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On the Podium This Week: The Pegassi Osiris
Once you’re done washing the sands of Cayo Perico out from between your toes, make sure to drop by the lobby of The Diamond Casino & Resort to give the Lucky Wheel its daily spin and walk away with GTA$, RP, clothing and all manner of mystery prizes. This week’s top prize is that symbol of opulence, excess and reckless abandon: the Pegassi Osiris.
Looking for a new home away from home? Lucky for you, The Diamond is offering 35% off the price of both the Master Penthouse Suite and its pursuant Customizations and Optional Extras, including Colors and Patterns, the Lounge, Media Room, Spa, Bar & Party Hub enhancements, as well as amenities like the Private Dealer, Office, Extra Bedroom and Garage.
There are also sales on a range of luxe vehicles to flex your status on your peers. See below for the complete list of sales and discounts:
Master Penthouse Suite – 35% off
Master Penthouse Customizations – 35% off

• Floor Plans and Optional Extras, including Lounge Area, Media Room, Spa, Bar & Party Hub, Private Dealer, Office, Extra Bedroom, Garage
• Colors
• Patterns

Vehicles – 35% off

• Vysser Neo
• Obey 8F Drafter
• Överflöd Imorgon
• Lampadati Tigon

Double money and RP on In and Out game mode
​
Prime Gaming Bonuses:
GTA Online players who successfully connected their Rockstar Games Social Club account with Prime Gaming by December 13th will get free access to the Kosatka submarine’s Sonar Station, along with GTA$200K just for playing any time this week. Any Prime Gaming members in good standing who do buy the Sonar Station at full price will be given a 100% rebate within 72 hours after purchasing it.
In addition, Prime Gaming members receive exclusive discounts: this week it’s 70% off of the Benefactor Krieger and 80% off the Pegassi Tezeract.
To ensure access to future benefits, make sure to visit Prime Gaming and sign up.

THE CAYO PERICO HEIST BONUSES

Plus The Heist Challenge Rewards Including a Free Vehicle for All Players and More
The Cayo Perico Heist marks a new era for Heists in GTA Online and we are celebrating with a slew of perks and bonuses for a limited time, including a free Dinka Veto Classic for everyone to whip around in, new clothing awards and a special jacket for those who participated in last month’s Community Heist Challenge and so much more.
CAYO PERICO HEIST BONUSES
From today through January 14th, everyone who progresses through The Cayo Perico Heist – from scoping to taking down the score – will receive special clothing items along the way.
Those who complete a Cayo Perico Scoping Mission will receive a rare Manor Tie-dye Tee that is sure to provoke envy from the fashion victims lined up outside Didier Sachs. Completing any Prep Mission for the Cayo Perico Heist, meanwhile, will land you the rare Rockstar Gray Pattern Tee And completing the Cayo Perico Heist finale before the deadline will land you the highly coveted Panther Tour Jacket.
All the above bonuses will be available for the next four weeks and until January 14th, please allow 72 hours from completing each mission to receive each item.
COMMUNITY HEIST CHALLENGE REWARDS
Thanks to the GTA Online community coming together to blitz The Heist Challenge last month, all GTA Online players who play between December 18th – 20th can head over to Southern San Andreas Super Autos to claim the new Dinka Veto Classic for free and to keep.

Be sure to pick up the Veto Classic this weekend before it goes up for sale on December 21st.

And if you were one of the many talented thieves who completed a Heist to help put the GTA Online community over the GTA$100 Billion mark during November’s Heist Challenge, you will receive the Panther Varsity Jacket for your efforts.

Continuing… (It's Part 6 in the saga, I fucked up. Sorry.)
So, after a few re-fueling and impromptu cigar-purchasing stops in South and Central America, we wheel up to the deserted jetway at LAX.
“Thought we were going to Elmendorf?” I asked.
“This isn’t it?” the pilot replied, feigning worry.
“No.”, I replied, “Looks like California. Fruits and nuts. All around. What’s going on? One minute we’re off to Texas, then Cali, then Texas again, now we end up here at the California airport of the iconic tower.”
“Yeah, it’s confusing enough haulin’ civilians around. But when we get a call from Virginia, we tend to comply without any questions,” the pilot explains.
“Aw, shit!”, I sort of exclaim, “Rack and Ruin called?”
“Yeah”, the pilot replies, “Figures you’d know these guys. They said they were closer to LAX rather than Texas and had us divert here. In fact, you look over there, see that dark blue Chevy? That’s them; and evidently, your ride.”
I tipped the airman from earlier a couple of cigars as he helped me with my gear off the plane and into the trunk of Rack and Ruin’s plain-Jane blue late modeled Chevy. Had to move the Sidewinder Missiles off to one side, though.
“Most honorable Agents Lack and Luin!” I quipped in my faux-racist greeting. “What the hell, guys? I’ve got to get to Japan and get some newly rigidified digits.”
“Let’s see your hand”, Agent Rack asks. “Nasty.”
“Yeah”, I sigh “And with the medicos in South America and their penchant for plaster, I don’t so much have a left hand as more of an ankylosaur tail.”
“Or Thagomizer”, Agent Ruin tittered. “Anyone gives you grief, and one upside the head should set them right. Or dead.”
“You’re a riot, Ruin.” I replied, “But not entirely incorrect.”
We all agreed that I really didn’t need any extra accouterments to make myself look more dangerous. I mean with my severe haircut, stern beard clip, and perpetual ‘Go fuck yourself’ scowl.
“Yeah”, I replied, stroking the aforementioned beard, “I just can’t get that. I’m such a people person.”
After Agents Rack and Ruin finished drying their eyes from laughing what I thought was en extremis, we finally got down to business.
“So, what’s the skinny, guys”, I asked. “New marching orders?”
“No. Not as such”, Agent Ruin said, still sniggering over my ‘people person’ comment.
I see we’re moving. Agent Rack is just driving casually, like Chewbacca when they were waiting to see if the Empire went for that expensive Bothan code.
“Then, what?” I asked, getting a slight bit piqued.
“Well”, Agent Ruin noted, “When you went to South America, you took some of your artillery collection with, correct?”
“You know I did. You even made some snide comments about my personal choice of sidearms and their ‘excessive’ calibers, if memory serves”, I reiterated.
“And if you are proceeding normally, as you always do, they’re all nestled in the trunk of this very car. All cleaned, quiet, unloaded, and smelling sweetly of Hoppe’s Number 9 and WD 40, correct?” Rack inquired.
“Yes?” I cautiously venture.
“Well, ya’ big dummy, do you think they’re going to let you saunter into Tokyo armed like the Third Fleet?” Agent Ruin chuckled.
“Um…well…I do have a Diplomatic Passport.” I ventured.
“That’s not going to work this time.”, Agent Ruin said, shaking his head. “They’re tighter than Dick’s Hatband about sidearms. Want to bring in your Rigby SXS .500 Nitro Express double rifle? Not a problem. Sidearms, especially in your alien hunting calibers, nope.”
Well, that’s just….*dandy!”, I reply, semi-put out. “Now what the hell am I going to do?”
“Ever think that’s why Ruin and I are here, now?”, Rack asks.
“And here I thought it was just so you could bask in the warm glow of my fucking wonderful personality. Or that you actually cared about me as a real goddamn human”, I joshed.
“Ummm…yeah”, Rack replies, “There’s no way we can answer that without going on some Deadpool list. “
I agreed.
“OK, here’s the deal: you get your sidearms, ammunition, speed loaders, brass knuckles, Asp, laser range finders, Sap, Zeiss scopes, Kukri, Wisconsin Cheese Whittler, Buck folding skinner, Marine K-Bar, those two ultra-illegal Cheburkov Cobra titanium switchblades...”
“Three. Olga the KGB lady sent me one for Geologist’s Day.”
“Ahem. Those three ultra-illegal Cheburkov switchblades, that Wyoming Speedholer, your MASER Time-Distance Computer, garrote, pocket rail gun and whatever else lethal you carry and deposit it in the iron box in the trunk. We’ll ensure that it’s delivered to Esme post-haste. And by post-haste I mean one of our guys will deliver it personally.”
“Well…I suppose”, I conceded, “But best send someone who’s been to the house recently. I don’t know how much bigger Khan has grown since I left on this little fantasy trip. Wouldn’t want a star on the wall in Langley for someone eaten by a mastiff. Want to see a picture….Oh, bother. That’s right. My phone’s at the bottom of fucking Lake Maracaibo.”
“Good point”, Ruin interjects, “Guess we’ll do a little road trip and deliver it ourselves. Best call Esme and let her know what’s going on.”
“I have no objections to your proposals. Please give Esme this when you see her. I had some luck in the Calaveras Casino and if I don’t send her some mad money. Ouch. She’ll never forgive me for not taking her along to Japan.” I asked.
“But I thought Esme hated Japan? Too crowded and too ‘fussy’, I believe was her estimation.” Ruin asked.
“Yes, but once she saw the Ginza, all bets were off. Shopping the likes of which even Allah himself hasn’t seen.” I replied, slowly shaking my head.
“I see”, Ruin said, “Well, since you’re off to Sapporo, perhaps you can do a recon for Esme on the shopping there.”
“Not bad. Not bad at all.”, I smiled, “Now I know why I let you guys hang around with me.”
So, as advertised, I am now standing on the tarmac at LAX, basically feeling naked.
“Can’t I keep just one switchblade?” I moaned to Agent Rack.
“Go ahead, if you’re really keen on donating it to Japanese customs”, he replied.
“Fuckbuckets.” I groused.
“There, there now. That’s the usual Dr. Rocknocker of which we’re all so fond.” Agent Ruin chuckled.
“Remember, you do have that wallet-sized credit card gizmo from the Company. So you’re not entirely ‘naked’. Think of it as an emergency breechcloth.” He smiled.
“I’d like a larger model if you don’t mind. It’s chilly out here.” I joshed.
After Agents Rack and Ruin stripped me metaphorically naked as they de-weaponized me, they handed me a Business Class ticket to Tokyo, and a pass to the Japan Airlines Hospitality Suite and Lounge.
“So sorry you guys can’t hang around and have a few farewell snorts”, I chided, “But you’ve got a bit of a drive, so best be off before the weather turns to shit.”
“Who says we’re driving?” Agent Rack asked as he hooked a thumb over his shoulder at the ready and waiting C-130 cargo plane currently taxiing slowly in our direction.
“Well, in that case”, I smiled even more broadly, “Let’s invite the flight crew to join us. That’ll make the flight home all that much more interesting.”
After near tear-jerking farewell sentimentalities, i.e., “Piss on you”, “Get stuffed” and “Take a fuckin’ hike”; Agents Rack and Ruin, my weapons and the Agency’s plain-Jane Blue Chevy were all nestled snugger than buggers in ruggers in the belly of the thundering C-130.
Now truly on my own, I trudge the hundred thousand or so centisteps to my departure terminal, make a quick recon that my flight’s still slated to go in a generally westward direction, and hightail it to the nearest courtesy desk to ask for a motorized cart to take me and my remaining luggage to the JAL Hospitality Suite.
Hey. I’m old, infirm, and currently among the walking wounded.
Anyone that disagrees risks an Ankylosaur tail club swat or Thagomizer to the skull.
Finally ensconced in the JAL Hospitality Suite, Polo Lounge of course; I was drinking Tokyo Teas (3 oz. vodka, 2 oz. gin, 2 oz. rum, 1 oz. triple sec, 1 oz. Midori, good splash of lime juice, a slight splash of 7-Up (diet, of course), over ice with a lime wheel) with Pabst Blue Ribbon Extra 1844 chasers and Hangar One’s “Fog Point” vodka on the side, hiding from the brutish realities of this foul year of two thousand and twenty-something, Common Era…
I’ve already called Esme and we’ve had a good, long chat. She still managed to give me her shopping list for whenever I find myself bored on the Ginza.
She’ll be shocked when she learns that I’m not going to be in Tokyo long, but have 1st class tickets on the Bullet Train to Sapporo. Still, I’ll probably find myself in Pole Town or the Stellar Place there, trading piles of US greenbacks for locally produced Japanese curios and clothing.
I can hardly wait.
I order another round of drinks, as the wonderful attendants in the Hospitality Suite were bored out of their skulls because of the COVID-induced drop-in customers flying anywhere that requires a hospitality room stay, and I was virtually the only one around. They tried their level best to outdo each other when it comes to Japanese efficiency and friendliness.
After a couple of hours, they ask if I would like something from the grill, as the day chef had “the COVID” and the night chef just arrived. A quick perusal of the menu and I chose a 28-ounce dry-aged Porterhouse and another round of drinks.
I usually don’t like to eat too much before I fly, but JAL tells me the flight is going to be virtually empty, something like <121 pax, all told, so restroom availability shouldn’t be too much of a concern.
Plus, who am I to say no to a free, blue 28-ounce dry-aged Porterhouse?
There was a bit of difficulty conveying to the chef through the intermediaries of the hospitality just how I wanted my steak.
“Blue,” I said.
“Brue?” was the reply.
“Rare. Very, very rare.” I continued.
Look of total bewilderment.
I drag out my Personal Language Pro, speak “Steak, very, very rate” into the infernal gizmo, and hand the contraption to the attendant.
“珍しい、非常に珍しいステーキ?”[ Mezurashī, hijō ni mezurashī sutēki?]
“Raw! Nama!” I say, louder than need be.
They toddle off to find the chef.
“How is it sir, that you would like your steak cooked?” he asks.
“Very rare. Just a minute or two per side. Inside still cold.” I instructed.
All I got for the trouble was a puzzled smile.
“Give me the language gizmo…” I type in a few words…
“お尻を洗い、角をノックオフして、ここから出してください”
[O shiri o arai,-kaku o nokkuofu shite, koko kara dashite kudasai.]
“Wash its ass, knock its horns off, and walk it out here.”
“OH!” as the lightbulb pops. “Rare. Got it! Excellent!” the chef laughs and zips back to the kitchen.
Like I always say, I’m nothing if not the international ambassador of amity and goodwill.
“Crack tubes!”
Dinner was fantastic. I do wish I could have somehow mailed the Porterhouse bone back home for Khan. After that hambone incident, he might even taste it.
Finally on the plane, in an almost empty Business Class, the flight captain informs us that we’re headed to Haneda Airport Tokyo and anyone not headed in that direction better ‘haul ass off’ the flight or forever hold their peace.
Late-night international flights tend to be a bit more wooly than your average Chicago to Omaha gig.
Especially when the flight’s damn near empty and we have the next 12 hours or so to be best friends.
We taxi, turn and head into the wind. I’m doctoring up a couple of dossiers and keeping my personal cabin attendant, Luna since there were two of us in Business and two business flight attendants, busy with her trying to play ‘Stump the Geologist’.
“I’ll bet you never had this before.” She beamed and handed me a tumbler of very dangerous-looking brown liquor.
I cautiously sniff, take a modest gulp, swirl and glug the rest down.
“Ohishi Single Sherry Cask”, I say with a muffled belch. “Light. Fruity. An Englishman’s drink.”
“Oh. You knew. Let me try again.” She smiles beatifically.
“I have no objections to your proposal.” I smile as nicely as this crotchety old Komodo Dragon could.
She returns with another flagon of spirits; it smells of obsidian, leather, and earth.
I just had some of this back in LAX. I take a snort, smile, and shotgun the rest.
“Hibiki Japanese Harmony…lovely stuff.” I smile. “A little light for my jaded palate, but I’d never turn it down if it were free.”
“Oh, you win again. Wait. One more.” She smiles and skitters off to the galley.
She returns with another soupçon of some more dangerous brown liquor.
“Here, try this. It will make you very popular at social gatherings”. She smiles.
Sniff. “Splendid.” Snort. Swirl. Smile. Shotgun.
“Kanosuke New Born, if I’m not mistaken.” I smile back. “Very nice. I really do like this one.”
“You too good at this. One more!” she stands and stomps off defiantly. She returns in a trice and hands me the glass.
“Hmm…brown. Light notes of earth, leather, dating your daughter, and Kentucky…
“Beam Suntory, right?”
“You know them all!” she says, feigning irritation.
“And I thank you. Those were all excellent. Now, anything in the dangerous clear liquor category? I asked.
Luna smiled as I palmed off a 20k yen tip.
“Oh, no sir. Wait until we land.” She demurred, referring to the gratuity; which is know is not de rigueur in the Orient, but she didn’t seem to mind.
“Just in case we never make it to Tokyo”, I laughed, unknowingly presciently.
We both chuckled about that last line as she tried out various sakes and shōchūs and an actual Japanese ‘White Liquor’ (ホワイトリカー), which were all excellent as was the company.
I tell her that I need to get some work done and could she bring me a tall Rocknocker. After explain the origins and construction of the eponymous drink, she brings me one that must tip the scales at 1 or so liters.
She settles down to an empty seat and I get after the work that I need to finish before we land. I’m about ½ way through my drink when it felt as if the plane hit a brick wall. She quivered and quaked and clutched at herself while I made some comments about the pilot’s mental health.
We dropped like a paralyzed falcon, then just as suddenly, felt like it was an express elevator to Angel’s 11. The plane bucked and shimmied, wickedly. Then we slam-danced right and fell a few more stories. It was like we were in a Mixmaster and the owner was trying out every speed.
The emergency lights in the 777-300ER popped on, and the fasten seat belt sign barked loudly so even sleeping travelers could enjoy the show.
Rinse. Spin. Shudder. Repeat.
Finally, the ride smooths out and we hear the captain on the blower.
“This is your captain speaking…ah, we seem to have hit some uncharted turbulence back there.”
“Thanks, Captain Obvious”, I muttered.
“Everything’s A-OK. “ he reports.
“That’s good”, I note.
“But…”
“There’s always the but…” I groan.
“…we have a couple of warning lights for which we can’t quite account. So to just be safe and certain, we’re going to divert to Hawaii, get a clean bill of health and resume this flight once we make sure everything here is hunky-dory.”
There were scattered groans and applause. Add them together and divide by two and the average response on the flight was “Meh. Whatever.”
Except for the other guy in Business, with whom I hadn’t shared two words. He began to absolutely lose his shit.
“Oh, man! We’re so screwed! Mechanical malfunction? What does that mean?” he positively fizzed with fear.
The flight attendants tried to calm him down, to no avail. They basically gave up and said they’d report his misgivings to the Captain.
I motioned over to my personal flight attendant, Luna, and asked if I could be of service.
“Oh, Doctor Rock”, she smiled at me, “If you could speak with him. You are so calm, and he is…”
“Losing his bloody mind”, I chuckled as I finished her sentence for her. “Of course, I’ll take a stab at it.”
So, I grab my drink and ease over to my Business Class partner and introduce myself.
“Hey, pal. How’s it going? I’m Dr. Rock, gentleman, scholar, and connoisseur of cigars and things alcoholic. You doing OK?”
He looks at me with an ashen face and his eyes the size of bloodshot dinner plates.
“Yeah. I’m Todd Schotts. I’m flying to Japan for business.” He mumbles
“No surprise there,” I reply calmly and take a slug of my drink.
“But now we’re all going to die. The plane is busted and we’ll crash…” he started off again.
“So, Todd is it? Good. You drink?” I asked.
“Yeah?”, he stammered back.
I asked Luna to make us a fresh batch of my eponymous cocktails.
“OK, Todd, listen up”, I began after the drinks were served, “I have flown literally millions of miles over the last 4 decades. On Aeroflot when it was still the USSR. On TACA (Take A Chance Airways), on Chalk’s in the Caribbean, on Bob’s Verrifast Plane Company in Rhodesia, on regional carriers that don’t even exist anymore. All over the world. Had some bad experiences flying, and me ol’ mugger, this ain’t one of them. This is nothing more than the glitch for this mission.”
I chuckled lightly and complimented Luna on a fantastic drink.
“Yeah…yeah…yeah…but we have to land and check out some lights…” Todd squealed.
“Well now, Todd. It would be rather difficult to do any external assessment while in flight, don’t you agree?” I asked.
“But we’re diverting. We have to land and that adds more risk. We’re going to crash and die!” he was coming more and more unglued.
“I will bet you every cent you have on your person and home bank accounts that that will not happen”, I chuckled.
That took him by surprise. At least it shut him up for a while.
“Look, Todd. This is Boeing’s latest model. They have the most incredible safety record. And if a little clear air turbulence were to be knocking planes out of the sky, don’t you think we’d hear about it as the press went berserk?” I asked.
“But they don’t know what the lights mean! What if one of the engines’s out? How far can we fly on one engine?” Todd stuttered.
Having my fill of a supposedly grown man with inane childlike fears, I calmly replied,
“All the way to the crash site.”
He went white.
“...hope we hit something hard. I don’t want to limp away from this.”
He went limp.
Then I went to my seat and motioned for Luna to prepare a reload.
Of course, 45 minutes later, we land without incident at Daniel K. Inouye International Airport, Honolulu Hawaii.
We were told to just wait around until they figure out what the problem if any, was.
They had officials waiting at the end of the jetway to check our COVID status and passports before they let us loose in the terminal.
I asked Luna if she knew this airport. She noted that she did.
“Is there a JAL hospitality room here at this airport? I asked.
“Yes, Doctor. It’s the Sakura Lounge. It is located on the third level above The Local, Terminal 2.” She replied.
“Please notify whoever needs to know that that’s where I’ll be for the duration”, I smiled and handed her my business card. “See you soon, I hope.”
“Oh, Dr. Rock”, she replied, “I am sure it is nothing much. We’ll be back in the air within mere hours.”
“Well then”, I smiled, “Guess I’d better get ready to hoof it to the lounge.”
“Oh, Doctor Rock”, she smiled, “No rush. I will call for you a courtesy cart. You are injured, you are Business, you are priority.”
“I love that Asian efficiency.” I smiled back and toddled down the jetway.
At the terminus of the jetway, I show my COVID-clear papers, dates and times of my Anti-Virus vaccine administrations, the letter from Virginia clearing me of all detention, and my red Russian diplomatic passport.
While in the cart, whizzing our way to the JAL lounge, the driver said “Man! You must be some kind of VIP. You were through that welcoming committee in less than two minutes!”
“Me? Nah!”, I chuckled, “Just an old phart of a geologist that they didn’t want to mess with. Not on such a bright, sunny day as this.”
“I see you’re not wearing a mask.” The driver quipped.
“Very observant. There are reasons for that.” I replied.
He careens around a corner and if this were a normal pre-Covid day, I’m certain we’d have killed hundreds. However, the airport, as I’ve come to grow accustomed to, was virtually deserted.
“Yeah? Like what?” he asks.
“Well, Scooter, 1. I have an active and hardworking immune system that I let off the chain every once in a while for exercise. Got to let it know what it’s up against, right? 2. I’ve had all my shots and some that were experimental. They seem to have worked. And 3. I find it difficult to drink and smoke cigars while wearing a mask. However, if you’d prefer, I will mask up. No problem, though it still is optional.”
“Nah, man”, he said, “I was just wondering if you were one of those religious idiots or conspiracy nuts.”
Nope”, I smiled back, “Just another geologist out in the world plying his trade for cash. Y’know, whorin’ around for money.”
He laughs aloud as we skid to a stop right in front of Lounge.
I slip the guy a $20 and ask if he’d listen for the JAL flight I was just on. If we’re going on ahead today, I’d need him to scoot by and putt-putt me back to the plane.
He laughs and pockets the $20 as quick as a mink ruts.
“No worries. I’ll just hang around this area. I hear anything about the flight, I’ll come and let you know.” He grins.
“Good man”, I say, as I hand him my card. “I’m Dr. Rocknocker. Call me Rock”.
“And I’m Kapula Mano, call me Kap” he replies.
“Good man”, I say again, “Hope to see you in a while.”
He grins, floors his electric cart, and peels out at speeds approaching 4.5 MPH.
I wander into the lounge, show my credentials, and am escorted to a post up on Mahogany Ridge.
The bar is very quiet. Besides the bartender, I can’t see anyone else in the darkened and Smooth Jazz-infused drinking emporium.
I order a local drink, a Mai Tai, just for the experience and something a bit different.
It’s served in a goldfish bowl on a stem, bedecked with a slice of lime, a sprig of mint, a stick of sugar cane, a polychromatic orchid, and the obligate paper umbrella.
“Ah. Mai Tai. I will enjoy it.” I said to no one in particular.
One was enough, and I decided to go back to the old standard. Once I explained to the bartender what that was, he made them heroic and enthusiastically.
I’m reading up on a random dossier, making notes in a new file, and puffing away on a Fuentes Onyx double Maduro Churchill cigar.
I hear a slight cough coming from my right, and this here lovely lady, she sat to my immediate starboard and looked at me semi-quizzically.
Not in the mood for shenanigans of any stripe, I give her the obligate Baja Canada nod and tilt of the drink. I return to my dossiers and continue to read and take notes.
“Excuse me!” I hear.
Fearing the worst, either the woman is Karen-oid anti-smoking or a religious fruit-and-nutburger, I slowly turn to face her and reply, somewhat glacially, I have to admit.
“What?”
“That cigar…”
“Here we go…” I mutter, eyes rolling northward.
“Smells exquisite. Could you tell me the brand? My husband would enjoy some like that.” She notes.
Instantly my demeanor switches 180^0.
“Yes, ma’am. It’s an Arturo Fuentes Onyx. Churchill size, or 60 ring x 7” length, double Maduro. Here, take one for your husband. I have an ample supply.” I smile.
“Oh, no. I couldn’t. Could I?” she asks.
“Please. I insist.” I smile the best I could given the circumstances.
“Thank you. You’re too kind…umm…Mr….?”
“Doctor. Doctor Rocknocker. World traveler, oilman, and international ambassador of amity, good drinks, and fine cigars. Call me Rock” I said.
“Oh! A Doctor?” she brightens.
“Yes, of Petroleum Geology and Engineering. Not medicine.” I chuckle.
She chuckles back.
“And I am Hella Aaberg”, as she offers her hand for a quick shake.
“Interesting name, Hella. Scandinavian or Old German heritage?” I ask.
“On my father’s side. He’s Finnish.” She replies.
“But I’ll wager your mother is not Scandinavian, correct?” I ask.
“She was from Truk, an island…”
“In the South Pacific, Micronesia. Was she from Weno city?” I asked.
“Why yes. How could you possibly know that?” she asked.
“Oh, I’ve been there. Great diving amongst the WWII wrecks. I think it’s actually called ‘Chuuk Lagoon’ or something like that now.” I said.
“That’s right! Amazing. Where else have you been?” she asked.
“Anywhere there’s oil, strife, booze, cigars, heavy explosives and typically long distances from whatever most normal people call civilization,” I replied with a chuckle.
Suddenly, I hear a voice booming out behind me.
“Why don’t you save that rapier-like wit for those musky-fuckers back home, Rocko?”
My expression changes. My eyes pop fully wide open.
“Hella?” I asked.
“Yes?”
“May I ask you a favor?”
“You can ask…”
“Thank you. Now, looking over my shoulder, is there a hulking goon of a person, thin up top, paunchy halfway down with the most ridiculously tiny sized shoes you’ve ever seen for a so-called grown man?” I ask.
“Yes. Yes, there is.” She replies.
“I thought so. Many thanks.”
I spin and launch off my barstool and grab Toivo by the hand. He hadn’t seen my left-hand Thagomizer yet.
“Toivo! You old sumbitch. What the flying fennec fox fuck are you, of all people, doing in Hawaii?” I laughed.
“Just keeping an eye on you, Rock!” he laughed equally as loud.
“No, fucking-A, seriously. What the actual fuck? What are you doing in this actual nice place?” I asked.
“Just headed to Tokyo to conduct a bit of service company business. I walked into the lounge and smelled a foul cigar. I figured it can’t be the venerable Dr. Rocknocker. He’s back at some school up north terrorizing geology and engineering grads and undergrads.” Toivo laughed.
“But there I was. Surprise!”, I laughed and pumped his hand.
“What the fuck, Rock. Now what did you do?” he asks, referring to my Ankylosaur tail club left hand.
“Ah, fuck. Long story. Oh, pardon me. Toivo, this is Hella. We were just talking about the South Seas Islands.” I said.
“Planning on running off together?” Toivo laughs, to the amusement of neither party.
“Oh, and this idiot is Toivo, a man with a congenital foot-in-mouth disorder. He’s mostly harmless.” I noted to Hella.
Greetings were shared all around. Hella made some small excuses and said she needed to depart. I gave her another cigar for her husband, shook her hand, and wished her well.
“Here’s my business card. If your husband has any questions, have him drop me a line.” I noted.
Hella smiled beautifully. She said she would. Then she thanked me shook our hands, and like that, there she was, gone.
“Well Toivo, you old bastard. Don't just stand there in the doorway like some lonesome goddamn mouse shit sheepherder, get your ass over here and have a drink.” I motioned over to my perch on Mahogany Ridge.
“Don’t mind if I do”, he says as he deftly winds his way to a seat to my left, snagging a cigar out of my pocket on the way over.
“You might want these”, I say in an exasperated tone, and hand him my gold Dunhill Hobnail lighter and V-cutter gizmo.
He cuts and fires up his heater.
“What you drinkin’, Rock”, he asks.
“Anything with alcohol, as usual. You know that Toiv.” I reply.
“No. I mean right now.” He clarifies.
“Well, I had a Mai Tai. Very nice if you like fruity, flowery drinks. It’s the locals’ favorite.” I reply.
“Sounds good. I’ll have several. And you?” Toivo asks.
“My usual. The bartender is already apprised of the situation.” I reply.
Toivo smiles the smile of one knowing his sobriety is going to be taken out for a swim. Hell, taken out and tossed into the deep end.
Toivo and I sit there, swapping lies, smoking cigars and sipping at our toddies.
Hell, Toivo was slurping them like a sump-pump during an extra-wet summer.
We chattered about family, work, whether or not Tokyo was going to host the Olympics or if the COVID-boogie man scared everyone off.
Toivo, always one afflicted with TB (“Tiny Bladder”) got up to go to the loo for the third time that hour. He left his pocket organizer on the bar and I swear on a stack of Origins of Species, I didn’t touch it.
I reached over to his vacated seat to retrieve my cigar lighter when I looked down and saw in his organizer a tab that reads “Rack & Ruin”.
“Oh. No. Fucking. Way.” I recoiled as I’d just reached out and petted a 6-foot hungover scorpion.
“One of my best friends? Secretly allied with the Agency? No. Not possible.” I drained my drink and called for another.
“No. No. No. It can’t be. No. No fucking way…” as doubt began to dissolve when I thought back to all those times I had just ‘run into’ Toivo.
“But he’s oil patch as well. That could be chalked up to coincidence.” I ruminated quizzically in my brain.
I quickly reflected back on J.M. Darhower: “Yes, you see, there’s no such thing as coincidence. There are no accidents in life. Everything that happens is the result of a calculated move that leads us to where we are.”
She may be the author of the execrable New Adult Sempre series, which Esme likes and I loathe, but she might just be right on this occasion.
Toivo return, lighter in the bladder and good sense. He never even noticed he’d left his organizer out in broad bar light for all to see.
“So, Toivo, when’s your flight?” I ask.
“Oh, man. Was I lucky. The JAL flight to Tokyo from Los Angeles had mechanical trouble and had to divert here. I got a ticket on the plane for that flight, when it continues.
“You mean ‘if it continues’,” I replied.
“Yeah. Yeah. That’s what I meant. Hey! Was that your flight?” he asks innocently. He’s really innocent of fieldcraft.
I decide to have some fun at my old friend’s expense.
“Yep. Hit some CAT (Clear Air Turbulence) and the JAL pilots reported some lighting problem. No apparent ruin to any of the systems. They relay racked their brains to figure it out, but they couldn’t that’s why I here.” I said, waiting for the words to swim upstream in Toivo’s coconut and make some sort of connection.
“Yeah. Double lucky. No problem with the plane and I get to go to Japan early.” Toivo crookedly grins.
“So, no trouble with the plane? Then why haven’t I heard that the flight’s going to resume?” I asked as I pushed a fresh, seriously strong drink to Toivo.
“Oh, must have heard it in the john.” Toivo countered and tried to cover his tracks by taking a huge gulp of his drink and damn near dying coughing.
I pound on Toivo’s back.
“Heimlich time?” I ask.
Toivo signals ‘no’.
“Jesus Christ, Rock. What was that?” he asks.
“Just my usual”, I innocently replied.
“Holy fuck. No wonder you have the reputation of…” Toivo realizes too late that he’s said too much.
“Yeah. They can rack you out. Really ruin a person if they’re not careful.” I reply icily.
“Why, Rock. Whatever do you mean?” Toivo slurred as he realized he’s been caught out.
“The jig is up, you turncoat. You know Agents Rack and Ruin from the agency. Right? You keeping tabs on me for them? You Quisling! You Benedict Arnold!” I almost was on the verge of losing my cool.
“It was nothing. They approached me years ago as I kept being mentioned in your reports. They asked me for some information. One thing leads to another…” Toivo was ready for an Ankylosaur tail club swat to the bean.
“Oh, put your fucking hands down, you asshole.” I smiled and chuckled.
“You’re not mad?” Toivo slurred badly. I had the bartender make him another special drink.
“No, Toivo. Not mad. Just disappointed.” I said, smiling like a Komodo Dragon just finishing up a fortnight-old wildebeest.
Toivo sat there and puzzled and puzzled until his puzzler was sore.
“You’re not going to kill me or anything rude like that?” Toivo asked, half-assedly trying to inject humor into the proceedings.
“Nah. The paperwork’s too ridiculous for me to do another liberation. But, Jesus Fucking Christwagons, Toivo; you could have mentioned it to me. Fuck, I thought we were friends to the end?” I said, dejectedly.
I was really getting through to Toivo. I could tell he was loaded; feeling like shit and massively deplorable.
Great fieldcraft, indeed.
I told him things “are what they are” and that I won’t blow his cover nor his honorarium.
He began to feel better. I often wonder if he was serious about the sanctioning thing.
Then I delivered the strategic missile strike.
“Just remember, Toivo. I wrote your dossier for the Company…”
He swivels to look at me.
“And one for the KGB. Olga says ‘howdy’.” I grin evilly.
Toivo short-circuited at that. Russia is his company’s bread and butter. Now he has the KGB as well as his best buddy looking over his shoulder at every move.
I bought him a few more drinks and continued to needle him about his ’leading a double life’. He was well and truly fuckered when the electric tap-tap driver from before came looking for me to whisk me back to the plane.
Seems it was simply some knocked-out wires on the plane, or slammed bulbs that were generating a false positive, indicating something other than the system that alerts one to something haywire went haywire.
Toivo was pretty much down for the count. I got him sober enough to hand them his ticket and ensure that he was really supposed to be on this flight. Thing was; h e was in Economy, and I was, as always, in Business.
I spoke to Luna, and the plane was going to be even less crowded than previously because some folks could or wouldn’t wait, or didn’t want to go on with the rest of the trip on a ‘damaged’ aircraft, or were just stupid and superstitious.
“Luna, could I pay for the difference between Business and Economy for my less than 100% conscious friend here? He’s had a rough day.” I asked.
“Dr. Rock. Just put him into Business. No one will be the wiser. Luna says so.” As she gave us a grand smile.
“Luna, I owe you. Thanks so much.” I said.
“Now get on board. Your friend looks like he needs all the downtime he can get.”
“Yes, ma’am!” I said and saluted here be best I could which dragging a schnozzled Toivo down the jetway.
I dumped Toivo in a window seat well away from my seat. I know Toivo. He snores like a semi-load of live hogs rocketing downhill locking up the brakes at 88 MPH.
Surprise! There was no one else in Business. Luna looked at me, at Toivo, and gave me a thumbs up.
Whatever I can write to further her career at JAL, she’ll have it before I deplane.
We finally get everyone settled, and with Captain Kangaroo at the helm, we bounced gracelessly off the tarmac, into the warm, tropical Hawaiian air, finally headed for the Land of the Rising Sun.
Toivo was snoring like a chainsaw hitting rusty nails as I worked on the various letters, communiques, and dossiers which needed updating before we reached touchdown. I gave Luna a thick letter with instructions not to open it until we were on the ground and Toivo and I were well off and away into the terminal.
We left Hawaii at 1300 hours, so we should arrive at Tokyo Nareda around 4:00 pm, the previous day. I was so bereft of time and time zones, I couldn’t figure out what time it really was, as judged by my biometric rhythms, so I asked Luna for a stiff drink as I was kicking off my boots and going to attempt to get some kip.
She brought me another liter or so eponymous drink. I was sawing logs by the time I slurped the last swig of that nifty drink.
Suddenly, or later, I have no idea really, some loudmouth drunk asshole from way-the-fuck-back in economy-land toward the ass end of the plane staggered into Business demanding free drinks.
Luna was nothing but civil, and asked him to both shut up and return to his seat. His air cabin hostess, or whatever the fuck they’re calling them these days, will attend to his needs.
“Naw they won’t! They want me to pay for more drinks! I’m broke but I demand more booze! You fucking owe me.” railed the asshole. “I sat at the bar in Hawaii for four hours. Them fuckers charged me an arm and a leg!”
“No, they don’t owe you shit”, I said in a voice that unmistakably loud and clear.
“Fuck you, old man! You stay the fuck out of this!” he bellowed. “Shut up or I’ll do ya’!”
“’Old man’? ‘Do me’? Excuse me. Luna, may I have a word alone with this individual?” I asked sweetly.
Luna shook her head in the affirmative, and I stood up to confront this flagrant asshole.
“Now look, Scooter. You have gone way, way over the fucking line. You are loud. You are abusive. You are obnoxious. And you stink. Plus you insulted a person who is just barely containing his righteous wrath right now. So, I’m giving you one and one only chance to shut up, sit back down before your body spontaneously develops all sort of bruises, contusions, broken bones, and unconsciousness.” I said calmly, evenly, and threateningly.
“What da’ fuck you think you’re going to do…old man?” he screeched, trying to inflate himself into full mammalian threat posture, all 5’ 9” of it.
He didn’t notice Toivo walking up quietly behind him, as Toivo was returning from the head, quiet as a moose.
“Well, Scooter, I am an Air Marshall. Duly appointed, fully trained, and properly pissed off. Right now, I can arrest you, physically detain you, turn this flight around and take you to the Hawaiian police, at your cost for the inconvenience of the entire flight. Or I could arrest you, physically detain you, and turn you over to the Japanese authorities when we land. It’s really your choice. Choose wisely.”
To be continued…⇝

Shipping is going to be $5. Feel free to bundle games together for better prices. I am happy to provide any pictures if requested!
​

	B	C	D
**1**	product-name	console-name	Price
**2**	Pokemon Blue	GameBoy	25
**3**	Backyard Basketball	GameBoy Advance	5
**4**	Backyard Football	GameBoy Advance	5
**5**	Backyard Football 2006	GameBoy Advance	4
**6**	Backyard Hockey	GameBoy Advance	6
**7**	Donkey Kong Country	GameBoy Advance	14
**8**	Dragon Ball Z Supersonic Warriors	GameBoy Advance	11
**9**	Dragon Ball Z Taiketsu	GameBoy Advance	6
**10**	Fire Pro Wrestling 2	GameBoy Advance	25
**11**	Golden Nugget Casino	GameBoy Advance	3
**12**	Madden 2002	GameBoy Advance	4
**13**	Mario Golf Advance Tour	GameBoy Advance	20
**14**	Mario Kart Super Circuit	GameBoy Advance	13
**15**	Monster Trucks Quad Fury Double Pack	GameBoy Advance	4
**16**	Power Rangers SPD	GameBoy Advance	6
**17**	Road Rash Jailbreak	GameBoy Advance	8
**18**	Shrek Hassle in the Castle	GameBoy Advance	5
**19**	Soccer Mania	GameBoy Advance	4
**20**	SpongeBob SquarePants Revenge of the Flying Dutchman	GameBoy Advance	6
**21**	Super Monkey Ball Jr.	GameBoy Advance	6
**22**	Teen Titans	GameBoy Advance	10
**23**	Texas Hold Em Poker	GameBoy Advance	3
**24**	Tony Hawk 4	GameBoy Advance	6
**25**	WWE Road To WrestleMania X8	GameBoy Advance	8
**26**	WWF Road to Wrestlemania	GameBoy Advance	8
**27**	NBA Showtime	GameBoy Color	5
**28**	Scooby Doo Classic Creep Capers	GameBoy Color	7
**29**	Sesame Street Sports	GameBoy Color	6
**30**	Turok Rage Wars	GameBoy Color	8
**31**	Turok Rage Wars	GameBoy Color	8
**32**	WWF Betrayal	GameBoy Color	11
**33**	Backyard Baseball	Gamecube	13
**34**	Backyard Football	Gamecube	5
**35**	Freestyle Street Soccer	Gamecube	5
**36**	Harry Potter Prisoner of Azkaban	Gamecube	9
**37**	Harry Potter Quidditch World Cup	Gamecube	7
**38**	Lord of the Rings Return of the King	Gamecube	10
**39**	Mario Party 7	Gamecube	50
**40**	NHL 06	Gamecube	4
**41**	Outlaw Golf	Gamecube	5
**42**	Super Mario Sunshine	Gamecube	63
**43**	Super Monkey Ball Adventure	Gamecube	18
**44**	Swingerz Golf	Gamecube	5
**45**	WWE Crush Hour	Gamecube	8
**46**	WWE Wrestlemania X8	Gamecube	9
**47**	Arch Rivals	NES	8
**48**	Jeopardy 25th Anniversary	NES	5
**49**	Wheel of Fortune	NES	6
**50**	WWF Wrestlemania	NES	8
**51**	WWF Wrestlemania Steel Cage Challenge	NES	9
**52**	Mario Kart 7	Nintendo 3DS	13
**53**	Pokemon Rumble Blast	Nintendo 3DS	10
**54**	Super Mario 3D Land	Nintendo 3DS	11
**55**	FOX Sports College Hoops '99	Nintendo 64	6
**56**	Kobe Bryant in NBA Courtside	Nintendo 64	10
**57**	Madden Football 64	Nintendo 64	10
**58**	Mike Piazza's Strike Zone	Nintendo 64	7
**59**	NBA In the Zone '98	Nintendo 64	3
**60**	NBA Jam 2000	Nintendo 64	18
**61**	Pokemon Snap	Nintendo 64	24
**62**	Pokemon Stadium	Nintendo 64	21
**63**	Super Mario 64	Nintendo 64	40
**64**	Super Mario 64	Nintendo 64	40
**65**	Super Smash Bros.	Nintendo 64	38
**66**	Voice Recognition Unit	Nintendo 64	10
**67**	WCW Backstage Assault	Nintendo 64	10
**68**	WCW Mayhem	Nintendo 64	7
**69**	WCW vs NWO Revenge	Nintendo 64	10
**70**	Wipeout	Nintendo 64	7
**71**	WWF No Mercy	Nintendo 64	33
**72**	WWF Warzone	Nintendo 64	5
**73**	WWF Wrestlemania 2000	Nintendo 64	15
**74**	Backyard Sports: Sandlot Sluggers	Nintendo DS	5
**75**	Bakugan Battle Brawlers	Nintendo DS	4
**76**	Big Brain Academy	Nintendo DS	3
**77**	Cars	Nintendo DS	5
**78**	Chaotic: Shadow Warriors	Nintendo DS	4
**79**	Club Penguin Elite Penguin Force: Herbert's Revenge	Nintendo DS	4
**80**	DaGeDar	Nintendo DS	3
**81**	Deal or No Deal	Nintendo DS	3
**82**	Fab 5 Soccer	Nintendo DS	5
**83**	Johnny Test	Nintendo DS	9
**84**	Mario and Sonic Olympic Winter Games	Nintendo DS	6
**85**	Mario Hoops 3 on 3	Nintendo DS	10
**86**	Mario Party DS	Nintendo DS	12
**87**	Metroid Prime Hunters	Nintendo DS	8
**88**	Micro Machines V4	Nintendo DS	6
**89**	Monster Jam: Path of Destruction	Nintendo DS	6
**90**	New Super Mario Bros	Nintendo DS	12
**91**	Pokemon SoulSilver Version	Nintendo DS	87
**92**	Power Play Pool	Nintendo DS	4
**93**	Rubik's World	Nintendo DS	3
**94**	Sonic Classic Collection	Nintendo DS	12
**95**	Sonic Colors	Nintendo DS	11
**96**	Tecmo Bowl Kickoff	Nintendo DS	9
**97**	Yoshi's Island DS	Nintendo DS	13
**98**	102 Dalmatians Puppies to the Rescue	Playstation	12
**99**	ATV Quad Power Racing	Playstation	3
**100**	Crash Bash	Playstation	15
**101**	CTR Crash Team Racing	Playstation	17
**102**	Dragon Ball Z Ultimate Battle 22	Playstation	5
**103**	Dukes of Hazzard Racing for Home	Playstation	5
**104**	FIFA 2003	Playstation	5
**105**	Knockout Kings 2000	Playstation	4
**106**	MLB 2003	Playstation	4
**107**	Rocket Power Team Rocket Rescue	Playstation	4
**108**	Tekken 3	Playstation	17
**109**	Treasure Planet	Playstation	6
**110**	WWF Smackdown 2: Know Your Role	Playstation	10
**111**	All-Star Baseball 2005	Playstation 2	4
**112**	American Chopper 2 Full Throttle	Playstation 2	4
**113**	Are You Smarter Than A 5th Grader? Make the Grade	Playstation 2	3
**114**	Arena Football	Playstation 2	4
**115**	Backyard Baseball 09	Playstation 2	4
**116**	Backyard Baseball 2007	Playstation 2	4
**117**	Backyard Basketball	Playstation 2	5
**118**	Backyard Football	Playstation 2	5
**119**	Backyard Football 09	Playstation 2	4
**120**	Backyard Wrestling	Playstation 2	9
**121**	Ben 10 Protector of Earth	Playstation 2	5
**122**	Burnout Dominator	Playstation 2	6
**123**	Cabela's Outdoor Adventures	Playstation 2	4
**124**	Call of Duty Finest Hour	Playstation 2	5
**125**	College Hoops 2K7	Playstation 2	5
**126**	Crash Bandicoot The Wrath of Cortex	Playstation 2	12
**127**	Crash Twinsanity	Playstation 2	10
**128**	Duel Masters	Playstation 2	5
**129**	ESPN NBA 2K5	Playstation 2	3
**130**	ESPN NFL 2K5	Playstation 2	10
**131**	Fantastic 4	Playstation 2	4
**132**	FIFA 08	Playstation 2	5
**133**	FIFA 2004	Playstation 2	4
**134**	Gran Turismo 4	Playstation 2	6
**135**	Greg Hastings Tournament Paintball Maxed	Playstation 2	4
**136**	High Heat Baseball 2004	Playstation 2	4
**137**	High Rollers Casino	Playstation 2	3
**138**	Hot Shots Tennis	Playstation 2	4
**139**	Legends of Wrestling	Playstation 2	5
**140**	Lord of the Rings Third Age	Playstation 2	8
**141**	Lord of the Rings Two Towers	Playstation 2	5
**142**	Madden 2006	Playstation 2	3
**143**	Madden 2007	Playstation 2	3
**144**	Madden NFL 10	Playstation 2	6
**145**	Major League Baseball 2K5	Playstation 2	3
**146**	Major League Baseball 2K9	Playstation 2	3
**147**	Midnight Club 3 Dub Edition	Playstation 2	17
**148**	MLB 06 The Show	Playstation 2	4
**149**	MLB 08 The Show	Playstation 2	3
**150**	NASCAR Chase for the Cup 2005	Playstation 2	6
**151**	NASCAR Thunder 2003	Playstation 2	4
**152**	NBA 2K10	Playstation 2	6
**153**	NBA Live 2004	Playstation 2	3
**154**	NBA Live 2005	Playstation 2	4
**155**	NBA Live 2006	Playstation 2	4
**156**	NBA Live 2007	Playstation 2	3
**157**	NBA Shootout 2003	Playstation 2	4
**158**	NBA Street	Playstation 2	10
**159**	NBA Street [Greatest Hits]	Playstation 2	7
**160**	NBA Street Vol 3	Playstation 2	16
**161**	NCAA Basketball 09	Playstation 2	11
**162**	NCAA Football 2006	Playstation 2	9
**163**	NCAA March Madness 2004	Playstation 2	4
**164**	Need for Speed Most Wanted	Playstation 2	10
**165**	Need for Speed Underground	Playstation 2	9
**166**	Need for Speed Underground 2	Playstation 2	11
**167**	NFL Gameday 2003	Playstation 2	4
**168**	NHL Hitz Pro	Playstation 2	8
**169**	Pimp My Ride	Playstation 2	5
**170**	ProStroke Golf	Playstation 2	3
**171**	Road Trip	Playstation 2	12
**172**	SOCOM US Navy Seals	Playstation 2	4
**173**	SOCOM US Navy Seals [Greatest Hits]	Playstation 2	3
**174**	Spy Hunter Nowhere to Run	Playstation 2	5
**175**	Stacked With Daniel Negreanu	Playstation 2	3
**176**	Test Drive Unlimited	Playstation 2	7
**177**	Tiger Woods 2004	Playstation 2	4
**178**	Tiger Woods 2006	Playstation 2	2
**179**	Tiger Woods 2006	Playstation 2	3
**180**	TNA Impact	Playstation 2	5
**181**	Ultimate Board Game Collection	Playstation 2	3
**182**	World Championship Paintball	Playstation 2	5
**183**	World Series Of Poker 2008	Playstation 2	3
**184**	WWE Smackdown Shut Your Mouth	Playstation 2	13
**185**	WWE Smackdown vs. Raw 2006	Playstation 2	13
**186**	WWE Smackdown vs. Raw 2008	Playstation 2	8
**187**	WWE Smackdown vs. Raw 2009	Playstation 2	8
**188**	WWE Smackdown vs. Raw 2010	Playstation 2	8
**189**	WWF Smackdown Just Bring It	Playstation 2	8
**190**	2010 FIFA World Cup South Africa	Playstation 3	4
**191**	Batman: Arkham Asylum	Playstation 3	5
**192**	Batman: Arkham Asylum [Game of the Year]	Playstation 3	5
**193**	Batman: Arkham City	Playstation 3	5
**194**	Battlefield 3 Limited Edition	Playstation 3	3
**195**	Battlefield: Bad Company	Playstation 3	4
**196**	Blazing Angels Squadrons of WWII	Playstation 3	5
**197**	Call of Duty 3	Playstation 3	9
**198**	Dead Space 2 [Limited Edition]	Playstation 3	9
**199**	Elder Scrolls IV Oblivion Game of the Year [Greatest Hits]	Playstation 3	8
**200**	End War	Playstation 3	5
**201**	Fast and the Furious: Showdown	Playstation 3	10
**202**	FIFA Soccer 11	Playstation 3	4
**203**	FIFA Soccer 13	Playstation 3	5
**204**	FIFA Street	Playstation 3	7
**205**	Fight Night Round 4 [Greatest Hits]	Playstation 3	10
**206**	God of War Collection [Greatest Hits]	Playstation 3	9
**207**	Gran Turismo 5 [XL Edition]	Playstation 3	7
**208**	Grand Slam Tennis 2	Playstation 3	7
**209**	Infamous	Playstation 3	5
**210**	L.A. Noire	Playstation 3	5
**211**	Lord of the Rings Conquest	Playstation 3	9
**212**	Madden NFL 11	Playstation 3	4
**213**	Madden NFL 12	Playstation 3	4
**214**	Madden NFL 25	Playstation 3	5
**215**	MLB 10 The Show	Playstation 3	4
**216**	MLB 12: The Show	Playstation 3	4
**217**	NBA 2K11	Playstation 3	6
**218**	NCAA Football 14	Playstation 3	105
**219**	Need for Speed Most Wanted Limited Edition	Playstation 3	9
**220**	NHL 09	Playstation 3	4
**221**	Rainbow Six Vegas	Playstation 3	5
**222**	The Beatles: Rock Band	Playstation 3	6
**223**	Uncharted 2: Among Thieves	Playstation 3	4
**224**	Uncharted 3: Drake's Deception	Playstation 3	5
**225**	Uncharted Drake's Fortune [Greatest Hits]	Playstation 3	3
**226**	WWE '12	Playstation 3	7
**227**	WWE '13	Playstation 3	9
**228**	WWE 2K14	Playstation 3	13
**229**	WWE Smackdown vs. Raw 2011	Playstation 3	12
**230**	Arch Rivals	Sega Genesis	7
**231**	Arnold Palmer Tournament Golf	Sega Genesis	5
**232**	Batman Returns	Sega Genesis	10
**233**	Bulls vs Lakers and the NBA Playoffs	Sega Genesis	3
**234**	College Football USA 96	Sega Genesis	3
**235**	FIFA International Soccer	Sega Genesis	5
**236**	Madden 97	Sega Genesis	5
**237**	Madden NFL '94	Sega Genesis	6
**238**	NBA Live 96	Sega Genesis	5
**239**	NHL 95	Sega Genesis	6
**240**	NHLPA Hockey '93	Sega Genesis	6
**241**	RBI Baseball 94	Sega Genesis	7
**242**	Sonic the Hedgehog 2	Sega Genesis	5
**243**	Sports Talk Baseball	Sega Genesis	6
**244**	Sports Talk Football '93 Starring Joe Montana	Sega Genesis	4
**245**	Taz-Mania	Sega Genesis	8
**246**	WWF Raw	Sega Genesis	10
**247**	Illusion of Gaia	Super Nintendo	22
**248**	Madden 97	Super Nintendo	3
**249**	Mortal Kombat 3	Super Nintendo	14
**250**	NBA Live 95	Super Nintendo	5
**251**	NBA Live 96	Super Nintendo	5
**252**	Street Fighter II	Super Nintendo	12
**253**	Super Mario World	Super Nintendo	17
**254**	Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Tournament Fighters	Super Nintendo	22
**255**	WWF Wrestlemania Arcade Game	Super Nintendo	10
**256**	Zelda Link to the Past	Super Nintendo	24
**257**	Backyard Football '10	Wii	7
**258**	Big League Sports	Wii	6
**259**	Deca Sports	Wii	10
**260**	Donkey Kong Country Returns	Wii	19
**261**	Fortune Street	Wii	14
**262**	Kidz Sports Basketball	Wii	6
**263**	Mario & Sonic at the London 2012 Olympic Games	Wii	13
**264**	Mario Super Sluggers	Wii	14
**265**	MLB Power Pros	Wii	5
**266**	MLB Power Pros 2008	Wii	8
**267**	New Play Control: Donkey Kong Jungle Beat	Wii	16
**268**	Wii Play	Wii	7
**269**	Wii Sports	Wii	22
**270**	Wii Sports Resort	Wii	25
**271**	Cabela's Deer Hunt 2004	Xbox	3
**272**	Digimon World 4	Xbox	8
**273**	Dragon Ball Z Sagas	Xbox	6
**274**	FIFA Street	Xbox	6
**275**	Finding Nemo	Xbox	4
**276**	Lemony Snicket's A Series of Unfortunate Events	Xbox	3
**277**	Major League Baseball 2K5	Xbox	4
**278**	Midnight Club 2	Xbox	4
**279**	Monster Garage	Xbox	3
**280**	NBA Inside Drive 2003	Xbox	3
**281**	NBA Inside Drive 2004	Xbox	3
**282**	NBA Inside Drive 2004	Xbox	5
**283**	NBA Street Vol 2	Xbox	8
**284**	NCAA Football 2005	Xbox	3
**285**	NCAA Football 2007	Xbox	5
**286**	Outlaw Golf: 9 More Holes of X-Mas	Xbox	4
**287**	Outlaw Volleyball	Xbox	4
**288**	Project Gotham Racing	Xbox	4
**289**	Showdown Legends of Wrestling	Xbox	7
**290**	The Simpsons Road Rage	Xbox	7
**291**	Top Spin	Xbox	4
**292**	WWE Wrestlemania 21	Xbox	6
**293**	All Pro Football 2K8	Xbox 360	19
**294**	FIFA Soccer 09	Xbox 360	3
**295**	Forza Motorsport 2	Xbox 360	5
**296**	Halo 4	Xbox 360	5
**297**	Hulk Hogan's Main Event	Xbox 360	5
**298**	Just Dance 3	Xbox 360	6
**299**	Kinect Adventures	Xbox 360	3
**300**	Madden 2008	Xbox 360	4
**301**	Madden 2009	Xbox 360	3
**302**	Madden NFL 13	Xbox 360	3
**303**	Mass Effect	Xbox 360	5
**304**	Mass Effect 2	Xbox 360	5
**305**	NBA Ballers Chosen One	Xbox 360	6
**306**	NBA Live 09	Xbox 360	4
**307**	Need for Speed Prostreet	Xbox 360	8
**308**	NFL Head Coach 2009	Xbox 360	22
**309**	Project Gotham Racing 3 [Platinum Hits]	Xbox 360	7
**310**	Sonic the Hedgehog	Xbox 360	15
**311**	Tiger Woods PGA Tour 13	Xbox 360	10
**312**	UFC 2009 Undisputed	Xbox 360	4
**313**	WWE Legends of WrestleMania	Xbox 360	11
**314**	FIFA 18	Xbox One	5
**315**	Madden NFL 18	Xbox One	5
**316**	NBA 2K16	Xbox One	3
**317**	NBA 2K18	Xbox One	4

I was asked to make a post about some stories within the Casino grounds so I thought I'd share. I have many so I'll do my best to pick the better ones.
Some back information: I've been a Casino Dealer for 11 years, I've been a supervisor for five years, and I've been a Surveillance Operator for one year. I've worked at three properties, none of which are connected or owned by the same company. I've worked on : Government/Private/Native American owned casinos.

1. From Hero to Zero.

At my first Casino, I was one of the first group of people who were trained to deal Roulette . After 4 weeks of working 6PM-3AM then doing roulette training from 3AM-8AM (Not paid) , I actually really enjoyed the game and after about six months I became extremely quick at the number game and the pace of the action was steady with very low margin of errors. Young man walks in, cashes in for $500. He buys in for $2 chips and just loads the board. After a few spins and pretty decent hits, he then changes his chips from $2 to 5$ then to $10 and racks his winnings up to $10,000. It was then, five spins in a row, he loaded the board with some pretty gross bets, and every spin I would hit the ONE number with either NO CHIPS on it, or maybe 1 chip , He lost all $10,000 in a matter of minutes. He leaves , and I go on break. After my break I was going back to the same table and wouldn't you know it, the same young man walks in and cashes in another $500. He tells me he just sold his car outside and this is all that he had left. So we do the same deal, buys in for $2 chips, then slowly starts betting $5 chips, $10, $25...and he makes $10,000 AGAIN. Within the next 25 minutes it was straight agony. Every spin, same thing, he would bet $2500 in chips, and win only $250, $400, and after about a half hour he lost it all . Never saw the guy again.
2) Man down
At this property, we are 24 hours for table games. It's currently 5AM , and I'm dealing some $25 Blackjack to this guy. He's probably early thirties , heavy guy. He's sober as can be, but right away I can tell he's been losing. We know how much you've bought in for, how much your down, or up, and I could see he was down $2000+. After about twenty minutes of pure losing, his temper starts to flare.At this point I now have two other guests at my table. Drinking coffee, not saying a word, just losing their money. After losing hand, after hand, this guy looks me straight in the eye, seized up, starts shaking, he can't move. He tries to punch towards me and smashes his stack of chips all over the place and falls backwards to the floor. I call for security, we cannot touch him due to liability . I can't move from my table because, well, liability / casino cash property, all I can do is try to talk to him. As I'm doing so, these other two woman who are sitting at my table just look at me and one says "OK, dealer, cmon lets go " as she taps the table telling me to start dealing and forget about the guy having a stroke on the floor. As security takes him to the ambulance out front, I had to stay behind for a couple minutes and give a statement. I go on break. I come back, and 45 minutes later, he comes right back in with a oxygen tank and keeps gambling for the remainder of the morning.
3) You get a dildo, and YOU get a dildo!
On a late summer Saturday night, we had a large event for these massive muscle guys/strongman competition type thing. After their show, I'm at the roulette table , and five of these boys come over to play. They were absolutely hilarious. They were feeling pretty good, cashed in somewhat large amounts and I could tell this was going to be a fun time. After about a hour of dealing to these guys, it's almost midnight, everybody is pretty hammered , I spin the ball, and all five of these guys take out these god damn (what I can only tell was) two feet purple dildos from inside their pants, and wiping them around in the air. The ladies were just loving it, one of the dildos landed in the roulette wheel and we had to shut the table down to re-calibrate the wheel to make sure nothing had been changed. I just remember that night was so much damn fun, I couldn't believe what I was seeing and I would never forget it.
4) Full Moon
On this day, I was actually training dealers / supervising them on small games like Three Card poker. We opened the table at 10AM, and this older man came and sat down . He played all day. The jackpot was $21,000 and that was pretty high for this table. He played, and played and played. He's one of the players where you know he's wearing a diaper because he's been drinking coffee/pop all day and hasn't moved in eight hours. As the day went on, this man never moved from his chair. Getting closer to midnight, he was aggravated and said "I need to go have a smoke, I'm getting killed in here". He left, and the very next hand, the lady beside him was dealt the jackpot . He didn't say much, but you could just tell he just hated life at that very moment because had he not gotten up, it would of been his hand. The man calmly took his cane , his hat, jacket, coffee, and left. The next morning I found out when he did leave he drove his car straight through his bank and was arrested.
5) Slick Robber
I actually give props to people who can actually pull this off. This story may confuse you so I'll try and explain things as best as possible. A lot of casinos have machines as soon as you walk through the front doors. A man walks up to one of these machines and sticks in HIS $100 bill. He doesn't gamble it, instead he hits the cash out button and gets a $100 TITO ticket where he then takes the ticket to the ATM machine to get his $100. Now remember, his Original $100 is in the slot machine. He then takes the $100 from the ATM and goes back to the same machine, and repeats this process over a hundred times. Essentially he's taking money from the ATM, and loading up the Slot Machine . Now he knows he can't do it too much because if the slot machine gets full of money, the machine will shut down and the slow attendant will have to take all the cash out. So he deposits over $10,000 , then has a small crowbar, he cracks the machine open and makes a run out the front door. To my knowledge he was never caught . But damn, that was pretty smart .
EDIT:
6) Mental Health is a thing.
10PM man walks in to play some high limit BlackJack. This guy knows the game and played well. Dressed nice, drank juice/tea , a little bit of a attitude, cashed in over $10,000. When this man was half way down his buy in, he said something a long the lines of "If I don't win here tonight, I'm going to go set myself on fire." I wasn't sure if he was serious because when people are down, they tend to say a lot of nonsense. I actually left early that night, and from a third party was told he did exactly that in the parking lot. The next day it was clear something terrible had gone wrong in the parking lot .
EDIT:
7) Nothing good happens after midnight
After a busy Saturday night, I was dealing a mix of games, and during this story I was in the middle of Blackjack. I had one young kid (probably 19) sitting in the middle, one older male probably in his later 40's sitting beside him on his right, and I had a really nice couple in their 20's sitting together at the other side. This young kid wasn't playing just sort of watching, and ever time the old man won he would give this young guy some of his winnings. The older man, was a wine drinker, and he had black between all of his teeth, I'll never forget. He's a little drunk but nothing terrible. As the night goes on, the older man goes and uses the washroom, at which point the couple asked the young guy "Oh was that your dad?" and the young guy says "Hah, no I wish!". The couple and I just looked at each other. This old guy, was in complete control over this kid. Absolutely disgusting. The night ends, and I find out the couple called a few of their friends, and they all waited outside by this old mans truck and beat the living hell out of him. 40 years old, sleeping with a 19 year old, completely brain washed . Very weird.
8) That one co-worker where you just wish they would quit.
One of our co-workers, nice guy but had a very big ego and we as employees just sorta left him alone. One day he had enough of the atmosphere and quit. Now usually when you quit, you cannot come back until you paperwork is finalized. How ever, HR was in that day, and he was given the paperwork the very next day. He came in, cashed in $1000, and made $50,000 in about a hour at the Baccarat table. My manager, was extremely annoyed, because now this guy is just mocking the casino and having the time of his life (Thanks for the big tip by the way :) ) and so he decides to call it quits. He wants to ban himself and he wants $50,000 in cash. The casino says Nope, we are going to give you a cheque. Now here's the thing, most business people will take the cheque, how ever you CANT CASH the cheque until the following monday because it's on that day where the funds are available. The casino on the other hand will cash their own check in anytime , because they want you to play. So this guy pretty much said go to hell I want my cash, and he called the police. Police show up, and management promptly gave him the cash.I though it was absolutely hilarious .
​
9) No good deed goes un punished
I was dealing Three Card Poker, and the jackpot was around $17,000. This old man (a regular) was sitting there all day grinding it out. Super nice guy, always a pleasure to deal to. Well, after hours of playing, he stands up and says "Hey john!, can you come here for a minute?" so his buddy John comes over. He says to John "I need to go take a piss real quick, can you play my card until I get back?" John agrees . John takes the chips and I stop him and explain he can't play his friends chips, he needs to cash in and play his own. And he does. Welp, second hand out and bam, doesn't he win it. The old man comes back and is so happy, he can't believe it. John, took his $17,000, didn't say a word to his "buddy" and walked away. I never felt so much hatred in all my life. Didn't give him a dollar, not a thank you, nothing. The old man sits back down again, the progressive resets to $2500, and he sat there grinding away again.
10) The Top Knot
I had this player , young guy, who was born into a fortune. One of his relatives passed away and left him a pretty big sizable amount of money, so he played poker every single day for the rest of his days. I will add, he IS a good player. I did not enjoy his company just because of the "Know-it-All" attitude, but he was good. We'll call him John. John is 5'10, and well build, with muscle. John also decided today was the day to show off his Top Knot. (google top knot if you're not sure what I mean) So he sits down, and he's absolutely KILLING the table. Every hand, after hand, after hand. And because he's in such a good mood, he's playing any two cards, calling any $500 bet, and he's just dominating. This one guy at the table decided he had enough. He got up, without saying a word and left. A moment later, he comes back in, walks behind John, and takes a pair of scissors , and cuts off his Top Knot. I for one couldn't believe it, dying laughing inside, and it just turned into one big brawl. That was a good day.
11) That one bad seed
One of my best friends who I haven't seen in YEARS ended up being part of the crew. Was kind of nice to catch up. We never really got along as we grew up because he has a very high picture of himself . He wanted that 10/10 woman. A mansion, and a new Corvette. So every month or so we would all go up to the other casino to play. I myself would bring no more than $500, but I couldn't understand how this guy (we'll call him Kyle) was spending THOUSANDS of dollars at the tables. So this wen on for a few months. Well, one day, as we're closing the casino, he and I are in the High Limit room and we're getting ready to close the tables. We are told to take the chips out, count them, put them back, sign this piece of paper and that's it. Well as the supervisor was locking the tray, the piece of paper fell to the floor, so she asked Kyle to grab the piece of paper. As he bends over, a great big $500 chip falls right out of his sock. Kyle was fired immediately , but it all made sense. They offered Kyle a deal where if he replaced all the stolen chips they would not make it public. Not sure how that turned out.
12) If I ever decide to write a book, this will be the last chapter: <3
After working at my first Casino for five years, I met a Indian woman who was visiting from another part of the country. During this time I was explaining a game to her, which honestly I don't think she even cared. She explained she was visiting and sight seeing , and that was that.Well, two years later I ended up moving to the other side of the country and transferred casinos, and low and behold she worked there as a Dealer. We got married , and it's been 5 years.
13) The Tip
One of our tables that we've had for a couple years had a progressive jackpot that had reached $100,000. The dealer at the table was sitting pretty lonely. Nobody really played the game because people knew it was extremely difficult to win the jackpot. My memory is a tad foggy, but you somehow needed to flop the royal flush. This young guy sits down and says to the dealer, we'll call him John. "John, if you pay me that jackpot, I will tip you $10,000" Well John started dealing, and about a half hour into his shift, he F*cking did it. He dealt him the royal. And you know something?This young lad, kept his word, and he made sure there was a audience, and he tipped exactly $10,000. That was a moment right there. That pay cheque was real nice. I think we all got about $500 more than usual. The moment that jackpot was awarded they got rid of the table because the money it was making was not near what the casino wanted. I'm sure there have been bigger tips at other casinos, but that was something special .
14) The Lawsuit
Now this story I'm going to have to beat around the bush a bit due to the nature of what happened. I can't won't answer any questions that you may have on this topic other than what I have to say because it had a lot of publicity . The waitresses at this casino had to wear very thin sexy clothes. Not borderline legal, but it was noticed. One day they called all the waitresses to come in and explained they were changing their outfit to something even more sexier. Now these new dresses were very very borderline legal . The staff said No way. We're not wearing that.So , friday night comes, and the staff work their whole shift, then at the end of their shift were called into a meeting and were all fired. Welp, one of those ladies father was a pretty big time lawyer. Brough the casino to court and won. They won big. Good for them. We had no waitresses for a couple days haha.
Thanks for reading along, I have many more I can add as the day goes on, those were just some off the top of my head. Feel free to ask any questions of the Casino industry. I don't really have many stories about the surveillance department because that's the one area where I can't really say a whole lot due to its privacy and contracts I was and still am under.

I grew up in a small mountain town named Eureka. It was founded in the late 1800s during the gold rush, but after the mines dried up the town began its slow descent into decay. Half the houses are empty or abandoned now.
You can see a picture of the kind of houses here in Eureka:
First house
Second house
When a massive construction project began nearby, it was the talk of the town for weeks. Why would they build something in a sleepy dying town like Eureka? It wasn’t until my sister Selene talked to a few construction workers that we discovered they were building a casino.
A casino up in the mountains, over two hours away from Denver. None of us could understand why they’d chosen here of all places. After a few months of work, the casino was done.
I took a picture of the town with the completed casino in the background to the right. The ten-story-structure sticks out like a sore thumb off in the distance.
Town+Casino
After the casino opened, they hired a few dozen members of the town, offering high paying jobs to work as dealers or cleaning staff. I was already employed as a firefighter, but my sister Selene got a job as a blackjack dealer. She’s a widow with two young kids, so the paycheck was a real lifesaver.
Still, something about the situation seemed too good to be true. The jobs over there paid far too well, and the management was far too accommodating. The fire station where I work is located high on a hill overlooking the town, so I began watching the casino from a distance each day.
I had initially thought that the casino was located in a terrible location, but I was apparently wrong. True, Eureka was hours from any major city, but despite that, a bus full of people arrived every morning and left every evening.
One night I was over at my parent’s house and had dinner with Selene and her kids. I asked her about her experience as a dealer.
“It’s Ok,” she said. “Just a little boring I guess.”
“Boring?” I asked. “I’m surprised you don’t have your hands full.”
“Why’s that?” she asked. “It’s like you said, Eureka’s too small. I never have people playing cards. The casino is almost always completely empty.”
I wasn’t sure what to make of that. If the place was always empty, what happened to the people who I’d seen arriving on buses? “I’ve been keeping an eye on the building,” I said. “A bus full of people typically arrives around 9 AM every day.”
“Really?” she asked, looking confused. “If that’s true, I’ve never seen them.
“I can see it from the fire station,” I said. “If you head out for a smoke break at 9 AM, you’ll probably see them arriving.”
“Interesting,” she said. “I’ll do that. If they’re being processed for their organs or something, I’ll let you know.” She laughed.
“Har har,” I said sarcastically.
The next night she sent me a text calling me over. When I arrived, she was nearly breathless with excitement.
“Orin, You were right,” she said. “A big group of people did arrive, but they didn’t walk into my part of the casino. Instead, they all walked into an elevator at the back of the building. I’m not sure where that goes.” She looked thoughtful. “It was weird. They looked… How can I say it? Desperate? Something about the whole situation was very off. I’m gonna check out the elevator tomorrow.”
I told her to be careful, though, to be honest, I was excited to hear about what she discovered. When I visited my parent’s house the next night, I found her two kids there alone. They told me that Selene had never returned from work.
I called all her friends, then all our neighbors, but no one had seen her since she left for work that morning. Our conversations regarding the casino flooded my mind, then a plan began to form.
Early the next morning I walked across town in my nicest pair of jeans and a button-up shirt. I pushed through the door to the casino and saw that Selene wasn’t lying. The place was all but deserted. Three dozen slot machines crowded the walls surrounding a few tables interspersed throughout the floor of the casino. The only players in the whole building were Bob and Donald, two locals.
I walked up to a nearby table where Bridget, a girl I’d gone to high school with, was shuffling cards. She broke into a grin when she saw me. “Hey Orin, you here for a few rounds of blackjack?”
“I wish,” I said. “No, I’m here to ask about Selene. She never made it home last night.”
Bridget’s expression darkened. “Really? Have you asked around?”
“I already called around. Have you seen her?”
She shook her head. “No, our schedules rarely line up. I’ll be sure to let you know if I--” Her eyes focused on something behind me, and she cut herself off.
I turned around to see the casino’s pit boss watching us both. He was a tall thin man in an impeccably clean black suit. When I turned back towards Bridget, she was looking down at the table and shuffling cards absent-mindedly.
“Well, if you hear anything, let me know,” I said.
She nodded, so I turned around and headed for the pit boss. I stuck out my hand. The temperature of his hand was so hot that I had to pull my hand away after a few seconds.
“Have… have you seen my sister Selene?” I asked. “She hasn’t been seen since her shift here yesterday.”
He smiled. “Sir, this floor is for players. You’re more than welcome to head to the tellers for chips, but barring that I’m afraid I’ll have to ask you to leave.”
I stared at him for a long second before stalking towards the door. When I looked back, he was talking with Bridget.
I checked my watch. 8:55 AM, just as I’d planned. I walked around the back of the building and waited as the morning bus pulled around the building. I waited for the telltale hiss of the opening doors and the sound of people descending before I rounded the corner and joined the crowd. None of them paid any particular attention to me as I walked with them into the casino.
The crowd walked through a side door down a hallway to an elevator. Small groups of people entered the elevator as the rest of us waited for our turn. I shot a glance at the casino patrons, surprised at their diversity. There seemed to be people from all different countries and ethnicities. I heard one speaking Japanese and another speaking what sounded like an African language.
My turn came along with a few other patrons in the elevator. A sickly woman hobbled into the elevator beside me carrying an IV that was still connected to one of her veins. We piled in and rode up to the top.
The elevator rose for a few long seconds. I wasn’t sure what I would find, but I steeled myself for something horrible. The elevator’s speaker let out a TING, then the doors opened.
We all walked out onto what looked like a standard casino. Another few dozen slot machines ringed the walls, but on this floor, they were almost all occupied by customers. I took in the scene, confused at why they’d have a ground floor that was almost completely empty when this place was almost--
Selene was dealing cards at a nearby table.
I jogged over and sat down at an open seat. None of the players around me paid me much attention.
“Selene!” I said. “Are you OK? Did you spend the night here last night?”
Her eyes were glassy and confused. She looked up at me with a dumb expression and didn’t respond to my question.
“Selene?” I asked.
“What’s your bet?” she asked me. “This table is for blackjack players only.”
“I…” I trailed off, looking at the players around me. None of them were betting with chips of any kind. “What’s the minimum bet?” I asked.
“Three years,” she responded.
“Three years then,” I said, not knowing what that referred to.
Selene nodded, then began dealing cards. I shot a look down at my hand. King and a 9. Selene dealt out cards for herself, showing a 9. I stood, then leaned forward again. “Should I call the police? Are you--”
“Congratulations,” she said tonelessly.
An almost impossibly warm hand grabbed my shoulder. I spun to see the pit boss I’d spoken to earlier. He gave an impressed smile. “Orin, was it? I’m impressed, truly. Would you mind if I had a word with you?”
I shot a look back at Selene who was dealing the next round of cards. Then I got to my feet, balling my hands into fists. “What did you do to her?”
The pit boss clasped his hands behind his back. “Nothing more, and nothing less than what I’m going to do to you. That is, offer you the chance to play.”
“What the hell is that supposed to mean?”
The pit boss nodded his head towards a nearby slot machine. A woman in a wheelchair pulled a lever and watched the flashing numbers spin. They exploded in a cacophony of sirens and flashing lights. “WINNER WINNER WINNER!” The machine screeched.
The woman in the wheelchair put her feet on the ground and stood up on a pair of wobbly legs that had clearly never been used before.
“As in any other casino,” the pit boss said, “you must wager for the chance to win.”
“She... won the use of her legs?” I asked, feeling light-headed. “Wait,” I said. “I played blackjack just now. ‘Three years,’ Selene told me. What does ‘three years’ mean?” I asked.
“Three years of life, of course. Did you win?”
My mouth felt dry. “I-- Yes, I won.”
He smiled warmly. “Congratulations. I hope you enjoy them. I can tell you from personal experience that watching the decades pass is a bore. Give it some time and you’ll be back to spend them.”
I watched the pit boss’s face. He couldn’t have been more than a few years older than me, and I was in my early thirties. I looked around at the casino. No one was playing with chips of any kind. “So what?” I asked. “I won years of life. That woman won the use of her legs. What else can a person win here?”
“Oh, almost anything. They can win almost anything you can imagine.”
A cold feeling settled in my stomach. “And what do they wager?”
His eyes flashed with greed. “Almost anything. They can wager almost anything you can possibly imagine. Anything equal in value to the item they want in return.” He nodded towards a nearby roulette table.
A man stood by the table, cradling his hands. “Another finger,” he called out. He only had three fingers remaining on his left hand. As I watched, the ball came to a stop, and another finger disappeared from his left hand.
The pit boss extended his hands. “Feel free to try any of our games. Bet and win whatever you’d like.” He reached out and snatched my hand. A feeling of intense warmth passed up my arm to my chest. “There,” he said. “I’ve even given you some house money to get you started. An extra decade of life, on me.”
I ripped my hand away, staring at him in horror. Then I looked back at Selene. Something clicked in my mind. “You offered her the chance to play. What did she want?” I asked.
“Her husband,” the pit boss said. “Quite the sad story. He died two years ago. She wanted him brought back to her.”
“What did she wager?” I asked.
“She wanted the chance to win a soul, the most valuable object in existence. I’m sure you can imagine what she needed to wager for the chance to win it. What she wagered is unimportant. The important question is: What do you want, Orin?”
I stared at Selene with a flat expression. “I’m sure you can imagine.”
His eyes flashed with greed again. “How wonderful. The casino could always make use of another dealer. Feel free to make your wager at any one of our games; I’ll be eagerly awaiting the results of your night. Oh, and do take advantage of our waitresses. We always supply food and drink for ‘high rollers’.” He walked away.
I spent the next few hours trying to decide which game to play. I was going to be wagering my soul, so I wanted the highest chance possible. Slots and roulette were out. I’d done some reading online about counting cards, so I figured that blackjack gave me the best odds.
I walked up to Selene’s table and sat down. “Bet?” she asked with that same toneless voice. “Three years,” I said.
I spent the next hour or so doing my best to remember how to count cards. I knew that low cards added one to my count and high cards decreased it by one, but the casino used three decks. I had read something about how that was supposed to change my calculation, but I couldn’t quite remember how.
Every time I won a hand, I cursed myself for not putting everything on the line. Every time I lost, I breathed a prayer of thanks that I’d waited. And all the while, I kept track of the count.
I had lost fifteen years of life when the count finally reached +5.
“Bet?” Selene asked.
“I wager my soul so you can be free,” I said.
The table around me fell silent. Selene’s eyes flickered, but she showed no other emotion as she dealt the cards. I watched my first card, punching the air in excitement when I saw a Jack. My excitement turned to ash when my second card was a four. Fourteen.
I looked at her hand. One card was facedown, but the faceup card was a King. I swore loudly, staring down at my hands.
“Hit?” she asked. The entire table was silently watching me.
“Hit,” I said, not looking down. The table erupted in cheers. I looked down to see a 7 atop my two other cards. 21. Blackjack.
I looked at Selene who flipped over her facedown card to reveal a 9. 19. I won.
The glassy look left her eyes immediately. She looked around in surprise, then her eyes locked on mine. “Orin?” she asked, then almost immediately began to cry. The entire casino broke out in cheers.
I grabbed her hand and headed for the elevator. The doors had begun to close when the pit boss reached out with a hand to stop them.
“Congratulations,” he said, beaming. He seemed to be honestly excited.
“Shouldn’t you be upset?” I asked.
“Not at all. Casinos love it when we have big winners. It inspires the other players to make larger bets. I imagine I’ll gain two or three dealers before the night is through from your performance.”
“Great,” I said flatly. “Now let us go.”
“Not yet,” he said. “You didn’t just win, Orin. You got a blackjack. And blackjack pays out 1.5 times your bet. You won your sister’s soul and more.”
I stared, not sure what to say. “What are you saying? I won half a soul extra?”
The pit boss grinned wildly. “Just remember what I said. You’ll find living for decades and decades to be a boring experience. After a few centuries, you’ll be back to gamble that half a soul away. Congratulations!”
He removed his hand, and the elevator doors slammed shut.
I helped Selene back to her house. Her children were relieved. I watched them cry, then moved into the kitchen to start making dinner.
It’s been a few days since that experience. The casino is still out there, and buses full of people still arrive. I… I cut my hand pretty bad a few days later. When I checked it an hour later, it had already healed, no scar or anything. I’m not sure exactly what I won at that casino, but there’s no way I’m ever going back.
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Rockstar has released their brand new Summer Special DLC including a ton of brand-new vehicles, missions and clothing items available for purchase.
Some previous links to get you sped up on the DLC:

• First hint at a summer DLC.
• Teaser Tweet.
• Newswire announcement.

This thread will become a host for all the further official announcements by Rockstar, reputable datamines and user-made content by our very own members such as R* Editor clips, screenshots, guides and the like! FAQ will be included here as well. So if you're busy at work and can't play yet anyway, give these links a look!

General Information

• Los Santos Summer Special in GTA Online Rockstar Newswire.
• GTA Title Update 1.50 Patch Notes.

As of about 10AM UTC the update is out now on consoles - it seems to be about 2GBs in size. Will update soon! Edit: Now available on all platforms from what I can tell.
Feature Updates & Improvements

• Calls such as those from LJT have been reduced to messages. Bryony continues to annoy the fuck out of us, though.
• An additional two garage slots has have been added as well, so yay!
• Christ - They added a timer to the Lucky Wheel! Anytime you get near it seems you will see how much time you have left to wait until you can spin it again.
• Looks like it's now possible to return ANY personal vehicle back to storage. Rockstar is killing it!
• The colors in the MCT for MC businesses regarding stock and supplies have been fixed, so good luck getting used to that change now!
• The MkII's 5 minute cooldown is now applied to the regular mechanic as well.
• Vehicles with missiles show a counter with how many missiles are left if their capacity is limited.
• Staying stationary or going in the wrong direction in Open Wheel Races makes you non-contact.
• Snacks can be bought from Wendy and the interaction menu!!!
• Unconfirmed: The Casino Heist Gold Glitch seems to have been patched.
• During Open Wheel races you are now able to change your tire compound (soft/medium/hard) when stationary in the pits by pressing right on the D-Pad or right-arrow key on PC. (Credits Final-Atonement)

New Content and Discounts

New Content:

• Stock vehicle wheels have been added to the new 'Street' category to be applied on any vehicle.
• The new yacht missions pay about GTA$ 14,000-25,000.
• Arcade Games: Ace of Fury (GTA$ 666,000) and Qub3d (GTA$ 333,000).
• A new business battle on the aircraft carrier has been added.

Legendary Motorsports:

• Benefactor BR8 (GTA$ 3,400,000)
• Declasse DR1 (GTA$ 2,997,000)
• Lampadati Tigon (GTA$ 2,310,000)
• Invetero Coquette D10 (GTA$ 1,500,000) - MY PERSONAL FAVORITE.

Southern San Andreas Super Autos:

• Canis Seminole Frontier (GTA$ 678,000)
• Dundreary Landstalker (GTA$ 1,220,000)
• Imponte Beater Dukes (GTA$ 378,000)
• BF Club (GTA$ 1,280,000)
• Maibatsu Penumbra FF (GTA$ 1,380,000)

Benny's Original Motorworks:

• Bravado Gauntlet (GTA$ 615,000, GTA$ 815,000 Benny's Conversion)
• Bravado Youga Classic (GTA$ 195,000, GTA$ 1,288,000 Benny's Conversion)
• Benefactor Glendale (GTA$ 200,000, GTA$ 520,000 Benny's Conversion)
• Declasse Yosemite (GTA$ 485,000, GTA$ 700,000 Benny's Conversion)
• Albany Manana (GTA$ 10,000, GTA$ 925,000 Benny's Conversion)
• Vapid Peyote (GTA$ 38,000, GTA$ 620,000 Benny's Conversion)

Kudos to klegnut for the upgrade costs.
Clothing:

• Popped Leather Jacket (White/Gray/Tan/Black/Red/Brown)
• Bomber Jacket (Various, 15 Designs)
• Short Service Shirt (9 colours)
• Double Shirt (Three styles, various colours)
• Long Sleeve Baseball Tees (7 designs)
• Polo Shirt (7 designs)
• Sports Tops (21 designs/colours (Brucie cosplay?))
• Office Shirts (whole category, 20 colours)
• Cargo Pants (8 colours)
• Sports Track Pants (21 designs/colours (Brucie confirmed))
• Gloves, Armoured (8 colours)
• Sports Masks (8 designs)
• Animal Masks (12 designs)
• Sports T-Shirts (white/purple, 14 designs)
• Shirts (open/rolled variants of old designs, 39 designs)
• Suit Pants (25 colours)
• Sport Shorts (15 colours)

Thank you to Cpt_Foresight and Azarenas for the new clothing info!
Podium Vehicle:

• The Sheava is this week's Podium Vehicle. Looks like that's just the internal name for the Emperor ETR1, who would've thought they'd make it possible to get a brand new vehicle for free.

Double GTA$ and RP Activities:

• 2x GTA$/RP on Open Wheel Races
• 2x GTA$/RP on the new Yacht Missions
• 2x GTA$/RP on Diamond Adversary Series

Discounted Content:

• 30% off Yachts
• 40% off Arcades and Renovations
• 30% off the Arcade Drone Station and MCT
• 30% off MC Business Supplies
• 20% off Bunker Supplies
• 40% off 10-Car Garages
• 30% off Benny's Conversions

Time Trial:

• LSIA II in Los Santos International Airport (must be finished on or before 02:24.00)

RC Bandito Time Trial:

• Cemetery in Pacific Bluff (must be finished on or before 01:20.00)

Thanks to Biomixels for the time trials.
Premium Race:

• TBA

Twitch Prime Bonuses:

• 70% off X80 Proto
• 80% off Bravado Gauntlet Hellfire
• 100% off Vespucci Canals Nightclub

Links

• All the newly added vehicles.
• The vehicles won't be dripfed this time around.

FAQ

When will the DLC drop?
Soon. Rockstar usually pushes updates around 3:30AM EST or 9:30AM UTC. Check this helpful map showing all the timezones.
Does the DLC cost money, how can I get the DLC?
The DLC will be made automatically available through whatever launchestore you have the game on. Those using the Rockstar Launcher can expect to see their games updated first, so be ready for that.
What can we expect?
Judging by Rockstar's announcements and timelines, this DLC won't be massive. They've confirmed new business battles and yacht missions, probably comparable to the previous client jobs we've gotten with the Terrorbyte.
Additionally they've teased some cars, of which we've gotten images of a new supercar, a musclecar and an F-1 car. Some new race modes have been mentioned as well. It's safe to assume that the content will be dripfed in stages, especially the more interesting items might be left for later.
Have the Acura NSX and new Toyota Supra been added?
Some images of the Toyota Supra and Acura NSX being converted at Benny's have been floating around - these are fake and have been put into circulation by a clickbaity asshole who shall not be named.
Are weekly updates on Tuesdays starting now?
Probably not. Rockstar always goes a little off their usual schedule with DLC drops and this is probably the same thing. It's hard to say if the sales will already change this Thursday, but I'd recommend y'all reek the benefits of the sales before you regret it.
What's going to be on sale next? / When will the next sale be up? / What's going to be in the next DLC?
If any Rockstar employees are on this sub, we'll let you know.

User Submitted Content

Informative:

• Detailed wiki guide by Gaming-Atlas.

• Solomon preps locations by bamila.
• ounaazh's write-up of the new content.
• mrmrchoice explaining the new yacht missions in a comment.
• Yacht missions guide by Irwin69.
• All the Solomon locations by mdmanning, WARNING: Contains spoilers.
• Map for Solomon's Movie Parts by Mackofi.
• Vehicle reviews of the BR8 and DR1 by gorikun.

Snapmatics:

• bozidarillic's beautiful Snapmatic of the new Benefactor BR8.
• The new loading screen by BenBranny.
• BaitSimulator2020's pics of the new Coquette D10.
• A Daytona Charger by blazingfastpulse.
• todahmoon18238's Coquette D10.
• oopedbygoop's F-1 car.
• xXLeeDaPeaXx's beautiful BF Club.
• Bokatar25's Penumbra FF.
• Another Personal Favorite: MolotovRocket's Coquette D10.

We're also hosting a Summer Special DLC Discussion Megathread which will be unlocked once the DLC has dropped to keep discussions related to the release of the DLC and first wave of content in one place. Have fun playing everyone!

"That just means the game isn't over yet! The goddess of victory will smile upon me, Lupin III!"

Required listening for this thread
Lupin III is the grandson of Arsène Lupin. He is the world's most wanted gentleman thief. Lupin is acknowledged by virtually every law agency on earth as the world's number one thief. Often in his adventures, he and his colleagues, Daisuke Jigen and Goemon Ishikawa XIII, will take it upon themselves to foil other criminals engaged in more violent crimes. While first glance may imply Lupin as fun-loving, flighty, perhaps even "goofy", his surface façade overcoats a brilliant imagination and a thorough knowledge of a hundred varying sciences. Forever extemporizing and reevaluating, Lupin has been responsible for heists no right-minded individual would believe possible. While arrested and jailed on numerous occasions, typically by his nemesis Inspector Zenigata, he has always managed to escape. He has a fondness for fancy gadgets from time to time plus hands-on experience in many skills a thief would find useful. His infatuation with Fujiko Mine is perhaps his most significant weakness, as it lands him in undesirable situations most of the time.

Equipment

• A bag of bats

Exactly what it sounds like. They are released to distract the motion sensors of an extremely secure museum

• Airbag

A rapidly expanding airbag.

• Backup parachute

Lupin's trademark blue and white boxer shorts double as an emergency parachute.

• Ball Bomb

A small bomb that detonates when shot by Jigen.

• Balloons

A set of balloons that lift an Egyptian death mask display. Lupin also has a larger set they used to steal the Statue of Liberty

• Balloon Briefcase

A briefcase containing a rapidly expanding balloon filled with knockout gas.

• Balloon Coin

A small, golden coin with his face on it. When thrown, releases a giant Lupin-shaped dummy.

• Barrel Bombs

Several large barrels of explosive liquid set off by flaming rags.

• Bat Hang-glider

A massive hang-glider shaped like a bat.

• Blow-up Doll Grenade

A grenade that, upon contact, expands into a massive blow up doll.

• Bracelet

A decorative bracelet with a wire/chain on the end.

• Briefcase Wings

A pair of wings and an engine that extend from a handheld briefcase.

• Bubble Gum Ball

A massive bubble that protects Lupin from traps.

• Clear Hang-Glider

A nearly invisible hang-glider.

• Confetti Flashbang

A small, silver ball that emits a loud bang, a burst of light, and rainbow confetti.

• Distraction Balloon

A large, green balloon with Lupin's face on it.

• Ducky Boat

A paddleboat hidden within a larger boat's hull. The boat also has a large engine on the back

• Duck Bombs

Several duck-shaped bombs that are capable of sinking large ships. They do not discern what they're blowing up, however, and can be dangerous. They can also be hidden

• Dummy Smokescreen

A dummy head that when stomped emits a thick smokescreen.

• Dummy Suit

A dummy large enough for Lupin to hide inside. Can expand enough to lift a large truck

• Electro Light Adhesive Beam Reel

An electric gun developed by the same scientist who invented Lightsabers. Can cut through bullet proof glass, lift a store's worth of jewels and helps pull a building apart. It also instantly KOs Zenigata

• Explosives

Includes exploding chewing gum, exploding cigarettes, exploding cigars, an explosive hat an exploding head, a exploding lighter, a exploding mask, exploding navigation stick, an explosive suit, an explosive tooth, and an explosive watch

• Fake Tooth

One of Lupin's left molars. Has a brevity of uses including a remote control for one of his vehicles, a computer that can analyze any drugs he's given, a pair of robotic arms that can throw the drugs back, a radio, and a lockpick

• Fingerprint Spray

A small aerosol can that allows Lupin to lift fingerprints from a glass.

• Fireworks Grenade

A small grenade that lets off a colorful explosion.

• Flying Car

A remotely-controlled flying car. It manages to lift off the ground but nothing else.

• Fujin

A small device that opens a miniature black hole when used.

• Gas Grenade

A grenade with a powerful knockout gas. Works fast enough to cover an entire oil rig in seconds.

• Giant Flashbang

A massive, propelled dummy of Lupin and Jigen that explodes with a giant boom and flash

• Glue Rocket

A rocket fired from an RPG that, when detonated, sprays glue strong enough to stick several large ships together.

• Go-Kart

Pieces needed to assemble a working go-kart.

• Hang-glider

A small hang-glider that carries a single missile.

• Helicopter Hearse

A standard hearse that turns into a helocopter.

• Horse

A horse capable of outrunning several jeeps, dodging bullets, and running across a small ladder. Lupin has a way with animals that allows him to frequently use them in his escapes. Also he got a horse to do this once. I don't feel like trying to explain it.

• Jetpack

A standard jetpack.

• Jetpack Shoes

A pair of shoes which turn into personal jetpacks when activated by tapdancing. They can also be used offensively and for escapes

• Kusari-gama

A small kusari-gama capable of swinging a car back onto an icy road

• Lighter

Works as a lighter and also can emit a powerful knockout gas. Also explodes when dynamite is strapped to it, as most things do and works as a communicator

• Knockout Drug

A powerful drug slipped into Zenigata's drink.

• Magnetic Grips

A pair of magnetic hand grips that assist in climbing.

• Marbles

Standard marbles or ball bearings used to make a pursuer lose their footing.

• Mini-Kite

A small kite able to carry Lupin.

• Mini Oxygen Tank

A mini oxygen tank shaped like a cigarette.

• RC Cars

A fleet of tiny RC cars, all remotely controlled by Lupin. Comes in Red, Green, and Yellow.

• Rebreather

A breathing device kept in Lupin's jacket.

• Remote Control Gun

A gun that fires a suction cup dart that once attached pierces a glass window. It goes on to attach itself to a safe's dial. Lupin can control the dart remotely, cracking a safe from outside the room

• Remote Controlled Helicopter

A helicopter controlled by a small joystick.

• Remote Controlled Plane

Similar to his helicopter except it is controlled by a Gameboy-like controller.

• Riding Crop

A riding crop that fires miniature tranquilizer darts.

• Ring Light

A bright light attached to a ring on Lupin's finger.

• Robot Legs

A pair of robotic legs that can be attached to an object. Strong enough to make a statue run through a wall.

• Rocket Elevator

A device hidden within an elevator that causes it to turn into a high powered rocket.

• Rocket Weights

A pair of weights fired from an rpg. Used to wrap around submarines to weigh them down.

• Safe Opener

A small device created by Lupin that instantly cracks a safe.

• Shocky Shock Sticker

A small silver sticker that delivers a massive shock "bigger than a stun gun"

• Shoes Knives

A pair of knives fired from the tips of Lupin's shoes.

• Shoe Transmitter

A small transmitter in Lupin's shoe that signals a nearby biplane. The plane has a large bomb attached to it.

• Silver Walther P-38

A silver copy of Lupin's signature weapon. Lupin states it is "only for threatening".

• Sleeping Spray

An immediately effective sleeping aerosol.

• Smoke Bomb

Creates a thick smoke for quick escapes.

• Smokescreen Cigarettes

A pack of cigarettes that react when dropped in water to create a thick smokescreen.

• Sticky Bombs

A small bomb that can stick to any surface. The adhesive is strong enough a grown man cannot remove it and the explosion is large enough to topple a massive statue.

• Submersible Car

A car that doubles as a submarine with the flip of a switch. Allows Lupin and the gang to avoid a missile.

• Suction Cup Gun

A pistol-sized gun that fires a suction cup on a rope. Strong enough to lift a man.

• Switchback Car

A car that can be driven from either the front or the rear.

• Time Bombs

Adhesive bombs with a set timer.

• Umbrella Copter

An umbrella that grows in size and operates that a helicopter's blades.

• Underwater Bomb

A small bomb that causes a big boom.

• Underground Detector

Allow Lupin to see hollow spots underground.

• Underwater Bubble

A propelled underwater vehicle. When surfacing, turns into a raft

• Voice Changer

A small machine Lupin wears around one of his teeth.

• Watch Camera

A small camera inside Lupin's watch. Can take and print photos.

• Watch Grappling Hook

Different from his normal grappling hook, this is attached to a pistol-like controller that reels it in.

• Watch Tracker

A small dart fired from Lupin's watch that emits a trackable signal.

• Water Saber

A sword made of pressurized water. Stated to be as "hard as diamond". During their duel, the blade cuts a door in half

• Wings

A pair of wings that protrude from Lupin's car allowing it to glide.

• Wingsuit

A wingsuit.

• Yo-Yo

A pocket-sized yo-yo.

Speed

General

• Switches the times on everyone's watches while he was shaking their hands.
  
• Throws on an elaborate disguise in seconds
  
• Gets dressed and escapes before a grenade goes off
  
• Captures and trades places with a man before Zenigata realizes
  
• Saves a girl from being kidnapped
  
• Saves Fujiko from an exploding boat
  

Movement

• Instantly leaps to the rafters of a church
  
• Runs across water
  
• Outruns an explosion in two seconds
  
• Runs down a wall to catch the falling Fujiko
  
• Crosses a pair of trains quickly
  
• Hops across several falling pieces of a tower
  
• Runs up a wall after being bitten by a dog
  
• Runs along a narrow pass while being pursued by helicopters
  
• Outruns a bomb being dropped on him
  
• Runs down and across several walls while under fire
  
• Disappears from in front of a man in the time it takes him to move a book from his face
  
• Falls over paralyzed from a drug in his champagne, but recovers and appears in Fujiko's mirror in disguise
  
• Puts a mask on everyone in a theater. He also does this with several people while fleeing the police.
  
• Outruns a killer roller coaster
  
• Runs at incredibly high speeds when bitten by the ninja dog, Kotarou
  
• Avoids being swept away by a tidal wave
  

Reaction

• Avoids a scythe and several bullets
  
• Backs a car up to avoid a grenade
  
• Dodges a bullet fired from behind him at close range.
  
• Avoids a samurai's arrow
  
• Reacts to an ambush and summarily KOs the ambusher
  
• Catches a fired cork in his teeth
  
• Dodges a bullet while running through a fire
  
• Dodges strikes from a trained assassin and swipes her necklace. This assassin was able to weave through bullets
  
• Abandons a disguise to dodge a kick
  
• Turns, draws, and fires on a woman who had pulled a gun behind him
  
• Dodges a Suicide Ray and returns fire
  
• Dodges a bullet and rolls to cover
  
• Avoids a crushing trap
  
• Leaps away from a pair of gunmen
  
• Dodges and blocks several lasers from Mamo's cannons
  

Skill

Accuracy

• Knocks a woman out of the way, draws his weapon, avoids a bullet and puts a bullet directly down his attacker's guns barrel
  
• Throws a dart into a wall while falling
  
• Shoots Zenigata's handcuffs out of the air and causes them to snap around his legs and arms.
  
• Lands a grappling hook shot while jumping off a motorcycle
  
• Shoots a Nazi out of the air while riding down a bannister
  
• Accurately kicks a football
  
• Flicks a small bomb into a man's mouth
  
• While running, picks off several pursuers weapons, knocking them loose of their hands or completely destroying them
  
• Shoots the cylinder of Jigen's magnum back to him
  
• Removes a choker from a girl's neck
  
• Disables a blimp's engine with one shot while under fire
  
• Lassos a diving Fujiko
  
• Snags a gem with a fishing hook
  
• Holds back a small army
  
• Throws a jewel perfectly into a statue's eye socket
  
• Quickly shoots a man's outline in the glass behind him
  
• Shoots ropes off of Jigen
  
• Disarms a gunman with a thrown quarter
  
• Tosses a rose into a woman's lapel
  
• As a woman pulls a gun on him from behind, flips a quarter off of his finger back onto her gun, preventing it from firing
  
• Picks off gunmen while riding down some stairs on the back of a bike
  
• Shoots the lock off of a pig pen
  
• Tags a gunman with a rolling shot
  
• Goes shot for shot with Jigen. Jigen is ridiculously accurate
  
• Tags a building while flying past it in an aircraft
  
• Keeps a quarter spinning by taking turns shooting it with Jigen. He finishes the little exercise by shooting it and making it perfectly land in Jigen's hand.
  
• Dominates a game of ring toss
  
• Throws a spear into a helicopters windshield
  

Dodging

• Avoids gunfire while using a jetpack
  
• Crawls under a truck to dodge a missile
  
• Backsteps Gordeau's attack
  
• After throwing Jigen's hat through a trapped tunnel to memorize the pattern, avoids several laser-esque blasts
  
• Avoids bullets from several gunmen
  
• Leaps out of a disguise to dodge Jigen's bullets
  
• Jumps over a missile
  
• Sidesteps Jigen's shots and escapes him with a flashbang
  
• Avoids several strikes from Goemon while running through a city
  
• Avoids a strike from Goemon but does not avoid the second
  
• Dodges several goons while carrying Fujiko
  
• Dodges strikes from a massive Nazi
  
• Hand walks away from arrows
  
• Dodges bullets while running across car tops
  
• Effortlessly avoids another thief
  
• After giving himself up to be killed, avoids strikes from Goemon and Jigen
  
• Opens a door behind him to dodge Zenigata
  
• Dodges several strikes from Sadachiyo's whip
  
• Avoids bullets as he slides down a bannister
  
• Dodges bullets from Fujiko's machine gun
  
• While mind controlled, avoids both Jigen and Goemon
  
• Avoids a flash kick from Mash
  
• Avoids being killed by a mass of nanomachines. The nanomachines were fairly fast and bulletproof
  
• Dodges multiple ninja shenanigans
  

Driving

• Drives around several pitfalls during a race design to kill him
  
• Two wheels through a closing gate
  
• Avoids a sea of flames by taking his race car off road
  
• Rides a motorcycle across several metal girders
  
• Drives off the back of a moving truck
  
• Drives a car he cannot see, with a remote control on his tooth
  
• Hops a vespa up onto a rail
  
• Avoids being crushed by a large truck by driving on a tunnel's ceiling
  
• Drives through a mass of swerving traffic on a motorcycle
  
• Jumps a roadblock set by Zenigata
  
• Drives a boat that was cut in half
  
• Casually drives with his teeth
  
• Makes his car jump without a ramp
  
• Duels and defeats several other vehicles on a mountain pass
  
• After being pushed through a guard rail by a giant vehicle, manages to balance the Fiat on the guard rail and return to the roadway. He manages to lose the semi by driving under it, going offroad and tricking it into driving off a cliff
  
• Threads the needle between two large trucks
  
• Rides a motorcycle down a tight rope
  
• Drives a scooter through a casino while being pursued
  
• Figures out how to fly a UFO
  
• Two wheels between crowded New York traffic
  
• Avoids a spike strip by clipping it with his tire, sending it over his vehicle
  
• Leaps his car across a broken bridge
  
• Destroys a plane with a motorcycle
  
• Shakes a military pursuit by driving down several waterfalls, blowing up a chunk of mountain, and generally just driving really well
  
• Battles Green Jacket Lupin in a duel on top of a building. This is the only scene that should be viewed from Red vs. Green despite what Tad says.
  
• Drives off the back of a semi truck onto a highway. His vehicle dropped small, metal bearings that caused the pursuing trucks to crash. Shortly after, he avoids a grenade by forcing his car onto two wheels, after which he drives on the highways guard rail, leaning himself in and out of the vehicle to avoid the street lights. The vehicle then crashes into a dentist office Jigen is in.
  
• Chases a truck full of assassins on a motorcycle
  
• Weaves through a police roadblock
  
• Leaps a motorcycle to a blimp
  
• While being pursued by Edogawa Conan, drives his car out of an exploding boat. This includes him again driving on a guard rail and then riding the vehicle down a pair of hand rails. At the end of the chase, he recovers after being hit by one of Conan's soccer balls.
  

Escapes

• Slips free of a large claw
  
• Prevents himself being thrown by bailing on his disguise
  
• Escapes Zenigata's grasp by throwing off his disguise
  
• Slips out from under a dogpile
  
• Escapes via kangaroo
  
• Escapes Zenigata's ultimate weapon, 4 pairs of handcuffs on a rope by "giving him a leg"
  
• Escapes from ropes
  
• Escapes a pair of assassins
  
• Covers Zenigata and his officers in popcorn
  
• Builds a stick scarecrow to escape Zenigata
  
• Escapes a hospital
  
• Slips out of his clothes while riding a bike
  
• Effortless flips into an air duct and loses a pursuing Zenigata
  
• Goes plan for plan against Zenigata
  
• Escapes a trap after getting bit by a dog
  
• Easily frees himself from a rope
  
• Escapes a ton of handcuffs
  
• Abandons his clothes to escape a dogpile
  
• Escapes pursuit by jumping into the wayward top of a van
  

Fighting Ability

• Deflects a whip strike with his grappling hook
  
• Takes out several assassins with sweet Capoeira moves
  
• Brawls with a Nazi officer
  
• KOs a group of guards with a door
  
• Nonlethally subdues several police officers
  
• Fights an assassin with two ends of a broken pipe
  
• Dodges several knife strikes and wallops his attacker
  
• Defeats Cyborg Jigen
  
• Duels Mister X
  
• Fights several armed assassins
  
• KOs several cops with a staff
  
• Catches a ninja strike
  
• Cuts Fujiko's disguise
  
• Goes blow for blow with Goemon. Even without Zantetsuken, Goemon can hit hard enough to clear away stone from a statue and break limbs from a statue
  
• Battles General Headhunter. Their fight spans across several moving platforms
  
• Spins a man around by wrapping him with a whip
  
• Disarms a gunman with a staff throw
  
• Battles Fujiko's ancestor
  
• Headscissors an attacker off of a motorcycle
  
• Knife fights several assassins at once. The white haired assassin alone was able to block Jigen's shots and kill several people at once
  
• Steals a massive truck from a pair of guards and uses it against a warehouse full of goons
  
• Defeats the "mind reading" Rasputin. He explains he defeated Rasputin's technique by "emptying his mind" . Rasputing was fast enough to catch Goemon off guard and dodges his strikes and caught one of Jigen's bullets in his teeth.
  
• Flips a shoe at Gensai to create an opening to shoot him
  

General

• Off screen, won the Burglary Planning and Burglary Techniques games of the Burglary Olympics
  
• Leaps and swings across a gap
  
• Skillfully uses Zenigata's handcuffs
  
• Swings from point to point around a prison
  
• Communicates non-verbally with Zenigata
  
• Cracks a giant safe
  
• Crosses over a pressure sensitive floor using plungers
  
• Snowboards away from several police. He doesn't do it often, but when asked, Lupin is one hell of a snowboarder
  
• Lays a bike down, leaps off it, jumps over some guys and lands back on the bike
  
• Cracks a safe with several dials
  
• Flips through a laser grid
  

Quick Thinking

• While falling, grabs a rope with one hand
  
• Catches a bouncing Walther and shoots a gunman
  
• Manages to kill a snake with nothing but his teeth
  
• Steals Mamou's time machine
  
• Booby traps the Walther P-38
  
• Spits a dart into Fujiko's hair
  
• Hooks a massive Nazi's tie and pulls him down with him
  
• Escapes by pretending to turn into a werewolf
  
• Uses the suction cup gun to save a falling Julia
  
• Shoots a fortune teller before they attack Goemon
  
• Uses a nose pin to prevent himself from being gassed
  
• Shoots a damage light into the water to electrocute Mister X
  
• Throws a briefcase into the air to distract several guards, slides across the ground to shoot them all, and manages to catch the briefcase
  

Sleight of Hand

• Replaces medicine in a bag quickly
  
• Swipes a gun, removes the clip, and empties it before a girl notices
  
• Disarms a gunman by quickly disassembling his weapon
  
• Steals a keycard from a man during a scuffle
  
• Removes handcuffs from himself and slaps them on Zenigata
  
• Handcuffs Zenigata's arm to his own leg
  
• Escapes an assassin with a snazzy hat
  
• Pulls a robot's batteries
  
• Handcuffs Zenigata to a boat
  
• Blocks a spear trap with his magnetic grips
  

Disguises

As Lupin uses disguises all the time, gathering every single disguise he uses would fill the entire respect thread. I gathered some of my favorites for this section.

• A jobsite's foreman
  
• Millionaire Howard Heath. He laid it on a little thick and gave away his true self, however.
  
• Fujiko
  
• A prison guard
  
• A KO'd guard
  
• Uses a dummy of himself to convincingly disguise himself as a guard
  
• An old woman
  
• Zenigata's driver
  
• A security guard
  
• Disguises himself as Gensai, the leader of a group of ninja
  
• Fools Zenigata with a hippie disguise
  
• Wears a disguise of himself while wearing a disguise of Zenigata and doing a Zenigata impression that fooled Fujiko
  
• A fat man with a weak bladder.
  
• A tiger. To complete the disguise he also mimics the tiger's roar well enough it fools Zenigata
  
• Two people at once by using a "reflective plastic"
  
• Legendary painter, Sharaku
  
• Convinces a Nazi that he is an aged Hitler
  
• Quickly changes into a mask of a pretty lady in order to catch a pair of gunmen off guard.
  
• Throws on a disguise in the time it takes a man to fall into a snake pit
  
• May have tricked a Prince into thinking he was his father. There's also a good chance the Prince knew it was Lupin, but hey, the disguise looks good.