I’ve been numb for the last 2 1/2 weeks and need help getting my life back....This is my first post so please excuse the length but I need support. I started like most, home game Texas holdem when I was 17. Nothing crazy, 20$ buyin. When I finally hit 21, I went to the casino for a weekend trip for my birthday. I was down $400 the first Two days and on the morning I was checking out I hit big playing 3 card poker and won my money back. What would have been a learning experience of losing, turned into chasing your loses can get you even. I went back 3 more times in 4 months and was up $3700. Shit this was easy money, WRONG! I spent the next 6 years of my life going to the casino maybe 4-5 times a year. I went with money I was okay to lose but always quit if I was up. We once drove 2 hours, sat on a machine hit for 550$ in the first 5 spins on a .25 machine, got dinner and drove 2 hours home. Over the last year as my income increased, so did my bet size and risk. I started to bet higher and would go to the ATM if I lost quick. I probably lost around 10,000 last year. At the end of the year I saw that and said to myself, you should cut back on the gambling and invest that money. So 2020 starts off well, money is coming in and Covid hits us all. I had money in accounts and made about 17,000 as the market climbed back up. The problem was at the same time, we were all in lockdown and I said f*** it let’s gamble at home. I have adhd, ocd and deal with bad anxiety and sometimes depression. All of which don’t go well with gambling. I started out playing slots and sports betting. Up and down small bets nothing to write home about. I started to play blackjack after a friend told me about it and the winning started. I was up close to 7,000 and couldn’t stop playing. I would play on breaks at work, walking the dog, cooking dinner, none stop it was on my mind. I started increasing my bets and would lose the first 1,000 quick and would chase until I was even or up, sometimes up to 6-7,000. I was playing on winning for a while until one night I snapped. I turned 5,000 into 16,000 and hit withdrawal. That night I couldn’t sleep, I kept getting the urge and finally caved. I was playing irrationally and lost all 16,000. I became numb, I could do so much for my family with that money and I f**kin blew it! Ever since that day I have chased. On two occasions I was down close to 10,000 of my money and got even to then give it all back. What the hell is wrong with me?!? I was back to a good point but couldn’t stop. There were sleepless nights, screaming at myself on the car rides to work, punching myself in the arms and legs. Then came the worst day, which led to the worst two weeks of my life. I again was up 5,000 in a session withdrawal button selected and reversed it. I would go on a binge and lose close to 35,000 chasing loses that never turned around. I have had suicidal thoughts and can’t come to tell my wife what I have done. I look back now and can’t believe I didn’t see the craziness that was going on. I couldn’t go more than a couple hours without at least logging on Nd playing a couple hands. I have a baby under a year old at home and they are my world. I feel like I have wronged them and have so much guilt. We have been together since high school and she has trusted me with our finances. I have contacted an addiction counselor and my evaluation is this Friday. I still have the urge but can not do anymore harm to my family. I can’t sleep and just keep playing over in my head all the things I could have provided for my family with that money. She can tell something is off but I’ve just told her work is stressing me.
Can anyone give me guidance on how to tell my wife about my gambling addiction?

I have my google drive if anyone would want that by any means just let me know ill shoot it over to you so you can have the DOC. also set to CONTROVERSIAL.
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Death to who you think you are
Chapter one: The briefing
If we want to get the feeling of the beginning we have to start from the real beginning. I don’t remember the real age but I was very young. We shall say somewhere from one to two. I got to spend time with my real father and that leads down a bad path. From what I was told, being older that is. I had gotten soap in my eye and I cried nonstop and my dad hit me in the face. Now, this wasn’t some normal hit or love tap of being out of order. This was a young baby with now a fractured skull and an innocent child that now will start his journey in life on the wrong foot. My mother took my real father out to court over custody and needless to say he did not show and my mother had taken me home safe from something every happening again. We can kind of fast forward from this point to about the age of four to five. My life consists of my mother, my grandfather and my grandmother. My mom at this point had brought me around a lot of people and for me being a kid I didn’t know a lot, but we never went around someone I shouldn’t be around. But then my mother brought this guy around. We shall call him Lewis. he was a cool guy we got along well with and with me not having that father figure around it was cherished in a way that not a lot of people will get. Towards the end of me being my five-year-old self, my mother had gotten married to Lewis. It was a beautiful wedding and my mom was herself, everything just seemed right as a child, happiness is simple when you are that age I guess. We had lived in a small town in a house that my mother had purchased around the same time as the wedding, also along with that was a few brand new cars. Life was good as a child at least that’s what it looked like. The next few years flew past I had a new father and my mother was happy just everything was right. Now first thing’s first I was not a super poor child or I mostly got what I wanted being an only child. But as little as I knew things were going to change and I had no idea.
Around the age of ten is when things started to fall out of place and was a downward spiral until I started my new journey. My mother never had a good record with health but that goes for most of us in the family. She had suffered from numerous strokes and back issues due to a car accident that changed her life. Many hospitals and doctors’ offices had been visited with the journey I’ve taken with my mother. But we shall also get deeper into that. At this time in life, my mother was going through changes that I did not understand. She was sick and also trying to have a baby some time went on and things seemed well with my mother but something inside as a kid told me things were only starting and boy was I right. Around this time of me being nine to ten my mother had lost over ten miscarriages, I mostly don’t know the real reasons why that was but I’m sure if I wasn’t told correctly it was to make it seem like everything will be okay in the end. But many times I knew about having a sibling and sometimes it was just oh the stork or something didn’t make it, you know the things we were all fed as kids so we just didn’t ask questions. Finally, a miracle for my mother and Lewis happened. They got pregnant with my younger sister. That was a long 9 months with my mother for sure. But once my sister was born there were problems that I didn’t understand fully. She had been put on a machine that was attached to her heart, as a kid, this was terrifying to see someone you love in that situation because as myself-going through something life-changing likes that. At this age is when I started getting “Stuck in my head”. My grandfather raised me showing me to always be observant and have your back to a corner so no one can come up from behind you. At a young age, I was taught a lot in a short time. Because on top of my mother having issues and my grandmother was also sick at the same time with this thing called cancer that I had no idea what it was or how harsh of a thing it was. But at that age, I realized something was wrong. Wrong… I started spending time with my grandparents more and more and I wouldn’t leave their side. That’s when I had realized these are my parents and my haven. Now don’t get me wrong my mother is my mother and I will love that woman no matter what I say or do. But she also knows what I mean by this statement and as for most of you know that’s just how having grandparents is. At this time I committed my time to my grandmother though. Like I had friends and stuff in school but nothing meant more to me than going to see her after school or on the weekend just honestly any time. I was learning so much from her how to cook, clean, do laundry or even just something like gardening. I was learning so much at such a fast pace I was blinded to the fact that this woman, my haven, my grandmother was dying and I had not the slightest clue. In this short time of ten to about twelve is where I learned how to become an adult very early. I was on a mission and I had no idea.
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Chapter two: The blindfolded truth
In the time of me being around my grandmother, I have seen things people will never see in their lifetime and things that you couldn’t even process in your head. This section will be about my Grandmother and just my journey with a woman who was the purest person you could ever meet.
The time of realizing my grandmother was sick I picked up even harder on being there making sure she knew I loved her. Around when I did start to notice was when she started losing her hair. To me, she was still a beautiful woman no matter how she looked because her soul was so pure you could just feel it in the atmosphere around you. You can see the sickness in her eyes, you can see the thoughts, the worry and the pain. But she never broke character; she never let us know how much it bothered her. Until one afternoon she had gone into the bathroom. She had collapsed and I had heard it. I ran to that door as fast as I could but it was locked. I had no response from her but I knew I needed to get in here. I knew this was not good. Soon my mother and grandfather came to help. We got that door open and we had many smelling salts planted around the house and this was a time we had to use one. As my grandmother laid there hopeless, unconscious and looking lifeless my heart dropped emptiness grew inside my head and my heart and my soul started to feel like it was being torn out of me. I had to have been around the age of ten to eleven when this had happened. It was all like a daze, something that wouldn’t go away as the EMS got there and they had stabilized her enough to get her to the hospital. Across this time frame this was very normal she lived at chemo or the hospital or doctors. The chemo at this rate had been burning her because of how often and strong the treatments were. My grandmother used to sit there and not be coherent or not know who she was or sometimes the grandkids or her husband. We all understood though. We all knew this was going to be a long ride or this was going to end soon and none of us wanted that to happen. She was progressively getting sicker and there was nothing I could do about it. We moved forward and did all the things we needed to do for her and as a family we were one of the strongest families around no questions asked. One day she had gotten a call or was at the hospital or something along with that nature and she was told that the doctor that had done her test reading had read it wrong and she was given the wrong treatments of chemo. (Leukemia lymphoma) Fill with info!).
So for that time of around 2 years of treatments they were treating her wrong and with that kind of treatment being wrong they were just put here in a microwave and frying her. By this time there wasn’t very much to do. There was only one shining light of hope and it was this amazing doctor from Pittsburgh that took care of my grandmother. She trusted this man to save her life, as did we all. All within a month, we had to film a documentary with the attorney that was handling the case with my grandmother and that’s when we all kind of knew this wasn’t going to end well. After all the filming and stuff was done it had started to run into the holidays and man they just were not the same and you could tell. She had been in Pittsburgh at this time staying in a hotel room right across the hospital where it was filtered air and just everything was super clean. Her prepping had come to an end and it was time.
The family gathered at west Penn before the surgery. The drive was quiet but I knew everyone was just in their thoughts as was I. I had hoped due to the percent that she had told us of making it through it all. Which to us kids was around 80 percent; you know something to make it easier on the grandkids to understand. We all gathered in this waiting room and the room filled with silence for a bit you can just feel the tension in the room and that’s not what my grandmother wanted. She wanted us to be ourselves, talk and be a family and we did it just to break the ice. We all know my grandmother was the one to break that ice. We all talked and the time we had seemed so short but all said and done it was time to go. My mother and I wanted to stay just in case we needed to be here. But my grandfather was not having it he wanted everyone to go home and relax for the night. Remind you if something happens we are an hour plus away. Well, Lewis had calmed my mother down to the point where we all went home. The night grew old and sitting in my room thinking she will be okay I'll just call her tomorrow. Now, this is where the nightmare became a reality. I had woken up early to dead silence, my stomach turning and head spinning, it felt like a movie a haze filling the room but not just the feeling there is. I walked downstairs to my mother making coffee and I just remember looking at her and I said I don’t feel right something is wrong, she also had the same feelings. Shortly after the phone rang, it was like a horror movie. She raced to pick up the phone and it was my grandfather. Mostly all that was said to me was we needed to get the whole family there as quickly as possible. We scattered and collected the family and drove my mother to make it there in around a half-hour to forty-five minutes. We pulled in and I had my great grandmother in a wheelchair. We rushed to where we needed to be in no time. As we got to the final stretch to see her my heart was racing hands shaking. My heart slows as we approach
The room. I see these women in this bed that I had no idea who she was. I had thought maybe I had the wrong room or something. I just remember looking at the nurse and saying that isn’t my grandmother. She had gained a massive amount of water weight and she was attached to this machine with all these clear tubes running a tank and in that tank was the blood that was being cycled out and back in because her body couldn’t do it by itself. We were told she can hear but she cannot respond or open her eyes. A large part of me died in a matter of minutes. A cold shiver went up my spine rapidly into my brain and everything lost colors and feelings and it got really cold. We were pulled into another room to talk to the doctor about what was going on and what had happened and you can tell a lot of hate and anger went right to him in the room. But as we were explained she crashed the percent we were all told was indeed super low the real percent was only five and she had made it through that five percent chance. The issue was cancer got so bad it had taken over and this is where a choice changed the lives of many.
One thing I will never wish someone has to do is to choose someone if they live or die. The switch of never seeing someone again, seeing their smile or feel the love from someone again. While they made this decision I got to spend a few last moments with her to where she could hear me. Things no one has ever heard but us two. Those things didn't let anyone forget her. I was sorry if I didn’t say I loved you enough and that I’ll take care of grandpa. I just don’t want you to go but it will be okay and if you can’t do it by yourself it is okay to let go someday we'll all understand. At that moment she squeezed my hand with all she had in her and a tear fell from her eye. I knew it was time I knew this was the goodbye that I had nightmares about sleepless nights. Shortly my mother returned and we talked to her some more and then the rest of the family had said their goodbyes. As I sat there in my chair in the waiting room I waited and waited and then the real meaning of empty had filled me, a ring in my ear it had felt like I watched my heart and mind get sliced in half before me. The room filled with silence again and the ringing stopped…
She was gone but she had let go before the machine had been turned off and you could tell. Peace had filled the air for just a brief minute knowing she had never had to deal with the pain and suffering. But the anger and hate grew with the pain and my head was spinning and I just couldn’t believe it, I didn’t want to believe it. What seemed like maybe a half hour I was with my grandfather helping him collect her things and her from the apartment they were staying at once we had all of the things we had left. The drive had felt like hours and hours had gone by not much was said not many tears were shed either. We all had finally gathered at their house. Blank faces across the room, silent tears running slowly down everyone's faces. No one knew what to say. You can tell everyone wanted to comfort one another but you just couldn’t find the words to speak. Some of what happened is just a blur to me. The next thing I know we arrived at the funeral. Smelled of overpowering perfume, you can feel that certain people did not belong here. You can tell my mom was losing a grip on reality; she hadn’t eaten much, slept or even showered much. She wanted my grandmother’s funeral to be perfect and it was as perfect as it could have been. The day went on and it was our times to say our final goodbyes. The effect was kicking in at this rate the women, my mother, my grandmother, and my hero was gone. She would never get to see me grow up, graduate or even get married and have kids someday. MY life had felt like nothing but over. I don’t remember much at the time of burying her. I mostly stayed in the car. We had stuck around my grandfathers for a while every day in and out eventually he had won the lawsuit against the hospital and the doctor that had made the mistake of his life. I don’t remember the exact numbers but the set amount was a million dollars after taxes, lawyer fees and all that he still has a decent amount left. My mother and her two brothers received a good chunk of money out of this from my grandfather. Everyone did something good with it and did well with the money for the most part. But there was another turning point in life that we didn’t know was about to happen.
Chapter Three: The distraction
My grandfather is a hell of a man. That man would give you the skin off his back. He has also taught me about life and god and hunting just all the things a father would teach their child. My grandfather was in a car accident when I was very young. He was bedridden for some time; he worked down at the steel mill; he was one of the big guys down there. He claims to me that I was the reason he wanted to make it through the pain and suffering to live. He says I saved his life and I see that but little does he know he is what kept me alive all these years as a person. He was the father I never had. That man put his life into me and I’ve also done the same as best as I can. But when my grandmother had passed away he had felt an empty feeling that I will never understand and neither will anyone else in this world. It was his wife, his partner, his everything and she was just gone. He always had a good poker face but little does he know he taught me to be so observant that I can feel things in a matter of seconds I can feel things by looking into people’s eyes. But his poker face became a part of his life. He had gone to Vegas numerous times to play Texas Holdem and slots. He had gambled his pain away and no money in the world can ever take that pain away. You can’t replace that feeling no matter how hard you try. At this time I was trying to be around and be his grandson but I also was failing myself. I gave up on myself. So instead I started a new thing. I took my pain and turned it into healing others since I knew I understood people more than they thought I could do this. Well, an incident happened where I forgot my grandfather was in Vegas for weeks. We had talked briefly and he had some scrap in the back. I was going to clean up the house so when he returned it had some life back in and we got to make a few bucks because he didn’t want the scrap money. When I had gotten out back the door was inched open I had told my friend to go out to the front just to make sure they didn't run out the front if there was someone there. I searched everywhere I could and no one was found. His girlfriend he now had which was only like 8 months after my grandmother’s death. Which we will cover that soon also. But anyway she had walked in and had asked why I was there and I explained myself and everything went bat shit crazy my mother showed up, mind you she hated this lady. Some arguments happened and my grandfather called in the middle of everything and he wanted all the keys back whoever had one and none of us were to step foot on the property. A while went on and I and he hadn’t spoken. But one night I and Lewis got into a very heated argument and I had packed my shit and went to the haven I thought I had. Only to get there and have him look me in my eyes and tell me I’m not welcome there. At that point, I hadn’t had anything. I was failing out of school. My mother wouldn’t leave her bed. Lewis was out cheating on my mother because of how mentally unstable my mother was. Now at this time frame, I had been running around with the wrong crew. People who stole didn’t have a home. I was around fifteen to sixteen getting drunk and smoking weed and just not giving a care in the world what happened to me. 2009 is when I knew I had been around the wrong people. One night I had gone to a party just for a birthday with some food and a fire. Towards the end of the night, some kid had flipped the table and knocked everything off the table well when I had gone to leave I had picked up all the stuff being respectful and one of the items was a wallet. Well, I had turned it over to the owner of the home and went on my way. Several days later I had been with my girlfriend at the time and I had received a phone call from a cousin. Asking how I was and what I was up to. Now my mother had just gotten off the phone with me and had told me to come straight home. When my cousin had asked I hesitated a while and asked where. Well, she had said the school is only 100 yards from my front door. So we went… As we pulled in there were people flooded in the parking lot and the jungle gym all familiar faces. As the car came to a stop we started a conversation. The names of these men will not be named for this. They know who they are. I was asked if I had seen a wallet and I had stated yes because I did. I told him what it looked like but I did not open it. I had handed it to the owner of the home and he was there. He looked at me and said listen he’s telling the truth I told you leave him alone. Something was screamed in the background and after that it was black. I remember thinking to myself I was dead there was no way I was getting out of this. Eventually, I had come to and all I have seen was my girlfriend over my body and she was getting hit over and over and over again it had been over 45 minutes and the worst part about it is. I had a whole text written to my mom to come over to the school and call the police but as I was hitting send it when I got hit in my face. Eventually, we had gotten away and driven. I couldn’t move. I felt super drunk but I just kept hearing he’s dead. I just closed my eyes and next I was being helped out of the car. This burst of energy exploded in me when I saw she was hurt. I also ran in the house and went right for the shotgun that was always in the closet. But it wasn’t there. It was already loaded in the back of Lewis’s car shortly after my grandfather had rolled into the parking area. I had gone to sit in the back of his car and he had all of his guns with him also. Shortly after that, the police had shown up with 2 of the men who had assaulted me. The anger I had I told that cop and them you had 1 minute to get off the property or id kill all 3 of them and not think twice of it. He had gone to turn them in and an EMS had shown up shortly after that. I wasn’t worried about myself. I knew I’d walk away. I was more worried about my girlfriend at the time. Which ended up being a total joke? I had over 10 blunt traumas to the head, slightly torn iris; I developed TMJ in the jaw neck and back problems due to how much I was beaten. But something in me wouldn’t let it be about me. I just couldn’t let it be about me. That’s not how I was raised. Well, I never returned to school because all of them went to the same school and having to deal with 46 individuals in a small area was not ideal for me. Also yes 46 people now 3 days after that had happened to me. The person who had stolen the wallet returned it to the owner of it. So now something that happened to me was pointless I had almost gotten killed over some paperwork for the military and around 10 dollars in weed. Needless to say, the people who deserved what they got did get what they had coming to them. My grandfather and I started spending time together again slowly and it was something that I needed but also was just me masking my real feelings towards my life and the situations I was in.
Chapter Four: Meeting darkness
At this point in my life, I had slowly figured out how to deal with depression and what I can do to make time pass. I accepted that I meant nothing. So I focused on everyone around me. I tried to help fix my mother, my grandfather also looked over my siblings in the mix. I had a girlfriend different one this time. I was around 23 to 25 at this point. She helped with the things wrong in my head and she created this weird feeling in my chest like you swallowed a napkin which sounds stupid but it’s a good thing. She was beautiful no matter what with makeup, without it didn’t matter this girl was smoking hot to me. Her eyes and smile were pretty weird too but it just fit with me. It felt like I met the person I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. But here was the major problem with that. My stupid ass didn’t realize I was just getting worse by bottling up my feelings and not expressing myself because let’s face the hard truth of this world. We Men Aren't the Way We Should Be. It’s called being the stableman and the men that grow up without a real father have to be the man of the house for their mothers. But anyway sorry about that rant just if you’re a dude reading this I get it and believe me express those feelings it draws people closer. So anyway I drained this girl she tried so hard to help me and I knew she loved me but when I felt she was trying to step into an area that no one was allowed my walls came right up. So I didn’t trust her. I began to not care anymore. I pushed her away like I had done to everyone in my life at this point. But when I realized in reality I was losing her, I panicked and tried everything in my will to get this girl back. But needless to say, she was gone. The pain grew and my brain felt too big for my head, like if I didn’t talk to someone or do something I was going to explode. This next part is a hard one for me to write down on paper let alone put out there for someone to read so bear with me while I try to explain some things. There are a few times I had almost taken my life 3 to be exact. The first one was after this stunt I had pulled on probably the best thing that had ever happened to me. I sat there one-night drunk. I had around 2 bottles of Smirnoff 100 proof vodka blue cap clear bottles. I was down at the dam around my house. I was in my lifted piece of shit jeep just existing. All I could think about was I mean nothing. I have no one, my family fell apart, my girl left, I didn’t have a job, I didn’t live. I lay in the water and went under holding my breath hoping to just fall asleep. Something weirdly pulled me, it felt like the tide had tugged me, it felt like hey you can’t do this get outta here. I sat on that beach for 4 hours and cried my night away. I knew this darkness in my head was getting worse. I knew I had lost control. Several days had gone by and things got better again for a little while. I didn’t want to die but no one wants to die. We just feel that way. Days grew to months which led to me getting a job working at FedEx. Now at this time I was doing pretty good and had money for a car and a job. It was all falling into place where I wanted it to be. As I spent while at FedEx I loved the job and just hated who I worked for with the contractor there. I just bought a brand new car. 2019 Civic sport with all blacked out everything SI wheels the whole nine-man…I felt on top of the world. My grandfather was in my life everyday. My mom was doing good. She had moved and was living in Florida with this new guy who wasn’t so bad. Dude just needs to open up to her but that’s none of my business I guess, whatever mom. Anyway, life was making sense. I just struggled with the fact that my grandmother was not there to see all the progress I had made. Also, I wish the girl who had left me was there to see all the steps I made to make my life better. Now notice that the last part of the sentence I made my life better not myself. I tricked my head once again into thinking everything was okay. Well, the girl had come back into my life shortly but again disappeared which hurt just as bad as the first time. This leads me into round 2 the time I thought my life was going to end. The same spot I go at the lake to go into my head I was there just thinking about I was just sitting there and over and over again in my head I said if I’m gone all the problems tied to me go away. Mind you I never told anyone where I was but somehow a friend showed up and talked to me and realized how hard I was crashing and falling. I owe that man my life debt I can never pay but oddly he related to me and understood some of the pain. So once again we are back on this train of I think I’m fixing myself but little did I know this was only me getting right back into the mix. Several months have passed and I have gotten a new job. Working with driving again and tires now. Easy job I loved , boss , was awesome, worked with a friend and coworkers was awesome, so once again I thought I was on track again mentally and physically. Now I have a new girlfriend, a sparky character. I think I was more into the feeling of having someone than anything because I thought I loved this girl. But one night I was down bowling with my grandfather and I had stumbled over and caught myself feeling hot and dizzy . I felt like I was going to just drop dead. But I dragged myself to my car and tried my hardest to make it look like I was okay truth be I couldn’t see anything driving to the hospital I just kept saying I’m dying kind of laughed with my sense of humor like really dude stroke while bowling’s going to take my ass out like this is how I go out? Fuck me right now I haven’t touched this subject because it’s still hard to deal with on a small scale but that’s strokes I have had 4 in total by the age of 25. Also on top, I’ve had 2 mini heart attacks. The time I’m speaking of is the 3rd one I’ve had. So I get to the hospital walk-in and check-in, I wait about 10 minutes for someone to see me and tell her with half of my body working I think I’m having a stroke. I said to that lady I’m one of those people who aren’t in a rush when it comes to my problems, shortly after I fell to the ground. I opened my eyes and I was in a room with a laptop and the man was talking to me about some pill he wanted to give me. I thought I was dreaming or hallucinating. I just remember him running simple tests of lifting my left leg and left arm. My face was sagging and I just can only help to remember thinking all these times I wished I was dead and I tried to fix them and this is it for me. I can hear the man in front of me but it was kind of like the faint echo of a voice. He said something along the lines of whatever this pill was to clean the clothes in my brain but if they were not in my head there was a small chance I would die on the table in 15 to 20 minutes. I rejected and took a deep breath. I leaned back and I tape played in my head from when I was little playing in the kitchen with my shadow to the moment laying in this bed that smelled like death and after 6 days I had returned to work. Now the reason I think I had the stroke is kind of selfish but is the only thing that makes sense is the most recent ex, not the one who left me because I was fucked in the head but one more after her. I was so stressed out I had lost her and I was losing my job and just once again just my whole life crashed and folded on top of me. I felt like fucking have died over and over again one day after the next the problems pile the bills stack the car gets repo’d I have a room a bed and a computer. I was in my prison and I had no way out even though the door was unlocked. It was like I was drowning in air and no matter how hard I breathed in I was running out of time. I had one friend by my side and that was my choice. I had pushed everyone away. I started smoking cigarettes again pack or 2 a day depending on the days I was smoking weed again but sadly that was my way out. I spent 4 months high every day from the time I rolled out of bed till I closed my eyes but see I was mellow I was happy I found a form of an inner peace that let me talk to my ego and sort something’s out of course I started small on the list of things I wasn’t so much worried about like a job and a car and all that those things come over time and work and right now I need to work on myself. So I was in this haze for these months and I learned a lot about myself and things I didn’t know I could do. I was getting my creativity back and my head was clearing and I just enjoyed who I was again. But this was the beginning of feeling good and happy and just flipping my world because the journey has only begun.

So I came up with something that my players really love. Tried it on Discord and it worked out well, too. I had players interested in playing gamblers, and at first they were discouraged because it was just sort of opposed checks of Perception and Deception, representing bluffing and so forth, with the result just sort of “announced.”
Perhaps it was my failure as a narrator, but things weren’t going so well in the gambling end. They wanted something that felt like a drama driven by gambling, like the movies “Maverick” and “Rounders.” (They all play cards IRL) I felt like I needed a little more structure, at least for myself as a GM, so that I could carry them through it narratively. Here’s what I’ve come up with so far and they’re LOVING IT.
Before I say this, I should just say it’s a start, and I welcome any feedback. Also, all groups are different, so this might only come across as unnecessary to some, but I stress, all groups are different and it has worked for us:
In order for this to work, someone must have a winning hand, and someone must have a losing hand, and all other players must have “in-between hands.” In order to do this, the GM has to do one quick thing to prepare the sabacc game. Instead of the tedious ordeal of telling everyone what cards they have (suits and values and such), the GM simply rolls a percentage die, and assigns everyone hands based on numerical value—the higher the number rolled, the better a PC or NPC’s hand. Simple.
Let your players know that a “bad hand” is 1-30, an “okay hand” is 31-60, and a “good hand” is 70-100. The GM writes down what each PC has on a slip of paper and hands it out, face down to each player (For example, you just write “bad”, “okay,” or “good”, not the actual numerical value). That way, the PCs at the table don’t know what kind of hands their friends have, and if the player has a “good hand” they won’t know if someone has a better “good hand.” They just know about how good their own hand is, in the greater game of sabacc. (This represents having a full house, but not knowing if someone has a straight flush, as it were.)
Then, of course, the GM secretly writes down what kind of hands each of the NPCs have (for this, I recommend not having more than three NPCs playing the game, and two NPCs seems to be ideal).
A GAMBLING CHARACTER’S TURN It’s similar to combat. You get one Maneuver, which does not typically require a skill check…
…and maybe take a SECOND Maneuver by suffering 1 Strain, perhaps by sipping a strong alcoholic beverage to gather your courage, or just because you are stressed from trying to do too much in one round while keeping your head in the game…
And now you begin your rounds of gameplay, just like combat.
IMPORTANT RULE: At the end of each round, all players who have not folded MUST put in either 100 credits, 1,000 credits, or whatever (your choice on the stakes), in order to stay in. And they must, of course, ante up at the beginning of each round.
Here are your Maneuvers.
Raise: The player can simply raise the amount in the Pot, to pretty much whatever they can afford.
Chit-chat: Make small talk while gambling, making it seem nonchalant. Because there is sometimes a lot of talk around the table, and other times quiet because people are trying to concentrate in peace, you get this one Maneuver to try and squeeze in some questions without being annoying to the NPCs, or before someone else starts talking to dealing cards. Perhaps you ask one of the NPCs when a shipment of illegal spice is set to come in, or try and subtly tell a fellow PC what sort of hand you’ve got, so you two can coordinate and team up against the other NPCs. If you choose to chat up an NPC, you can either use Charm on an opposed roll to win friends, which grants you a boost die on all Deception, Skullduggery, and Perception rolls until the end of your next turn (because you’ve got the bead on how these players think and move), or let the GM roll a percentage die: on a 1-10, one of the NPCs lets something vital slip through casual conversation. (EXAMPLE: “I don’t know if Jabba’s gonna be happy about what Sasha did to his majordomo. Could be trouble…”)
Ask For Another Card: This can be done only twice per game of cards. Any player can do it, PC or NPC (this is like the flop, turn, and river in Texas Holdem). Everyone is “dealt” a new card (narratively), so the GM has to re-roll the percentage die again, determining what everyone’s new hand ranking is by adding whatever he rolled to their previous “hand values.” To be clear, in this weird game of sabacc, a person can use the below “Call” action to end all gameplay and betting, forgoing the right to an extra card, and simply hope they win…but the longer they keep NPCs and other PCs talking, the more the betting goes up. (As stated, at the end of each round, extra credits are always added to the Pot) TIP: The reason you might ask for another card is because your current hand sucks.
Call: End the betting and reveal all cards to see who has the highest hand. Whoever has the highest hand (as previously recorded by the GM) is the winner.
Fold: Simply fold and bow out of this round of cards. You do not get back the money you’ve already bet.
…and now you get one Action.
AND THOSE ACTIONS ARE…
Bluff: Send out (false) vibes that other NPCs pick up on, making them think you have cards that you don’t, or don’t have cards that you do. Perform a Deception check, using this method: Take the average Perception rank of all NPCs, that’s your Difficulty dice pool. For each NPC you are trying to bluff, upgrade a Difficulty die. On a success, you bluff your targeted opponent(s), and they each suffer 1 setback die on any gauging rolls until the end of the PC’s next round. Which brings us to…
Gauge: Using this action, any Player Character who makes a successful Perception check is able to tell which players have a strong hand and who has a weak hand, and recovers 1 point of strain (because he can now relax a bit, now that he knows who has what cards).
Put a Skifter Into Play: In old canon, a “skifter” was a fake sabacc card that could change values to whatever you wanted. So, in this action, you surreptitiously place a skifter into your hand, replacing another card, using a Skullduggery check to make sure you are not seen. On a success, you not only do it, but you now have the winning hand! You just have to wait until next round to gain a maneuver and use the Call maneuver to end the game and win! The Skullduggery check is this: However many NPCs there are, that’s the number of Difficulty dice—then, for every strain you have suffered so far, that’s how many Difficulty dice are upgraded (reflecting the level of stress and/or alcohol you are under, etc.).
Stack the Deck: This can be done only at the end of a game of cards. You offer to be the one to re-shuffle the cards and deal. On a successful Skullduggery check, you stack the deck to your liking, giving the winning hand next round to whomever you want, and the worst hand to whomever you want, as well. The Skullduggery check is done the same as “Put a Skifter Into Play.” If you fail with NO THREATS, you merely fail to do it. If you fail WITH THREATS, then you are spotted trying to stack the deck by the number of NPCs equal to your Threats, and must now perform a hard Deception check to put their minds at ease and convince them you really weren’t trying to cheat.
Throw Someone Off Their Game: A player smiles lasciviously at an NPC, or blows cigarra smoke in his face, or does something else annoying to distract and put the NPC off his or her game. Perform either an opposed Skullduggery check, or an opposed Charm check, either of which will be opposed by the NPC’s Resilience. If the NPC fails, they are now “rattled,” and suffer a Setback die on all their next checks, no matter who the checks are against.
Cheat: This is separate from the Skifter and Stack The Deck actions above because, while those were very specific, and the skifter was added in because of my love for Star Wars lore, this “Cheat” action is here for all the generalities that may be imposed by the greater narrative. Perhaps one of your players set up a droid across the cantina to zoom in on an NPC’s cards and read what sort of hand he’s got, and so the droid has to signal your player, so your player needs to do some kind of Perception check to pick up on what the droid is trying to relay. In any case, this is a major action, and needs to either be opposed or have an average check, since all eyes are on the players, and everyone is on the lookout for a cheater…
SO THAT'S IT! As a side note, we don't do this for every sabacc or pazaak game, just for the ones where they've entered a tournament or feel like the stakes should be high. It has helped me a bit as a GM as a kind of "training wheels" for this system when it comes to gambling, and I'm getting better at NOT using it now. Anyways, there it is.

TL;DR: Just turned 21 and my parents took me to Vegas for it. Played a lot of 1/2 Texas Holdem with my Stepdad. I think I did very well, considering my age, but I could've just gotten lucky and played against awful players. Would like to start learning some and getting better, but have no idea where to start.
Hey everyone. I'm very young and just turned 21 recently. I used to play free poker a lot in high school after my stepfather taught me how to play and really enjoyed it, but couldn't do much with it since I was underage. I only played two real games then. But I just turned 21 and had the amazing opportunity to go to Vegas with my family. I didn't play any other games other than texas holdem, mostly in the MGM.
I ended up going up about $600 or so, buying in for $200 each time. My stepfather, who has told me he used to play semi-pro, taught me everything and when we were at the bar helped explain a lot of things to me on how I could've played some hands better and helped explain various other things. By the end of the trip, I felt happy with how I did and I knew when I made mistakes and how I could've fixed them.
All this being said, I had an absolute blast playing and a lot of the game clicked very quickly with me. However, I am EXTREMELY young for this thus I have a lot to learn before I start playing for higher stakes. They were just 1/2 tables, with min buy ins of $100. So I have a few questions:

1. What can I read? I have a lot of work and studying to do before I go to a bigger table. I did well at 1/2's, but I think that for my own sake it's best to credit it to luck and bad, drunk players. Thus, I need to prepare for people who actually have an idea of what they're doing. I have no idea what I can read though. My stepfather is also glad to lend me some of his books, but I don't know what books he has.
   
2. How can I break down my hands and plays efficiently? In other hobbies I have, I'm able to watch my own replays and I can really see a step by step of where I could've fucked up. I can't really do that at a table. I know where I messed up on quite a few hands from when I was in Vegas that I'm glad to explain and how I could've played it better, but is there some sort of thought process I could get in the habit of to get better?
   
3. What kind of gameplan should I have, longterm? My current plan is that I'm taking $200 away from what I won in Vegas to start a poker bank roll. I find some sort of $50 buy in games online and start playing and start playing and practicing online. If I make a good amount (about $750-$1K since I want to have 4-5x the amount of my bankroll), I go play at a casino again in my city for the same settings I played in Vegas and try and just continue upwards, through that ladder. This way, worst comes to worst, I'm out $200 on a hobby that I attempted and had fun with. Is this a good way to go about it?
   
4. How can I avoid making this become an addiction? This is probably an extremely naive question, but one I feel like it can't hurt to ask. There isn't an addiction problem in my family, but I feel like I, myself, can get TOO into things I enjoy and I completely see Poker becoming one of those things to the point that it's destructive to myself. My plan is that if once I'm out the $200, I stop there and then and then only play like at house games or with friends but I can imagine that if I do get too into this, I could ignore that completely. Are there any precautions I can take to make sure this doesn't go spiraling out of control?
   

Okay, I need to get back to work. Thank you so much for taking the time to read this. I have plenty of example hands I played if you want me to break it down and if you have any just questions I'll be glad to answer.

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Date: 2013-07-10
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Questions	Answers
Could you record a voicemail greeting for me and upload it somewhere? My name is Benjamin and aside from that i give you full creative freedom. Thanks, Mr. Malkovich.	Doing it as we speak.please pm your email addresss.
John, purely out of interest, do you smoke ganja?	Sometimes my best friend russ makes me smoke ganja, but i become a bit insane and normally eat a couple hundred dollars worth of say, ice cream sandwiches or dilly bars or what have you. even worse, i won't share any of it.
Are Helen Mirren's breasts as phenomenal in real life as I think they are?	Sadly, even quite sadly, maybe tragically for me, i have no personal experience with which to reply in an expert manner. she looks pretty good to me though.
There is a bat in my apartment and it is making me nervous, how can I get rid of it?	I had one in my house once. i think i just opened all the windows and kind of gently broomed it out. just make sure it's in your apartment and not in your head.
What? Who are you? IMPOSTER!	How is it being john malkovich? let's see how much you enjoy answering that question for 15 years. cheers and good luck.
John, you have been an outspoken proponent of privacy for quite some time, in regards to the internet, the paparazzi, etc. Most of us here on Reddit share similar views, especially in light of recent events. I know you haven't been political in the past, but have you ever considered spearheading some kind of privacy movement? There seems to be a real lack of recognizable figures on our side. Also, what are your thoughts on the the recent NSA developments?	I think, sadly, that privacy is finished. no such thing. if you're a known person, you learned to live without it long ago. that's very,very unfortunate, but such is life. i think there's no going back as that particular horse has left the barn. i have at times spoken with my peers and the head of the actors union about why we're not paid when we appear in say a tmz production, but there seems to be no real interest in combatting it. for the nsa, i've always assumed they listen to everything and read everything and see everything. france, where i've also lived for a number of years is exactly the same-possibly worse. i think it's too late.
What is the worst script you have ever read?	I was given a script in france, by a seemingly rather disturbed young man. let's just say it was not good. also, one night, a woman came in to our yard in france around 2:00 am. i was outside on the phone talking to my producing partners in los angeles. she gave me a script called elle tue,(she kills!) which was about the lead character killing a movie star. it was written like it had been done with a butcher knife in red ink. also, it wasn't very good.
Any encouraging words for a young man losing his hair?	Well, young man, that's a bummer. but it's ok. michael jordan made it stylish. don't worry, life goes on.
Do you ever see things like that scene in Being John Malkovich where everyone has your face and is constantly saying Malkovich Malkovich Malkovich?	Oddly enough, i happened to see that very scene when i did a kind of q and a for the toronto film festival a couple of weeks ago. a fairly nightmarish experience. sort of my idea of hell.
Were you actually pissed when that extra threw that can at your head?	On the contrary, spike jonze wanted to cut it because we were late that night and he felt no one would be able to hit me on the head with a half full can of beer from a passing car, and about 70 or 80 sets of hands shot up on the crew saying they would like to try. eventually the task fell to johnny cusack's writing partner and he nailed it on the first try.
Are your shift keys broken or do you just refuse to capitalize words out of principle?	WHAT?
After RED 1, did they let you keep the pig? Also, did they let you keep the grenade launcher?	I didn't get to keep either sadly, though i was able to sneak the pig into this red 2. if they cut it i'll be so pissed.
How do you like being famous? Is it a bad thing or a good thing for you personally?	It used to be fine, but it gets wearing at my age. too many cell phone cameras and doofuses who need a facebook photo with their thumb up. a few hundred a day over a 15 year period is, well, not that much fun. of course, most the people one actually gets to talk to are as interesting and fun as ever.
Hey, how's it going Mr. Malkovich? Your character in Burn After Reading is awkward, terrifying, and oddly enough hilarious. What was your favorite scene to shoot in the film?	I liked the scenes with brad pitt. i thought he was so funny in that film.
I think we can all agree that Mary-Louise Parker is brilliant and gorgeous. That being the case, if you could use only one pickup line on her, what would it be?	Marie louise is my hero. sharp, sad, funny, extremely gifted and quick. i love to be around her and i adore working with her. we had a beautiful vomiting in tandem on the car windshield scene in red 2, ungratefully removed by the powers that be. for the pick up line, i'm not to sure. i would counsel the direct approach. i wouldn't use the schwarzenegger pick up line "baby your bangability is very high tonight." on 2nd thought, if you have a good styrian acccent, maybe it would be perfect.
Hi John. Say I were to see you in public, would you rather I, or anyone for that matter, pretend I didn't know who you are or would you rather have a conversation (without a camera shoved at you of course)?	Normally quite happy to have a conversation. or to be completely ignored.
Have you spoken Bernard Madoff since 2008? What would you like to say to him if you had the chance?	No, i only met mr. madoff once, many years ago. he seemed very pleasant. but, you know, i don't think i'd have much to impart. for me, in all honesty, it was a good life lesson. and it also must be said that the vast majority of in the world live with nothing and with the hope of nothing their entire lives. i was lucky, as i've been my entire life. i could go back to work and make my way in the world.
When I was in high school, I took a film studies class, and my teacher told us that the film "Being John Malkovich" is commonly regarded as one of the greatest films of all time. How does it make you feel to have been the subject of what some think to be the best movie ever made?	That's a pretty big statement. all credit to charley kaufman and spike jonze. they're visionaries more or less in my humble oppinion.
John, what time of day can I pour a drink and not feel bad?	Sorry, i would say at least you have to wait until 7:00 pm. i mean if i can do it, so can you. cowboy the fuck up!
What's your best life advice? Could be about anything.	I can't really give advice. people should make up their own minds and walk their own path.
Where is your favourite place in the world to sit and just be yourself...without worrying about all the stressors of daily life?	I think our house in france. it's an old farm and very quiet. vienna also works.
Hi John. Delighted you're doing this!! What was it like working with a young Christian Bale on Empire? Do you keep in touch?	No. i haven't run into him since then. i very much enjoyed the dance remix of his remarks to the cinematographer, though. i wanted it to be the voice mail of our mr. mudd office, but my partners felt it wasn't very stylish.
What...is your favorite curse word?	Fuck. putain or scheisse all work.
What has been your favourite theatre role to date? Also i'd like to say you were brilliant in Of Mice and Men. :)	Probably a characterr called pale in a play called burn this written by lanford wilson. or in a play called true west by sam shepard.
What is the purpose of acting in your opinion?	Self expression.
I recently saw Dangerous Liaisons for the first time and I loved you in it. So much confidence and swagger, always a step ahead of the game! For the most part at least. In light of that, what was the costuming process like for it and/or other period pieces you have done? Have you had a hang in picking out what you wore or personal preference for the outfits?	Strangely enough, i have anew production of les liaisons dangereuses which opened last night at the lincoln center festival. a beautiful young french cast, with quite hilarious costumes. i am often quite involved in the costume choices for period films. partially for it's impact on character, partially because i'm a fashion designer, and partially cause i'm so fucking vain. but my favorite film costumes are in a film i made a few years ago in london called color me kubrick. i had some lovely teal blue bras (quite pointy!), nice fishnets, and some lovely 1970's short shorts and a very fetching kimono. costumed by a wonderful english girl and lunatic called vicky russell.
Hello John! Are there any new and interesting projects you're working on now that Red 2 is done?	Start a piece for nbc in the fall called crossbones. a ten part series. well written.
Who would actually win in no limit Holdem, you or Matt Damon? Also, how do you eat your Oreos? I like to put a whole Oreo in my mouth and then take a swig of milk so it drenches the entire Oreo all at once.	Matt would win. he always did between takes when we played. i love oreos, but i think it's some staggering amount of calories when you have ,like 4.
John, what's your favorite book?	The sound and the fury. faulkner.
I love your interviews with Craig Ferguson! Will you be on the show again?	Every time i'm out here in los angeles, he's on a little hiatus, so i don't get to do it often. at one point he had asked me to become a semi-permanent character who lived in a fish tank. the script was very funny, too. alas.
What are your thoughts on space travel? Would you like to go into space?	Yes, i suppose i would. but don't you have to go to the bathroom in your space suit and everything? i'm just not sure i could do that?
You are such a great actor and I love just about any movie you are in. Why the jump over to TV? I could understand cable but it seems odd that you're doing a TV show for NBC.	It's a very nice script. good producers and hopefully a good cast. plus, movies that are well written are hard to get made and hard to finance. plus, it will be the first time since 1990 that i will be in one place for at least five months.
Stanislavski or Brecht?	Brecht. he was a miserable human being, but quite smart about theatre.
Given the luxury of hindsight, are there any roles you'd like the chance to do over, to reinterpret in a different way? I'm still crushing on you in Dangerous Liaisons, BTW.	Yes. all of them. in that i only know what the director wanted to do with the film after i've seen it, and by then, sadly, it's too late.
Mr. Malkovich, I saw you once in Cambridge, MA wearing dishgloves while clothes shopping in Urban Outfitters. What was that about?	Dishgloves? was i catering there?
Have spoken to Jim Walpole since the Toronto incident??	No, i was doing an opera that was opening in toronto and we were in tech reharsal with the normal pursuant chaos. i did leave him a letter, though. i was happy he made it through, ok. he seemed such a dignified and preternaturally calm man.
What to this date, film industry related or not, is the thing you have felt most accomplished about?	I'm not someone who can really enjoy or even feel a sense of accomplishment about anything i've ever done. i'm just not the type. on to the next.
Have you ever eaten a Donair from Halifax Nova Scotia?	No. i'm exceedingly loyal only to tim hortons.
Hi! Do you still own a part of Lux club in Lisboa? If so, it is awesome. If not, it is also awesome. Thanks!	Yes, i do. i'm going to shoot a movie in lisbon in a few weeks and will be delighted to be back and to get to spend some time with my partners there.
One of my favorite SNL episodes of all time is when you hosted at Christmastime in 08 (or 09, I forget) and you read "Twas the night before Christmas." Did you know any of those facts on your own, or were they all fed to you by the writing team?	Actually i looked them up on the internet.
Do you regret saying that George Galloway and Robert Fisk would be the two you'd most like to kill?	Unlike either of those gentlemen, i regret every stupid thing i've ever said. however, when you have a public life, you're going to say stupid things, just not as many as journalists or politicans.
My old college friends claimed to live in the "Malkovich House" on Buchanan Street at Eastern Illinois University. Were they telling the truth, or just bullshitting?	What's the address?
Are you the star of "Peeing on Malkovich"?	It depends on how late it is, how far to the toilet, and how much i've had to drink. let's just say i could be.
What's Tilda Swinton like in real life? Everything I see her in she looks so ... mean.	No, she's very kind and funny.
Nicely drawn mascot sir. Now on to my question: Gin or Whisky?	Only red wine.
Do you still have your clothing line?	Yes. i think. though i haven't checked today.
What's your favorite French red wine?	Bandol. domaine tempier.
Does music play a big part in your life? If so, what are some of your favorite artists/songs?	I like so many kinds of music. so many artists. really too many to name.
Hey John! What's you favorite flavor of Ben & Jerry's Ice cream? And if for some god forsaken reason you don't eat ice cream. ಠ_ಠ What is your favorite pie?	I don't eat a lot of ice cream. i like frozen yogurt more. i'm not sure i have a favorite.
Do you believe that MamaTejás (Mother Texas) is a decent name for a female puppy that never backs down?	Yes. approved.
From your responses, you seem like an interesting, articulate man. It's nice to know that someone whose work you like isn't a total twat. As for a question, hmmm... is there any question you wish someone asked you during this?	I have a lot of friends in this business who are really fun and lovely people. somehow, the public doesn't get to see that.
If you and Crispin Glover got into a fist fight, what would be your tactic? Do you believe you could win?	I suppose i would pull his hair. no?
What is your favourite vegetable?	Brussell sprouts. i know it's wrong.
How ridiculous was the scene where you held up the gun to the bunny in con air? Link to www.hellonearth.com.	It's pretty ridiculous i would imagine.
Hey John, I also graduated from Illinois State. What was your favorite memory from your stay there?	Steak and shake. in sight, it must be right.
If you had to choose a different career, what would it be? And thank you for doing this AMA.	It was a pleasure. it would be nice to be a florist, i think. i would have liked to have been a baseball pitcher, also.
What's your favorite dish at Jack Russell's in Benton?	Do they have jalapeño poppers? or do i mispeak?
Boxers, briefs, or commando?	Depends on my mood. i don't like anything too tight.
Which directors do you think you've worked best with?	I don't really know how to measure best. one might do a bad film, or a not so good film with a wonderful director. one of my personal favorites was a chilean director i worked with several times called raul ruiz. he had such an odd and unique view of the world, and such a wonderful and strange and full culture. of course i loved spike jonze, frears, manuel de oliveira and many many others.
Do you have lactosereflux?	Probably...doesn't everyone?
I just read that you live in Cambidge, MA. Have you ever been to The Middle East Restaurant/Club? I'm spinning upstairs next month and would be pretty amazing to have you on my guest list.	I won't be in cambridge this summer at all. where is the place?
A teacher I had in high school claims at one point in her life when she was in her 20's-30's she could have married you. Care to comment?	What was her name? doesn't that mean i could have married her too?
What is your favorite British film?	Night train to munich?
I once had a friend who, after watching 'Being John Malkovich', was thoroughly convinced you were a fictional character. I don't really have a question, just wanted to share! Thanks for all of your amazing work; I am a big fan. :)	I kind of am a fictional character...
Your nephew teaches at my school. He's awesome! And so are you! No question. Just wanted to say you're awesome.	Matt is a great person. he always was.
Hey John! Explain how you lost 70 pounds eating nothing but Jell-O.	I lost seventy pounds eating nothing but jello for 4 months. but of course there is great variety in the colors! i think, if i remember correctly it's 230 calories for a whole bowl. maybe 270? in the 5th month i added fruit.
My friend ran into you in Edmonton 2 weeks ago. She told you that you looked like John Malkovich and you replied "weird", hilarious. Let me buy you a beer!	Sorry, i'm already gone. thanks everyone! i have to go now.
Okay so Malkovich makes no bones about smoking bud every so often and also records a Redditor's voicemail message. If there's a better AMA done recently I'd love to fucking hear about it.	But i only do it because my best friend makes me! it can't be my fault!
I am a man, but it doesn't matter. Is it possible to find some way to have your baby. Because I think that would be cool.	Where there's a will there's a way!
Hello John, What is it like to work with Jon and Erich Hoeber. (Be nice, I'm their aunt.) Thank you, Liz.	I enjoy the brothers immensely.

Last updated: 2013-07-14 20:29 UTC
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