were friends to the end?” I said, dejectedly. I was really getting through to Toivo. I could tell he was loaded; feeling like shit and massively deplorable. Great fieldcraft, indeed. I told him things “are what they are” and that I won’t blow his cover nor his honorarium. He began to feel better. I often wonder if he was serious about the sanctioning thing. Then I delivered the strategic missile strike. “Just remember, Toivo. I wrote your dossier for the Company…” He swivels to look at me. “And one for the KGB. Olga says ‘howdy’.” I grin evilly. Toivo short-circuited at that. Russia is his company’s bread and butter. Now he has the KGB as well as his best buddy looking over his shoulder at every move. I bought him a few more drinks and continued to needle him about his ’leading a double life’. He was well and truly fuckered when the electric tap-tap driver from before came looking for me to whisk me back to the plane. Seems it was simply some knocked-out wires on the plane, or slammed bulbs that were generating a false positive, indicating something other than the system that alerts one to something haywire went haywire. Toivo was pretty much down for the count. I got him sober enough to hand them his ticket and ensure that he was really supposed to be on this flight. Thing was; h e was in Economy, and I was, as always, in Business. I spoke to Luna, and the plane was going to be even less crowded than previously because some folks could or wouldn’t wait, or didn’t want to go on with the rest of the trip on a ‘damaged’ aircraft, or were just stupid and superstitious. “Luna, could I pay for the difference between Business and Economy for my less than 100% conscious friend here? He’s had a rough day.” I asked. “Dr. Rock. Just put him into Business. No one will be the wiser. Luna says so.” As she gave us a grand smile. “Luna, I owe you. Thanks so much.” I said. “Now get on board. Your friend looks like he needs all the downtime he can get.” “Yes, ma’am!” I said and saluted here be best I could which dragging a schnozzled Toivo down the jetway. I dumped Toivo in a window seat well away from my seat. I know Toivo. He snores like a semi-load of live hogs rocketing downhill locking up the brakes at 88 MPH. Surprise! There was no one else in Business. Luna looked at me, at Toivo, and gave me a thumbs up. Whatever I can write to further her career at JAL, she’ll have it before I deplane. We finally get everyone settled, and with Captain Kangaroo at the helm, we bounced gracelessly off the tarmac, into the warm, tropical Hawaiian air, finally headed for the Land of the Rising Sun. Toivo was snoring like a chainsaw hitting rusty nails as I worked on the various letters, communiques, and dossiers which needed updating before we reached touchdown. I gave Luna a thick letter with instructions not to open it until we were on the ground and Toivo and I were well off and away into the terminal. We left Hawaii at 1300 hours, so we should arrive at Tokyo Nareda around 4:00 pm, the previous day. I was so bereft of time and time zones, I couldn’t figure out what time it really was, as judged by my biometric rhythms, so I asked Luna for a stiff drink as I was kicking off my boots and going to attempt to get some kip. She brought me another liter or so eponymous drink. I was sawing logs by the time I slurped the last swig of that nifty drink. Suddenly, or later, I have no idea really, some loudmouth drunk asshole from way-the-fuck-back in economy-land toward the ass end of the plane staggered into Business demanding free drinks. Luna was nothing but civil, and asked him to both shut up and return to his seat. His air cabin hostess, or whatever the fuck they’re calling them these days, will attend to his needs. “Naw they won’t! They want me to pay for more drinks! I’m broke but I demand more booze! You fucking owe me.” railed the asshole. “I sat at the bar in Hawaii for four hours. Them fuckers charged me an arm and a leg!” “No, they don’t owe you shit”, I said in a voice that unmistakably loud and clear. “Fuck you, old man! You stay the fuck out of this!” he bellowed. “Shut up or I’ll do ya’!” “’Old man’? ‘Do me’? Excuse me. Luna, may I have a word alone with this individual?” I asked sweetly. Luna shook her head in the affirmative, and I stood up to confront this flagrant asshole. “Now look, Scooter. You have gone way, way over the fucking line. You are loud. You are abusive. You are obnoxious. And you stink. Plus you insulted a person who is just barely containing his righteous wrath right now. So, I’m giving you one and one only chance to shut up, sit back down before your body spontaneously develops all sort of bruises, contusions, broken bones, and unconsciousness.” I said calmly, evenly, and threateningly. “What da’ fuck you think you’re going to do…old man?” he screeched, trying to inflate himself into full mammalian threat posture, all 5’ 9” of it. He didn’t notice Toivo walking up quietly behind him, as Toivo was returning from the head, quiet as a moose. “Well, Scooter, I am an Air Marshall. Duly appointed, fully trained, and properly pissed off. Right now, I can arrest you, physically detain you, turn this flight around and take you to the Hawaiian police, at your cost for the inconvenience of the entire flight. Or I could arrest you, physically detain you, and turn you over to the Japanese authorities when we land. It’s really your choice. Choose wisely.” To be continued…⇝
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I was asked to make a post about some stories within the Casino grounds so I thought I'd share. I have many so I'll do my best to pick the better ones. Some back information: I've been a Casino Dealer for 11 years, I've been a supervisor for five years, and I've been a Surveillance Operator for one year. I've worked at three properties, none of which are connected or owned by the same company. I've worked on : Government/Private/Native American owned casinos.
From Hero to Zero.
At my first Casino, I was one of the first group of people who were trained to deal Roulette . After 4 weeks of working 6PM-3AM then doing roulette training from 3AM-8AM (Not paid) , I actually really enjoyed the game and after about six months I became extremely quick at the number game and the pace of the action was steady with very low margin of errors. Young man walks in, cashes in for $500. He buys in for $2 chips and just loads the board. After a few spins and pretty decent hits, he then changes his chips from $2 to 5$ then to $10 and racks his winnings up to $10,000. It was then, five spins in a row, he loaded the board with some pretty gross bets, and every spin I would hit the ONE number with either NO CHIPS on it, or maybe 1 chip , He lost all $10,000 in a matter of minutes. He leaves , and I go on break. After my break I was going back to the same table and wouldn't you know it, the same young man walks in and cashes in another $500. He tells me he just sold his car outside and this is all that he had left. So we do the same deal, buys in for $2 chips, then slowly starts betting $5 chips, $10, $25...and he makes $10,000 AGAIN. Within the next 25 minutes it was straight agony. Every spin, same thing, he would bet $2500 in chips, and win only $250, $400, and after about a half hour he lost it all . Never saw the guy again. 2) Man down At this property, we are 24 hours for table games. It's currently 5AM , and I'm dealing some $25 Blackjack to this guy. He's probably early thirties , heavy guy. He's sober as can be, but right away I can tell he's been losing. We know how much you've bought in for, how much your down, or up, and I could see he was down $2000+. After about twenty minutes of pure losing, his temper starts to flare.At this point I now have two other guests at my table. Drinking coffee, not saying a word, just losing their money. After losing hand, after hand, this guy looks me straight in the eye, seized up, starts shaking, he can't move. He tries to punch towards me and smashes his stack of chips all over the place and falls backwards to the floor. I call for security, we cannot touch him due to liability . I can't move from my table because, well, liability / casino cash property, all I can do is try to talk to him. As I'm doing so, these other two woman who are sitting at my table just look at me and one says "OK, dealer, cmon lets go " as she taps the table telling me to start dealing and forget about the guy having a stroke on the floor. As security takes him to the ambulance out front, I had to stay behind for a couple minutes and give a statement. I go on break. I come back, and 45 minutes later, he comes right back in with a oxygen tank and keeps gambling for the remainder of the morning. 3) You get a dildo, and YOU get a dildo! On a late summer Saturday night, we had a large event for these massive muscle guys/strongman competition type thing. After their show, I'm at the roulette table , and five of these boys come over to play. They were absolutely hilarious. They were feeling pretty good, cashed in somewhat large amounts and I could tell this was going to be a fun time. After about a hour of dealing to these guys, it's almost midnight, everybody is pretty hammered , I spin the ball, and all five of these guys take out these god damn (what I can only tell was) two feet purple dildos from inside their pants, and wiping them around in the air. The ladies were just loving it, one of the dildos landed in the roulette wheel and we had to shut the table down to re-calibrate the wheel to make sure nothing had been changed. I just remember that night was so much damn fun, I couldn't believe what I was seeing and I would never forget it. 4) Full Moon On this day, I was actually training dealers / supervising them on small games like Three Card poker. We opened the table at 10AM, and this older man came and sat down . He played all day. The jackpot was $21,000 and that was pretty high for this table. He played, and played and played. He's one of the players where you know he's wearing a diaper because he's been drinking coffee/pop all day and hasn't moved in eight hours. As the day went on, this man never moved from his chair. Getting closer to midnight, he was aggravated and said "I need to go have a smoke, I'm getting killed in here". He left, and the very next hand, the lady beside him was dealt the jackpot . He didn't say much, but you could just tell he just hated life at that very moment because had he not gotten up, it would of been his hand. The man calmly took his cane , his hat, jacket, coffee, and left. The next morning I found out when he did leave he drove his car straight through his bank and was arrested. 5) Slick Robber I actually give props to people who can actually pull this off. This story may confuse you so I'll try and explain things as best as possible. A lot of casinos have machines as soon as you walk through the front doors. A man walks up to one of these machines and sticks in HIS $100 bill. He doesn't gamble it, instead he hits the cash out button and gets a $100 TITO ticket where he then takes the ticket to the ATM machine to get his $100. Now remember, his Original $100 is in the slot machine. He then takes the $100 from the ATM and goes back to the same machine, and repeats this process over a hundred times. Essentially he's taking money from the ATM, and loading up the Slot Machine . Now he knows he can't do it too much because if the slot machine gets full of money, the machine will shut down and the slow attendant will have to take all the cash out. So he deposits over $10,000 , then has a small crowbar, he cracks the machine open and makes a run out the front door. To my knowledge he was never caught . But damn, that was pretty smart . EDIT: 6) Mental Health is a thing. 10PM man walks in to play some high limit BlackJack. This guy knows the game and played well. Dressed nice, drank juice/tea , a little bit of a attitude, cashed in over $10,000. When this man was half way down his buy in, he said something a long the lines of "If I don't win here tonight, I'm going to go set myself on fire." I wasn't sure if he was serious because when people are down, they tend to say a lot of nonsense. I actually left early that night, and from a third party was told he did exactly that in the parking lot. The next day it was clear something terrible had gone wrong in the parking lot . EDIT: 7) Nothing good happens after midnight After a busy Saturday night, I was dealing a mix of games, and during this story I was in the middle of Blackjack. I had one young kid (probably 19) sitting in the middle, one older male probably in his later 40's sitting beside him on his right, and I had a really nice couple in their 20's sitting together at the other side. This young kid wasn't playing just sort of watching, and ever time the old man won he would give this young guy some of his winnings. The older man, was a wine drinker, and he had black between all of his teeth, I'll never forget. He's a little drunk but nothing terrible. As the night goes on, the older man goes and uses the washroom, at which point the couple asked the young guy "Oh was that your dad?" and the young guy says "Hah, no I wish!". The couple and I just looked at each other. This old guy, was in complete control over this kid. Absolutely disgusting. The night ends, and I find out the couple called a few of their friends, and they all waited outside by this old mans truck and beat the living hell out of him. 40 years old, sleeping with a 19 year old, completely brain washed . Very weird. 8) That one co-worker where you just wish they would quit. One of our co-workers, nice guy but had a very big ego and we as employees just sorta left him alone. One day he had enough of the atmosphere and quit. Now usually when you quit, you cannot come back until you paperwork is finalized. How ever, HR was in that day, and he was given the paperwork the very next day. He came in, cashed in $1000, and made $50,000 in about a hour at the Baccarat table. My manager, was extremely annoyed, because now this guy is just mocking the casino and having the time of his life (Thanks for the big tip by the way :) ) and so he decides to call it quits. He wants to ban himself and he wants $50,000 in cash. The casino says Nope, we are going to give you a cheque. Now here's the thing, most business people will take the cheque, how ever you CANT CASH the cheque until the following monday because it's on that day where the funds are available. The casino on the other hand will cash their own check in anytime , because they want you to play. So this guy pretty much said go to hell I want my cash, and he called the police. Police show up, and management promptly gave him the cash.I though it was absolutely hilarious . 9) No good deed goes un punished I was dealing Three Card Poker, and the jackpot was around $17,000. This old man (a regular) was sitting there all day grinding it out. Super nice guy, always a pleasure to deal to. Well, after hours of playing, he stands up and says "Hey john!, can you come here for a minute?" so his buddy John comes over. He says to John "I need to go take a piss real quick, can you play my card until I get back?" John agrees . John takes the chips and I stop him and explain he can't play his friends chips, he needs to cash in and play his own. And he does. Welp, second hand out and bam, doesn't he win it. The old man comes back and is so happy, he can't believe it. John, took his $17,000, didn't say a word to his "buddy" and walked away. I never felt so much hatred in all my life. Didn't give him a dollar, not a thank you, nothing. The old man sits back down again, the progressive resets to $2500, and he sat there grinding away again. 10) The Top Knot I had this player , young guy, who was born into a fortune. One of his relatives passed away and left him a pretty big sizable amount of money, so he played poker every single day for the rest of his days. I will add, he IS a good player. I did not enjoy his company just because of the "Know-it-All" attitude, but he was good. We'll call him John. John is 5'10, and well build, with muscle. John also decided today was the day to show off his Top Knot. (google top knot if you're not sure what I mean) So he sits down, and he's absolutely KILLING the table. Every hand, after hand, after hand. And because he's in such a good mood, he's playing any two cards, calling any $500 bet, and he's just dominating. This one guy at the table decided he had enough. He got up, without saying a word and left. A moment later, he comes back in, walks behind John, and takes a pair of scissors , and cuts off his Top Knot. I for one couldn't believe it, dying laughing inside, and it just turned into one big brawl. That was a good day. 11) That one bad seed One of my best friends who I haven't seen in YEARS ended up being part of the crew. Was kind of nice to catch up. We never really got along as we grew up because he has a very high picture of himself . He wanted that 10/10 woman. A mansion, and a new Corvette. So every month or so we would all go up to the other casino to play. I myself would bring no more than $500, but I couldn't understand how this guy (we'll call him Kyle) was spending THOUSANDS of dollars at the tables. So this wen on for a few months. Well, one day, as we're closing the casino, he and I are in the High Limit room and we're getting ready to close the tables. We are told to take the chips out, count them, put them back, sign this piece of paper and that's it. Well as the supervisor was locking the tray, the piece of paper fell to the floor, so she asked Kyle to grab the piece of paper. As he bends over, a great big $500 chip falls right out of his sock. Kyle was fired immediately , but it all made sense. They offered Kyle a deal where if he replaced all the stolen chips they would not make it public. Not sure how that turned out. 12) If I ever decide to write a book, this will be the last chapter: <3 After working at my first Casino for five years, I met a Indian woman who was visiting from another part of the country. During this time I was explaining a game to her, which honestly I don't think she even cared. She explained she was visiting and sight seeing , and that was that.Well, two years later I ended up moving to the other side of the country and transferred casinos, and low and behold she worked there as a Dealer. We got married , and it's been 5 years. 13) The Tip One of our tables that we've had for a couple years had a progressive jackpot that had reached $100,000. The dealer at the table was sitting pretty lonely. Nobody really played the game because people knew it was extremely difficult to win the jackpot. My memory is a tad foggy, but you somehow needed to flop the royal flush. This young guy sits down and says to the dealer, we'll call him John. "John, if you pay me that jackpot, I will tip you $10,000" Well John started dealing, and about a half hour into his shift, he F*cking did it. He dealt him the royal. And you know something?This young lad, kept his word, and he made sure there was a audience, and he tipped exactly $10,000. That was a moment right there. That pay cheque was real nice. I think we all got about $500 more than usual. The moment that jackpot was awarded they got rid of the table because the money it was making was not near what the casino wanted. I'm sure there have been bigger tips at other casinos, but that was something special . 14) The Lawsuit Now this story I'm going to have to beat around the bush a bit due to the nature of what happened. I can't won't answer any questions that you may have on this topic other than what I have to say because it had a lot of publicity . The waitresses at this casino had to wear very thin sexy clothes. Not borderline legal, but it was noticed. One day they called all the waitresses to come in and explained they were changing their outfit to something even more sexier. Now these new dresses were very very borderline legal . The staff said No way. We're not wearing that.So , friday night comes, and the staff work their whole shift, then at the end of their shift were called into a meeting and were all fired. Welp, one of those ladies father was a pretty big time lawyer. Brough the casino to court and won. They won big. Good for them. We had no waitresses for a couple days haha. Thanks for reading along, I have many more I can add as the day goes on, those were just some off the top of my head. Feel free to ask any questions of the Casino industry. I don't really have many stories about the surveillance department because that's the one area where I can't really say a whole lot due to its privacy and contracts I was and still am under.
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Ultimate Casino Cashback Guide - Earn over £500 - Every Offer Explained!
This guide aims to outline all of the best gambling cashback offers available over a range of sites, following this guide you should be able to make over £500 in cashback Note - Cashback often takes a while to payout, bear this in mind when completing offers as you may have to wait to cashout your earnings When completing these offers don't chase any loses as the cashback will give you a profit with nerly every offer A short review of each site and some referral links Topcashback - Cashback will show as tracked within a few days, can take a few weeks to become payable, in some cases even longer, asides from gambling they have great offers for car insurance and mobile phone contracts, worth taking a look to save some extra money! Ref - Extra £5 when you make £10 cashback Non-Ref - No reward Quidco - Much the same as Topcashback Ref Non-Ref Minimum payment - £10 Ohmydosh - Faster Payouts but less offers Ref - Extra £1 Non-Ref - No reward Minimum payout - Any Cashback Earners - A lesser known site in need of a fresh look, this site also has some bad reviews, referal income is paid to the site on a monthly basis with the dates for each site being different, offers don't seem to show as tracked until the website receive their payment, cashback should appear in your account within 1 month of completing an offer. Cashout amounts are specific, its best to build up a balance and then withdraw. Payment takes around 3 weeks. Ref - Sign up bonus £6.5 Non-Ref - Sign up bonus £6.5 Minimum payout is £20 Payment Proof - Payments for all sites can be seen here, quidco isn't shown as i have signed up for all the casinos on offer through topcashback
How to Maximize Profit - IMPORTANT - READ THIS
For the majority of these offers you want to play blackjack following the chart found here Any blackjack game will do, look for a normal version of the game at the site you are playing on and make sure it is a non live game as the hand sizes will be lower. When playing blackjack there will often be more than one spot that you can bet on, allowing the player to bet more than one hand at a time, Its important to only bet on one spot at a time as it reduces the variance of the game and will ensure you get the maximum return possible from the game, stick to £1 hand sizes when playing and dont be tempted to bet larger amounts as you will be getting a nice amount of cashback from every offer Through playing blackjack this way the player will get a return of around 98%, meaning for every £100 staked you will lose around £2. If you make a loss on a casino site after completing the required wagering amount, withdraw your remaining balance, don't chase loses as the cashback will make up for loses and give you a profit in most cases. All offers are updated fairly regularly, make sure to check the terms for each offer as information in this post may become outdated. Also check for other offers every now and then as new casinos are added!
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Topcashback Referral - Get an extra £5 - See the Ref Link at the top of the page! If you dont already have an account at top cashback, you can sign up through my referral to get an extra £5 added to you account once you make £10 cashback Lottoland - Cashback £15 Add £11 and play 11 separate £1 hands, following the strategy outlined at the top of the post, withdraw any remaining balance. Betfair Casino - Cashback £70 Note this is not the poker offer Add £50 to your account and play 50 single £1 hands on blackjack following the strategy outlined at the top of the post, withdraw any remaining balance. Quidco are offering £100 for this offer Party Casino - Cashback £26.5 Deposit and play 30 single £1 hand son blackjack following the strategy outlined at the top of the post, withdraw any remaining balance. Tombola - Cashback £24.5 Deposit £10 and open the tombola roulette game, choose a £1 chip size and choose 5 spots, repeat this twice, withdraw any remaining balance, you will likely lose money here but the cashback will give you a profit Coral - Cashback £46 Add £10 and play 10 single £1 hands on blackjack following the strategy outlined at the top of the post, withdraw any remaining balance. Bingoport - Cashback £3 Sign up to bingoport to get an easy £3 Ladbrokes - Cashback £42 Add £10 to your account and play 10 single £1 hands on blackjack following the strategy outlined at the top of the post, withdraw any remaining balance. Pokerstars - Cashback £32 Add £25 and play 25 single £1 hands on blackjack following the strategy outlined at the top of the post, withdraw any remaining balance. STS - Cashback £21 Add £30 to your account and play 30 single £1 hands on blackjack following the strategy outlined at the top of the post, withdraw any remaining balance. William Hill - Cashback £54 add £25 and play 25 single £1 hands on blackjack following the strategy outlined at the top of the post, withdraw any remaining balance. Megacasino - £15.75 Add £25 - Play 25 single £1 hands on blackjack following the strategy outlined at the top of the post, withdraw any remaining balance. LottoGo - Cashback £3.18 Buy a euromillions ticket Slingo - Cashback £24.75 Add £10 play 10 single £1 hands on blackjack following the strategy outlined at the top of the post, withdraw any remaining balance. PaddyPower Games - Cashback £20 Add £10 play 10 single £1 hands on blackjack following the strategy outlined at the top of the post, withdraw any remaining balance. The Football Pools - Cashback £24.75 Sign up for the £10 a month subscription, cancel this after 30 days Lottomart - Cashback £18 Add £10 - Play 10 single £1 hands on blackjack following the strategy outlined at the top of the post, withdraw any remaining balance. Genting Slots - Cashback £25 Add £30 play 30 single £1 hands on blackjack following the strategy outlined at the top of the post, withdraw any remaining balance. OhMyDosh - Cashback £40+ Referral gives an extra £1, sign up through the ref link at the top of the post to get the bonus! Gala Bingo - Cashback £17.50 Deposit at least £5, you'll get a £10 slots bonus and 100 free spins, these carry hefty wagering requirements, Open any slot and play the minimum spin size, play until you lose all of the money in your account or complete the wagering requirements on the bonus funds. Withdraw any remaining balance. BGO - £10 Cashback Deposit at least £15. Play 15 single £1 hands on blackjack following the strategy outlined at the top of the post, withdraw any remaining balance. DONT ACCEPT the welcome bonus from BGO. Lottosocial - Cashback £4 Sign up to Lotto Social - Use your correct phone number when joining as it is the only way to login to your account. Purchase 10 lines for £1, after making a purchase go to your account page and find the list of syndicates your are in, leave the syndicates to avoid making any more payments. Cheeky Bingo - £10 Cashback Deposit £10 and get a £40 welcome bonus, just play bingo with all of your funds and hope to get some wins, bonus has 4x wagering requirements.
Quidco - Cashback £100+
Quidco don't offer a sign up bonus, find my ref link at the top of the post if you want to help me out! All of the offers on quidco are much the same as topcashback, the only offer worth noting is the betfair casino offer which pays £100 Betfair - £100 cashback Add £100 and play 100 single £1 hands on blackjack following the strategy outlined at the top of the post, withdraw any remaining balance.
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Sign up Bonus Get a £6.5 sign up bonus, think this works with or without the ref link, links are at the top of the post! To find these offers just search for casino on the site. All of these offers state that you only need to make a deposit, its best to play through the deposit 1x to ensure that the cashback is paid. LuckyMeSlots - Cashback £15 Add £15 and play 15 single £1 hands on blackjack following the strategy outlined at the top of the post, withdraw any remaining balance. Spin Genie - Cashback £12.5 Add £12.5 and play 12.5 £1 hands on blackjack following the strategy outlined at the top of the post, withdraw any remaining balance. Cashmo - Cashback £10 Add £10 and play through £10 on any slot staking the minimum amount per spin. Don't spin the wheel that pops up after signing up or accept any other bonuses. Ice36 -Cashback £15 Add £15 and play 15 £1 hands on blackjack following the strategy outlined at the top of the post, withdraw any remaining balance. Spinhill Casino - Cashback £15 Add £15 and play 15 £1 hands on blackjack following the strategy outlined at the top of the post, withdraw any remaining balance. Galacasino - Cashback £30 add £30 and play 30 £1 hands on blackjack following the strategy outlined at the top of the post, withdraw any remaining balance. Casino765 - Cashback £12.5 Add £12.5 and play 12.5 £1 hands on blackjack following the strategy outlined at the top of the post, withdraw any remaining balance. Casinosuperwins - Not recommended, bad site, awful support Casino2020 - Cashback £15 Add £15 and play through £15 on any slot staking the minimum amount per spin. Keep track of spins and quit the slot after wagering the required amount. Don't spin the wheel that pops up after signing up or accept any other bonuses. Pocketwin - Cashback £10 Add £10 and play through £10 on any slot staking the minimum amount per spin. Keep track of spins and quit the slot after wagering the required amount. Don't spin the wheel that pops up after signing up or accept any other bonuses. The Sun Vegas - Cashback £15 Add £15 and play 15 £1 hands on blackjack following the strategy outlined at the top of the post, withdraw any remaining balance. DrSlot - Cashback £10 Add £10 and play through £10 on any slot staking the minimum amount per spin. Keep track of spins and quit the slot after wagering the required amount. Don't spin the wheel that pops up after signing up or accept any other bonuses. MrSpin - Cashback £10 Add £10 and play through £10 on any slot staking the minimum amount per spin. Keep track of spins and quit the slot after wagering the required amount. Don't spin the wheel that pops up after signing up or accept any other bonuses. PrimeCasino - Cashback £15 Add £15 and play 15 £1 hands on blackjack following the strategy outlined at the top of the post, withdraw any remaining balance. ConquestAdor - Cashback £10 Add £10 play 10 £1 hands on blackjack following the strategy outlined at the top of the post, withdraw any remaining balance. MFortune - Cashback £10 Add £10 and play through £10 on any slot staking the minimum amount per spin. Keep track of spins and quit the slot after wagering the required amount. Don't spin the wheel that pops up after signing up or accept any other bonuses. Thanks for reading, hope this of use to some people, happy earning!
Up to £219.11 profit in cashback through gambling offers with TopCashback, Quidco and OhMyDosh
Up to £219.11 profit in cashback through gambling offers with TopCashback, Quidco and OhMyDosh TopCashback, Quidco and OhMyDosh always have a number of gambling offers available, with the offered amounts often changing daily or weekly. There are currently quite a few offers available on each where the cashback amount is more than the required deposit or wager amount. I've done most of these and always keep an eye out for when the amounts increase, to make sure I can get the most for my money. The offers they have on at the moment are some of the best I've ever seen for them. The first step is to sign up for the cashback sites if you haven't already. If you use a referral link to sign up then you can get an extra bonus once your cashback becomes payable:
Then the next step is to work through the offers. These are all only available for new customers, so if you already have an account with one of the sites then you won't be eligible for the offer from them unfortunately. It's also worth checking the terms as some have specific wagering requirements, for example Betfair Casino must be completed within 3 days of opening your account and low risk roulette bets (covering 25 or more of the 37 outcomes) are excluded from counting towards the wager. Offers
Notes If you complete all these offers then you should make £207.11 cashback in profit through the offers alone. If you are new to the cashback sites and sign up through referral links then this will be £219.11 instead. There's also a chance you can make a profit on any or all the offers and walk away with even more. There's also a final few key points:
Make sure you have all adblockers and tracking protection switched off as otherwise this may lead to issues with the cashback tracking correctly.
I've listed the highest paying in terms of deposit/wager to cashback offers here, but if you have a preference for one cashback site over the other then they often offer very similar amounts if you'd rather go with the other instead.
Similarly, some sites (OhMyDosh in particular) offer a lower cashback amount but also a lower deposit/wager amount, which may be more appealing to some.
Some of the offers may require a premium subscription to receive the mentioned amount. I wrote a guide to maximising cashback that explains these.
I don't like to say the cashback is guaranteed as all the cashback sites say it never is, but I've never had an issue with any of these sites, whether through gambling or other offers.
Please be aware that these all these offers all are gambling, so I'd highly recommend depositing and wagering only the mimimum amount required to get the cashback, then withdrawing any profit you may have made.
[ Bitcoin ] bitcoin giveaway scam on twitter in name of social capital and chamath palipaitiya
[ 🔴 DELETED 🔴 ] Topic originally posted in Bitcoin by Tigress2021 [link]
I became a victim of the bitcoin giveaway scam on twitter recently, and wonder if anyone could help or give some suggestions, or point a direction. Here is the scammer's bitcoin address: 1JfJ8C5JrgyKdH5c9V2zSFR1hKM8iY4nmv Here is the website of the scam https://chamath-gives.com/ Wednesday afternoon (Feb 3, 2021) I browsed my twitter account and as usual, following Mr. Chamath Palipapitiya update. He tweeted "SPACs may be easy to raise...but they are hard to execute and success is not guaranteed. Good luck to all the players". This got my attention because I know his IPOE is about to bring SoFi IPO, and I admired him because of his comment on GME stock recently. Right underneath his tweet, is another tweet looks from him as well: "BTW, I have news!!! I hope it helps! See the information -(link) " there were also emojio of gift and rocket, just like the signs used by people in Wallstreet bets. In his next tweet, it says" Hurry up! Not many remain!" This got me curious, so I clicked the link, which lead to a webpage with Mr. Chamath photo and the title " Chamath Palihapitiya and Soical Capital Presents 5,000 BTC Giveaway!" https://chamath-gives.com/ Blood rush to my brain... I lost my coolness. I heard that he is very generous... He tips waitewaitress $500 when he eat at restaurant...He made 500k overnight by buying and selling options of GME stock and donated the money to charity. Surely he is VERY generous! Now he is giving away bitcoin! At a split second, I was thinking, what if this is not true? Next moment I persuaded myself if Mr. Chamath did not cash his promise, then he is betting on his credibility, which would be hard to imagine. I heard that Mr. Chamath is running for governor of California. And he proposed to raise teacher's salary to 70,000k . As a teacher myself, I wholeheartedly support his proposal! I can not believe in my luck! Year 2020 was aweful… I lost my job, I lost my boyfriend, I have been living in total isolation for ONE year by myself... my parents are thousands of miles away and I can not visit them due to pandemic..... After sending out thousands of job application, I haven't got any serious job offer yet. Maybe year 2021 is different! Maybe I deserve a bit of luck? Everyone is talking about bitcoin, from Elon Musk to Mr. Chamath. Sure enough, he want to help people, and probably promote his candidate as CA governor as well... It seems that some lucky folks already received bitcoins by participating the promotion ...the coins were diminishing very quickly. I had to act fast... I actually was ready to buy some bitcoin since everyone is bullish on it. Now I have to buy it, quickly, so that I could participate! It looks fairly easy and simple, the website gives step by step guide: 1 to make a transaction, use any wallet or exchange that supoorts Bitcoin. 2 Send small amount you want multiplied by the promotion from your wallet. For exaple, to get 10 BTC, send 1BTC. 3 once we receive your identfying transaction, we will immediately send the requested amount back to you 4 If you are late, you BTC will be instantly refunnded to your address! No risk! Underneath these instruction is a bar indicating remaining free Bitcoin : 3058 out of 5000... it is diminishing very quickly.. There were real time transaction coming in and out, it seems that the game just began, I might still have a chance! I poured all in all my savings (almost $20,000, converted to bitcoin (0.48242942 BTC). With one click, within one second, I send all the coin to the Bitcoin deposit address: 1JfJ8C5JrgyKdH5c9V2zSFR1hKM8iY4nmv I had been watching at the real time transactions very nervously and hope to see that 10 times return of bitcoin to my wallet as promised.... Nothing happened, after almost one hour waiting. I became more and more nervous, and started to have a bad feeling.I could check with Mr. Chamath, right? When I went back to twitter, I found this "Chamath", although have the exact name, and profile photo, must be a copycat. They have the same first name, last name, profile photo, and this tweet was right underneath the original chamath tweet. I lost my saving, my cushion money, my last hope, everything... I kick myself...how come I could be so stupid ? I reported this twitter account immediately, and wonder why twitter could allow such things happen? Why would be so many fake chamath with the same profile photo and exact same name? I must say, the scammer is smart. He definitely follows news, and make the fake seem real. As for record, I used my cell phone to snap shot all the webpages and twitter activities. It is painful to lose hard earning money, and my last cushion before I could land a job. It is more painful to feel stupid, which is like rub salt on wound. Yet I am determined to find a way to investigate, to report, and to find someone that could listen to my voice. PLEASE HELP!!!
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[OFFER] $100 free bet from DraftKings + $20 from me. Promo ends on 2/9 (US only; 21+)
Draftkings sportsbook is holding a promotion where if you refer a person and that person deposits $100 then both the referral and the referee earns a $100 free bet, this offer has no risk because after you deposit the $100 you can withdraw it immediately and still get the $100 bonus from DraftKings. They also have risk free blackjack for new users. I can also give you a way of guaranteeing at least a 70%+ profit return on that free $100 bet if you'd like. With the Super Bowl coming up, Draftkings has a lot of other promos and bonuses going on if you sign up this week. Can very easily make a few hundred dollars at no risk this next week. PROMO Example: https://linksharing.samsungcloud.com/i7o8e1x5V3Q0 If you are interested $bid and I'll DM you my link to get started. USA only, must be in a state where draftkings sportsbook is legal and be 21+. If you already have draftkings I have refer a friend offers for other places as well. Such as fanduel, Bovada, Mybookie, Betnow, Sportbetting.ag, etc. Link to signup: Come play DraftKings Sportsbook and use my personal link to start betting. https://sportsbook.draftkings.com/sb/fin3321/US-IN-SB
This is some of the shit I've seen working in people's houses as a Carpet Cleaner.
I posted some stories on an AskReddit thread and people loved it, so I’m just going to let my brain spill on my keyboard until I’ve had enough, this is going to be long. This is a collection of experiences I’ve had working in people’s houses. I should write a book… If there is a better place to post this please let me know. I used to be a Carpet Cleaner for three years. I've seen everything except a murder scene. I used to work in some of the nicest houses in my state, but I spent a lot of time in the ghettos cleaning places for landlords or tenants so they can attempt to keep their deposit. I'll start with one of my first one… I was new to the job so I didn't know where I stood, so I wasn't willing to turn down any work. I went to this grody apartment complex in a pretty nasty area. We go in and check the place out and there are three guys there with a single couch, bed, dresser, TV, and nightstand. That was it. The place reeked of stale cigarettes and moisture, a bit moldy, and all the carpet was brown. One of the guys was sitting on the floor eating cereal, and they all looked borderline homeless. This wasn't too out of the norm, and who am I to judge if you're trying to better your life? So we got started, we left for maybe 10min to get equipment and came back. The dude that called the job in was now passed the fuck out on the couch and his boys were standing in the kitchen keeping an eye on us. Now when we clean a place we move the furniture, clean under it, then move it back. Well this dude in short shorts was passed the fuck out (heroin) on the couch. The work we are doing isn't quiet so we asked his friends to move him and they just stared at us. So my coworkers just says, "Fuck it. Grab the other side." We moved the couch with this dude on it and he still didn't come to. Super awkward for me as I'm brand new to this job. So I just go with the motion, then my coworker starts going in the bedroom. Now Usually we don't move beds and just try to get under them as much as we can for multiple reasons. My coworker goes in there and one of the customer's friends goes, "Are you going to clean under the bed?" and without missing a beat his other friend goes, "NO! DON'T CLEAN UNDER HIS BED!" So at this point I'm standing far back enough that I can see under his bed. Women heels. about 50 pairs at least. and they looked big. So I look over at the dude on the couch and I notice he has totally shaved legs. So again, I'm new, out of my element and uncomfortable. I’m not one to yuck someone else’s yum. I keep working. I go to move the nightstand and his vibrator rolls off it as I move it. so I just kick it back under, again - awkward. But aside from all that weird and awkward stuff, I think the thing that was the weirdest were the condiments. This fucking dude had Mustard and mayo packets all over the surfaces of the little furniture he had in his bedroom. It was all lined up and organized nice and neat, and it was next to his vibrator on his nightstand. I'm not sure if this dude was making burgers in bed or what, but I was happy to get the fuck out of that place. Another house was in the projects. It was an older man that smoked in his place and never opened a window. EVERYTHING.WAS.COVERED.WITH.SMOKE. We had to use a portable machine to clean it as it was like 10 stories up in the building. I was wearing gloves but there was so much smoke that when I'd move things it was all sticky. In particular I remember throwing some clothes on his bed from the floor and it was hard, and I mean the clothes were in a solid state. Usually when we'd clean with the portable machine we keep going until the wastewater was at least close to clear. This dudes place strictly produced black waste water, it never became transparent. I've been to a couple hoarders houses and even a place that had a boarder line animal hoarder, but this one woman's house always stuck out to me. She had two teenage daughters. Her house was very average and wasn't in a terrible part of the city (though the city itself is notoriously nasty), so we went in and it was pretty bad. There was so much black dog hair that I thought their bright red carpet was a deep crimson red. I nearly had to peel the hair up in sheets. The daughters' rooms were so full of clothes and shit on the floor there was only a 4sqft space I could actually get to. Eventually I made it down to the ground level of the house and I opened a door to inspect what needed to be done. It was their garage... and their garage was FULL wall to wall about 5 feet high of garbage bags. So I quickly shut that door and repressed it. I go into the other room and go to move a chair - some style chairs are easiest to move if you reach under a cushion to grab the frame. Well guess what? Surprise motherfucker, there was a broken crack pipe. So I just fucking push the chair over. Mind you, I'm still ripping up hair in sheets at this point. I moved the couch and it was a reclining couch with a steel frame, these things are notorious for rusting. But that's no big deal, we had a chemical that would eat rust in seconds. I started pouring this chemical on the rust that sat around where the entire frame of the couch was, but it wasn't dissolving. Eventually I caught a whiff if it. It was shit. it was dog shit. There was so much dog shit under that couch it was matted into the carpets. So I eventually cleaned that up and put everything back so I could get the fuck out. During all this I filled up a 5 gallon bucket half full with wet hair (human and dog) which is the most I've personally seen. Wet hair doesn't take up much space, so that's a shitload. I once ended up at a house that I’d consider a ‘McMansion’. Typical copy/paste large suburban house in these parts. Two story, four bedroom, finished basement, garage, etc. You’ve seen them before, everyone has. I pulled into the driveway and as we began the approach to the front door I heard a voice yell, “Around back!” So naturally that’s what we do. This house was on a small hill so they had a back porch on the first story that was about 15 feet high that connected to their kitchen. I make it around back and I am met by this absolute mass of garbage bags under their back deck! Side to side, bottom to top Trash bags. It genuinely looked like a year’s worth of trash under there all in black bags. “Fuck” I think to myself. I approached the wooden stairs to the back deck and they told me as they saw me, “The front door is broken, it wont open. So you gotta come up this way”. The stairs looked sketchy. Like… I’d rather walk across a fallen tree than up these stairs kinda sketchy. I imagine that’s all the trash juices and funk eating away at them. Eventually I muster up the testicular fortitude to get up those fucking stairs ending up in their house. This house wasn’t bad on the outside, and the inside wasn’t TERRIBLE, but my god.. The carpets. They’d never been vacuumed it looked like. EVER. We get set up and someone pops up from the basement and my coworkers stoner senses start tingling. “Hey…” he says. “Are you guys smoking down there?” The kid looks slightly taken back and says, “Uh yeah. You wanna smoke?” And that’s how I lost my coworker for about 20 minutes. I wasn’t upset, kinda hard to blame him honestly. This is the part that stuck out to me. I’m finally getting to work and this lady can clearly hear all the debris flowing through our vacuum lines past her and out the door. It’s like the world’s most motherfuckingly violent rainstick. So this lady decided to try and help us by yelling at her kids to help clean up the carpet a bit for us. They grabbed a broom. To sweep carpet. And it was effective. That’s how much debris was in it. And the worst part is everything came out great, I wanted it to look like shit so they’d have some motivation to vacuum their carpet at least once a year. I had another debris house like this, but it was in an apartment on the first floor and the place had high pile carpet. When we walked in there it.. Didn’t look bad. It was white carpet and they had a kid, so there was a little bit of market and regular kid shit on the carpet. So we decided to come in through the window (big no-no. Don’t tell on me). We turn the machine on and instantly we hear it - it’s like we were cleaning up a cheerio and bracelet making kit factory explosion. It sounded like gravel. If our truck had blown up, it’d have been the worlds biggest claymore with the amount of STUFF we sucked up. One thing I saw a lot were shit trails. Shit trails are the trails of shit from when people poop themselves in bed and try to make it to the bathroom leaving a whole trail of shit. Shit trails are more common than you think. It doesn’t matter where you are or how nice the area is - another shit trail is just around the corner. I got a call to an old man's house by his daughter. It was a shit trail from his bed to his bathroom. "No big deal" I'd always tell myself. I did the job and upon finishing I went in to collect a payment. I went to talk to this man's daughter and the old man was sitting on the stairs. He yelled to me, "Hey! You like that present I left ya?! It sucks getting old!" I laughed, he laughed, then he gave me a bottle of wine. It's super embarrassing for it to happen, but I get it. As far as I'm concerned you never fully make it to adulthood until you poop your pants at least once. The worst shit trail I came across was in a bit of a dirty town, so we kind of expect some funk as usual just like any other day. Oh but we were wrong. It’s like this guy planned this. We knock on the door and I say, “Hey! How are ya?” Now in life we all know this is not a real question, the only response is to say, ‘good, and you?’ But no, this fucker went rogue on me. This fucker had the audacity to say, “ughhh… not so good.”. Huge alarms are going off in my head. He’s in a bathrobe and looks disheveled, hasn’t shaved, and just looks like shit. This was a small apartment. Bedroom, small kitchen, small Livingroom, and a bathroom in the hallway. As soon as I walk in I see stacks of empty pizza boxes, but on his coffee table I see three empty cans of Ravioli and one of them had a fork in it. This dude was eating Chef Boyardee Ravioli cold straight out of the can. No man does that unless they’re borderline suicidal or near death, that’s a special level of apathy. But this was not the area we were cleaning, and little did I know I wished it was. He started to bring me to the bedroom and I see it, a shit trail. This was no ordinary shit trail, though. This man must have been working on cold Ravioli for days to create this mess he was about to bestow upon us. As I start following the shit trail it only gets bigger and bigger as we got closer to his bed. And he didn’t clean up any of it, he saved it for us. Right next to his bed was a large pile of shit, but we’re still not done. This dude never even made it to the bathroom in time. He left it all for us. I looked at his bed and noticed his what used to be white sheets were brown, yellow, with a tint of red for some reason. It was a shit massacre. So I backpedal a bit and tell him I gotta consult the boss. I walk outside and my poor broken coworker started getting to work getting all the equipment ready for the storm. I call my boss to consult him, and by consult him I mean tell him “No fucking way, dude. Fuck no. no. Too much poop dude. It’s simply too much poop.” My boss basically told me to make the call. I told my coworker to put everything back, take the mask and gloves off, and we were getting the fuck out. I told this human bowel movement that it was a biohazard and to call someone else after cleaning up the solids. I felt bad, but fuck man I wasn’t making enough money for that shit. Something we used to get were emergency calls for water damages. Sometimes I’d get a call real early in the morning or 11pm to go drive an hour and suck water out of something and do a little demotion. We got one call to a nearby office building on a very cold morning. This place was an old mill converted so it was simply massive. A sprinkler line froze overnight and ruptured causing the whole building to flood. 50,000 sqft of office space ruined. They were stacking mac pros like they were building a brick wall. It was a devastating amount of damage as far as I was concerned, and it took hours to suck up all that excess water. I believe I overheard someone say it was at least a million dollars in damage. I wanted to try and take a couple of those mac pros to make a good one but that wasn’t going to happen. During fall it was always nice to go to certain areas of the state, one day in particular brought me to a custom house in a less urban area. It looked like a house built in the 60s but had a really cool feet to it. My customer was an older man that was super chill, the kind of guy you could just feel comfortable around. He was a professor at a prestigious college in my state so he was pretty quick and observant for a white haired man. He gave me the tour of his house and his dining room setup was so awesome. This guy had his floor cut out and recessed to drop a table in it and dropped the chandelier so the floor would act as a seat to the table. Super interesting to see, and I've never seen another like that. The next thing he showed me was his Vineyard. His personal Vineyard. He had a bunch of grape vines all growing and he’d make wine every year. He’d make some for his neighbors along with some better quality stuff for himself. He gave me a bottle and as soon as I got home I popped that sucker open to drown my sorrows. That man was a class act! There was one area I hated to work in. It was super unpredictable. You either got the super duper nasty shit or you got the people that think they moved out of the hood because they have a house but they’re still hood and shitty, just entitled shitty hood. We were pretty far away from our shop and our boss told us to hang out and wait for our last job.. For two hours. In a shithole city. “Fine” we said. And we immediately looked for a bar. After a little searching we found a bar that was near us and open around 2pm. We hung out for a bit before we went in, but eventually we decided it was time for a drink or two, nothing too much. Just enough to make the time go by. Well we happened to find the darkest, dirtiest dive that clearly had the early bird special folks still working up the courage to face the day. The entire establishment was maybe 20 feet wide and 35 feet long, and the island bar took up most of it. My coworker and I sat down and ordered a whiskey ginger, my personal favorite. What we weren’t expecting was getting a drink poured by a bartender that seems to strictly serve alcoholics, so she was generous. Oh my good god was she generous. About three shots of whisky and a splash of ginger ale for $4. Best bargain I ever got in a bar. I got the first one down and as I wasn’t driving ordered another. And my girl poured it just like the first one, three shots of whiskey with a misting of ginger ale on top. Now normally I can handle my liquor but these went down so smooth and for so cheap I couldn’t help but drink them FAR too fast. Finally we get the call from the boss, the customer is on their way to the job and we could finally go meet them. I slam down my drink and get going - my coworker is driving and I’m in the passenger seat ready to go. Now I don’t know how many of you have ever had to do physically intensive labor jobs while drunk… But it fucking sucks. I was useless. I was dragging my feet, bumping my shoulders in doorways, and I just was totally apathetic - and it being the end of the day didn’t help either as I’d already mentally checked out. My coworker basically did everything while I just hung out trying not to smell like liquor. 10/10 would recommend that bar, excellent prices and liberal pours. Avoid any responsibilities after visiting. Five stars. In this business mold was something we’d just avoid at all costs. If we ever came across any moisture in basements or something we’d run. It was a pretty large beautiful house, and it had an off white carpet throughout the whole second floor where all the bedrooms were. The house smelled of urine, it wasn’t super strong, but it was definitely there. Eventually I get upstairs and I see it. Big huge urine spots on the carpet. This woman’s son was 22 years old and severely autistic, and sometimes he’d urinate on the floor in the middle of the night. I looked up at the air ducts and there was a small amount of mold, no bueno. I explained to her my situation and she didn’t seem to fight it much, I could see the defeat in her eyes, she looked tired. That look kind of cut through me and the words, “Well I’ll tell ya what…” fell out of my mouth. Of course I couldn’t walk away from this lady, so I did the job. I did everything I could think of to make the whole situation better and help her feel more comfortable at home. I felt the only thing I could do in that situation was help. If you can help someone you should help someone. I had only been to a few hoarders houses, not that many and I assume it’s because the carpet is too covered to clean up. The one I remember best was an older house from the turn of the century, it was quant and halfway to a Victorian style. The carpet looked like it was used in a 1970s porno - you know the one. We saw what we had to do and I tried to do everything I could to give this lady the most bang for her buck. The whole house was paths. Piles floor to ceiling (or close to it) of boxes and junk throughout the whole house. The stairs had stuff stacked on it all over. I tried to move everything I could that seemed practical to the situation. I found plenty of plastic food containers with a bit of food in them, a bunch of unscratched scratch tickets, a brand new GPS still in the package, $78 cash, and a shitload of Klonopins all over the floor. I brought what I could to this lady and she said, “Oh good! I’ve been looking for those!” It was a bit eye opening to me. It helped me realize that hoarding isn’t just someone who is messy, but it really a mental illness. This lady was unbelievably sweet and kind to us, she was just in a shitty situation and she couldn’t see it. After doing all I could I was taking payment and she said to me, “I keep getting ants this time every year and I just don’t understand why.”. She was totally separated from how she was living while living in it. I worked in Conan O'brien's Brother’s house a couple times. His brother wasn’t there, but his wife was an absolute class act. A lot of times i’d listen to some pretty heavy metal to get myself amped up for all the work I’d have to do, yet I specifically remember ‘Uptown Girl’ being stuck in my head even though I was listening to Pantera for the past hour. Through their house there were little pictures of Conan in family settings and get-togethers, and I found that really interesting to see him out of the spotlight and in a family element. This loud boisterous and hilarious guy was just standing in a picture with an arm around another smiling. It made him seem a lot more human vs. the celebrity he is. I remember thinking how humble it was and I really enjoyed that. This woman was super sweet to me and very welcoming both times I was there - Those people are the best. Be nice, offer me water, and trust my work. That’s all I ask. She didn’t talk much about Conan, which I liked. It added a more human element to him as he was just seen as a Brother In Law. 10/10 would clean their carpets again. An impressive house I worked in was the CEO’s of a pretty large chain in our area. He was not home so I dealt with the nanny, a cute girl around my age. The room I was cleaning was gargantuan. It was their gym. But the odd thing was that the vast majority of it was open floor space - all the gym equipment was lined up on the wall and that’s all the space it took. I asked if they were professional gymnasts or something as that was the only thing I could think of wanting that much floor space. As it turns out it used to be an Olympic size swimming pool… INDOORS. Apparently when this guy had his kid, he was concerned about them wandering off and potentially falling in the pool. So instead of a fence or cover (which he could absolutely afford), he decided to fill in his Olympic sized pool. It’s hard to explain how big of an undertaking that’d be, but it’s both a huge amount of manpower and equipment. I was blown away. I had to speak to this guy on the phone and all I remember taking from the conversation was, “This dude’s got Asperger's.”. In a nicer town in my state I ended my day at a house that was in a nice neighborhood and rather quant… From the outside. Now I always liked going into houses that looked like they were lived in. An empty dish here or there, laptops open to YouTube watching how to play a Jews harp, Clothes out that still need to be folded, etc. They just seemed more human to me and that made me comfortable. But these people were just too comfortable. The upstairs seemed normal, but the task was the basement. As soon as I enter the basement it reeked of urine, usually that’s not a good sign. I get into the basement and their dog is shitting on the carpet all willy nilly and no one seems fazed by it. Their daughter is sitting on the floor doing homework while watching TV and the mom tells her to get out to let us do our thing. So everyone got right the fuck out. There was clothes strewn all over the place, dishes, laptops, books, furniture, you name it. My coworker and I were pissed. Not only did we have to clean this piss soaked carpet, but we had to pick up their clothes? Hell no. So being the end of the day and us being petty we decided to try to teach her a lesson - We took every single thing in that basement and stuffed it into her bathroom. Everything but the big furniture. All the chairs, tables, clothes, books, dishes, pillows, blankets, everything. We usually just move things to the side and put it back but… fuck that. I was willing to put in more effort just to express my ‘fuck you’ a little more. We finished the job and told this lady that she wasn’t allowed to walk on the carpet for a day, (mind you that was their living room. TV, computers, etc. were all there) and that she couldn’t put the furniture back down for at least 24 hours rendering the bathroom useless if they did decide to go down there. It felt good to end that day being a petty asshole. The lesson here is to make sure your pets are housebroken. I understand accidents happen but… Jesus Christ. The funny thing about bong water spills is how much people would try to tell me it was something else. Like when someone has something obscure stuck in their ass so they go to the E.R. saying they fell on it. If it is a guy in his late 20’s or something he’ll tell me his buddy knocked over the bong or whatever. But other people would mostly try to tell me they had abso-fucking-lutely no idea what it was or tell me it was tea. It’s fucking bong water, dude. It smells like what dirty weed would smell like if it peed out a fire. No one likes bullshit. I always hated that. People lying about what I was working on. We had different chemicals for different reasons. Like if this is a cum stain on your couch, tell me. Let me know I should wear gloves and get the right chemical. Or don’t tell me you stepped in chocolate - it’s shit. That’s not tea you spilled, that’s pee. That or you drink some seriously funky artisan tea you god damn hipster. Or stop telling me that’s a stain when that’s obviously a burn mark from you smoking something. Also blood. Please fucking tell me it’s blood. Not that I'm grossed out, I just want to know what I’m injecting 600PSI of steam into making it an aerosol. I don’t care what you do or what happens in your house, just be real with me. A lot of people would take the day off work in order to be home for us to come. Sometimes people would leave a key or something for us to just get to work as they trusted us, but I absolutely understand not wanting to do that. The think with taking a day off work to wait for us is that it’d either influence one of two thing - Something productive or day drinking. Usually it was something productive but there were certainly people who were shitfaced when I’d show up. In another nice town I showed up to this guys house at around 6pm. He took the day off from work. It was not a productive day for him. His house was nice but my god he was drunk, and his wife was too drunk to stand up to greet us. He held on for dear life to show us the upstairs area and then we got started. He walked up to each of us and slid a $20 bill in our pockets going all the way balls deep into our front pockets until he decided to release the money to its new owner. Now already I earned that $20 by that happening. My favorite part was when he went to go back downstairs to try and gather himself a bit. He stumbled the whole way down like a newborn giraffe, an oddly quiet event for how much flailing was happening, but it was beautiful how he took it in stride. Eventually I finished the job and went to leave. At this point he was too drunk to stand up so I just had him sign something then took up. I will admit, he was going to be happy as hell with the work and $40 poorer when we woke up the next day. Gypsies were always something we were concerned about. They didn’t like to pay, so we’d always demand money upfront for the job. If they didn’t want to pay we’d leave. I went to one place that was labeled as residential but when when I got there it looked like a business. A palm reading business on a main road. Naturally I’m confused, but I knock anyways. They let me in and they were doubling up the business as their home. It was a very small place and I was brought into a bedroom by the daughter to meet mom. Mom was exactly like the mom from ‘what’s eating gilbert grape’. I was a little caught off guard but obviously didn’t show it - I’m a guest in their house after all, and why shouldn’t they live like they live in their own house? She was bedridden she was so large. She told me what she needed, had a very positive attitude, and was very kind. It was a sad situation as there were like three generations living in this small place. There’s nothing you can do to help either so it’s hard not to leave those places a little sad and upset with the whole situation. Sad because you can’t do anything, and upset because you had to experience it - it’s an odd group of emotions. One hot summer day my coworker and I got a call to what seemed like a normal job. To clean a car. Now I’m a big dude so I just don’t fit in cars that well, you need to crawl around a lot. So we get to the job and we had permission to get right at the car sitting in the driveway. I’m standing about 30 feet back when my coworker gets there first and opened the door. Almost instantly I smell it. Someone forgot a gallon of milk in their car for months, and it finally ruptured. It was heinous. Thank god my coworker was a father and had dealt with these similar smells, he had the ability to turn off his brain and just work. I couldn’t get within 30 feet of this car. It was rancid. Imagine when your coworker microwaves fish, but instead of fish it’s just a turd. It was like that. The lesson here is to double check your back seat after grocery shopping. You may not have forgotten to buy milk after all. The job is an absolute revolving door. There was a main core group of guys that stayed for years, but every summer it was like a swarm of locusts that would just show up to die. They were useless. While it wasn’t uncommon for kids to only last two weeks, we had one kid last until 10am on his first day before he got fired. This motherfucker was brave. He went to the first house on his first day - when they were met the customer the customer fucked up by saying, “Make yourself at home”. This fucking kid went in the kitchen and started making a fucking sandwich. If I could slow clap while facepalming I would. I also did plenty of commercial jobs. One was at a factory… a sausage factory. So you bet your ass that every room I walked in I said, “It’s a real sausage fest in here!”. I’m sure the people there hated me but how often do you get that chance in life? Because of all the grease and meat stuff their carpet in the offices was filthy. It was terrible, but we had a chemical for that. One I had never used before and never wanted to use again. We referred to it as “Industrial”. Now everything we used I was able to identify by smell from opening the container, but this stuff was odorless. That was the first red flag I ignored. I diluted it as needed and started to pretreat everything. I believe it was a Saturday morning so no one was really there. We let everything sit a bit to work and got to work. Now I rarely would wear an N95 mask as the humidity from steam cleaning makes it too difficult to breathe, so I was spraying this stuff on the carpet with no mask. I eventually went to the bathroom and caught a look at myself in the mirror. Blood was running down my face from my nose and I had no idea. At that point I decided to go outside and get some air - it was a cold winter day so maybe it was from dry air, but I never get nose bleeds. Ever. I wore a mask from then on around the stronger stuff. Working in richer areas would sometimes yield interesting tips from people. I had a guy that worked for a shoe company give me a trash bag of new shoes. I had a woman give me a huge wool oriental carpet. I’ve gotten a Hope Chest. One of my favorites was this little brightly colored hand painted Armadillo that I named ‘Shoelace’ (he hangs out next to my bed). I once walked up to a customers house and the customer said (referring to a car in his driveway) “Watch out for that piece of shit!” to which I responded, “If you think it’s a piece of shit I’ll take it!” So this dude walks in the house, grabs the title, signs it and hands it to me. I was blown away by this. Later that day I got a tow truck there and brought it to a shop to check it out. The rear end and subframe was just gone, it wasn’t worth saving to me even though it was 64k miles. But it was still one of my favorite tips. Another cool one was when I was working in a nice condo complex not too far from the city. This lady was really nice and down to earth and while I was working she asked, ‘What size shoe are you?” “12w or 13” I said. “Perfect” She walked away and comes back with a pair of brand new Air Max’s - Sweet! She then says, “#26 from the (local NBA team) is my neighbor and he gave me these. I don’t know what the fuck to do with them so they’re yours now.” They weren’t signed or anything, but still it was super fucking cool! I still have those shoes in my closet six years later - I have dummy thicc feet so they don’t fit, but it’s still a really fucking cool thing. Sometimes my brother and I would talk about what people own in their houses that represents them ‘making it’. I always said ‘movie theater room’. I’ve seen a lot of these - a dark room with a projector and awesome sound system. Staged seating with black recliners on it to relax and watch a movie and a popcorn machine in the corner. Super cool stuff! Now that is something I could see spending some money on, the thing I don’t get is ‘aesthetic’. People spend unbelievable amounts of money for a certain look, and I don’t understand it. While working in one woman’s house this lady pointed at her area rug. It was an 8x10 wool area rug. Black, blue, and purple all fading together. It looked like a giant bruise - Hideous. “I spent $8k on that area rug and my dogs wont stop peeing on it!” she said. I had a knee jerk reaction. I couldn’t control what came out of my mouth. “$8k?! What is wrong with you?!” That was more than the debt I had and sucked at managing, and it’s a fucking pee pad to her. I calmed myself down along with her, and did the shop talk bullshit with her. In another instance I had to pick up an area rug to clean. I got back to the shop to do it and noticed the price tag was still on the back. $34,000. For an 8x10. Bookoo bucks. Horny housewives were few and far between, but they did exist. I’ve had several just watch me work for no other reason but what I assume is a pool boy fantasy thing. I even had one woman bring my coworker and I towels on a very hot day saying, ‘Once you're done feel free to jump in the pool out back’. I wont lie, we both got down to our underwear and jumped in and it felt amazing. Some guys even kept swimsuits in their trucks incase this happened, but it only happened to me a couple times. One woman was extremely forward. She was a younger single mom in her mid 30’s I’d say and I was about 25 at the time. She kept coming in to do menial tasks wherever I was working in her place. Close to the end when I was finishing up I was cleaning her couch which can get the floor wet from all mist spraying everywhere. She came in and grabbed something by the couch and I said, “Careful, I don’t want to get you wet.”. And loud enough for my other coworker to hear she said without missing a beat, “It’s okay if it’s not with that hose”. Now I’m the kind of guy that always has something to say. I have a relatively quick wit and am a total smartass. But this? My mouth was agape. I didn’t know what to say and she just walked away. The time comes where I finish the job and I need to go in and get paid. I’m excited - I’m ready to write to Penthouse. As I walk in my coworker yells, “Have fun fucking *coworkers name*”. At this point I guess I only noticed her body, as I was only 25. When I walked in I looked at her face and she had the exact face as my 19 year old boyish coworker. The moment was ruined. I was shattered. My moment was gone, I was all ready to tell my buddies and everyone how irresistible I was. Her and I quietly go through the motions of me taking her money and you could cut the tension with a knife. My heart rate was elevated but my little man was not. I eventually left and tried to leave the hormones at the door but I was visibly pissed/bummed out. “Maybe Next time, champ.” my coworker said as I got into the van. Asshole. These are a group of mini stories. One of my coworkers had a horse walk into a house while he was working. One of my coworkers got shot at with a bb gun while he was driving through a neighborhood. A coworker had an instance where a cat died from curiously sniffing the 3" gas powered vacuum line and it got it's face sucked in once the vacuum was turned on. I cleaned a coke dealers house, and everything was white and glass - I found a rolled up $20 under his couch and kept it. He paid us in cash. I worked in a guys house whose son was a pretty big weed dealer and the guy tipped us an 1/8th each after we found large paper bags of weed, like hush money lol. I've had people get me drunk while I'm working. I once fell asleep in a person's basement after I moved some furniture and sat on it. My coworker let me sleep for the whole job then woke me up when he finished the whole house by himself. I’ve pulled out countless vibrators from under beds or nightstands. I’ve found weed in tons of teenager’s rooms - but I’m hip and cool so I always put it back and hide it a little better. I had a crackhead try to sell me a brand new TV he stole for $40 at a gas station - I passed. A woman once flashed me while driving by me on the highway - that was a good day. A coworker was scrubbing and scrubbing this filthy dark carpet for about 20 minutes in the same spot until it ripped - only it didn’t rip; there was so much dog hair that he thought the dog hair WAS the carpet. I worked in an Astronaut’s house, he was traveling for work (on earth), but there were pictures of him in space along with framed patches from his uniforms on the wall. One man had a beautiful 16th century French Armoire in his living room. The script “Soup Nazi” was framed on the wall in a customer’s house, that was super cool. We had a commercial job at a gymnastics facility. They were closed so it was just us, four of us. I went up to the person in charge and asked, “So… If one of us were to ACCIDENTALLY fall into the foam pit, would that be frowned upon?” She laughed and said no. After they left we worked for about 45 minutes and played in the foam pit for two hours. Flips off trampolines, throwing each other, swinging into the pit, it was like we were 10 years old again! The next week my boss called me into his office. “Remember that Gymnastic place you did?” “Yeah.” I replied. “They checked the cameras.” he said. “Oh…” “Yeah. Don’t pull that bullshit again.” I once went to a man’s house whose last name was “Swartz”, already I’m excited. I got there and he was just as you’d expect him to be. White haired older jewish man who was absolutely hilarious. He had awesome art and just stuff all over his walls, there was a lot but it looked great. I went into his bedroom. Dead center on his bed was a VHS of “SpaceBalls”. Naturally I start cracking up, grab the movie and the customer sees me do this. He said, “I was at the library and it was free so I took it. I’ve never seen it!” So I laughed harder. As I write these I keep remembering more, but I’m going to stop here for now. It was an awful job but I got a lot of stories out of it. Every one of my old coworkers have similar stories to these as well. When we’d get back to the shop at the end of the day we’d all swap stories and it was always fucked up.
Up to £244.55 profit in cashback through gambling offers with TopCashback, Quidco and OhMyDosh
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Shuttle Goodwill Yuki did her best to keep herself conscious as the ship finally left Dei’s atmosphere. Immediately upon leaving Dei’s atmosphere, Terrabetha unbuckled herself and floated towards Thomas, who had been strapped in near Yuki. “Wait, Tarra!” Yuki protested, struggling with her own straps as Tarrabetha pulled Thomas from his. “He needs medical attention!” Tarrabetha shouted as she carried him off to the medical bay. Yuki followed after him, “Tarrabetha you don’t understand…!” Issla followed behind her, “Yuki, I agree with you, we don’t understand!” Yuki turned, frowning as she found Briggett behind her. “Issla’s right,” Briggett seconded, “so explain to us, what is going on? What was happening out there?” Issla floated towards Yuki, moving her hand over Yuki’s bloodied forehead brushing the hair that was floating over Yuki’s brow away, “Yuki you’re bleeding from your… wait… do angels have little horns?” Yuki nodded, “As of today? I guess I do.” “Let’s discuss it in medical,” Biggett ordered. Yuki sighed, as they entered, “Yeah, I guess I have a whole lot to explain to you all.” Once inside the medical bay, Tarrabetha gently strapped Thomas into a bed and placed a monitor onto his finger. Issla sighed, “I’ll check his vitals, Tarra. Why don’t you check the cargo and get me an inventory of what’s back there?” Tarrabetha nodded, “okay, but if Tom wakes up, come get me!” “About that,” Yuki winced, “I need to tell you guys about something very important.” Tarrabetha called back as she floated through the doorway, “Wait till I get back!” Yuki groaned in frustration, “fine.” Briggett looked to Yuki’s wing, “it’s for the best, we need to get you patched up anyway.” Tarrabetha made her way towards the cargo bay, and gave the doorway a curious look, noting that it was opened. “How did that happen?” As Tarrabetha floated near the door, only to discover that the seat nearest the door was occupied by the same officer who took Yuki off of the ship when they landed. Though he looked far more disheveled than he did earlier. There Tarrabetha spotted Palma, scuffed up, and still in his police uniform, passed out in a passenger seat. Palma, unlike the shuttle’s crew members, was not trained in keeping himself from losing consciousness during a rocket launch. “What, a stowaway?!” Tarrabetha shouted, narrowing her eyes on Palma as she moved to unbuckle him from his seat. Palma slowly groaned as Tarrabetha pulled him out of his seat. “Wake up bud!” Tarrabetha shouted. Palma grunted, grabbing at Tarrabetha’s hands, “Hey, let go of me, man!” Tarrabetha narrowed her eyes, carrying Palma into the cargo bay, “I’m not a man, you idiot!” Palma blinked, “Oh, right. Sorry, it’s just that you’re huge.” “Thanks?” Tarrabetha said confused as to whether that was a compliment or not on Dei. “I need to get the girl on your ship,” Palma pleaded. Tarrabetha narrowed her eyes on him, “Wait, are you the one who hurt her?” Palma cleared his throat, “No, but-” Palma did not expect Tarrabetha to be able to sense his emotions, and Tarrabetha’s hands tightened around Palma’s shoulders, “you’re lying! Tell me the truth,” she glared at him, “or I’ll lock you up!” Palma winced as Tarrabetha’s grip tightened on his shoulders. “I need to bring her back to Dei, okay? She’s tried to kidnap a child, and she needs to be punished!” “You can’t kidnap your own kid!” Tarrabetha narrowed her eyes, growling, “You hurt Yuki! That means you’re dangerous!” Palma grinned, “Oh, darlin’ you have no idea,” his gaze hardened, “now let me go, so we can turn this ship around. You can go, but Yuki has to stay on Dei.” “Yuki is going home,” Tarrabetha growled, “to Nite!” “I don’t want to hurt a Dragon,” Palma warned, “but I will.” Tarrabetha gave a confused stare to Palma, unsure of his meaning before he leaned his head back and headbutted her snout. Tarrabetha was caught off-guard, and roared in pain, as she let go of his shoulder to grab her snout in pain. Palma flapped his wings, in an attempt to push himself towards the opened door. Tarrabetha reached out and grabbed Palma by his foot, “Oh no you don’t!” she pulled at him, drawing Palma away from the door which caused her to float towards him. Palma turned to face Tarrabetha, closing his fists, “I don’t want to hurt you!” “Then don’t!” Tarrabetha protested as she tried to restrain Palma. As Tarrabetha struggled with Palma, the pair were moving towards the ceiling, slowly. Palma glared at Tarrabetha once more and moved to take a swing at her. Tarrabetha ducked her head down to avoid Palma’s punch. Much to Palma’s shock, he continued to float upwards while the momentum of his punch carried him forward in zero gravity. He continued forward, towards Tarrabetha, even as she lifted up her head once he was over her. Palma now found himself stuck between the ceiling and Tarrabetha’s head. A head which came adorned with two rather prominent horns. One of which pierced into Palma’s stomach, sliding behind his ribcage. Palma gasped in pain as her horn stabbed into him. Out of instinct, Palma grabbed at Tarrabetha’s other horn, his grip tightening. Tarrabetha felt Palma’s panic and pushed away from the ceiling, shocked Palma was still traveling with her. “Let go!” she shouted “C-can’t!” Palma wheezed, “your… horn… is…” Tarrabetha’s feet hit the floor, and Palma continued downward, Tarrabetha’s horn now piercing his lung. Palma coughed up blood, choking on it as he tried to expel the fluid from his mouth. Worse yet, as there was no gravity, the blood pooled in his throat, sucking down into his functional lung. “Let go!” Tarrabetha shouted in panic, finally reaching up and pulling Palma away as hard as she could. Palma couldn’t speak as he felt Tarrabetha’s horn now pressing hard into his rips. A snap and crack were heard as Tarrabetha pushed Palma’s body away. Palma was free, as were several of his ribs, all ripped out of him by Tarrabetha’s horn. Tarrabetha’s eyes went wide as she saw Palma’s body floating towards the far wall. She let out a shriek of terror. Within seconds Briggett, Issla, and Yuki rushed to the cargo bay. Briggett and Issla were shocked at the sight of Palma’s bloodied body. Yuki narrowed her eyes on Palma just as his eyes rolled into the back of his head, his body colliding with the wall, bouncing slowly back from where it came. With a few quick flaps of her wings, Yuki made her way towards Palma’s body and checked his pulse. “He’s dead,” Yuki thought coolly. Tarrabetha cried out in terror and sorrow, sobbing into her hands, “I didn’t want to hurt him! I swear! Oh Guardians I swear I didn’t mean to!” Yuki grimaced, “he was a piece of shit,” Yuki looked around, grabbing Palma by the wrist and flapping her way towards an airlock, “He’s the one who hurt me before.” Issla rushed to Tarrabetha, “Tarra, calm down!” Tarrabetha hugged Issla tightly, sobbing and muttering into her shoulder. Briggett flew to Yuki, “what are you doing?” “Handling this,” Yuki said, motioning to Palma. As she reached the airlock, she grabbed hold of a handle by the doorway. “Brigg, can you hand me that safety line?” Briggett turned to the long cord with a clamp-on either end. She handed it to Yuki, “what do you need this for?” Yuki took one end, opening the interior door of the airlock, and clipping the tether to a small latch inside, “making sure this bastard doesn’t stink up the ship.” Briggett’s brow furrowed as she watched Yuki wrap the tether around Palma’s body several times. She made sure to tie his wings and arms to his back and sides. Her goal was to make moving Palma easy, or as easy as possible. Finally, she looped one end through itself and attached the other end of the tether on another anchor inside the airlock. Yuki floated out, closing the interior door with Palma’s body inside. She pressed a few buttons on the control panel, the inner door locking, and the outer door opening. “Do we have a freezer here? A large one?” Yuki asked with a cold and calculating demeanor. Briggett sighed, “Yes, but it’s for edibles!” “Do we have a bag we can put him in?” Yuki asked. Briggett stared in shock at Yuki, “Yuki, isn’t this one of your people? How can you-” “We need to deal with him, now, not later, we can mourn his life or condemn it later,” Yuki snapped, “I’m sorry, Brigg, but when shit goes sideways this is how I handle stuff on my ship, okay? Emotions take a backseat, they have too!” Yuki blinked tears out of her eyes, forcing them back, “It’s hard enough ignoring Tarra’s emotions, okay? Just help me do this!” Briggett nodded, feeling Yuki’s determination, “there’s a whole vacuum-pack system in case the food bags broke or needed repackaging,” Briggett informed Yuki. Yuki nodded, “Good,” she looked into the small window of the airlock, seeing Palma’s body suspended between the ropes, now frozen solid. She closed the outer airlock door, and opened the inner one, floating inside to undo the restraints on Palma, undoing the tether around him as she went. “Let's get him packed up. We can deal with him later, right now we have to worry about Thomas and Tarrabetha.” Briggett nodded, “Right,” she flew towards the far end of the cargo bay, “follow me this way, it’s where the vacuum pack system is.” Briggett was already pulling out a large sheet of plastic by the time Yuki had gotten to her with Palma’s frozen corpse. Briggett looked to Palma, eyeballing his dimensions, and cut and fused a few sheets of plastic together. Before sealing the last opening, she turned to Yuki, “In he goes.” Yuki pushed Palma’s body headfirst into the plastic bag. Once inside, Briggett sealed most of the opened end before slipping a small hose into the bag, which drew the air out completely. Palma was now encased in durable freezer plastic. Yuki and Briggett shoved Palma’s body into a large empty freezer. Briggett sighed, “That’s not good.” “He deserved it,” Yuki said, shaking her head, “trust me.” “No,” Briggett corrected, “the freezer he’s in? That should be full of food. I’m going to need an inventory of what we have. No matter what, we’re short.” Yuki nodded, “I’ll make up a list for us.” Briggett turned to Issla, “How is Tarra?” Issla shook her head, “Not good.” Briggett sighed, “We’re going to need to sedate her. I’m already getting freaked out by her panicking.” Yuki gave a nod, “it’s getting to me too.” Issla escorted Tarrabetha to her bed and laid her down. “Tarra, take this, okay? Just take a little… and go to sleep, okay? You’ll feel better when you wake up, we’ve got this.” Tarrabetha was a little fussy with having something shoved into her mouth, but eventually relented. In a few minutes, she was relaxed and sleeping soundly. “Is she going to be okay?” Yuki asked. “She’s got a hit of Benzodiazepine, she’ll be okay,” Briggett turned to Yuki, “I’m going to get us on a direct course home, Issla, send out a distress call, we’re going to need another ship from Nite to meet us halfway, as we’re low on supplies. Not sure how low, so make sure they know it’s an extremely urgent situation.” “Got it,” Issla said, heading to the bridge. “When Tarra wakes up,” Briggett said, turning to Yuki, “You’re going to explain exactly what happened out there.” Yuki heaved a sigh, and nodded, “I have a confession to make.” “What’s that?” Briggett asked. “I haven’t been forthcoming with you about Dei’s knowledge of Nite,” Yuki admitted, “so all of you are going to have to listen to me very carefully.” “About what?” Briggett asked. “About the reality of Nite and Dei,” Yuki confessed. … Dei Cleo looked to Hoffman’s dead body, smiling as she did so, “I think this meeting can adjourn for now while we take care of some housekeeping,” Cleo turned to Sorjoy, “Mr. Sorjoy, if you could assist me?” Sorjoy’s lip quivered in anger as he seethed at Cleo, “Of course… Persephone.” “That would be,” Cleo smiled, “ComptrollerPersephone if you wouldn’t mind. During meetings, you have to show some respect, Mr. Sorjoy.” As the room emptied of the other Scale members, Sorjoy slowly got to his feet, “Mr. Trueman, what is the meaning of this?” Mr. Trueman grinned wickedly, “I do believe all of it was explained to you during the meeting, Mr. Sorjoy, was it not?” “How can she be the new head of the organization!” Sorjoy snapped. Mr. Trueman’s grin vanished, “Because in this organization’s hour of need I watched petty politics and power struggles blind everyone involved to our core goal. I set you on a simple task, and yet you took the darkest route you could.” Sorjoy was stunned to silence. “I expected you to show some compassion to your sister, but sadly that wasn’t the case,” Mr. Trueman shook his head, “meanwhile, Persephone provided me with all the truly relevant information I needed on the matter. She even provided me avenues that you nor Mr. Hoffman had even considered. All while being directly under your, and the organization’s nose.” Cleo beamed proudly. “Honestly, Sorjoy, it would be foolish not to instate her in a high rank within The Scale,” Mr. Trueman admitted. “Now, I leave you in her capable hands.” With that, Mr. Trueman turned and left the room. Sorjoy waited for Trueman to leave before he looked to Cleo, “Why, when, and how?” Cleo smiled pleasantly to Sorjoy, “Why? Because my whole life I’ve been stuck serving the upper crust of this world when I should have been part of it from the get-go. Thanks to assholes like my father, and Palma, however, I got tossed into the bottom rung. In a way, I guess I should thank them. I got to see how this world really functioned, from the bottom up. Now, I have the ability to change it,” she motioned to Hoffman, “mind carting the old fart topside? Naberious is waiting for us.” Sorjoy grabbed Hoffman’s chair, pulling it along towards a door, “You didn’t answer the rest of my questions.” “When and how? Well,” Cleo hesitated slightly, “did you know what my previous profession was?” “I knew you were an escort,” Sorjoy admitted. Cleo’s smile widened, “that’s what I had to do to survive, yes, but my original Profession? I was trained in computer science, Mr. Sorjoy,” Cleo boasted. “Network Security, Programming, and Computer Sciences.” “Meaning…?” Sorjoy asked, agitated as he tugged Hoffman’s chair into an elevator. “Meaning,” Cleo beamed, “that when your little IT boys gave me administrator-level access I created a new account for myself with full admin rights. It took me two weeks to uncover every single dirty little secret that Fondsworth had its greedy little hands in. Originally I was just looking into corporate espionage… it wasn’t until I bugged your phone that I got the real dirt on you.” Sorjoy heaved a sigh, “You heard my conversations on the Red Phone?” Cleo nodded, “Your communication with Gallor was unsettling, at first. An entire planet that we have been told holds nothing but untold horrors and brutal savage Dragons intent on ripping us apart? And it turns out the most deadly thing those creatures have are sharp tongues.” “What?” Sorjoy asked. Cleo laughed, “I heard you get chewed out by Chairwoman Rezzolina Misho. I very much look forward to chatting with her, to be honest. She sounds like my kind of woman.” The pair reached the surface, which opened into an underground garage. Naberious stood near the limousine, his wing bandaged. “Nabs, what happened? Are you alright?” Cleo asked, walking towards him with a concerned look on her face. “I’m fine, Persephone,” Naberious smiled to her, “just a flesh wound. I’ll be okay.” Sorjoy sneered at Naberious, “you’re in on this too?” Naberious opened his jacket, revealing a fresh sterling silver Scale pin, “I am now, as is all of Cerberus.” “You’re one of the leaders of Cerberus?!” Sorjoy shouted. Naberious chuckled, “Nah, just the muscle,” Naberious said as he walked to Mr. Hoffman’s dead body, hefting it up out of the chair, “Why don’t you two get inside the limo?” Cleo gave a nod, “After you, Mr. Sorjoy.” Sorjoy climbed in as Naberious stuffed Hoffman’s body into the trunk. “So where does that leave me?” Sorjoy asked. Cleo mused, “Honestly, Erik,” she said as she took a seat inside the limo, “I’m not one to destroy all The Scale traditions. Just injecting fresh blood. I do intend to name you Grand Patriarch.” “Where does that leave you?” Sorjoy asked. “Your superior, of course, but I’ll expect you to handle the day to day operations,” Cleo informed. Sorjoy’s eye twitched, “Wait…” “After all,” Cleo smiled wide, “I’ll need a capable assistant.” Naberious climbed into the driver’s seat and the limo began to drive as Sorjoy fixed Cleo with a withering gaze. “What’s with the name, Persephone?” Sorjoy asked. “It’s my whitehat hacker screen name,” Cleo smiled, “every prominent Scale member gets an option to change their name, don’t they? I know you did.” “I took my father’s,” Sorjoy admitted, rolling his eyes, “So, what’s next?” Cleo adjusted her make-up in a small compact mirror, smiling to Sorjoy, “Well, firstly we’re going to stop outside of Hoffman’s estate. There you’ll wait at the main gate with the Late Mr.Hoffman. Once I pick up his bride for a ‘girl’s night’ out, you’re going to bring Hoffman into his home, and promptly deposit him in his foyer.” “And the cover story?” Sorjoy asked. “Wife finds husband dead from a heart attack,” Cleo offered, smiling, “seems all those cigars got to Mr. Hoffman, and he collapsed in his foyer.” “And what about the ‘wife’? I doubt Hoffman would leave everything to her,” Sorjoy lifted an eyebrow, “unless…?” “Unless someone edited the document after it was signed?” Cleo smiled, “Why, Mr. Sorjoy, whoever would, or could, do such a thing?” Sorjoy smiled, “Okay. So the girl gets his fortune, is she on a list to join the Scale next?” “Teryn?” Cleo frowned, looking to Naberious, “She’s a close friend, and I love her, but I’d never put her life at risk like that. No, she’s just going to live the life of a pampered widow.” “You sure she’ll be okay with that?” Sorjoy asked, “no offense, but she seemed happy.” Cleo fixed Sorjoy with a stone gaze, “Teryn’s biggest fear will be where she lives going forward. Don’t worry, Mr. Sorjoy, Teryn will be my burden to carry.” Sorjoy nodded, “Everyone within the Scale has to carry weight.” “Yes,” Cleo sighed, “I’m well aware of what weights everyone carries.” The limo pulled up to the front gate of the Hoffman Estate. “CEOs and Late Arrivals,” Naberious mock announced as he popped the trunk. Sorjoy gave Cleo an agitated glare, “Why do I have to do this?” “You’re the only one I can trust to not say a word to any authorities,” Cleo smiled, “besides, when was the last time you truly got your hands dirty?” Sorjoy scoffed as he got out of the limo, and moved to the trunk, and pulled Hoffman’s corpse out of it, “so how do I plant the body?” Sorjoy asked. “I’m sure you can figure it out,” Cleo said with a catty smile as she shut the limo door. As it drove towards the front gate, Cleo frowned to Naberious, “Nabs, will Teryn be okay?” Naberious frowned at her, “Not sure. Don’t think Teryn’s ever lost, anyone.” “Did she really love Hoffman?” Cleo asked. “Hard to say,” Naberious shrugged, “He was her best client. I can’t say she felt nothing for him.” Cleo frowned, “Do you think she’d forgive me if I told her?” “Let’s leave that discussion for another day,” Naberious said as he pulled up to the front of the large mansion. Teryn was grinning ear to ear wearing her red glittery, and form-fitting, club gown, “Girl’s night!!” Teryn shouted, “Pat I’m so glad you finally took a night off!!” Cleo forced a smile as she popped out of the limo’s moonroof window, “Well I kind of had to! Otherwise, I’d go crazy!” “Woo!” Teryn laughed as she climbed into the limo. Cleo came back into the limo, hugging Teryn as she got in. “We’re going to tear that club up!” Teryn laughed, “and who knows, maybe we’ll find a man for you!” Cleo laughed, “That’s not necessary.” Teryn fixed Cleo with a serious expression, “Pat… you need to get laid! Like good, toe-curling, find a hot guy at the club who knows how to use his tongue, laid!” Cleo laughed, “Well okay, but only if he has a talented mouth!” “And tongue!” Teryn laughed, “Come on Nabby! Let’s Go!” Teryn shouted excitedly as Naberious chuckled at the pair and drove off. Teryn had no idea that, once the limousine passed the front gate, her husband’s body was being dragged, discreetly, through the driveway by Sorjoy. As Sorjoy pushed the doors open, he grunted, hefting Hoffman up to face him. Sorjoy grinned wickedly, “You know, to be honest, this suits you.” With that, Sorjoy allowed Hoffman to fall to the ground, landing on his stomach, his face smacking against the marble floor. Sorjoy walked to the doors and was about to close them before he laughed to himself, “Dead men can’t close doors behind them, Erik.” He walked down the driveway, and to the front gate. Without a ride, Sorjoy just smiled to himself and started to walk back to the city. “Time to reflect,” he thought to himself as he looked up to the sky, “good luck sis.” … Shuttle Goodwill Yuki sat sheepishly in front of Issla and Briggett after explaining Dei’s deception. “That’s impossible!” Briggett shouted, “We’ve been going to Dei for years, how could they not know about us?! Not knowing that we have been giving them food?!” Issla was much less skeptical, “It makes sense, Brigg. Why wouldn’t they allow us out of the ship?” “Do you know how many people at the shuttle bay would have to be in on it?!” Briggett argued. Issla shook her head, “Who did we ever see? No one from the loading team. The front windows are mirrored to prevent solar radiation from blinding us. Thomas probably didn’t even know, because we were expressly forbidden to speak Niten upon landing. Think about it, Briggett.” Briggett was silent for a few moments, “But…” “That’s why I had to sneak on board,” Yuki explained, “the organization, ‘The Scale’? They wanted to keep me on Nite so I wouldn’t expose their lies.” Briggett looked to the medical bay, “So, the ‘Longivertis’ in the room then, if no one on Dei knows about Niten Dragons, then what is poor Thomas going to do when he discovers that Tarrabetha's a Dragon?” All three women winced at the implications of Briggett’s observation. “I have an idea,” Yuki explained, “you’re just going to need to trust me.” … A few hours later, a very groggy Thomas woke tied to a medical bed, “ugh… what happened?” “Hey, Thomas,” Yuki said, floating in to see him waking, “how are you feeling?” “Tara?!” Thomas said, smiling, “oh Tara, I-” Yuki held up her hand, “I’m not Tarra.” Thomas frowned, “Wait, so you lied to me?” Yuki nodded, “Yes. I’m not the only one.” “What do you mean?” Thomas asked, confused, and struggled against the medical restraints, “and why am I tied up?” Yuki floated towards his bed, “You’re tied down, not up, and it’s because we’re in space.” “What?!” Thomas blinked in confusion as Yuki floated near him, undoing his restraints, “How are we in space?!” Thomas shouted. “The shuttle Goodwill?” Yuki explained as she continued to undo his restraints, “It’s an interplanetary vessel.” “Interplanetary? What do you mean?” Thomas frowned. “You’re going to need to believe me here, okay?” Yuki said, “My real name is Yuki Karkade.” Thomas gave her an odd look, “where have I heard that name before…?” “I was probably in the news a few months back for crashing on Nite,” Yuki explained. Thomas’s eyes went wide, “What?! You survived?! How?” Yuki took a deep breath, “Thomas, I need to ask you two important questions, one is about Tarra, the other is about me.” Thomas gave Yuki a suspicious glance, “Okay,” he rubbed his wrists where the straps had held them, listening to Yuki. “Would you love Tarra, no matter what she looked like?” Yuki asked. Thomas nodded, “Yes. I’ve kind of… prepared myself for almost anything. But I love her, the chats we’ve had over the past few years have been what I’ve looked forward to each time I hear about Shuttle Goodwill coming our way.” “Even if she was ugly, or disfigured?” Yuki asked. “Yes,” Thomas explained, “I love Tara for her personality. I don’t care what she looks like. Guardian, you sound like Hammond.” Yuki pressed on, “I ask because, you and me?” Yuki said, pointing to Thomas and then herself, “we’ve been lied to about Nite.” “How so?” Thomas asked, concerned. “This ship? It was built on Nite,” Yuki explained, cutting to the chase. Thomas looked around, noticing the alien lettering on the doors and even on some of the equipment. “That’s impossible, the Nite Dragon’s are half a step up from animals.” “No, they are not,” Yuki explained, “if anything, Thomas, they treat us like we’re the animals.” Thomas scoffed, “Yeah, right! Why?” “Well,” Yuki began, “on Nite, they don’t kill each other for resources. They work together, collectively, to obtain resources for their entire society.” Thomas gave Yuki a look of disbelief, “and you’ve met these creatures? Spoken to them?” Yuki nodded, “Yes. They accepted me, and I even learned their language.” “Bullshit,” Thomas scoffed, “what’s that even sound like.” “Zh neshem' kekh,” Yuki said in Niten. “Not terribly convincing,” Thomas said, “you could just be spouting gibberish.” Yuki sighed, “I just said ‘it sounds like this’, and what reason would I have to lie to you?” “A cruel prank,” Thomas reasoned, “likely set-up by Hammond.” Yuki sighed, “Tarra, Thomas is up, don’t come in yet. Just say ‘Hi’.” Thomas turned to the doorway, where he heard Tarrabetha’s voice, though she sounded far less chipper than he remembered. “Thomas? I-I’m so glad you’re here. I… I need you, I do,” Tarrabetha whimpered. “Tara!” Thomas frowned, “what’s wrong?” Tarrabetha sniffled, “I… I just… it’s just that… Yuki please let me see him!” “Not yet, Tarra,” Yuki turned to Thomas, “I don’t want him to be afraid.” Thomas looked to the door, “Tara, this woman says you’re a Dragon. Is she lying to me?” “No,” Tarrabetha confessed. “Did you think I was a Dragon?” Thomas asked. “No!” Tarrabetha cried. “What color is your skin, er, scales, if you’re a Dragon?” Thomas asked. “Blue!” Tarrabetha said quickly. Thomas glanced at Yuki, and then to the doorway, “Tarra, I want to see.” Yuki turned to the door and gave a nod. Tarrabetha slowly moved into the doorway, sheepishly looking to Thomas, and smiling a toothy grin, “Hi, Tom.” Thomas blinked in surprise, and clumsily moved towards Tarrabetha, not handling zero-G very well. Tarrabetha caught him, and grinned, “I’ll help you get used to the ship.” Thomas chuckled, looking her up and down, “I… Wow. Huh…” Thomas looked her in the eyes, his hand moving over her smooth scales. “You know, Tara…” Thomas smiled, “you look beautiful.” Tarrabetha beamed, hugging Thomas, “Oh and you’re just the cutest angel I’ve ever seen!” Yuki heaved a sigh of relief, as did Briggett and Issla from the other room. Tarrabetha and Thomas’s joy was affecting the rest of the Crew, and it was much needed. At this point, the sooner they got back to Nite, the better. Yuki hadn’t felt Serren in so long, and now she wished she could sense him once more. … Dei Teryn laughed happily while she tumbled into the limousine, clearly drunk, “Oh my God! They wouldn’t stop hitting on us!” Cleo smiled at Teryn as she struggled to get into the limo, “Well that’s what happens when you flash the whole bar, Teryn!” Teryn let out a series of disingenuous giggles as she failed at playing innocent, “Oh, Al’s in for a wild ride tonight!” “I bet,” Mimi’s voice soon came from behind Cleo. Cleo turned to Mimi, “Mimi! Funny running into you here!” She smiled wide. “Not really,” Mimi smiled back, her beautiful light blue wings opening and closing purposefully as she took a deep inhale of her cigarette from its obsidian holder, “I just bought the place.” She wore a shimmering black dress over her shapely form, contrasting with Cleo’s white dress. Cleo smiled, “Good to hear,” Cleo said as she shut the door to the Limo with Teryn inside. “Yes,” Mimi smiled to Cleo, leaning in close, “I believe you have something for me… Persephone?” Cleo reached into her purse and produced a palm-sized black velvet box. Mimi’s eyes grew wide as she gently took it, opening the box with a breath of excitement. Within the box were a pin, a small silver scale with blue gems set along the right side, and pure white diamonds on the left. The pin was not alone, however. Within the same box was a golden necklace. The necklace’s chain was delicate, yet sturdy, for hanging from its middle was an emblem of three wolf heads, the centermost head was lined in gold and featuring violet gems for eyes. The other heads were lacking definition or eyes. A smile crept over Mimi’s elegant face as her eyes looked up to Cleo. “A thousand feathers?” Cleo asked. Mimi closed the jewelry box swiftly, “For a single scale,” she gave a sly smile to Cleo, “Thank you, Persephone. You will not regret giving me access to The Scale.” “Thank you for running Cerberus for me,” Cleo said with a smile. A thud came from the Limo as Teryn slapped the window, glaring at Cleo and Mimi, her voice was muted as she shouted something. Cleo opened the door, “Oh, sorry! Mimi was discussing something in private with me.” Teryn adjusted her bust in her dress as she climbed out of the limo, “Mimi, I don’t work for you anymore, so-” “I just wanted to make sure my VIPs had a good time,” Mimi smiled, “or did you not hear that I now own this establishment?” “Wow really?!” Teryn beamed, “That’s awesome, Mimi!” “Isn’t it?” Mimi smiled, turning on her stylish heels, “You two have a safe trip home…” she said, glancing back at the pair, “you never know what sort of terrible things can happen when you’re away.” Cleo frowned as Mimi walked back into the club. Teryn yawned, “come on Pat! Let's get going! If we wait any longer I won’t be drunk enough to have fun with Al!” Cleo forced a smile to Teryn, “sure thing, let's get going.” Teryn climbed into the limo once more, and Cleo followed suit. Once inside Cleo was quiet as Teryn seemed to sober up. “Pat? What did Mimi say?” Teryn asked. Cleo’s eyes were watching the streets pass by, but she turned her attention to Teryn after a moment, “just some final business.” “Your debt?” Teryn sighed, “Pat if you need money to pay her off, trust me, I’ll get Al to pay it.” Cleo chuckled, “I doubt he would do such a thing.” Teryn smiled knowingly, “Oh, please Pat! I have that man wrapped around my finger!” She pushed her forearms together, her hands out, showing her large diamond ring, but also forcing her cleavage together, “The girls can spring you!” “Doesn’t he already get that?” Cleo chuckled. Teryn grinned, “It’s the performance too yah’ know!” Teryn flashed her eyes at Cleo, and gave a mock pout with thick ruby lips, “but daddy,” she mockingly begged in a high pitched voice, “Ineedit sobad.” Cleo laughed, “right, like that, actually works.” “I’ve told you, Pat,” Teryn smiled as she leaned back, “it always works! Men are simple. You offer them sex? They’ll do anything. You offer them kinky sex? They’ll do things you never imagined.” Cleo shook her head, “Not every man is motivated by sex.” “Oh?” Teryn beamed to Cleo, “well then what else motivates men?” Cleo looked out the window as they began to turn down the driveway of Hoffman’s estate, “Power.” Teryn lifted a flawless eyebrow at Cleo, “yeah, well, the girls are all the power I need!” Teryn said, grabbing her large breasts for emphasis. Cleo’s smile vanished as they pulled up to the driveway, and she spotted the opened front doors. “Please, forgive me someday, Teryn.” Teryn’s smile vanished as she saw the front doors open, “Nabby! Stop the car! Let me out!” Cleo stepped out of the limo once it came to a stop, pulling up her phone, “Teryn, don’t go inside, let me call the police!” Teryn rushed up the stairs, “Al?! Al are you alright?!” Cleo turned to Naberious, “Nabs! Stop her!” Naberious nodded, running after Teryn. Teryn had stopped at the top of the steps, looking down to see Hoffman’s lifeless body on the ground, his eyes frozen opened in shock. Teryn screamed just as Naberious grabbed her and turned her from the scene. Cleo turned away as the phone rang. “Seraph City police department,” a male voice answered. “I’m at Hoffman Estate, my name is Cleopatra Cassandra Walters,” she turned to the scene of Teryn screaming in hysterics as Naberious tried to rein her in, “...I think there might have been some kind of break-in. My friend, Teryn, is badly hurt.” … Shuttle Goodwill Yuki smiled as Tarrabetha and Thomas floated through the ship. Thomas was in awe of what he saw, and what Tarrabetha was telling him. Briggett soon floated back, “Final burn out of Dei’s orbit is done. We’ve got a three-month journey ahead, hopefully, we can meet in a month’s time with the support shuttle.” Yuki gave Briggett a nod, “It was a risk to launch like you did. Thank you.” “It was a bigger risk to leave you out there,” Briggett sighed, “than to stay.” Issla floated towards Yuki and Briggett, “I re-sent the message to Nite, but I still haven’t heard a confirmation yet.” Briggett lifted an eyebrow, “that’s odd. Wonder why that is?” Issla shrugged, “maybe I didn’t send it out correctly. Tarra’s normally the communications officer.” Yuki turned to Thomas and Tarrabetha, “Tarra! We need some help with the comms!” Tarrabetha heaved a sigh, “Can it wait a minute?” Briggett glared at Tarrabetha, “Not unless you want to risk potentially missing our rendezvous with assistance!” "Okay, fine," Tarrabetha growled, “it’s not like I’ve been waiting for years to see Tom!” Thomas laughed, “We can stand a few more minutes apart.” Tarrabetha grinned at Thomas and kissed the top of his head, “Okay, let me handle this, and then I’ll get back to telling you about Bronzi steaks!” After a moment or two, she floated to the bridge and turned to the communication dashboard. "Uh…" Tarrabetha grunted, adjusting some dials, "Issla… was this red indicator on when you sent the initial signal?" Tarrabetha asked, exasperated. Issla floated behind Tarrabetha and gave her a nod, "Yeah. Why is it not supposed to be on?" “If that red light is on it means that our communications array isn’t working…” Tarrabetha flipped a few switches, the console powering down for a moment. As she worked to start it back up, she saw multiple red warning lights, “...and that means we’re radio silent.” “What?!” Yuki shouted, she turned to Briggett, “We have to turn around and refuel on Dei! We have no choice!” Briggett’s face was stone, “We… can’t.” “What do you mean we ‘can’t’?” Yuki asked, floating towards Briggett. “The last of our fuel was used to launch, and burn us out of Dei’s orbit,” Briggett hung her head low, “we only have enough fuel for minor course correction. But we have no way to turn around.” Tarrabetha frowned, “Then our only chance is to see if we can get outside of the ship and repair the array.” Yuki glanced at Briggett, “I don’t have a spacesuit, do any of you?” Briggett nodded, “it’s risky, but we do have two.” “So who goes?” Issla asked. “I’ll go,” Briggett volunteered, “I got us into this mess, I’ll be the one to get us out.” Yuki’s heart sank, “If we can’t fix the array… no one will know we’re in trouble.” she looked out the window, a mournful look on her face and in her heart, “Oh, Serren. I’m so sorry my mate. I never should've left you.” Yuki heaved a sigh, “Please, Guardian, let me and my child return to Serren.” ... Nite Serren shot up from a deep sleep on Rezzolina’s couch, his heart racing, his chest heaving as he tried to catch his breath after roaring in terror. “Serren?!” Rezzolina rushed out of her bedroom, haphazardly tossing on a robe and nearly tumbling down the steps leading down to her living room. “Yuki!” Serren screamed, “She’s hurt!” Rezzolina placed her hand over his snout as she knelt next to Serren on the couch. She cradled her younger brother tenderly, wrapping her wings around him, “Yuki is with her own people, Serren. I already got confirmation that the ship landed on Dei yesterday. They will not be launching until three days from now.” “You don’t understand!” Serren protested, looking up to Rezzolina, “I saw it!” “You saw a nightmare,” Rezzolina said with a comforting smile, “I know you miss her and you’re worried. If it’s causing you so much distress, I can talk to the crew psychologist and see if he’ll allow you to reach out to her.” Serren shook his head, “Something terrible has happened,” he gave a pleading look to Rezzolina, “Please, Rezza, believe me?” Rezzolina heaved a sigh, and kissed his forehead, “I’ll check tomorrow when I get in, okay? I promise.” Serren gave a nod, “Okay, but please, promise me you’ll ask if something is wrong? Please?” “I promise,” Rezzolina looked to the clock on the wall, “I have to go into the office in a few hours anyway… how about I make us some coffee and you can get a headstart on studying?” Serren gave a solemn nod as Rezzolina stood up and he glanced at the small living room table covered in notes and medical books. “Please, Guardians, Watch over Yuki.” For this particular prayer, only one Guardian was listening.
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