As of this year I have finally achieved a net worth of 6 figures~ (108k to be exact).
TLDR; save schmoney and get that honey! P.S. skip to “EDIT”. Im illiterate and lost all my brain cells watching tIkTok so I wrote my original post incorrectly and confused some folks.
I started doing a traineeship at 17-18 as a receptionist earning $20,000 a year with no money to my name and now in just 4 years here I am (I moved out at 18 too with no help).
For the first 2.5 years I aimed to saved 20,000 a year in a high interest savings account.
Since late 2019 I've been dipping my feet into investing a small amount and I admit, I've lost a lot of money. Since then, I've learned my investing behaviors, improved my knowledge and hope to start making real gains.
I don't drive because I'm scared to get my P's lol - so that's obviously helped.
I didn't go to uni since I didn't know what I wanted to do and that definitely helped since I don't need to pay any fees (I'm a permanent resident and tbh kinda stupid when I was 17 I thought I had to pay since I wasn't a citizen yet oh well) This let me work full-time and get into the office early.
I haven't travelled anywhere which is a shame but it has helped with my savings. As travel restrictions ease, I hope I can see more of the world soon!
I'm typing here because I'm proud of myself and I don't have anyone to share my success with.
I'd like to thank this subreddit for guiding me and to everyone for sharing their FIRE goals and tips.
EDIT:
Damn I didn't expect to get this many replies. Sorry for not clarifying!
​

• A description of the journey you took to get to where you presently are.

2016: graduate HS (17 yrs old)
2017: 18 years old doing a 1 year traineeship as a receptionist where I lived at home, my contract meant I was paid only 20k a year and because I lived at home I could save 10k that year.
2018 - Moved out in February and got my first real job as a receptionist on 60k p.a - that allowed me to save more lol hence the 20k savings a year. I turned 19 in may. I didn't ask or get any help from my parents because my parents are divorced, my dad and I are estranged and my mom was struggling to raise me and my brother :( I don't have any family here either that I can depend on, it's just me. Rent was $200 a week and idk about bills but it was between 4 people. How I moved out? Abusive household :x
2019 - Still renting, same job, same pay, continue to lived frugally, hit goal of 20k savings in bank account again, invested $5000 lost like $2000 lol but it's okay I was expecting to lose since I didn't know what I was doing. And for me I was scared coz I worked so hard to save all this money and here I am losing it. Rent was the same, bills the same.
2020 - still renting, same job, salary increase to 63k a year for added responsibilities, continue to live below my means, hit goal of 20k savings in bank account. Learned more about investing, portfolio is now $10k not from gains but from me topping up my funds slowly. No real gains, just learning. New rental for $250, bills for 4 people.
2021 - still renting, same job but now I'm an office assistant and receptionist, same salary, , live below my means, still looking to save 20k this year but I also hope to see some gains for once in my life since I reevaluated my portfolio. I'm only young and I'm trying my best. There really is no trick to it I'm literally saving 20,000 a year that's it (just under $400 a week if you break it down. Rent for $250 incl. bills.
Lifestyle: Don't drink or party because I have no friends or a social life :( I take public transport and walk everywhere, I shop budget at groceries, I try to cook at home because I'm also living an active lifestyle and drinking/eating out too much etc won't work in the long term for my health fitness goals. I didn't go to uni, I don't have a car and I'm still on my Ls which are set to expire next month oops.
Honestly the sacrifice was that I haven't lived...I can't go to nice places, I see so many girls doing their hair, makeup, nails lashes but I jsut don't even though I want to. I've haven't travelled overseas at all by myself. I was scared that If I don't hit this goal of 100k by 23 I'll be in trouble, what if I'm sick ,etc what if I need surgery because I don't have anyone to depend on. I've been working full time since 17 while my friends can party, go overseas, go to brunches and road trips I can't do any of that :( At the back of mind I just think about how I will never ever let someone have power over me because they control my finances and render me hopeless. I grew up in an environment where I was silenced and beat because I had no choice but to obey the authority. I, one day want my own home where I can say this is mine. I did this. You all tried to beat me down but here I am due to my own will. And when I think about that, I owe it to myself to do this now and work for a better future.
Note: Current figures below
HostPlus Indexed Balanced Super: 20,925.47
Westpac LifeSavings acct: $61188.97
Portfolio: $25,885.56 at the time of writing but I gained $1,925.63 today (yay!) Please also note that I've only recently been strengthening my portfolio, and I'm talking December 20 where i was still losing. Most of the sum here was transferred from my bank account but I've made gains of 5k so far this year since I reevaluated my portfolio in early jan. My next goal is to earn 20k a year from my portfolio so that way I can have a total of 40k savings/earnings a year. I don't know if I can do this but we can only try! I've got a lock of stocks yes (don't come for me), but I'm getting into ETF'S now and will build them up over the years ahead.
If there's a few thousand that doesn't add up it's probably the scraps I salvaged from my tax return lol. I'm no math guru sorry but I have no interest in trying to trick anyone here lol.

• What your past/current strategy has been and an evaluation of its performance.

It's pretty dumb LOL, I get why some of ya'll be pressed in the comments. I literally made this 20k a year savings plan when I got my real job at 18 and just went with it. Like I don't want this stuff to be hard, I just want life to be simple and to be happy. I would've started investing in ETF's earlier and salary sacrificed to my super more (just $200 a week). I didn't need to be so stressed and needed to trust myself to get out of my shitty situation. Moving forward gonna get rid of me stonks and learn how to go about ETF's smartly for the long run and idk if anyone has pointers please share. I don't really have any skills so I'm going to get a diploma and just keep learning, because the more I earn the more I can save/invest right? For anyone that's curious how this relates to FIRE, retirement isn't on the radar yet but being financially independent is a part of FIRE and I think I'm on my way there :)
Jks just go to ASX_bets and look for rocket emojis! 🚀🚀🚀
​

• Advice for others who may be in a similar situation to you.

May not be the most impressive or savvy way but it's how I did it.

• Make a rule. I note down all my expenses and then see what I have leftover from my salary. I want to save as much as I can so my priority is to "pay myself" first. Work out a decent amount to give yourself for spending and literally put everything else away. Doesn't matter if it's only $200 or if you can save $1000+ It's about building lifelong habits, it might suck at first but you become accustomed to it. Build good habits, maintain consistency
• Learn basic financial concepts. I just read the ASIC's Moneysmart website and the Barefoot investor. It's like weightlifting, once you get a hold of the basics you can just grow them gains baby. It was really confusing though, lots of books are for idk, money-savvy older people based in America in suits or something. I asked myself wtf is a ROTH IRA so many times. Lots of things out there are really complicated and don't help/target young people so I just figured out my own way. It can be really overwhelming and confusing stuff, but don't worry it's okay! Do it for you and learn things that serve you and help you reach your goals. F*** derivatives, whatever the hell that means!
• Lifestyle changes: Re-evaluate what's necessary. For me, it's the gym and eating out once or twice a week at your local Vietnamese for $11 pho lol, so my life isn't very expensive. My interests are very inexpensive, I enjoy walking outside to meet my daily step count, I enjoy playing games at home, I love cooking at home and it means I get to hone my cooking skills. I like my makeup and I value looking presentable but I buy drugstore makeup when they're on sale (thank you Priceline you are my life), no Fenty beauty for me :( Buy staple clothing, obviously buy stuff that makes you look and feel good but you defs don't need to get that corset top from House of CB because like...no I take it back. It's a need.
• Know your why: If your reason is strong enough you'll just do it.
• To anyone from abusive homes or relationships, one day you will escape and be able to live life on your terms. I didn't think it was necessary to go on a whole spiel about my story but keep your head up high you will make it, and you will heal in your own pace. I felt like my life truly began when I moved out...it's a hard and lonely journey but it will be very rewarding in the end. I couldn't afford therapy and still haven't gone but using kids helpline (free hotline for kids, teens and young adults up to the age of 25) really helped me when I needed to be heard.
• Please live your youth if you're my age or just live life in general! When you're in survival mode you can't enjoy the pleasures of life because you don't have a choice. Make it a goal to do something exciting every month or however often you have the time, money and resources to do so. For example, for valentine's Day I'm going on a picnic and making a cheese platter for two for $35! It's cute, affordable and sweet :D

Previous Next
Galactic Standard date: Year 11356 Day, 88. Sol Standard date: 3/31/3267
Catherine was just waking up to a new fun filled day when the idea hit her. She sat bolt upright in her bed and yelled, " They haven't seen any movies yet!" Catherine threw on her clothes and flew out of her bedroom heading towards the new ambassadorial residences.
So'Ran was researching the Terran anatomy books when Catherine knocked on his door. " Are you awake So'Ran? I have a neat thing to show you!" she said happily.
So'Ran shut down his VR suite and looked to the wall where he could see the outline of a door. " Give me just a moment my lady, I will be right out." he said as he threw on his ambassadorial garments that he had customized earlier that day to look somewhat suitable to a being serving under a goddess. So'Ran hit the button for the door and kneeled before it had even finished evaporating.
Catherine waited for the door to poof away only to see the Atteni ambassador kneeling down in the doorway. " Whatcha doin hun? Did you lose something? Here let me help you." she said as she knelt down and reached a hand out to So'Ran to help him up.
So'Ran heard nothing over the pounding in his chest, the next thing he knew after he knelt was that his object of worship and admiration was extending her hand to him, beckoning him to her side. So'Ran reached out to her and and pulled himself up into her hand. His heart started pounding more, he had been accepted as a follower. He knew that he had a duty to spread the word now. That would require him to leave his lady's side but it was necessary. Whenever they left to go retrieve Valenthi's younger sister he would request the time necessary to go recruit a following.
Catherine just looked at the Atteni who had curled onto her hand and somewhat up her arm. He looked so happy and determined she forgot about the whole dropping something bit that had happened as she let out a happy sigh and headed towards Valthan's room.
Valthan heard a knock at his door and threw down his tools and his engineering for dummies book as he raced to hit the button hoping that it was his lordship coming to teach him the ways of ascendant engineering. Instead he was greeted by the other ascendant Catherine along with his fellow Atteni. " Hello your ladyship. What may I do for you today?" he said bowing deeply.
Catherine just smiled and said, " Awww, my, what a gentlemouse you are! I only have one thing I want right now and that's to share one of my favorite movies to you little guys! Its a classic from 2035 but we are going to watch the remastered version in VR." she said as she waved to Valthan for him to follow her to Valenthi's room.
Valenthi was in the middle of a full sprint on her wheel when she heard the knock. She got startled and tripped which brought her full circle a few times before allowing her to deposit herself on the floor. She stood up and steadied herself as she heard another set of knocks. " Give me a minute please, i was exercising and i would like to dress myself appropriately." she said as she grabbed her ambassadors robes and a handheld paper fan from her people.
Catherine waited as patiently as she petted So'Ran. Finally the door fell away into dust to reveal the Atteni who was giving a little bow with a paper fan in hand and Catherine couldn't handle the cute little fan in her tiny hands so she squee'd and picked up Valenthi with her other arm much to So'Ran's dismay. " Awwwwww I cant wait to see how you guys react to this movie! Its made from an author who started out on an old internet website called reddit that died out in 2022. Some of those authors that were writing in this sub genre called HFY were actually pretty close to how the future really panned out. A few conspiracy theorist think that humanity actually used to be able to see the future because of that!" She said while laughing. " The movies we are going to watch are called " The wrath of vuxten" " He who is wreathed in love and wrath" and we are going to be watching these back to back baby!
Catherine walked to an empty room and set the nanites to fab up a VR theater while she setup the measurements on the Atteni for the movie. They were each going to get to experience Vuxten's battles on Telkan after biological warfare had been initiated. She was so excited she began to shuffle around in place while the room finished setting up. As a heads up these might be a little scary! The three Atteni shrugged it off. Their people had horror movies, this shouldn't be too scary.
After the room had finished Catherine immediately threw the little wire headset that they put on after laying down. Their whole world changed, they could feel, smell, taste, hear, and see in the world. Almost better than the real world. So'Ran gagged as the taste of a world that consisted of nothing but death and despair assaulted all five senses. His visor flashed ATOMIC ATOMIC ATOMIC then he felt the planet itself quake in fear and agony. He wanted to huddle down and hide but he then started moving along without any real input. Then he remembered that he was in a movie and had no way to actually do anything, he was just along for the ride. This thought calmed him until a tree developed a mouth with large serrated teeth and tried to eat him before a bug that was atop his shoulder shot with an itty bitty rifle.
Valenthi was dropped into a forest where she was leading a group of soldiers that appeared to be a mix of Terran and whatever she was supposed to be inhabiting. She then threw up a closed fist and told the group to spread-out. Something was wrong, they were overlooking a lake that she had recently visited but it seemed wrong somehow. Then her eyes landed on it. There was an island in the center of the lake that hadn't been there the week before. She opened up with every weapon she had in her arsenal as she sounded the retreat to her group. An array of missiles, grenades, and bullets impacted the island which just seemed to piss it off as it then stood to its full height and bore down upon Valenthi who was still shooting wildly into the creatures massive fanged maw. The creature slammed its face towards her to try and eat her but she pulled out a wicked looking chainsword and jabbed it into its face being brought up with it as it recoiled. She was then notified of a new meme scrolling past her eyesight as she screamed in rage and fury cutting into the creature that was over 100 times her size.
"This lake is reserved for podlings" scrolled across her sightline as she buried the chainsword to the hilt and began to make mincemeat of the creatures brain.
"Worker Vuxten, you are fined one days pay for dirtying the lake." played across her vision as she fell to the ground along with the giant that she had felled.
Valthan was dead, yet he was alive. All he could feel was love and wrath for scorched Telkan. He stood in front of the unending tides of enemies before him. A lone man who needed nothing more than his love and rage to sustain him through battle. He fired shoulder mounted missile launchers into the masses as he waded into the mass of flesh with his chainsword in a bloody dance of death that left nothing but the pulped remains of his enemies in his wake. Valthan started laughing harder than he ever had before. " So this is true power? This is the power of the gods? I will try my best to reach your heights Jason!" he said as he impaled a 15 foot long creature that was covered in venous spikes.
---------------- Nothing follows ----------------
Whew im glad i finally got to the first contact reference! I got permission from u/Ralts_Bloodthorne a while back to do this chapter but i was in the process of worldbuilding so it had to get shelved. i couldnt wait to reference his work though. How will this movie series change the Atteni though? perhaps they will stop worshipping humanity? Perhaps it'll only get worse!

So we all know that eBay is an online website where people can pretty much list anything for sale: toys, video games, pre-owned clothes, rare and unique items, anything! While most people sell online as a hobby (kinda like a garage sale), for those who don't know, it is also possible to make a full-time income selling online. Basically, making places such as eBay your "full time job." That is what intrigued me so I decided to jump in a try!
In 2019, I was frustrated and had enough: I did not enjoy my full-time 8-5 job and never really felt like I had found my calling. I had been working part-time on eBay since 2018 and was much more passionate about that, however, I barely made a few hundred bucks a month doing that along with my full-time work.
So at the very beginning of 2020 on January 1st, I took the leap of faith and decided I was going to try online reselling full-time for the entire year. This is a summary and report on how that worked out for me, and I feel it might be an interesting read for those here who are contemplating or fantasizing about going full-time but want some reassurance and first-hand experience. This is also a good read for those wanting to compare numbers: see how my financials look compared to yours to figure out if this is an opportunity (or risk!) you want to try for yourself.
Also, one more upfront disclaimer: The numbers I provide in this post are UNFINALIZED ESTIMATES only. I am working with my CPA who decides on the final numbers to report and he puts together my final tax return. These numbers are from spreadsheets I’ve maintained all year but are not necessarily the final taxable amounts. (So if the IRS or state government is reading this post...once again, these are ESTIMATES ONLY!)
For those who are short on time, here is the tl;dr
I sold on the following platforms: eBay, Amazon FBA, Mercari, and other miscellaneous platforms (StockX, local sales, etc.) My gross sales for 2020 were impressive (over $77,000), however my net income after deductions left a lot to be desired (just under $13,000 total.) Yes, that means I only profited about 16% of my gross sales. So to give you a better idea, if I sold an item for $100 + free shipping, on average, I would only make a profit of $16 after shipping, fees, etc.
Conclusions: There is a ton of potential for this type of gig work and it is truly liberating to set your own schedule every day. On the down side, it is likely when you start off you will not make a living wage and it becomes nearly impossible if you are 100% reliant on this income without a safety net or support, at least starting out.
Okay, so let’s first describe my business and process:
I decided I would try the “Sell Everything” model. That means I do not focus on a specific niche or category but resell anything that has a good margin. This means I sell anything from new and pre-owned clothes, toys, video games from places such as thrift stores, as well as retail arbitrage from Walmarts, Targets, Best Buys, etc. I also established one wholesale book supplier in the later part of 2020.
I live in Hawaii so shipping is a huge disadvantage and challenge. As a result, I had to focus on smaller or compact items fitting in flat rate shipping boxes to increase profit margins.
I sell on the following platforms: eBay, Amazon FBA, Mercari, and other miscellaneous platforms (StockX, local sales, etc.) Basically, I compare prices and market demand between the platforms and list the item on the “best” platform. Majority of the time I use eBay because I have a basic store subscription which offers significant perks such as discounted Final Value Fees for certain product categories and overall, eBay has the highest sell though rate for my business.
My weekly schedule involves driving around (thrift stores, garage sales, retail stores, clearances, etc.) about 3-4 times a week. I spend at least 1 full day (might be broken up throughout the week) listing products (photos, weighing, typing, etc.) and performing administrative tasks such as keeping tax records up to date. I ship within 3 business days but ship as soon as I can, so I typically go to the post office 2-3 times a week. On my better weeks, I have between 25-30 packages sold (so nothing too crazy, but it’s decent.) On my worst week, I sold less than 5 items (but I was under quarantine with time away activated, so that was understandable and made sense to me.)
Next, let’s dive into some interesting takeaways and data:
My total gross sales was over $77,000.
Here is the breakdown of sales revenue generated from the following platforms:
eBay 70%, Mercari 18%, Amazon FBA 8%, Local & Miscellaneous 4%.
My overall average selling price per item was about $85.
Here is the breakdown of the quantity of items sold on the following platforms:
eBay 642, Mercari 62, Amazon FBA 198, Local & Miscellaneous 6
Total items resold in 2020: 908 items.
(That’s an average of 76 items resold per month, or 2-3 items sold every single day, 365 days a year.)
Looking at these facts, I can definitely say that eBay was king: for both sales dollars and volume sold.
Mercari was an interesting platform. It is not nearly as popular as eBay but you can crosspost and get a good amount of sales for items that are sitting for a long time on eBay without any attention.
Amazon FBA was a really weird situation: notice how I sold more than triple the amount of items than Mercari, but the earned less than half the amount of gross sales dollars? This is largely because despite being an Amazon seller for about 1.5 years now, selling consistently there, I am gated on a lot of high margin items. Typically, I have no choice but to resell small new in box items that only make me $10-$20 profit per items. Compared to places like eBay or Mercari where you can easily earn $200-$500+ profit per item (depending on the item of course) you can definitely see how being able to sell almost anything on eBay/Mercari versus being gated on Amazon really affects the final numbers.
A final note about local and miscellaneous sales: I’m an introvert. A big time introvert. (That’s largely why I got into reselling – it's a solitary business activity without much personal interaction – you just list and ship!) So I only met up with people in real life less than a handful of times. I’m also pretty scared of getting jumped when meeting for local sales – although I realize this is probably just an irrational paranoia of mine. Nonetheless, my personal business choice is to focus on online shipping platforms such as eBay instead of local pickup such as FBM or Craigslist or Offerup, etc.
Finally, (what you’ve been waiting for) let’s get to the nitty gritty numbers:
Gross Sales: $77,217.61
Estimated Taxable Income: $12,443.40 (again, this is an ESTIMATE! So don’t quote me on this, IRS!)
I won’t provide the specific line by line breakdown of how I got to that bottom line – because as I reiterate, these numbers are still being finalized by my CPA who will determine what goes on my final tax return. So I don’t want to say anything tax-wise that isn’t completely true.
I can provide the general percentage breakdown of my expenses:
“Selling Fees” were about 21% of gross sales - This is defined as a grand total lump sum of all my platform fees (eBay, Amazon, Mercari, PayPal, etc.) as well as my SHIPPING cost (mainly USPS, but also UPS.) Since I am shipping from Hawaii, that explains why this expense is pretty large.
“Inventory Cost” was about 51% of gross sales! Inventory is defined as any product cost necessary to bring the products to the market for sale. This is basically what I paid for the products (from thrift stores, retail, wholesale) listed on the invoice and does include sales tax, shipping, fees, etc. (since it’s impractical to show my resale certificate every single time I checkout and most places won’t even know what that is or they might tell you to leave because they don’t like resellers.)
Notice how large that amount is? To give a better idea, in order to sell a product for $100 + free shipping, that product on average typically costed me $51 to buy. Please note that this is an AVERAGE. That means yes, sometimes I get products for dirt cheap ($1 here, $0.50 here, free, etc.) and other times I pay a lot just to make a small amount of profit (a good example is me paying $50 for a certain retail item to resell it for about $85. After fees and shipping, that’s only $10-$15 profit that costs me $50 to buy!) At the beginning of the year, I also bought a lot of not so good “break-even” purchases. Occasionally I would sell an item for a loss but it doesn’t happen that often at all. At the end of 2020, I had about 300 active listings remaining across all platforms – that is equivalent to unsold inventory. So my total inventory cost also includes this unsold inventory that may possibly generate profit in 2021...(or just sit forever until I finally give up and trash it!) To give you some perspective, I still have some listings up from 2018 that haven’t sold and within the past few days in January 2021, I resold a product listed in 2019 – so it can take a while!
I also had a bunch of tax deductions that I recorded by the suggestion of online help videos on YouTube as well as advice from my CPA. I recorded deductions including:
Mileage, smartphone bills. Internet bills, monthly subscriptions (business-related), equipment purchased (needed new photography equipment, my laptop broke in the middle of the year so needed a replacement, etc.) I won’t disclose the total amount of deductions I recorded since this is being screened by my CPA, however I can say that I recorded a SIGNIFICANT amount of tax deductions. So even if you’re reselling part-time, RECORD ALL YOUR EXPENSES. Then also consult with a CPA or tax professional. You might end up with thousands of dollars in tax savings if you keep track!
Final Conclusions:
As you can see, I tried online reselling full-time in 2020 and as a result, I barely made over $1000 a month in profit. That is an average. Some months I earn only $700-ish dollars, other months are much, much more. Online reselling is THE definition of GIG WORK: to be successful, you are CONSTANTLY sourcing, tweaking listings, researching and learning how to become better. You are basically constantly looking for work that needs to be done. If you don’t have that “hustle” mindset, you will not succeed here – at least full-time. (You might make some good side cash along with your main job.)
You will also have difficulty succeeding if you are not in a safe financial situation when starting full-time. Luckily, I was personally in a position where I had a good amount of savings and am very good with managing my own money: throughout the year, I lived frugally and 99% of my spending in 2020 was for business expenses. (My girlfriend funny enough gave me some business supplies that I wanted for gifts instead of unnecessary stuff. Now that’s living frugally and financially smart!) I also have no debt so keeping my personal life afloat while I experimented with this was always manageable.
So if you are someone who has a lot of debt to repay every month, or you’re living paycheck to paycheck with rent building up, or you just had a baby and can’t take the risk of bringing no money home every work day, then this is not the time to go full-time. There is nothing wrong with working a full-time 8-5 job until you have a lot more freedom to live life on your own terms.
As I mentioned, despite the rather lackluster profit at the end of the year and the financial risks, I see so much POTENTIAL for my business! To give you a better idea, I nearly tripled my gross sales in the last half of Q3 through Q4 than I did for the first half of the year. True, this was partly due to seasonal shopping and sales but I also learned how to source significantly better and continued to streamline and improve my listing process. I also developed my first wholesale book supplier in Q3 as mentioned, which helped raise my overall earning potential.
During the lockdowns throughout 2020, when sales slumped significantly (non-essential business wasn’t allowed) I continued the hustle mindset and didn’t just sit at home and did nothing. Instead, I started driving for Instacart and Door Dash! (These services were surprisingly booming and 100% allowed during the lockdowns in my area.) So even when reselling started getting slow, I kept hustling because there is always work to be done and always money to be made.
The bottom line with reselling full-time? I LOVE being able to live life on my own terms and set my own schedule! A large part of why I went full-time and quit my 8-5 job was that I hated the daily grind: wake up, rush to the office at sunrise, drive back home at dusk, rinse and repeat. “Oh, you have a 1-2 day event you want to go to? Oh, you’re not feeling so good today? Well you used up all your paid time off, so you either come to work today or get an unexcused absense and a write-up!” That was my daily work life just prior to reselling full-time. Instead, I wanted to work on projects that made me excited while also having flexibility. Now, I feel motivated to hustle – sometimes for 10-12 days straight! Then, oh a new video game is coming out this week! Or, I want to meet with my girlfriend and her family all day on a week day. That’s totally in my control! I’ll just take today off and work tomorrow!
The freedom and most importantly the sense of self-satisfaction and accomplishment is priceless when it comes to owning your own reselling business. Unlike a normal 8-5 job, where you work tirelessly to make your corporation richer, when you resell full-time, you are building your own BRAND and reputation. These things you can take with you even if you were let go by your 8-5 job because they are part of you, not owned by some huge, faceless company that might let you go due to Covid.
So that’s how my 2020 went. For 2021, I plan on doing it all over again and trying to exceed my 2020 results by a lot!
I’d like to treat this post like an AMA – post a question or comment below and I’ll see if I can answer it. Please note that there are some things I just can’t answer (due to taxes, legal, etc.) so if I don’t respond to everyone, please don’t take offense.
Also, I am not that reddit-savvy and I am not super active here on reddit, so there might be some delays in a few responses. Please be patient. I want to answer as many questions as possible and if I am allowed to respond I will eventually get to it.
(I will take down this post if for some reason it gets toxic or mean spirited. This is a learning opportunity and I won’t tolerate bad actors posting here.)

I am 29 years old, make £23,500, live in North East England and work as a service advisor for a bank (Fair warning if you find chat about buying houses boring you may want to sit this one out)
Section One: Assets and Debt
Savings account balance:
Help To Buy ISA- £6,590.57 (when I come to buy a house the government will give me a 25% bonus for balances up to £12,000- it pays 2.05% interest at the minute as well as the eventual bonus)
Marcus Savings - £5,009.67 (pays 0.5% interest which isn’t great, but it’s handy to have my savings somewhere I can keep them out of my mind)
Pension - £14,676.01 (have to be honest I only looked this up to have a figure to put in here and it gave me a small panic attack when I checked)
Checking account balance - £12.64 (this is the amount of money I have left in bills this month)
Credit card debt - £0.00
Student Loan - 20,978.46 (again I only looked this up for the diary!)
Section Two: Income £1,937.50/month - £1,534.04 take home
(£188.00 Tax
£137.46 National Insurance
£28.00 Student Loans
£50.00 sharesave scheme)
Section Three: Expenses
Savings contribution: £1,506.45
Union: £14.95
Phone Insurance: £10.15
iCloud: £2.49
Debt payments: £0
SIDE NOTE: Me and my partner have recently changed how we manage our finances as we are saving for a house- I moved into a flat that he had already been living in for a few years, so all of the bills came out of his account already- previously I would transfer him half of the rent/bills each month & then we would separately pay for our food [I’m veggie/he’s not] and subscriptions & separately put aside savings. From January’s payday I transfer almost all of my money into savings each month -only keeping bills from my account that need to stay for discount/membership reasons- and he pays all bills/food/expenses from his wage, transferring over any leftover to savings at the end of the month. I can pop the costs that I would traditionally have paid in the comments if people would like to see though.
ABOUT ME- I live with my partner J and my dog, who will be referred to as “the boy” throughout because that’s what we call him most of the time anyway I was sent to work from home in May of last year, my partner still works out of his office.
DAY ONE: 7:30 - sunlight alarm goes off, promptly shut it off and snuggle with the Boy, I have been really crampy the last few days & having a Velcro dog that basically sleeps on top of me has been like having an expensive, farting hot water bottle that eats slippers.
8:00 - the Boy stretches out and sticks a paw directly into my eye, okay I guess I’m getting up now! Feed him breakfast, eat a yoghurt, a mini soreen Malt loaf & drink a coffee, it’s the 1st of the month so I log in to my mobile banking & move £200 to my Help To Buy ISA (I get paid around the 23rd of the month so I transfer £200 to a random savings account on payday & keep it there until the 1st when I’m next allowed to pay money into the ISA) my phone insurance has come out today (£10.15) so my current account balance now sits at the grand total of £2.49
9:00- J heads off to work, I have another coffee and eat a mini pack of jammie dodgers.
12:50- Oo J is home for lunch! Work has been manic all day &I haven’t managed to take a break yet, take this as a sign to have a rest, make myself lunch (fried egg, avocado & quorn ham sandwich, pickled onions, gherkins & a packet of salt and vinegar crisps) J tells me about a doggie subscription box ran locally & we decide to sign up for it for the Boy (£11.99/month but it won’t be charged this week) J heads back to work & I take the Boy out for a walk. Browse houses on Rightmove & enjoy the sunshine & fresh air.
16:18- work has gotten no less manic, grab my last break far too late, eat more mini jammie dodgers & have another coffee (believe it or not I am on a diet and have lost 59.5lbs so far, but the joys of CICO mean as long as I have “budgeted” for snacky snacks I still lose weight!) Chase the Boy around the house for a bit, immediately regret it because he is HYPED up and I will have to do another hour of work soon...
19:11- I am in the bath! Excitement has happened, We have found a house! It’s in the right area (we are verrrry specific about where we want to live, it’s basically either this estate we are on now or “the fancy” estate next to us) this house is on the fancy estate! In our budget! I show it to J and he loves it too! We have done some furious scribbling some scrap paper and we can afford it with our finances as they are, okay things would be TIGHT, (we weren’t planning on buying for another few months) but it’s not outside of the realms of possibility, immediately share the house listing with all my friends and start mentally moving in, I have called to arrange a viewing and they’re calling back to sort out a time tomorrow morning! Exciting! I realise I shouldn’t be over excited but am allowing myself an evening of giddiness before my serious “29-year old home buying with my long term partner”face comes out. (In case people would like to know I had a home made cottage pie and veg for my tea while doing maths)
20:56- spend the evening stressing out about minute things- what do you wear to a house viewing? What if they realise I’m not a real grown up?? What kind of questions do I need to ask so they don’t cotton on that I am a Pretend Adult? Head to bed and fall asleep by about 10:30
TOTAL SPEND DAY ONE: £0.00
DAY TWO 7:30 - alarm, snuggles with the boy - eventually get up, eat a yoghurt, a banana and a malt loaf, drink two cups of coffee.
9:30 - work starts, my computer hates me so while it plays up I google some more house related things- solicitors costs/surveys/all sorts and play about with the budget spreadsheet- it’s all a bit precarious if we go ahead with this house we have found but we can definitely make it work.
11:37 - estate agents call! They call a few times today as there was a bit of confusion about when the owners would be able to let us view the property, it’s eventually confirmed for Thursday at 6:30, we are to wear masks (of course) and I will take me and J a hand sanitizer each to use in case we accidentally touch anything. Estate agent adds me on Facebook -bit weird? But it actually works out for the best as I had a few little questions about the property that she’s able to fire back at me with in between doing my work.
13:10 - make lunch, same as yesterday, quorn ham, fried egg and avocado sandwich, walk the boy, it is FREEZING and snowing/sleeting the whole way around our normal lunch time loop. Text with J about the house viewings, he reminds me not to get too over excited which is honestly a fair assumption, I am a known panic buyer & we can’t really afford to panic buy a three bed semi... agree to do an AIP (Agreement In Principle) tonight to show the estate agents if they need it soon.
17:45 - I finish work late as I am stuck on a webchat with a client, it ends just a few minutes before I would have been able to log it as additional time worked. I oven a veggie cottage pie and microwave some mixed veg, we fly through the AIP & we check into the wait times for a mortgage appointment (might be a little premature but Mortgage Appointments were like hens teeth until recently with the government announcing the Stamp Duty holiday- the rich get richer...) they have loads available to book for next week so we hold off until after actually viewing the house (see! Sensible me)
19:02 - I am a creature of cramp & habit so I am in the bath! Message with my friend Z who lives in Canada- I miss her so much, her parents are applying to adopt some kittens! I am very excited for them. (UPDATE- they were accepted! They get 2 kittens soon, the pictures I have seen of them make them look furious, I love them intensely already)
21:30 - bed with the canine hot water bottle- still crampy.
TOTAL SPEND DAY TWO: £0.00
DAY THREE 7:30 - alarm! The Boy decides today is not a day to lie in so I get up, let him out, feed him and then myself (he gets dog food I, shockingly, eat a banana, a yoghurt, a malt loaf and drink some coffee) I start researching local conveyancing solicitors, a few have auto quote options on their website so I run our scenario through them and get a few ideas.
9:30 - work starts, I am still idly researching house things while speaking with clients- I work in a mortgage related job so it’s fairly easy to have a little nose at things and see how they would impact our (theoretical) purchase. The Boy trots up to me part way through work and somehow has found a glass ear plug that I lost about 5 weeks ago, we had torn the house apart looking for it and no joy, no clue where he has found it, the weird little hoarder, but I’m happy to have it back!
12:20 - make myself lunch, quorn ham, fried egg, avocado sandwich, make the boy lunch (dog food) and take him out for a very quick walk, it is freezing cold and sleeting/snowing/raining but he tends to get sassy in the afternoons if he doesn’t get out for at least 15 minutes. Text with friends about my general house worries- I am very good at arguing myself in circles (what a useless skill) and spend all day flip flopping between believing that we (me, the Boy & J) need a 4+ bedroom house with multiple reception rooms, and believing that is total lunacy and far more than we would ever need and that a 3 bed is just right for us.
17:30 - finish work for the day, check in on J and the Boy, J got home from work about 15 minutes before I finished so I catch him up on today’s mental gymnastics, I spent all of my remaining breaks today putting together scenarios of what our costs would look like if we went for this house/a house of a similar price vs a largemore expensive house so I run down the figures with him- he’s on board that a 3 bed should be plenty (child free life simplifies things a little) and points out that my justification for a 4th bedroom (I want a dedicated guest room, not a guest room/office) would be the equivalent of paying £40,000+ interest for the sake of my laptop not being in the same room as the spare bed... he makes a good point that man. & honestly... how often do I have guests? AND when Z, my Canadian pal comes to stay... I will obviously not be at work/needing to use the office anyway as I would be taking annual leave.
18:30 - I oven myself some veggie sausages and mash, make J an omelette, keep my now daily tradition of taking a bath & google lots of versions of “how to buy a house”
22:00 - I’ve spent the evening looking at interior design instagrams (why is everything grey??) and watching my new comfort show (the new season of drag race- just those episodes on repeat) and occasionally shouting ideas through to J who is in the games room/office shooting things?
TOTAL SPEND DAY THREE: £0.00
DAY FOUR 7:30- It’s house viewing day! The Boy is awake, feed him dog food, feed me a banana, a yoghurt and a malt loaf- the Boy has clearly figured out that something is afoot with the house viewing excitement and reacts to this by screaming into the void for two hours. Try and find clothes with no holes in that vaguely fit for the viewing, I feel like I want to be taken seriously but also that it feels respectful to be dressed ...not like a womble when we are going to someone else’s home.
9:30- faff about at work, mainly chat to work friends about the house sitch, eat more malt loaf, fail to pay attention to anything
13:30- walk the boy, text my friends incessant count downs to the house viewing, I am insufferable, I had quorn ham, avocado and fried egg sandwich because of course I did - run into a lady I see often see walking her boy (a border terrier baby!) and have a very distanced chat about the house viewing- she immediately knew what house I was viewing and so I told her I would never forgive her if she bought it.
18:10 - work is over, shoes are on and we are off to the viewing!
19:03 - back from the viewing, we loved it, perfect size for us, had clearly been taken care of, good garden, planning permission for a garage conversion! It’s gorgeous, we are going for it! J chats with his parents and I chat with mine, fill them in on the viewing and the lovely vibes we got. Message the estate agent saying we loved it and want to talk more about the next steps tomorrow.
TOTAL SPEND DAY FOUR: £0.00
DAY FIVE 03:30 - I am suddenly wide awake and WORRIED, where will we put our coats in the new house? Where will the coats go??? Panic about this for roughly two hours, finally get back to sleep and it feels like I just close my eyes when the alarm wakes me up.
07:30 - up and at ‘em, feed the Boy, feed the Me, drink a load of coffee, tell J about my night time panic, he reminds me that hooks exist... god love that man.
10:23 - call the estate agent to confirm we are going to be calling together later to discuss, she sends over a pack of information to read, read through it and send J a rough idea.
13:00 - an offer has been made! We offer asking price, I had googled a load of nearby sold prices and estimates and it seemed like a really fair price for what we are getting, they say they will call back when they have spoken with the seller
14:12 - the estate agent calls back, the sellers are happy to accept the offer but want help with the selling fees (£1000), it’s not really something we tend to do in the UK but agree to speak with J about it. We check the terms of the fees & it’s refundable if the sale falls through.
15:32 - me and J have discussed the fee (& Js dad for a bit of an outside view- Js dad lives alone so is part of our “bubble” but he also loves his own company so we don’t see a great deal of him, before this week we last saw him on Christmas Day) we agree that if the seller had just priced the house at £1,000 more than what we had offered initially, we still would have viewed the house and offered asking price... so a bit of a weird way to do it, but we agree to pay the fees and asking price- we get an invoice sent through to pay and the house is officially off the market! It is ours! No more viewings allowed, no gazumping! Ours... subject to actually getting a pesky mortgage! (J and his Dad disappear at this point as he needs to get his car dropped off for his MOT which is why he came over)
18:30 - (J is back, his dad will take him back to pick up the car tomorrow) we have spent some time checking and rechecking figures, it all works but I like to make sure- agree to tighten our budget up to give us some more breathing space, we are aiming at spending less than £50/week on food for us and The Boy, should be doable, but tight. I ring up the bank to see how to get an appointment with a Mortgage advisor, they say it’s easier if J opens an account so he’s considered an existing customer- that they can book an appt for us if he isn’t a customer but that we would need to visit a branch which feels unsafe to do when we have another option. I feel like we should celebrate a little & remember I have £20 on the mantelpiece from my birthday- I buy us a takeaway, mushroom pizza and garlic sauce for me, kebab for J (£13.50) have a glass of coffee liquor & J has a rum.
22:30- we have made a list of all the things we need to do next week, find a solicitors, book a mortgage appointment, have a nervous breakdown, I head to bed, shockingly mixing pizza, coffee booze & excitement does not end well and I get about 3 hours of sleep.
TOTAL SPEND DAY FIVE: £1,013.50
DAY SIX 8:30 - the boy has no real concept of a lie in, demands to be fed, I get up with him to give J a lie in (he’s just worked 7 days in a row so I feel he deserves one) I eat my yoghurt/malt loaf/banana aund sit down with my coffee, the boy immediately falls asleep on me on the sofa, I watch the new episode of drag race while texting with friends about it/the house sitch.
10:30 - the boy is demanding his walk, so I get ready and take him out, call a family friend, S, and fill her in on the whole house situation! I’m not really paying attention to where we walk and we end up on the same street as the new house - so I take the boy to visit (the outside) of our new house!
11:45 - back from the walk, J has been told his car will cost £120 to get up to scratch, cracking- just what we needed- he pays for this but the lines between his and my money is admittedly blurring more and more these days. He goes to pick up the car.
15:00 - off to do the weekly shop, I have made a list of things to buy and have planned out the weeks menu to keep it under budget. We buy yoghurt, malt loaf, milk, 2.5kg potatoes, 1kg of pasta, tinned tomatoes, treats for the boy, bananas, biscuits, bread, eggs, bubble bath, veggie meatballs, a frozen pizza, frozen vegetables, coffee , cherry Pepsi max (my true weakness- I am going to cut back though as this was 16.6% of our shopping cost this week! These cans must last me until the end of the month at least) the shop comes to £51.25
18:00 - me and J watch a film together (hotel Artemis, it’s actually really good) and chill out on the sofa, he has been working the last 7 days on the trot so I feel like we haven’t had much quality time together, it’s nice to lie down and chill out, we chat about what our priorities are in doing up the new house, what we need to buy first and what can wait & start looking at sofas and beds that we like.
22:00 - bed time for me as I am knackered, the Boy stays up with J, little turncoat.
TOTAL SPEND DAY SIX: £51.25 (not counting the MOT as it’s not my car!)
DAY SEVEN 9:30 - oh frabjous day! A little lie in! I am apparently now of the age where waking up any time past 9:00 feels incredibly decadent! The dream, I get up, eat a malt loaf, drink a coffee, feed the boy & turn on Sunday Brunch (a sort of ...cooking chat show? It’s 3 hours long and I watch it every weekend because I am an old lady)
12:30 -Sunday brunch is over, J is up and has logged into the app the bank told us to use to be able to book an appointment, it actually seemed really easy! I call up straight after it is booked and make an appointment for Thursday, they send out a link with some information we have to read and “e-sign” and they request some documents from us, I log in and upload them right away, J has to get some documents from work so he will do his on Monday.
13:45 - we both take the Boy out, fully intending to take him on a very long walk, it is FREEZING though so he gets a few loops of our standard lunch time walk and I promise him that when it is not so cold that my eyebrows hurt I will take him on a long adventure.
16:00 - we have picked our solicitors out, need to call them on Monday to make sure they can work for us, they were suggested by a friend and Js dad also mentioned he had good experiences with them- good enough reason for me!
18:30 - watch some twitch with J and the Boy, have a small wobble about whether the house is right for us, talk it through with J & I realise that it’s not that the house isn’t “right” it’s that I am catastrophising in my head and trying to talk myself into not wanting the house so I don’t get disappointed if it falls through, think about the house some more and realise that when the anxious part of my brain quiets down I do feel really calm and positive about the house. And if it isn’t meant to be, it isn’t meant to be, but that the universe does not need my bad vibes encouraging something to go wrong- remember my dad always used to say “PMA” at times like this- Positive Mental Attitude, take that memory on board and feel a lot calmer.
23:30 - the Boy fell asleep on me on the sofa and I didn’t have the heart to move him, J rustles something in the games room, the dog assumes it’s crisps and wakes up to investigate, I seize my opportunity and head to bed.
TOTAL SPEND DAY SEVEN; £0.00
Week total: £1,065.02
Food + Drink: £64.24
Fun / Entertainment £0.00
Home + Health: £0.00
Clothes + Beauty: £0.78 (bubble bath)
Transport: £0.00
Other: £1,000.00
Reflection: I started this diary with the caveat that it would be incredibly dull... and it’s still not been the most wild of rides but I definite did not think that I would be making strides to buying a house this week! Except for the (obvious) non-standard spending, I would say the week was about normal money wise- although we wouldn’t usually buy a takeaway every week, and J wouldn’t have to pay for his MOT any other week.
I have been making a note of dates/amounts/appointments for home buying things and hopefully I will be able to put together a home buying diary!

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I graduated about 7 weeks ago (oh my gosh, how the time flies!), and since then have been compiling some notes and thoughts to share with you all. So you have some context, I had an unmedicated delivery at a birth center, and LO arrived on her due date after 33 hours of labor. Hard, but totally a positive experience!
Hopefully something in this MASSIVE POST is helpful for you!
Edit: Added "Consider assigning your SO to your hydration" section.
Edit: Added "Dress your LO in whatever you want" section.
Edit: THANK YOU for the kind responses & awards!
BEFORE LABOR

• Don’t stress about the hospital bag - Truly. I did a lot of research and put a lot of thought into my hospital bag (or for me - birth center bag). I hardly used any of it, and I’ve heard similar stories for other people. Feel free to put thought into it and collect things you think you’ll want, but don’t stress about it. People go to the hospital all the time without prepared bags, and it turns out just fine.
• Straws - This seems to go against what I just wrote, but if you are packing a birth bag, one thing you might want to include is a straw. This was honestly my most useful item in my bag. I had 2 big straws (think boba-tea size) and it was super helpful for my husband to just be able to hold them to my lips and for me to be able to drink without changing positions while laboring.
• Make sure your husband/SO has the right phone numbers in his phone - My husband was the one calling the midwife and coordinating when it was the right time to come in. He had labeled the number in his phone “Midwife - call when in labor” and that was super helpful. If your SO will be helping you with that part, make sure they have the right numbers ahead of time. (Side note: have you seen the Seth Myers standup that touches on this?)
• Don’t forget that you’re going to have a baby! - Have you seen the Friends episode where at Rachel’s baby shower she realizes that she only learned about pregnancy and didn’t learn anything about actually caring for a baby? From what I’ve heard, that happens surprisingly often! (And understandably, too! Pregnancy takes a lot of brain space). Make sure to educate yourself at least a little bit about caring for a baby. A lot of hospitals have classes (now virtual, probably). My husband and I went through the Taking Cara Babies online class about newborn sleep, and it was worth every penny. If you’re considering it, I would HIGHLY recommend it.
• Trim or shave, if that’s your jam - I haven’t heard this talked about. During your recovery, you will likely be wearing pads. Most women have experienced the pain of having pubic hair stuck to a pad - ouch! If you’re able to and it’s up your alley (and no judgement if it’s not!), you may want to trim or shave sometime leading up to your due date in order to prevent some unwanted sticky situations.
• Save some $$ - You may get some gift cards and money gifted to you ahead of time. I’d encourage you to set it aside for surprises and not spend it before the baby comes. You may want to put it toward something you don’t even know yet, like a lactation consultant or biggesmaller warmecooler clothes.
• It’s okay to like being pregnant! - There’s a lot of really great support around the hardships of pregnancy, and that’s great! But sometimes I felt like it made it so if I talked about the JOYS of pregnancy, it felt like bragging. So I want to tell those of you who are loving being pregnant that that’s okay too! You don’t need to feel guilty about it. It’s not your fault chance favored you in this way. You can be compassionate toward people not enjoying pregnancy AND also enjoy yours!

​
DURING LABOR

• There are no medals - I remember on a YouTube video, a woman summing up her delivery something like this, “Out in three pushes, no medication, didn’t poop on the table.” In and of itself, all perfectly fine things to share! But the bravado she said it with was a turn off for me. I wanted to encourage you that there’s no scorecard for your labor. It’s not like you lose marks for having it go long, opting for medication, pooping, tearing, or anything else. There are no medals or “perfect scores”, so you do what you need to do to get that baby, and don’t compare yourself to anyone else.
• Forget every birth story that isn’t helpful to you - When I was in labor, I remember having fleeting thoughts of people being like, “I guess I was a good pusher, because I just pushed once and she came out!” That was NOT my experience, and dwelling on another woman’s experience would have made me feel like a failure. Similarly, I also remembered women saying, “I pushed for so long and the baby wouldn’t come out, so I had to have a c-section.” If I dwelled on that, it could have really made me fearful. The thoughts were definitely there, so I want to encourage you to forget any birth story that isn’t helpful to you. It has no influence on YOUR story.
• Smoothies and snacks - Snaaaaaacks!!! Giving birth burns about the same calories as running a marathon. If it’s okay with the policies of where you’re giving birth, you’ll want to fuel up! Pack EASY CALORIES. We packed Odwalla and Naked juices (that I drank with my aforementioned straw), little sugary energy chews, dried fruit, etc. Try and find stuff that’s high in calories and easy to eat.
• Nobody cares if you poop - There’s really not much more to say on this one. I was worried about pooping going into it. When it happened, literally nobody cared - including me! In fact, I was HAPPY because it meant I was pushing correctly. So I promise you that your care providers won’t care at all, and hopefully in the moment, you won’t either. One less thing to stress about. :-)
• Nobody cares if you moo - I remember during a birth class it talking about how some women like to moo when they’re in labor, and I thought, “Ha! That’s funny.” THEN in labor when I was on all fours on the floor of the birth center. . . I mooed! Like a deep, guttural moo. And It felt good and helpful. And internally, I laughed and thought, “Ha, that video was right! Look at me mooing.” Which is all to say, do what you need to do.
• You can do it - Whatever the “it” is that’s required of you, you can do it. Maybe IT is enduring an unmedicated birth when you were hoping for and epidural. Maybe IT is being flexible and deviating from your birth plan for the health of you and your baby. Maybe IT is pushing so much longer than you expected to. Maybe IT is going through surgery and recovery of a c-section. Whatever your IT is, you can do it, mama! You were built for this!
• It will be worth it - I think the first thing I said when I held my baby was, “YOU ARE SO WORTH IT.” It will be worth it. It will be worth it. It will be worth it.

​
POSTPARTUM

• Diapers for you - I can’t recommend enough getting a pack of diapers for YOU. Much more comfortable than the mesh undies they send you home with. I used Always Discreet Boutique AND added a pad. That way I could just change the pad, but if there was overflow, no biggie. Trash the diaper.
• ACCEPT HELP - This is the biggest one!!! Accept help. I know we’re in a weird time when everyone is isolated, but that doesn’t mean that you can’t accept help. I’ve had: neighbors bring us toilet paper when we ran out (humbling!), friends bring us meals (this is HUGE!!! See if someone set up a meal train for you if they haven’t already), family do our dishes (our bubble is merged with 2 family members), a friend do a Target run for us when we didn’t have jammies that were small and warm enough, family run errands for us, family do laundry for us (people can pick it up and do it at their house), my SIL (mom of 5!) come over with her baby and give me a breast feeding demonstration and help give me pointers on getting a good latch (you could do this over zoom), family walk our dog, and SO MUCH MORE. A lot of these don’t require people coming into your space. I even kept a mental list of people that said, “Let me know if there’s anything I can do to help!” Then that’s who I reached out to when I needed something. I know when I tell people, "Let me know if there's anything I can do to help!" I MEAN IT. I want to help. So I trust that people are similarly genuine, and I take them up on their offers.
• Someone will disappoint you. Don’t let that steal your joy - I have a family member who behaved pretty disappointingly regarding LO (details aren’t important). I’m sure someone will behave disappointingly toward you as well. Decide ahead of time not to let that steal your joy or take up too much brain space. It sucks, it doesn’t make their behavior okay, but it’s bound to happen so think through ahead of time how/if you want to respond. In my case, I chose to let it go, and I’m happy with that choice.
• Weight loss is literally different for every body - Some people gain a lot of weight and lose it quickly. Some people gain a little and hold onto it. I’ve gained a lot and have held on to it. (Granted, holiday food hasn’t done me any favors). I just wanted to remind you that every body is different, and all options are okay. Our culture has a weird obsession with trying to make it look like women didn’t give birth. YOU GREW AND BIRTHED A HUMAN. It’s okay if your body looks different because of it.
• You (might) sleep - People like to tell you, “sleep now! You won’t sleep after the baby comes!” . . . I slept FINE after the baby came. I woke up every few hours to feed her, but I had good, deep sleep between feedings. It may not be as dire as people make it sound.
• You might have an easy transition - You might have a happy and easy transition into motherhood. Just enjoy it. Don’t stress yourself out waiting for the other shoe to drop.
• Contact friends before googling - If you have some friends who are moms and further down the road than you, LEAN INTO THEM. I’ve found my texts to them to be SO much more helpful that a Google search. “My baby has baby acne - do you have experience with that?” “My baby is doing XY & Z, any ideas?” etc. You won’t get the fear mungering of WebMD or the paid promotions of websites/blogs. Just genuine, mom to mom advice and experience from people who know you and your situation. If there’s something you’re really concerned about, I’d recommend reaching out to your pediatrician.
• Sleeping on stomach - I was unreasonably excited to sleep on my stomach again. Just wanted to let you know that the finish line might be a little farther back than you expect. Right after coming home from the birth center, I was still obviously a little tender, so I slept on my side right on the edge of the bed to make it easy to get in and out to take care of LO. Right around the time I was feeling better physically, my milk came in and I was super engourged. Sleeping on my stomach would have been like sleeping on two bowling balls. But I got there eventually and am now a happy stomach sleeper again! :-)
• Don’t buy nursing bras when your breasts are engourged - Not much more to say about this. I made this mistake, and ended up with a few bras that are now too big.
• SNACKS - Snacks are the best, especially if your breastfeeding. I found I really liked bananas because I could eat them in the middle of the night while nursing. They were quiet to open, full of calories, and din’t have crumbs that would drop on LO’s head. In the early days, I put a pile of snacks out every night for me to eat during my late night feedings.
• Let your SO be a parent - Your SO is just as much your baby’s parent as you are. Unless safety is at stake, let them be a parent in their own way. My husband does pretty much everything differently that I do: dresses her, changes her diaper, rocks her, etc. But he’s enjoying finding his own way in fatherhood, and there’s no need for me to correct him. BONUS is that he watched the same online course as I did, so we have a similar same basic foundation. If there is something I want to tell him, I’ll say, “I learned a cool/helpful/different way to do XY&Z. Do you want to know it?”. He may not want to, and that’s fine too.
• Your SO is still a person - It’s easy to be in a fog, but I really try to remember to say thank you to my SO. He’s taking good care of me as I take good care of LO. I say thank you when he exercises the dog, brings me water, does dishes, etc. It costs me nothing, and it means a lot.
• Consider assigning your SO to your hydration - You will need to drink a LOT of water, especially if you are breastfeeding. If your SO is up for it, considering assigning them to your hydration. In the early days, my husband was essentially responsible for keeping my water bottles full. I had one bottle by the bed and two where I sit to nurse, and I went through them quickly. It was SO GREAT to have him in charge of that because he had an important and tangible way that he could help me, and it would have been genuinely hard for me to get up and down so much to refill my bottles while a) nursing, and b) still recovering from the birth.
• Dress your LO in whatever you want - Somehow, babies know when you put them in a special outfit that you've been saving. . .and that's when they like to explode with spit-up and/or poop. DON'T SAVE OUTFITS. If there's a cute outfit you're excited to dress your baby in, DO IT. Don't save it for Christmas morning or when you're going to do a zoom call with grandma. Dress your LO in whatever you want, whenever you want. If you start her in a favorite outfit early, you might even be able to get a couple of wears out if it before she grows out of it. If you save it for the perfect moment, there's a chance the outfit will only last 20 minutes before an explosion of some sort, and then she'll grow out of it before she can wear it again. They are only a certain size for so long. Don't waste time on clothes you don't like while clothes you love are an option.
• Safety vs. sanity - You will have times the you will be prompted to choose between safety and sanity. For us, it’s every time we drive because our LO only calms down in the car seat once we get going fast, so every time we drive I’m tempted to speed unreasonably. I’m not sure what your choice will be (unsafe sleeping conditions? something else?) but I can guarantee the choice is coming. Just a heads up so you can think through it ahead of time and recognize it when it arrives.
• Postpartum symptoms - There are so many “11 Things Nobody Told You About Postpartum” blog posts. That’s because, as with pregnancy, there is a grab bag of a million different symptoms you COULD have. Nobody knows what combination you will have. I had the VERY sexy combination of night sweats and uncontrollable flatulence. Jealous? ;-) You’ll have some other combination. Just wanted to say that it’s likely all within the realm of normal. THAT BEING SAID, if your grab bag happens to contain the (very normal!) postpartum symptoms of PPD/PPA, there’s literally no shame in getting help. There’s nothing wrong with you as a person or a mama, those are just the symptoms you happened to pull out of the bag. Talk to a friend or (even better) your doctor. Motherhood is hard enough without the added emotional distress.

Okay, those are my thoughts for you. Hopefully something in there is helpful for you. Being a mama is SO MUCH FUN!!!! I’m so excited for you all. I wish you comfortable pregnancies, easy births, and so much joy in motherhood!!
xoxox

I run a private campground. We’re closed for the winter and I’m down to essential staff. I think everyone is relieved to be done for the season, considering we’ve had to deal with murder horses and formorians lately. That and it looks like it’s going to be a cold winter. The temperature took a sharp downward turn here after Thanksgiving. But while some of my staff get a reprieve, I still have to deal with everything that’s going on.
If you’re new here, you should really start at the beginning and if you’re totally lost, this might help.
I’m revisiting my opinion about children. I’ve always said that kids are great, I just don’t want any of my own. I don’t mind if my relatives bring their kids along when they visit and I’m happy to listen to updates on what they’re doing in school or look at photos. I’m even okay interacting with them, though I will say I’m at a loss on what to do if young children start acting out. But right now, I’m not sure I want to ever interact with another child again.
It’s a bit unfair, I admit. But with all the shit I’ve put up with this week I’m sure you’ll understand why I’m so salty.
Literally and metaphorically.
It starts with my niece. Or rather, the changeling that’s taken her place. My brother invited me over to his house this week to help ward the place. His wife wasn’t home. I’m not sure if that was deliberate or coincidence. Either way, I’m sure it’s for the best, as some of the warding practices are rather unpleasant to people unfamiliar with them. Like, we stashed a dead cat in the attic. And if you’re wondering where we got the dead cat from - don’t worry, I just called up the local vet and they were able to get one for me. It was a cat that had been legitimately euthanized. The most disturbing part of this is that someone’s pet is now preserved and hidden in my brother’s attic instead of cremated like they believe.
But while my brother was up in the attic looking for a good hiding spot, I was downstairs hanging the horseshoe and tucking away other charms. I got a mind to look in on the nursery because I wanted to see how the changeling was settling in. I hadn’t gotten to see it for very long. Bryan took my niece with him to deliver to the fairy and then a few minutes later there was a knock on my door and when I opened it there was an infant on my doorstep. I called my brother up and he came and whisked her away. Which I think is understandable, he was anxious to get her home to his wife.
So far the ruse was holding, if my brother’s insistence that I ward their house was any indication. He’s lived without wards for a while now as he thought that distance would keep him safe. Sadly, he couldn’t escape the campground’s influence. He was still part of my cursed family and could not have a normal life. It was time to stop pretending and do what he could to protect his family and especially his new baby that was totally not a changeling.
I crept into the nursery and over to the crib. My “niece” was asleep on her back, content and oblivious to the world. I stared at her for a moment, marveling at how… ordinary… she looked. I’m used to inhuman things masquerading as humans but generally there’s a ‘tell’ or at the very least, a sense of unease in the back of your head to warn you. Most of the time people ignore it. I’d learned to listen.
There was none of that now. Just an ordinary human baby, to all appearances.
Then she opened her eyes. She stared up at me and slowly her infant lips curled into a smile that lacked all childhood innocence, chilling by how calculated the gesture was.
She winked at me.
“Oh you’re going to be a problem for me, aren’t you?” I asked.
She started to laugh, a baby’s bubbling laughter, and a few minutes later my brother appeared at the door, drawn by the noise to check on her. At that point she started cooing and acting like a normal infant. He was happy that she seemed to like me. Too young to remember any of the trauma of being kidnapped, it seemed. He sounded relieved. I was forced to act the part of the happy aunt and held out a finger to her tiny grasping hands. The little shit dug her needle-like baby nails into my skin as soon as she grabbed hold.
Can’t say I’m looking forward to mind games with a fake infant because apparently that’s how the changeling plans on playing this.
The changeling is only part of my renewed interest in being a misanthrope. There’s another group of children around here that are determined to cause me problems, after all.
Yes, I’m talking about the children with a wagon that were formerly the children without a wagon.
My problem with them started with a midday visitor to the house. They knocked incessantly, pounding on the door. I answered with shotgun in hand, because that’s just how we do things around here, and found myself face-to-face with the lead dancer. Behind her, at the bottom of the porch stairs, was the former sheriff. He shrugged at me apologetically.
“You need to fix this,” the lead dancer said.
“Fix what?” I asked.
“THEM!”
She gestured towards the forest, as if that was any help. Behind her, the former sheriff caught my gaze meaningfully.
“Uh, sure,” I said. “I’ll get right on that.”
The lead dancer gave a sniff of aggravation and stalked off. The former sheriff watched her go for a bit before turning back towards me.
“It’s the children,” he said. “They’ve become insufferable since they were given a wagon.”
Something felt off about what he was telling me. Not that the children were a problem - that wasn’t news to anyone. Rather, the fact that he was telling me about it at all. He wasn’t fully human anymore. This felt significant.
“Are you saying that they’re terrorizing the inhuman creatures too?”
A faint nod. Then he turned his back to me and walked away, back towards the forest where the lead dancer had gone.
On one hand, it was tempting to just… ignore the problem and let them sort their shit out themselves. I wouldn’t be terribly sad if they angered the wrong entity and were summarily dealt with. We’ve already seen that these creatures are more than willing to turn on their own kind if given cause. It would certainly be an easy way to cross something off my list. On the other hand, angering the dancers - shit, not even angering them, I merely irritated them once and apparently that was cause to abduct me from my house. Perhaps I could have gotten away with ignoring the children if I’d found out about this another way, but the lead dancer had dumped it in my lap and made it my problem to sort out.
I didn’t care to find out the consequences of what would happen if I didn’t.
I needed intel first. I asked Beau about the children during our morning knife practice. I will say that daily practice has helped immensely. Beau still ‘wins’, but I feel I’m at least able to somewhat hold my own now.
“Oh,” he said despondently. “That.”
“Do they not bother you?”
“They do. I just don’t care.”
I guess we’ve found the drama queens of the inhuman side of the campground and surprising no one, I’m sure, it’s the dancers.
“Did giving them a wagon make them more powerful?” I asked.
“No. It just made them more obnoxious.”
A bit more back and forth with Beau and I was able to piece together the situation. I’m not certain if his reluctance to answer anything in-depth was because of the natural aversion to interacting with a human or because I suspect he doesn’t get along with the dancers. If it’s the latter, I don’t think it’s because of anything like a territorial squabble - I think it’s a personality clash. Beau is wry and reserved while the dancers… aren’t.
The children have always been a thorn in the side of the inhuman things here. That was certainly news to me. They play pranks on the other creatures. Beau said they stole his knife once and he dragged one along the ground by its ankle until the others coughed up the weapon. They were malicious, evil little things, he spat. But to the inhuman things, their pranks were nothing more than a nuisance.
When given invitation by a human, their pranks very quickly went from annoying to deadly.
Unfortunately, since there were no humans to trick into buying ice, they had instead focused their efforts on the other inhuman things. The wagon gave them a new trick, one that they used solely to torment the dancers.
“If we ever get our hands on the person that gave them a wagon,” Beau said, “we’re going to kill him. All of us. It might take a while to finish, since there’s so many of us on this land, but I think we’ll be able to cooperate and take our turns until we’ve had our fill of vengeance.”
I felt I should pass this warning on. To the person that gave them a wagon - if you’re reading this - you’re a dead man if you ever return to the campground. But I think you already knew that.
Beau wasn’t able to help much more than that, so I decided to go to the source. I paid the dancers a visit after the sun went down. It’s a bit nerve-wracking walking around the old woods at night now. The horse-eater is out there and while I feel I’d at least hear it coming, there is no way I could outrun it now. Not with the dapple-gray stallion to ride. And that horse is cunning and cruel and I suspect it would be eager to point me out to its master should I try to hide. I can only hope that it is preoccupied with renewing its ancient war with the fairy and isn’t interested in roaming around looking for things to eat.
I promise I’ll give you all an abridged version of that stretch of Irish history in a future post.
I found the dancers in one of the clearings in the old woods. There’s a number of them and we try to keep them clear for campers. The dancers rotate through them and when there’s no campers, they have an open spot every night and are quite easy to find.
They ignored me as I approached. I made no attempt to join their dancing around the bonfire, but instead looked around for one that wasn’t currently occupied to talk to. The lead dancer was closest to the fire, spinning in a slow circle with her face raised towards the sky and her eyes closed. I didn’t see the former sheriff. In fact, I didn’t see any dancer that wasn’t caught up in dancing and I didn’t dare pull one aside for questions.
I tried something dumb. I sidled up to the musicians, careful not to look at their faces. I kept my gaze on my feet.
“Sooo… the children,” I drawled.
“They have a wagon,” one grated. It didn’t stop playing the violin as it spoke.
“Yes, I’m aware. It’s a problem.”
“It is.”
A long pause between us as I waited expectantly for more information and none came.
“What… exactly… are they doing?” I prodded.
The musicians didn’t answer in words. Instead, one raised its hand and pointed. I stared in the direction of the road, straining to resolve the blurry shadows as my eyes slowly adjusted to the darkness beyond the glow of the bonfire.
Beside me, a handful of the musicians had already stopped playing and had expectantly put down their instruments. The dancers continued their ring around the bonfire, blissfully unaware.
Then the children came flying down from the road, piled into their wagon and riding it like a sled. They shrieked and laughed, hanging onto the rickety sides as it hurtled along and the dancers were forced to dive out of its path. It went straight into and through the bonfire.
The logs and embers scattered across the ground. The dancers froze in place, turning to watch as the children kept going, their wagon bouncing across the ground as they flew past, vanishing into the trees as quickly as they’d come. Their laughter slowly faded, leaving behind only a heavy silence. The remaining flames guttered, struggling to hold on to the handful of charred logs that were carelessly thrown about. In the dying light, the dancers looked...feral. Leaner. Hungrier. Beside me, the musicians were sinking into the darkness of their coats and hoods, like their bodies were dispersing into the shadows.
From behind, the former sheriff grabbed my arm. I jumped in surprise, but his grip was like a vice.
“You gotta get out of here,” he snarled, pulling me along with him, running towards the exit of the clearing and towards the road. Behind us, the silence from the dancers… changed. There were wails of despair as the last of the fire died and the clearing went dark. Their cries grew longer, stretching to wails, and then the pitch shifted up to that of a shriek.
“You’re too slow,” the former sheriff said frantically. “You won’t make it out of here.”
We were on the road. He paused, turning around to look back at the clearing. I fumbled for my knife, my blood running cold as a scream ripped through the air, no longer a discordant cry of dismay. Like a cougar, screaming into the night, announcing its presence to all the weak and timid creatures of the forest.
Beside me, the former sheriff shuddered. He dropped to all fours and sparse fur sprouted along his spine. His bones cracked as they changed position.
“Get on,” he snapped at me, the words forced with difficulty through a throat that was constricting, then swelling as his body reformed itself.
Hastily, I clambered onto his back, feeling the muscles ripple beneath me and his shoulder blades drift apart and resettle. His chest swelled, his legs and arms elongated, and I rose into the air on his back as he grew into a massive bull. I couldn’t see his face, but I didn’t need to in order to know that was the only human feature he retained, for he spoke to me with a human voice when he told me to hold on.
I did. And he ran.
Behind us, bubbling out of the clearing like an avalanche, came a crescendo of screams. Gleeful, vicious shrieks. A hunting party of the damned. I clung desperately at the former’s sheriff’s thin hair, wishing that he had a mane or something, for I could feel myself slipping with each bounce of his back.
Out of the darkness came the dancers. They swarmed around us, running on all fours, their spines protruding like greyhounds. Their clothing was torn to tatters, scraps of fabric barely clinging to their bodies, and their hands and feet were fused and clawed. But despite this, they were still unmistakably human in form, even as deformed and twisted as their torsos were.
Their heads, however, were those of animals. Canines. Felines. Equines, mustelids, leporids. Their faces were gaunt, hollow cheeks and sunken eyes. Their ears were tattered and torn, lined with blood. The fur was sparse with mange. And their voices… I recognized the bays of the horses and the howls of the big cats now that I could see them.
They clawed at the former sheriff. I heard his hisses of pain undercutting the heavy breathing of his exertion as he ran. He wasn’t fully human, but nor was he fully one of them. They tore at his thick hide and blood ran down his legs, black as ink in the night.
They would tear him apart to get at me.
“Will they kill me?” I called to him. “Or something worse than death?”
“No, but-”
“Then don’t say I never did anything for you,” I replied, interrupting whatever he was going to say next.
And I rolled off his back.
Look, it’s not as heroic as I’m making it sound. I was already slipping and it was honestly just a matter of time before I fell anyway. But perhaps now the former sheriff might look on me a little more kindly. I could use some more inhuman allies. And if that seems really deceitful, well, at least I didn’t let him get sliced up for a lost cause, okay?
The dancers caught me as I fell. Their cries filled my ears, driving out all other sounds. I flailed helplessly, born aloft on a sea of hands. Their claws pricked at my skin and then I was dropped onto the ground. I couldn’t see past the press of legs and bodies around me and above me were their bright eyes, glittering like a sea of stars.
They ripped away my jacket. They tore my shirt from my body. And then they cut my back and poured salt into the wounds.
This is a thing that is done in the stories.
Three stripes along the back, washed with salt water. An old punishment, a mark of disgrace for someone who has failed a test of some kind. Or simply a torture out of spite for whatever unlucky victim has fallen into an evil thing’s clutches.
I’m not sure which I am.
And then they rushed off into the night as a howling, chattering horde, leaving me writhing on the road in pain. When I could finally stand, they were long gone. I was alone on the road, stripped from the waist up, soaking wet, and shaking from shock and cold.
I had the presence of mind to get moving, but not much else. I didn’t even notice when someone came up from behind to walk along beside me. My only thoughts were to keep putting one foot in front of the other. It was only when I swayed, nauseous from pain, and someone put a hand on my elbow to stabilize me that I realized I wasn’t alone.
“That didn’t go well,” Beau commented.
I swallowed hard, trying to keep from throwing up. My mouth was dry.
“No. It absolutely did not,” I finally answered.
It was reassuring having him there, if only for the fact that if I collapsed from hypothermia before we got back to my house I was fairly confident he’d carry me the rest of the way. Still. I didn’t particularly want that to happen.
“Could I borrow your hoodie?” I asked. “I know I’ll get blood on it, but it’ll come out, right?”
He didn’t reply. His jaw tightened and he stared stoically ahead and slowly, I realized why that might be.
“Is this one of those things that hurts you?” I asked.
“Yes.”
We walked along in silence for a bit longer and I could no longer keep my teeth from chattering. My entire body was shaking with the cold. Beside me, Beau sighed and pulled his hoodie up and over his head and handed it to me. It was as cold as the ambient air. There was no body warmth trapped in the fabric, but I still gratefully pulled it over my head. It didn’t smell like anything, either. No cologne, not like the forest, not even sweat.
“We’ll just suffer together, I suppose,” he said, and his voice had an undercurrent of strain to it.
He let me keep the hoodie even after we reached my house. He’d come back for it in the morning, he said. Then I called up the old sheriff and had him take me to the ER where they cleaned up the cuts and glued them shut.
Beau returned for his hoodie in the morning as he’d promised and I invited him in. I had some coffee brewed and a bottle of Baileys at the ready. I had some questions for him. He seated himself and I handed the hoodie over and waited while he put it back on.
For the record, he wears a t-shirt underneath the hoodie. No design. Just a charcoal t-shirt. So to everyone out there getting ready to sketch your interpretation of a shirtless Beau - you can put your pencils away, Kate has officially ruined it for you. Sorry not sorry.
“Is the name sticking?” I asked tentatively. Seemed like the polite thing to do, to confirm we’re doing this right since he was helping me.
He considered.
“It’s a start.”
“I think we would have had better luck if we’d just stuck with ‘the man with the skull cup’,” I sighed.
“Do you call Saint Nicholas ‘the man that gives out gifts or Perchta ‘the lady with the needle’?”
I considered the implications of that.
“You’re ambitious,” I said.
“I don’t care to become like the harvesters,” he continued.
That frightened me. I asked him what he meant by that. We had a description for them, but it wasn’t a name, right?
“What is the name of the creature that Jessie became?” he asked.
Rusalka.
“We did name them,” I said miserably.
“There’s worse things you could have named.”
Harvesters. That’s not just a description. It’s what they are now. I don’t know if that’s going to create more of them and that they’ll start cropping up in, I dunno, your backyard. These things that stick are creatures known to an entire culture, not just a couple thousand people on the internet. Perhaps their name will fade and they’ll be nothing but faceless and nameless creatures once more after you all wander off and find more interesting things to look at online. But just in case, be on the lookout for faceless people in gray raincoats, okay?
Beau clearly isn’t content with becoming just another creature. He wants a name. He wants to be singular.
…I think he wants to be a god.
I’m a campground manager. I manage the budget, handle land disputes, make hiring decisions, and decide what landscaping or renovation projects need to happen. I also keep the inhuman things at bay as best as I can. I don’t deal with gods or other ancient things. Or at least… I didn’t.
Now I’ve got an inhuman thing sticking close so that I can die by his hand and what - he ascends to an ancient thing that controls this campground?
And there’s a fairy and a formorian hunting each other out on my land?
I think I’m going to focus on the problems I’m actually qualified to handle. Perchta is coming, I need to make sure my brother is buying me socks for Christmas, and now I have to figure out how to get rid of the children and their wagon. [x]
Read the full list of rules.
Visit the campground's website.

When I first got diagnosed with PCOS, I didn't know where to start. I spent a lot of time just feeling overwhelmed at the sheer amount of information, speculation, strategies, and the variety of diets, exercise, supplements, etc., that various people use to combat this syndrome.
I realized over time that baby steps make a big difference. Just performing research on insulin resistance, or choosing a doctor, or ordering a new supplement may seem like small, individual steps--but together they made up a big leap forward in understanding and improving my health.
So to combat the overwhelm, I thought it would be helpful to break it down and make a list of possible baby steps you can take in the journey of addressing your PCOS. Each bullet point is designed to be a small (30 minutes or less) activities that you can take on-- one at a time, starting wherever you want. You don't have to do all of them! This just gives you a variety of options.
Just diagnosed? Choose a category from this menu of options, tackle a few small activities that sound helpful, and eventually it will add up to a big difference.
​
GENERAL PCOS RESEARCH:

• Google and read about PCOS diagnostic criteria
• Google and read about common PCOS symptoms
• Google and read about the different "types" of PCOS
• Google and read about correlated conditions/diseases that you are at risk for (diabetes, thyroid, etc.)
• Google and read about insulin resistance
• Search this sub for insulin resistance and read through explanations that true unsung heroes on this sub have written
• Google and search this sub for books about PCOS or insulin resistance and pick out 3 you might want to read
  • Choose a book to order (or check out from your library) and do it!
• Google and search this sub to find 3 scientific articles you are interested in reading
  • Read the scientific articles you have saved
• Lament over how little research has actually been done (a crucial step)
• Search your podcasting app for "PCOS" and look at different podcasters you may want to try
  • Listen to a PCOS-related podcast of your choice
• Search social media sites/YouTube (and recommendations on this sub) for reputable PCOS "influencers" and choose a few to follow

​
HEALTH TRACKING:

• Make a list of the specific PCOS symptoms you have experienced
• Write down a brief timeline of your own health history
• Call a relative and ask them about your family's health history
• Research various cycle & symptom tracking apps
  • Choose and download a cycle tracking app
• Research & buy a health tracking or gratitude journal (or app, if you prefer)
• Brainstorm goals related to your health
  • Evaluate your goals and turn them into SMART goals that are reasonably achievable
  • Evaluate your goals and choose 1 you want to tackle
• Create a health goals trackesheet (e.g. 100 boxes to check off for every strength training session done this year.)

​
DOCTORS, MEDICATION, & TESTING:

• Google or use doctor database websites to search for potential doctors (this may only apply to folks in certain countries?)
  • Perform a bit more research--and ask friends or family (or this sub) for doctor recommendations
  • Evaluate your research and choose a doctor to contact
• Contact a doctor to ask if they are accepting new patients/set up a first appointment
• Write down your thoughts on what you want to communicate (such as your symptoms) to your doctor
  • Write down a few questions you want to ask your doctor
  • Practice what you will say to the doctor
• Search through this sub for potential blood & diagnostic tests
  • Evaluate the options and choose the blood/diagnostic tests you want to ask for
• Search through this sub for medications you may be interested in trying
  • Make a list of medications and choose which ones to ask the doctor about

​
DIET:

• Research the different recommended diets for PCOS (keto, low carb, gf/dairy free, IF) and make a list of pros/cons for each one
  • Evaluate your research and decide what kind of eating is healthy & sustainable for you
• Search for 3 healthy breakfast recipes you are excited to try
• Search for 3 healthy lunch recipes you are excited to try
• Search for 3 healthy dinner recipes you are excited to try
• Search for 3 healthy snack recipes you are excited to try
• Make a meal plan & corresponding grocery list for 1 week

​
EXERCISE:

• Google and search this sub for the best types of exercise for PCOS
  • Make a list of possible exercise types you want to try
  • Evaluate your research and choose one type of exercise to commit to for 1 month
• Search social media sites & YouTube for free fitness routines you may want to try
• Research & buy any necessary clothing/shoes/equipment you will need to perform chosen exercise (or research & sign up for gym membership)
• Make a sample schedule of when you plan to perform exercise
• Research some strategies for sticking to a habit & choose one to use
• Set a short-term exercise goal that is realistically aligned with your desires & schedule
• Evaluate whether a fitness tracker would help you stick to your exercise goals
  • If so, research various fitness trackers & make lists of pros/cons
  • Purchase a fitness tracker if you want
• If all of this sounds too daunting, just go on a 30-min walk. Repeat.

​
SUPPLEMENTS:

• Google and search this sub to make a list of possible supplements you want to try
  • Research supplements you have listed and narrow down your list
  • One supplement at a time, research brands/quality/prices and pick out the few you want to order
  • Order supplements
• Write down your supplement regimen
• Set a phone reminder for taking your supplements

​
STRESS:

• Google & read about healthy sleep hygiene/nighttime routines
  • Evaluate your research and write down your own nighttime routine
• Choose an achievable bedtime & set a phone reminder for that time.
• Research and purchase any necessary items to create a better nighttime environment for yourself
• Research and make pro/con lists for various meditation apps or methods
  • Evaluate your research and choose a mediation app/method to try
• Block off a chosen amount of time each day on your calendar for meditation/journaling/stress management
• Try your chosen stress management technique
• Research inspirational mantras or affirmations that will keep you going.
  • Choose a mantra and write it down on a notecard-- stick it where you will see it.
• If you want to go deeper, research therapists your area. Choose a therapist to contact
  • Write down a list of mental health concerns you want to address

I know this seems like a long list, but you don't have to all of it! This is just intended as a menu of options you can choose from-- all of these activities will benefit your health, so just choose a few that you think you can do. Start small!
Any other activities y'all would add to this list?

Hey guys, I decided to put together this list of what has helped me sleep at night. The good news is that most of this stuff is completely free and natural! this took me a bit to type out but Im doing this legit because I just want to help someone else who may be suffering... seriously!
You can save this and come back to it later if you cant read all of this now ;)
Please note I do have a few product recommendations, but for the most part everything is natural :) I originally had a bunch on links to products as well but I don't think the moderator liked that, so if youre interested in any of the products id google them separately , sorry :(
this post is valuable but long, I have a [too long, didn't read] at the very bottom however, but I really hope you can find the time to read the whole thing!
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Before I start my list I want to source the podcast that helped me change the way I think about sleep, and formulate this routine, and ultimately get sleep at night !
Im not going to spend too much time talking about it, but all I know is everyone who I have recommended it too on this sub comes back and thanks me..
the podcast is called Ologies with Allie Ward and the sleep episode is called Somnology . On Spotify
its a lighthearted discussion with a professional neurologist talking about sleep :)
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A little bit about me and my current state: im 23, have been diagnosed with anxiety which contributes to insomnia I was having 4-5 sleepless nights at a time, unemployed due to covid
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My list/routine:
1.) SET YOUR ALARM AND STICK TO IT: So my nighttime routine, actually starts the second I wake up! I always set an alarm for 8:00am every morning and wake up that time and don’t let myself sleep in no matter the amount of sleep I got in the night, I wake up regardless.
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2.) NO CAFFEINE: I no longer drink caffeine in the morning(or at all in the day), if I want to have a nice little cup of something I opt for a green smoothie, or a tea that has minimal amounts if caffeine in it.
​
3.) TRY NATURAL ENERGY: If I need a boost of some natural energy I practice breathing exercises such as double breathing, or bellows breath. You can look up more on YouTube , there are so many guided tutorials ;)
-Don’t underestimate the power of bringing more oxygen into your blood! Our day to day breathes are very shallow and do not bring enough oxygen to our bodies.
​
-( we will come back to different breathing exercises before bed to chill us out, but in summary you are somewhat manipulating your nervous system making heart rate to be slower and controlling the release of stress hormones aka nighty night!)
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4.) DO NOT NAP. End of story.
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5.) EXPOSE YOURSELF TO DAYLIGHT: this is a big one. I literally treat myself as though I cannot survive unless I am near sunlight throughout the day! There are so many benefits of daylight, and just to be clear im not talking about tanning lol. I mean open up all of your blinds, go for walks, sit outside, sit near a window as much as possible.. you are a plant!
-In relation to sleep: sunlight helps our body understand night versus day, in order to help our body aling to a clock. Daylight triggers an alertness in our body and increases our performance throughout the day.
-Therefore, high levels of daylight thought the day helps us regulate our sleep/wake timing. Im essentially training my body to know that daylight means be active, alertness, DO STUFF.. and then when its night and all the lights are dim my body starts to understand okay its time to relax. And the lack of light at night promotes sleeping at night!
-Its actually so fascinating if I really think about it too hard, but it makes perfect sense and I don’t think many people realize the benefits of some natural vitamin D
-Exposing yourself to daylight will be especially good too if you didn’t sleep the night before, its going to help you fight off that nap! Getting you ready for the nighttime to be extra sleepyJ
-I if you live in a lower level with no windows consider purchases a vitamin D daylight lamp J
-Also ive noticed that I honestly seem way less depressed once I started doing this, im normally in a dark cave being all depressed and want to nap the day away, but ever since I started doing this I feel less depressed and more motivated to do life. Also side note: if you feel depressed consider taking vitamin D supplements
​
6.) GET AT LEAS T10,000 STEPS IN A DAY: this is the other big one: besides daylight. Exercise in general helps with insomnia but most importantly it boosts the effects of natural sleep hormones such as melatonin. There are a lot of studies that link exercise to better sleep. If youre someone whose not all that into exercising I recommend getting your steps in however you can. My goal every day is 10,000 steps, I go on at least 3 walks a day because of my dog, but if I don’t take her out because shes sleeping or whatever I still go on my own walk. 10,000 seems like a lot but this is the number that I noticed makes me feel tired at night, and you could always work your way up. The goal is to really tire yourself out when it comes time to sleep! Its also nice because this is how I expose myself to daylight as wellJ
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7.)RESEARVE YOUR BED FOR SLEEP AND SLEEP ONLY: Im not sure how big of a difference this makes, but I think it makes sense at the end of that day. Don’t sit on your bed to do your work or browse the internet. Buy a chair or sit at your desk
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8.)INTERMITTENT FASTING: ever since I started this my night time snaking has subsided and I think has really helped me get better sleep at night. I stop eating at 8:00pm and the last thing I eat is a nice little healthy snack full of protein like Greek yogurt or nuts!
Okay now im going to start getting into the nighttime routine which is really crucial, but don’t underestimate what those day habits can do for your sleep schedule!
okay we are going to talking about light again, but in a different way
​
9.) BLUE LIGHT GLASSES AT 8:00PM: starting at 8:00pm if I am looking at my computer, tv, or cell phone I am wearing 100% blue light blocking glasses, and I mean these things are orange baby. Not just slightly tinted, they orange. Its all about light again, remember above I said how daylight triggers your body to be alert? Well I’m sure you’ve heard that the blue rays that come off of electronics mimic daylight. Aka making your body alert. The blue rays literally trick your body into thinking its day light, aka you won’t feel tired!
Also I’ve turned all the websites and my phone to dark mode, to help cut out some of the brightness!
The glasses are from the brand THL Sleep, I bought the pantos style
these were $50 but wow ive noticed such a difference! Especially because im a huge YouTube video person before bed!
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10.) BREATHING EXERCISE FOR CALM AND SLEEP: now try out breathing exercises for calming you down, there are so many out there but I do the 4-7-8 exercise and I use a free app called ibreathe to guide me through it!
​
11.) DEVELOP A NIGHT TIME ROUTINE OR RITUAL: keeping a routine can help you mentally prepare for sleep. heres mine
- At 8, I start by dimming all the lights in my room and only keep a few soft lights on
-taking a hot or warm body shower before bed has helped me tremendously, I actually take my shower in the dark or dim light as well so it’s not too stimulating.
-I complete my skincare routine
-I do a little clean up on my room, fold some clothes or wipe surfaces this helps me de-stress
- I turn on my fan, studies show you sleep better in cooler environments
-I spray sleeping mist on my bed, im not a huge lavender person or essential oil gal but I found this sleep mist and bought it when I was desperate and I’m not sure the actual smell puts me to sleep but I think my body understand that this smell means sleep time and it is a nice scent
I use Pacifica sleeping mist: Cannabis Flower, Body and Pillow sleeping mist
there are so many out there, but this was the cheaper one I found! You could honestly probably use any perfume you would like, as long as it relaxes you!
-calming breathing exercises or yoga for sleep
- around 9 or 10 I shut off all light or light distractions
-I set a timer on my phone so that it shuts off after two hours
-i start watching asmr videos before bed, these knock me the f out. Ill list some of my favorite asmr youtubers, And boom, im honestly out
-Fairy Char, Asmr Twix, Rapunzel ASMR, Southern ASMR Sounds, Rach ASMR are all awesome asmr you tubers, u just kind of have to explore around to see what u like. Asmr hair brushing and cutting literally relaxes me so much and I slip into a coma everytime I watch these lol
One thing I have recently tried is CBD oil, im not sure if its 100 percent working or not or if my day and night time routine is whats helping me but I bought the 750 ML from CBDMD . com
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CONSIDER SLEEPING POSITION:
This isn’t really apart of my routine, but you may want to consider your sleeping position. I actually no longer sleep with a pillow, I sleep with like an airplane neck pillow, it gives me just enough support at my neck but doesn’t lift my head up too high. Im a side sleeper. And I put a pillow in between my knees.
Also if by chance, im sleeping on my back I elevate my knees with 2 pillows.'
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MORE DO'S AND DONTS FROM THE PODCAST:
- Don’t overdue the melatonin, if you take it every night your body will no longer understand how to produce it and it could actually have reverse effects
- Do play games in your head if you cannot sleep: the neurologist in the podcast recommend practicing an activity in your head. For example, he says if you’re a basketball player he recommend visualizing you shooting free-throws and try to do it 50 times, (hint: you won’t make it to 50) he says this works because the best way to sleep is not think about sleep.. to not keep checking the time, think about something else entirely. Play alphabet games in your head, anything!
- Don’t drink alcohol before bed, he says there’s a different between being tired and being inebriated, alcohol actually doesn’t help you sleep, even if your drunk and fall asleep your body knows you weren’t actually tired you were just intoxicated and u will not get a restful nights sleep and u will most likely be tired the next day and still wont be able to sleep the next night
- Do try calming soft music
Tip: even if you haven’t fallen asleep in 3 days, the reason you’re able to function is because our body actually does a pretty bad job at being able to determine the difference between resting and sleeping, so choose the same resting time every night as if you were sleeping. Getting good rest at night is still important even if you can’t sleep
Tip: the whole “8 hours” is a good amount is a complete lie and somewhat causes insomnia because people panic Becuase they think they should be getting a full eight hours and it causes them to think about it way too much and hence they don’t sleep. Different bodies require different amount of sleep. Some of us may truly only need 6 hours of sleep! So don’t get too hung up on the whole 8 hours, it’s a MYTH!
Actually we require less sleep the older we get!
Fun fact: you cannot die from insomnia, you will eventually fall asleep. It may take longer depending on the person but your body does eventually succom to sleep, its not like being starved to death and not having any food, that u die from. But since sleep is something that comes from within is we cannot die from it. There are very very rare cases where people die from not sleeping but this is actually A rare sleeping Disease, where from the time you were born you actually do not sleep and it does cause people to die at the age of 30 or 40 it is a very rare disease and a family in Italy does have it but keep in mind that they have not slept since the day they were born!!! It’s called fatal familial insomnia.
Tip: there is no right or wrong sleeping position for someone trying to sleep, they do reccomened preganant women sleep on their left side for better blood flow to the heart. And if you have joint or muscle problems you may need to try sleeping a different way, but as far as trying to sleep there is no right or wrong way.
if you made here congrats lol and thank you for reading this, I spent a full hour on this list lmao and m doing it for no other reason than I want to help someone! let me know if you read the whole thing or at least checked out the podcast, I swear it helps and it free!!!!
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[too long, didn't read]
-check out the podcast ologies by Allie ward: episode SOMNOLOGY, a sleep discussion with a neurologist
-wake up at the same time early every morning, no sleeping in, despite how tired you are
-no energizing drinks or coffee (can do low caffein tea)
-if you need energy, try stimulating breathing exercises
-no napping despite how tried you are
-expose yourself to daylight, so many health benefits, helps our body understand wake/sleep time and along our sleeping schedule. (if you're going to read anything from this post id read this, its number 5 on the list)
-get at least 10,000 steps in a day or exercise, tire yourself out in the day
-reserve your bed for sleep and sleep only, don't sit on your bed in the day
- try intermittent fasting to help you from night snaking or eating too late
-wear 100% blue light blocking glasses starting at 8:00pm
-do calm breathing exercise for bed
-build a calm nighttime routine (see mine for more tips and tricks, its number 10)